Chapter 37

Earlier that morning Hotch received a delivery. Harvey Petrossian had sent the translation, and a note addressed to S. Reid, over by messenger. Hotch immediately set the note aside and started reading the journal from the back forward. A quick skim revealed that the Unsub was glad that the pair had been recovering well and that they were accurately following appropriate protocols, whatever that meant.

And then he spotted something that had him picking up his phone. "Cole," said the voice on the other end.

"Katie." He replied. "Has your team come across a freezer yet?"

"Not yet, why?"

"I had Rudger's journal decoded. It says that he put the remains of the failed experiment in the deep freeze for Harris to dispose of off-site."

"Well, we haven't seen a deep freeze. But we've been concentrating on the barn; it looks like that's where the girls were being held while they were filming."

"Mind if we come out and have a look."

"Not at all."

"All right. The plane is available, we should be there in about ninety minutes."

Ninety minutes later, he, JJ and Blake were driving up to the Rudger farm. "I thought she said they were concentrating on the barn." JJ commented as they drove up to the busy house.

Mike from the IIU team was waiting for them. "Katie found it in the utility room." He told them quietly.

They followed him to the back of the house, threading their way through the local officers and the other agents, all of whom were completely silent. In the cramped utility room they found Katie, standing there while forensics took the last of the pictures. "What is it?" Hotch asked. Katie motioned them forward to have a look.

There, buried under the piles of frozen vegetables and cans of orange juice, was a very small newborn baby.

She had her father's chin and her mother's nose and had been wrapped in a soft blanket, the kind of thing a mother makes for a baby she wants and loves. And they didn't need the coroner to tell them what had happened. "He snapped the baby's neck." Blake said bitterly, her eyes already damp. "Why?"

"The experiment was a failure." Hotch said, his own eyes too bright. "He wanted them to try again."

"Farmer's rules. An animal won't ovulate while breastfeeding. You want it to breed again right away, take away the baby so its milk will dry up." The coroner was there, waiting. JJ turned to her. "If we're right I put my son into this baby's father's arms hours after he was born. May I…"

The coroner nodded. "Sure."

JJ reached down and ever so gently scooped the little body up and took her out to the waiting van, Hotch and Blake close behind. All of the officers around them were silent, an honor guard for the horrible loss. We have to get this right, she thought as she gently lay the tiny body down. There is no other way.

When she turned back Hotch was on the phone.

Dave hung up the phone and sighed. Right before Hotch had called Spencer had taken Laura upstairs to rest after her breakdown. Of course now it all made sense. Now he remembered how it had been.

He got up and went into his office, closing the door behind him. He took a leather bound book from a locked cabinet and sat there with it in his lap a long moment. Before he realized it his phone was back in his hand. He set it down gently. "Hey Carolyn," he said. "Look at me, I'm about to call you and ask you for help. Shows you how good I'm doing today.

"Remember that kid I told you about? The one that's a better agent than guys twice his age? The one who's father was an asshole but who turned out good anyway? I never told you that he's just the right age, you know. Not really a kid anymore. Especially not now. Long story short he and this girl just lost their baby, and I don't think it was God's will this time.

"I don't want them to hurt like we did.

"So I was about to call you and ask you what the hell I should say and do now. I know this is never going to go away but I don't want this to tear them apart. I don't want them to end up like us. So, you know, send me some…inspiration when I get there.

"Damn I miss you."

He brought the book into the kitchen and waited. When Spencer came back down, slowly, heavily, he motioned the younger man over. "Come here." He said. "I need to tell you a story. Back when I got back from Vietnam Carolyn, that would be my first wife, and I decided to get married. We didn't want to make the same mistakes our friends made, we didn't want to put the baby before the wedding or have one right off and end up raising it in some crappy tenement somewhere. So we waited, took our time, focused on work until we could get a house, some money in the bank, do it right. Once we had everything just so we chucked out the condoms and next thing you know our son was on the way." He opened the book and showed him the pictures. There was the history of their son, of Carolyn's pregnancy, her belly getting bigger as the months past, the two of them so happy.

Dave saw confusion rippled over Spencer's face. "I didn't know you had a son." He said.

Dave nodded. "James David, named for our fathers. He's buried next to his mother. He only lived a day."

Now those walls fell, and he saw that same bottomless grief he remembered so well. "I'm sorry." Spencer said softly. "How…" But he shook his head, not asking.

Dave answered anyway, "Agent Orange, not that we knew it at the time. If we had we would have made other arrangements. No, we blamed ourselves and each other, then and when it didn't work in the future, and we got wrapped up in work which did work and the next thing you know we weren't really married anymore. If having someone to talk to will keep that from happening…" He didn't even look concerned. That was good, he thought, they're solid. Spencer deserves that, above everything. "I can tell you it never goes away. You get used to carrying it but it never goes away. The last thing Carolyn asked me was if I thought he would be there waiting for her. I said I thought he would be and I think yours will be too."

"Margaret." Spencer said gently, so gently that Dave knew that he was the first one other than the two of them to hear it out loud. "Margaret Faith, for our grandmothers. Maggie."

"Maggie." Good, Dave thought, that was good. If they all saw her as a real person, one who lived and was loved and is missed, it would help them move through the grief. "Hotch called. They found her." It wasn't hope that he saw then, Spencer knew his daughter was gone. "She's at the coroner, they're going with her. I don't know what you two want to do…"

"We want to say good-bye." Spencer said softly. "We never had the chance."

"Well, when we get back we'll have a proper funeral and a chance to say good-bye. We can make all the arrangements if you like."

"That would…" Now it was Spencer's turn to stand there, too tight, too rigid. "I don't…"

Dave laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Stand down Agent." He said. "Everyone is safe. Your family is coming home."

That was what was needed. As he watched Spencer shuddered. "She was so little." He said as the dam broke and he nearly crumpled under the weight of his grief. Dave caught him and pulled him in as he wept for his dead.