I Ordered Russia Online. I Didn't Get Him.
Chapter 8~ I Need To Think More Before I Speak
((Joyful Note: Well... fine. I have a couple of things to say here. One, sorry it took so long. I mean, I'm typing these words all of two days after I posted the last part, but I'm already assuming that you are reading this several weeks later, judging by my past history. So, without knowing what will occur to make this delay, I'll blame it on writer's block, general laziness, homework overload, death in the family, my boyfriend dumping me, getting seriously ill, dying, being brought back to life by munchkins and made their slave for twenty years before breaking free, befriending the mole people and using their time machine to go back in time to about a week before this was published after which I used all my time to update my story because YOU GUYS ARE JUST THAT IMPORTANT TO ME AND MY LIFE. I mean, when i was working in the munchkin mines all I was thinking was 'oh god, now my fanficdotnet fans will never know what Corey was going to say when he found out Prussia is a Unit! HOW WILL THEY GO ON?'
Okay but seriously, you guys are really awesome. Really. I've discovered I cannot read all my comments for this story without giggling uncontrollably and screaming 'DAMN RIGHT I'M GOD!' every couple of minutes. So kudos on that. I appreciate the love. Really. Now I will never mention this again and go back to abusing my readership with slow updates and no real apologies to speak of. CRETANS!
Oh, and I ran my main character here through the Mary Sue Litmus test. Scored an eight. I think I'm safe. And now, the story!))
Seriously, I need to think more, because this was bad. If Corey looks up Hetalia… he might get hooked on it. If he gets hooked on it, he would find out who Prussia is. He'd realise Prussia is a Unit and then… I didn't know what would happen then, but I couldn't see it being a good thing.
Finally breaking free of my frozen state, I managed to cough out something about needing to leave the kitchen and broke into a run until I got to my room and safely barricaded the door. Pressing my ear against it I didn't hear Prussia racing to murder me for my gratuitous faux pas, so I decided to observe the situation on my camera network. My first camera view of the kitchen showed a good view of the table (since it seemed a prime spot of sexy action... at least as far as the porn and fanfics I'd experienced were concerned) but only saw the tips of the hair on Corey's head. The second camera was much more satisfying, facing the refrigerator and countertops as if it were the backdrop in a sit com. Although in a sit com, one usually wasn't left watching an albino look as if the world was falling apart while the other gave a look of intense confusion at this sudden mood shift. More like a TV drama, I would imagine, than a sit com. Not that I would really know, the most soap opera experience I'd had was catching snippets while my mom watched 'General Hospital' or something similar. I was never one for that sort of thing, the break ups, the cheating, and the rich people; everything like that. When I heard my mom talk about them I could never understand the appeal since they seemed so unrealistic. Then later I realised that I spent my time watching animated creatures breathe fire at each other and kill people by writing names in notebooks. And I suppose you could say a lot of the Fanfiction I was hooked on carried themes of soap operas with them. So really, who was I to judge on that kind of thing?
I have a feeling I've just gone on a terrible tangent and I do apologize for this, but I'm kind of trying to cover up the voice of shame in the back of my head right now since it's kinda sorta totally my fault that this was happening right now. Not that I was upset at getting Prussia upset of course, don't get me wrong! I just... well I... I... I JUST WANT TO SEE THEM DO IT AGAIN OKAY? Yes, I am a terrible, terrible person. You thought I was nice and wanted to make Prussia feel better but you were wrong. I hate that asshole, or at least I don't like him. I just wanted to see him fuck his boyfriend again for my sexual pleasures, and the way Prussia was glaring coldly at Corey and telling him, "Sure. Go ahead and watch it. Don't let me stop you," I was to assume I would not be getting my wish any time soon.
So to be clear on this, I am in remorse because I lost out on future sexy time viewing. Not because I gave a damn about Prussia's feelings, because he's a prick. He just... is. And he dislikes Little Russia for no damn good reason. And he... groped me. And calls me 'mom' even when I say I don't like it. So yeah. Fucking jerk.
