Chapter 38

When he could walk again Spencer went upstairs and lay down next to Laura. As he suspected she wasn't sleeping, she was lying there silently weeping. "It isn't fair." She said again, quietly this time. "You're a good father, you deserved her."

"And you're an amazing mom." He reached for her, felt her come into his arms, rest her head over the comforting beat of his heart. "They found her." He said and felt her soften against him. "They're bringing her home so we can say good-bye."

She was quiet a long moment. "Is it…weird that I'm really glad that they're bringing her home? I mean, I know she's…gone and we're going to take her to the cemetery, but it still seems like we're bringing her safely home for some reason. I mean, I know she's not still in there…."

"But it's good to know that she's safe anyway. I know there's no empirical proof of a deity or an afterlife, but my best hypothesis based on experience is that there is." He replied. "And that living beings are composed of some kind of spirit in addition to the physical matter of their bodies. While I know that whatever made up her spirit isn't housed in that body anymore I can reasonably speculate that she is or will be going somewhere that, at least based on my experience, is somewhere very safe and warm." They'd had a variation of this conversation almost every day for the past three weeks. It seemed like every time it made things a little bit better. "And I know your mother and Haley will look after her for us. "

"And Maeve," Laura said, "Because she loved you."

"I wasn't going to go there."

"And I told you that I wasn't upset about your loving before." She was quiet a moment. "Martha's there too. She left me her wedding shawl. Her son's wife didn't want it and she didn't have grandchildren. And she left a blanket for my first." She sighed, "Something to remember them both by."

Oh goddamn it. His arm instinctively tightened around her. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Her spirit had been trying to leave for a while. I just wish she could have known I was safe before she went." She managed another of those small smiles. "Maybe Maggie will tell her. Martha was crazy about her you know. At least crazy about her in concept, she was really disappointed when her son and his wife decided not to have children. She was the first one who supported my wanting them." Laura's eyes grew damp again. "She would have loved her so much."

"She is." Spencer replied. "No, she will."

"I know." She replied with a groan. "It just feels like she hasn't moved on, like I can't move on. I feel like we really need to do this. I don't know why."

He considered a moment. "I think it's so she can see that we're still her family, even with her gone. All of her family."

Now it was her turn to be quiet. "What if they're not okay with this?"

"They are." He said. "I think they finally understand. And even if they don't I don't care anymore." He cupped her chin so she would look up at him. "I meant what I said; we'd get free, get married, get you healthy again and then when we're ready we'll fill a home with children, as many as you want. I'm keeping that promise. We're still a family."

She smiled that smile that was tinged with sadness now and nestled back against him. "Family," she repeated.

"Family."

Once Morgan got over his initial rage he told Garcia. Once she got over her initial bout of tears she swung into action. But this time she thought to tap her resource list first. And on that list was a counselor who specialized in parents who lost infants. "What do we do?" She asked, the tears running down her cheeks again. "What do we say? I mean we just found out this morning and we're going to go talk to them and we don't want to screw this up…."

"Well I can tell you what not to say." The counselor said. "Don't say it was meant to be, if children come into this world just to die then this world is too cruel to live in.
Don't say everything happens for a reason, if there was a reason then what was it?
Don't say you can have another child; another child won't replace the one they lost.
Don't say God needed another angel, if God sent her just to take her then He is a heartless bastard. Don't say she is in a better place; a better place is with the parents who love her.
Don't say time heals all wounds, time never heals this wound.
Don't say you can handle this; God never gives more than we can handle. This is unique and might just be the thing they can't handle.
Most of all, never, ever say know how you feel, because you sure as hell do not know how they feel."

"Okay." Morgan said. "I can get with that. But what do we say, what do we do?"

"Listen." She replied. "Don't avoid them or avoid the subject just because grief hurts."

"I know." Garcia said. "With him it's like dealing with a sad puppy, you know."

"Yeah, I know. You want to help your friend? Suck it up and be there for him anyway. Now the one thing that most parents fear most of all is that their child will be forgotten. Don't let that happen. Remember her name and use it. Ask them what they did to prepare for her, what their dreams were for her, learn everything you can about her to help them carry this burden. Remember what anniversaries mean the most to them and say something. Help them plan a funeral if they want so she has a proper memorial. By honoring her memory then you're reassuring them that she won't be forgotten.

"Remember that they are parents just like any other and deserve to be treated as parents, if they want to be. Remember them on Mother's Day and Father's Day if you remember other parents on those days. If you pick up extra work so parents can go home early then pick up his and let him get home to his partner. Remember that baby's first Christmas is coming up and if the baby was due by then that they are going to have a lot of dreams around that that are gone now. The holidays can be hell, they're so child centered they turn into minefields. If you can, and they want, get them involved in adult-only celebrations, preferably ones without alcohol, so they can remember at their own speed."

"Oh god! Henry!" Garcia gasped. "His godson…"

"He might not be able to see him for a while; it might be too painful a reminder. Ask his parents to try to explain, children have an amazing ability to understand. Most parents retreat at this time; some can't even go out in public because seeing other babies and children can bring back all the grief. Offer to run errands if you can, just to give them more time."

Morgan nodded. "If I'm reading it right they're already talking about having more children, trying the 'experiment' again. Is that even healthy?"

"Sometimes. They talk about the danger of so-called 'replacement children', siblings of deceased children whose parents try to force them into taking on the dead child. It can happen. But that's usually the case of older children, and of parents who didn't have a chance to adequately grieve before the next child comes around. For most couples it's simply that they're going about the business of being parents. Parents have and raise children, they dream of them, they dream for them, they plan for them and then they have them. And your friend is a parent now, he's a husband and father even though he has yet to formally marry and his only child has passed on. When the time comes, show your support of the commitment he's making to his partner and then support them as they add to their family. First support them as they mourn the dreams and the future they lost, and then when they're ready encourage them to dream new dreams and plan a new future."

"Reid someone's dad." Morgan marveled. "I never even considered it."

Garcia chuckled even as she wiped her cheeks. "Well you have until we get over there to figure it out."