Obviously Corey has no idea what Prussia is on about here. He doesn't know his boyfriend is a Unit after all. So when faced with Prussia's strange sudden bout of being a jerk face, it was only natural that Corey get a wee bit upset as well.
"What the hell are you getting upset over?" Corey asked; face scrunching in confusion and annoyance. Totally understandable.
"Nothing! Who's getting upset? Not me, I'm too awesome to get upset," Prussia snorted, folding his arms and sulking.
"Look at you! I don't get what your upset about; I just said I'd check out this anime, what's wrong with that?" Corey demanded, again, understandably. I mean, it's a weird thing to suddenly get pissed off about.
"Well fine! Go ahead and watch it! What's stopping you?" Prussia snapped, growing red in the face. I'd imagine Prussia probably looked completely irrational to his boyfriend at that moment.
"Nothing, except for the fact you're acting like a crazy mother fucker!" Corey growled, starting to look a bit pissed at Prussia. Which is quite understandable, he's getting yelled at for no well defined reason after all. I keep reiterating it, but I don't want Corey to look at all the bad guy in this situation. It's all that dick Prussia who I intend to begin blaming for all that's bad in the world in order to diffuse my guilt that has nothing to do with his feelings.
It was at this point however that the door to the basement was flung open and America came running into the room with a huge grin on his face. Completely missing the fact that two people were standing red faced two feet from him, he screamed so loud that my speakers let off a wave of static and I'm surprised they didn't blow out. I certainly didn't need them to hear him since I'm almost positive my bedroom door rattled as well.
Now, judging by the conversation that followed and my vague recollection of the sudden event, I'm fairly certain he said something to the effect of: "I JUST SAVED CHRISTMAS! I'M THE HERO! I FOUND A CHRISTMAS TREE!" Which is all well and good, but I'm sure there were quieter ways to announce this. Of course this is America we're talking about here, so 'quiet' or 'subtle' are not really appropriate adjectives to describe him.
"Whatever," was Prussia's mumbled dialogue before he committed himself to stomping off through the door America had left swinging open and downstairs to the basement, presumably to his bedroom. This left America alone with a confused and angry Corey by the looks of things. However I'll admit at the time I wasn't overly concerned with this. After all, America couldn't read the mood, so he wouldn't be put off by Corey's dark look and Corey would likely get frustrated with America and leave, right?
Yes, I clearly have no skill in determining how people outside of those in fandoms I pay attention to will act in given situations. America didn't read the mood, as predicted, but for some reason when his childish smile turned on Corey and his eyes begged to be praised, a smile actually tugged on Corey's lips too.
"A Christmas tree huh?" he asked, looking for all the world amused. Amused I tell you! Craziest thing...
"Hell yes!" Another boisterous laugh that almost made me want to carve out my eardrums with one of the pens on my desk. "Can you believe mom said she doesn't have any Christmas decorations? EVERYONE has a Christmas tree and I just PROVED it! I mean it's a tiny tinsel thing, but it will be fine until I can find an axe to get a REAL Christmas tree!"
Corey shook his head, still seeming amused. "You're kind of a weirdo, aren't you?"
America laughed again. "Weird? Not me! I'm America! Everyone else is weird!"
Corey frowned a little and raised an eyebrow. "You're what?"
Oh. Oh dear.
"Just the awesome US of A! Also known as Alfred F. Jones! The F doesn't stand for anything, just like Harry S Truman, my 33rd boss! Awesome, huh? Though some fans like to say my middle name is 'Freedom' which hey, I totally don't have a problem with!"
"Er... okay?" Corey blinked, seeming a little less amused and edging towards a feeling best described as 'who is this crazy person, why are they talking to me and how can I escape?' I know this feeling quite well myself and could sympathize. Also, the fact that America was dangerously close to revealing his Unit status prompted me to action. Because... well... okay maybe Prussia could salvage his relationship at this point so I could see more gay sex! Because I certainly did not give a damn about his feelings about Corey discovering he was a Unit.
Anyway, I decided to close down my video monitoring software program and headed swiftly from my room and into the hallway, ending up in the kitchen.
America turned to me and grinned. "Hey Mom! I was about to go find you, can I borrow your Hetalia DVD so I can show Corey how great I am?"
My eyes widened. I- h-he had told him in the time it took to get to the kitchen? THE HELL IS THIS? I was about to go and stop him and now... damn it. Well, if that was the case then that was the case. I would have to figure out what to do from here.
"Alright," I heard myself say and gestured for them both to follow me to the living room. The DVD was still in the player from the other night and it took mere moments to have it set up nice and pretty to play through the opening commercials for anime from ten years ago. Corey, America and I sat on the couch. I wondered vaguely where Tony was, maybe downstairs...
Well anyway, with Prussia downstairs with presumably Tony and Gilbird, and with China, Little Russia and Panda-aru upstairs with my dogs I could hopefully say that we could get through a few five minute episodes without interruption. Then I would have to find a way to explain Units to Corey in such a way that he would accept them and Gilbert and would be able to continue his sexy boy on boy relationship.
When the title menu appeared onscreen I turned to Corey who looked a little uncomfortable. "Hey, Corey, just so you know, Units are a lot like people. I mean, they pretty much ARE people. Even if they're based on fictional characters, okay?"
Corey shrugged one shoulder. "I guess, but they're manufactured aren't they? So it's still weird. I mean, imagine getting one just to have a relationship with them? I mean for the sex I can understand it, but if it was for a genuine relationship that's just sad. I mean, you should find a real person for that kind of thing, you know?"
"Mmm," I hummed with a frown, not liking how this was going. None the less I hit the ominous enter button and within seconds America's face popped onto the screen.
"THAT'S ME!" America said grinning and started saying his dialogue along with his onscreen version of himself.
"I can tell," Corey said with a small smirk at America. "So you're really a Unit. Phht, I'll admit they can be realistic then. But that doesn't mean they're people."
As the episode played I turned more fully to Corey. "Alright, and what exactly would make them people?"
Corey shrugged. "I don't know; emotions? Free will?"
I let out a snort at that. "Free will? Doesn't exist." Corey raised an eyebrow and America did as well. I waved the looks away. "I'll get into it later if you really want me to, for now we may as well watch the show right?"
"Uh, I guess," Corey frowned and focused on the screen. Germany had just made his presence known and Corey's lips twitched upward. "Well he's pretty hot."
I giggled, feeling my inner fan girl rise inside me in a way it hadn't in a while. How long had it been since I was able to introduce an anime I loved to someone else like this? "I know, that's Germany, but he's not my favourite. My favourite's Russia, he's so cute and psycho! The first episode he doesn't look as cute though, you'll have to keep watching to find out how great he is."
Corey shrugged, and then cocked his head to one side. "Hey, why are all the countries male, out of curiosity?"
I sighed. "Well, they aren't all male. The females are Hungary, Belarus, Ukraine, Belgium, uh..." I started counting on my fingers, "A micro-nation in Australia called Wy, Taiwan and... and um... Seychelles! Oh, and also Morocco was a girl. They were the mains. There were a couple more in the web comic before it stopped being made, but those were all the ones that ever made it to the anime or the official manga."
Corey's eyebrow rose as Germany came across the life changing box of 'tomatoes'. "Alright, but that's not a lot considering the number of countries in the world."
"You're right. I can't say I fully approve of the lack of female representation. There's been talk that there used to be more female countries but when a female country gives birth their child takes over the country and they die, as what happened to Ancient Egypt and Ancient Greece. But really, I think the author either thought that a country had to be a male to be powerful which is odd because most of them are weak and flawed, or else he was gay and had a thing for drawing cute and sexy males. And judging by the amount of homo eroticism in the series, I'm willing to bet it's the latter. As a fan of that kind of thing, I am quite pleased with this."
"A fan?" Corey looked amused again.
I laughed. "Hell yeah! Guy on guy is sexy! Hungary is like us fan girls in the world; the fan portrayal usually has her setting up cameras in other nations houses to watch them sex each other up!" Kind of like me. Never had I felt more akin to Hungary than right then. After all, I had a camera system and had put it to use that very day.
"You're joking right?" Corey asked dully and I just giggled some more like a lunatic.
"Nope!"
"That's disgusting," Corey grumbled, folding his arms.
"Disgusting?" I blinking, shivering a little. "But... you're gay aren't you?" I asked slowly. I had to remind myself of that, or I would've been reminded too much of my own father and his views on such things.
Corey rolled his eyes and his expression darkened considerably. "Obviously, but if two guys are gay, they don't want some random chick watching their most private moments, you know? If you were with your lover, would you want some random person watching you undress yourself and him, exposing yourselves to each other because you trust that person enough to give them your body? You didn't give that person permission to see you; you didn't give them permission to see you panting or blushing or anything. They have no right to do that."
I paused. Well that... that was a... an interesting point Corey brought up there. No right huh... well, Prussia was my Unit! But Corey was a person, so... watching him on my cameras was...
I shook my head. If I thought Units deserved respect that would mean it was wrong to watch them too. But if I couldn't watch Prussia have sex, not even with another Unit, what was the point of it? Well it seems I'd already purchased a slave and ethics are imprecise anyway. I just... w-well it was still sexy! I might feel a little bad but-
"You know this show's kind of lame actually," Corey said and I turned to him, gaping.
"WHAT? How can you say that? Hetalia is amazing!"
"Yeah! I'm in it, so it's totally heroic and cool!" America seemed to have broken free of the hypnosis wrought by watching the television when Corey mentioned disliking the program.
"Well it's just," Corey sighed irritably, "Well the animation isn't very good, even for anime. And while it's kind of funny, it's pretty racist too. Not to mention the voice acting isn't that great either... it's vague on even its historical aspects and seems to be pretty much ignoring the darker parts of history. What good is that?"
"Well that's what Fanfiction is for!" I huffed, "This gives us characters, and then Fanfiction allows us to examine their full potential. You can't expect something amazing in five minute snippets can you? It's light and humorous and breeds good Fanfiction. It's everything I could want in a low budget anime like this."
"If you say so. Anyway, I don't know why Gilbert would be upset over me seeing this," Corey shrugged.
I folded my arms over my chest, annoyed that Corey wasn't as enthralled by Hetalia as he rightly should be. Seriously, who can watch Hetalia and not fall in love with it? Well, except for people who are overly sensitive to racism, and homophobes, and that one guy from my cooking class in high school but he was a troll and doesn't count. I swear, you mention liking literally anything around that kid and he'd say it was stupid. And I'm getting off topic again. Sorry about that.
After a moment sitting that way I decided I should probably break this to Corey now. I mean, he would likely find out eventually and it was best if he learned it in a setting where it could be explained properly, or at least as properly as I could manage.
"Um, well that would probably be because..." I sighed and gave America a glance. For once he was looking a bit... serious. I suppose it was something of a serious matter but it still was a strange look on him. Corey was looking at me as well, but appearing more curious than serious. "Probably because he's actually... a Unit... as well." Corey's eyes widened and I felt the need to press on as fast as possible, "He's from Hetalia as well, though not one of the main characters. He's Prussia, also called Gilbert Beillschmidt. Um... yeah I was originally ordering a Russia Unit but the company messed up and sent me Prussia instead and as an apology they let me keep Prussia free, not that they've sent me the correct Unit yet but... well anyway yeah, he's a Unit. But you have to understand that they're people too you know? Kind of... enslaved people but..."
Corey shook his head vigorously. "Wait a minute, back up, so Gilbert is... he's..." Corey twitched. "Well I... guess that his character gets pissed a lot then?"
"Uh, yeah but he's probably upset that you were saying Units don't have souls and stuff earlier..." I said with a frown.
Corey rolled his eyes. "So basically, I've been having sex with a manufactured person for the last few days." He looked at me. "And no one bothered to tell me this?"
"Well, uh, it's kind of a big thing to tell someone you know?" I laughed nervously. "He um... he does seem to actually like you..."
"Yeah, but he's probably made to like anyone who comes on to him though," Corey's eyes narrowed and he looked at the floor, "So it's not like he's an actually person who likes me or anything. It's just a programmed response."
I gaped. "I- n-no! Look, he's not a robot! He's a clone!"
"A clone of a genetically altered person to start with," Corey pointed out as if it meant something. Where was he getting off with this? I mean sure, he hadn't been living with a few Units for a few days as I have to the point where they seemed pretty damn human to me, even if they were a little loud and their actions were over the top for real life they were still thinking human creatures. But even if Corey hadn't lived with them, he's been sleeping with Prussia; he shouldn't be thinking things like this! "So he could be programmed. And he's probably programmed to respond to sexual advances, since he was basically created to be a sex slave. Or am I wrong?"
I bit my lip for a second before answering. "Well... they can just be companions... some can do jobs like child care or being a body guard or regular jobs too just..."
"You don't make a person that looks like Gilbert and only use him as a body guard!" why the hell did Corey sound so bitter? It made no sense and it was pissing me off.
"Look bub, I don't know what you're jumping down my throat about here. Yes, Gilbert was manufactured. He also likes you. Up until half an hour ago you seemed pretty savvy with him too. I fail to see where the problem is arising."
Corey narrowed his eyes at me. Like... hell what? "You don't understand, but I guess I can't expect you to." At this he stood abruptly and I was left staring up at him in confusion. "I'm out of here, don't worry I can walk back easily enough." He marched through my house and out the front door without a backwards glance.
"Okay, the HELL was that about?" I snapped, looking at America as if I somehow expected him to have an answer for me.
America shrugged. "I dunno, was he angry or something?"
... well trust America not to read the mood. Obviously he was angry, the question was why.
"Well," I sighed, running a hand through my hair and trying to cool down the rage that had been building up inside me, "I suppose I kind of blew that one. I think I'm going to see if China can make us all some food. You, Alfred, should probably go check on Gilbert and-" I stopped and sighed again. "Okay actually, you go get China to make us all food; I'll go check on Gilbert. He's probably not going to want to see me right now, but I can't imagine you being able to make the situation better so... yeah."
"No problem! The HERO will make sure we all get awesome food! But can't we just get McDonalds? Waaaaaay better than China's crap!" America laughed.
"Yeah, well, go get China anyway since I don't feel like driving us all out for McDonalds," I said with a dark look, to which America saw fit to nod and reluctantly head upstairs. This left me with the dubious task of seeing how Prussia was doing. However he was doing, I doubted 'well' would be a good word to describe it unless one was being sarcastic.
Although I expected him to be in a down mood, I didn't expect what I heard when I opened the basement door as quietly as possible. And that was... sobs. Shit. He was crying. I had half a mind to shut the door again and run back to my room rather than deal with his emotionally wrecked self, but I must have been possessed by something because before I registered what I was doing I was already at the bottom of the stairs making a beeline for the doorway to Prussia's room. I noticed that at some point, perhaps recently, the guy had pinned a bed sheet over the doorframe for lack of anything better. Well that was good, saved me the trouble of buying a door. A side long glance showed me the room America had set up next door, with random bits of furniture and a tiny tinsel tree standing in the corner. Tony was lying on an air mattress with his hands over his... well over the sides of his head, since he doesn't really have ears. He glared at me as if to say 'Hey fucking Canuck! Fix the whiner over there before I vaporize both of you with my alien laser technology!' which is something I can imagine him doing, so I hurried my pace in pulling back the bed sheet enough to get by.
The moment the curtain ruffed, the sobbing choked off into sniffles and I winced to see Prussia lying turned away from me on the bed, quite obviously wiping his face off on his pillow case before turning to glare at me with redder than usual eyes.
"What the fuck do you want?" Prussia growled. I suppose it wasn't completely uncalled for at this point...
I took a deep breath, ran my fingers through my hair and had a brief thought that I could use another shower as I was still sweaty from the morning. Then I decided to just give the facts of the situation in the calmest way possible that would hopefully shift some blame off of me, as much as I could manage. "Well he probably would have found out anyway."
Prussia's eyes widened and he coughed a bit as he sat up and faced me fully. "What the fuck- YOU FUCKING TOLD HIM?"
I winced again before attempting to say my peace at the fastest speed possible. "Uh... w-well Alfred told him that he was a Unit and offered to show him Hetalia and I thought 'well hey I might as well since he'll look it up later anyway right?' And so we showed him and he thought it was lame and then shot his mouth off about Units and asked why you got pissed off and I... might've told him you were... okay I DID tell him you were one, but seriously, that's a big secret to keep from someone you're sleeping with anyway so... so yeah." I finished that kind of lamely I think.
Prussia was seething now. Shit. "You... fucking told him... after I specifically said I didn't want him to know and you... fucking... TOLD HIM?"
I nibbled on my bottom lip for a moment. "Um, yeah. Yeah I did."
Prussia gripped the bed sheets hard and gave a look that, if I really was his mother, I would probably wonder why I hadn't been slapped upon giving birth to something that could make such a face. It was a really, really ugly look. Then he did something completely unexpected. He started crying again. Right in front of me. The hell was this shit.
I mean, I know people go on about how men look so tragic and beautiful, or sexy when they cry. Bullshit, he had snot running down his chin and NO ONE looks sexy with snot showing. Not even a Unit apparently.
I growled and folded my arms. "Well suck it up! You don't even know what he said yet!"
Prussia sniffled again and glared back at me. "So what did he say?"
"Um... he said that you were a manufactured person with manufactured feelings... and then he left."
Prussia looked about to say something before growling and flopping back on the mattress, staring at the ceiling in a mix of anger and despair. Oh, good line, I should use that in my book... um, but anyway, he didn't look happy.
"So if that's all, could you get the fuck out of my room?" Prussia muttered.
"Is this about being lonely again?" I sighed, blatantly ignoring Prussia's request and walking against my better judgement towards him.
"Who's lonely? I'm not lonely. I'm stuck in a stupid house with a stupid otaku and a stupid kid and his stupid guardian and now some stupid burger loving... stupid... fuck. How the fuck can I be fucking lonely with all that in the house?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't feel particularly lonely when it was just me and my pets, but I'm probably a bad example of humanity at large having cut myself off from it for so long."
"... stupid bitch."
I rolled my eyes. "Stupid? Yeah okay maybe I am. But seriously, if Corey was going to get all fucking pissed because of a little thing like that he probably wasn't worth it anyway, right?"
"Yeah he was," Prussia deadpanned to the ceiling.
"How do you figure?" I asked in irritation. Seriously, why was he so hung up? He met the guy a few days ago; falling in love with him this fast would be totally unrealistic. Granted he was Unit and possibly more susceptible to such things for the purpose of entertaining crazy fan girls who purchased such things as Units, but none the less...
"You really want to know?" Prussia asked, his voice kind of hoarse now that I focused on it.
"Well I have nothing better to do than to listen right now, so go right ahead," I gestured with my hand for him to proceed.
Prussia glared at me again; he'd been doing that a lot over the past five minutes, and then turned his eyes firmly back to the ceiling before continuing. "Because he was the first person to ever treat me like a person and I fucking blew it. Because he liked me without watching some damned anime and falling in love with some perceived version of myself. And also he was really awesome at sex. But it was mostly those first two things."
"Ah," I said, because quite frankly I didn't know what else to say. "Ah." Prussia seemed dissatisfied by my answer and, once again, glared at me. So I decided that I might have to elaborate a little. "So... that probably sucks then."
Prussia sneered. "And guess whose fault it is?"
Now it was my turn to glare. I took this turn rather well, narrowing my eyes, scrunching my eyebrows and growing red in the cheeks, the works. "Look bub, if you're trying to blame me for this one you're being stupid. It's America who told him to watch Hetalia, it was you who hid the fact from him, it was Wes who accidently delivered you here and it was Unit Co in general for making your sorry ass, but all I did was accidently mention the that Hetalia was an anime."
"Are you joking or something? Fucking unawesome... You JUST told me that you told him I was a Unit!"
I sucked in my cheeks. Okay, so there was that too. But... well it wasn't just my fault! "Anyway, it's not like apologizing is going to help anything at this point!"
"Well maybe it'd make me feel better to think you cared enough to feel just a little bit sorry for fucking up the one good thing that's happened to me since I got here!"
"Oh yeah? Well correct me if I'm wrong but I believe you wouldn't have even had that one thing if I hadn't sent you back into that liquor store to ask him out. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."
"You're not my Lord, bitch."
"You know what? I think I prefer mom to bitch."
"Then I'd be a son of a bitch."
Well then. "Touché," I said, tightening my facial expression and deciding this verbal parley was going to be wrapped up. "Fine. I'm sorry I told Corey you were a Unit. I was being an idiot." Not that I really meant that apology, I still don't think I really deserve blame for this, but if this stopped Prussia being a whiney bastard for a while that was a plus.
"Fine," Prussia said, but still appeared bummed out. It wasn't really getting to me or anything, but it was a little annoying, and it wasn't like I had anything better to do, so I started trying to think of something that would cheer him up.
"Uh, want to use my computer to rant about it in your blog? I bet we could look and see how other Prussia Units are faring too... could be fun..." I offered this casually and Prussia looked at me as if I'd gone insane. Wanker.
"You're actually offering to let me use your computer for blogging?" he asked this sceptically. I huffed in response.
"Yeah, I know, I'm so generous. This is a limited time window, I suggest you use it."
Prussia looked at the ceiling once more before swinging his legs off the bed and getting up. "Okay," he grumbling, striding past me, pulling aside the bed sheet and heading for the stairs.
I followed him up and a thought stuck me. "Hey Gilbert, where's your bird? I haven't seen him in a while."
Prussia snorted. "He's been disappearing a lot lately. You've got a hole in your basement that goes outside, or he's using the vents or something. He doesn't like it here anymore than I do."
"Well if you don't like, why don't you just leave too?" I muttered, but I don't think he heard me since when he opened the basement door the blaring sound of the television probably drowned me out. China was so enthralled in cooking that he didn't even notice us come upstairs. Lord knows where Little Russia and Panda-aru were. I left China to enjoy his cooking and America to enjoy his brain numbing volume levels and marched to my bedroom/study with Prussia. I opened my internet browser and brought up the Prussia blog page which I'd had the sense to add to my favourites bar. Once it was up, I turned the computer chair over to Prussia who immediately sat down and began typing furiously as I casually went to lay on my bed and watch him. Him with his whiney jerk personality attached to an annoyingly attractive body. Damn it all to hell.
After a while, Prussia apparently posted his rant. Then he decided to read me some of the blog posts other Prussia Units had posted.
"Dec. 13, 2020
I've only been here a few days, but I think I'm going to die an unawesome death if I don't get booze soon. Seriously, this chick won't buy me any bier! She just sits in her studio and messes with music stuff all day, and then when I ask, the bitch doesn't even look at me, she just says "No"! It's not like she doesn't have enough money or anything, she's got an album out and a single in the top forty! Bitch has a fucking huge house."
When Prussia was reading a blog post such as this, we felt free to offer commentary on it.
"You need to buy me more bier," was Prussia's first comment.
"Get a job," I said with a frown, "I'll get one more case, but then you're on your own."
"Yeah we'll see, maybe I'll just ask at three in the morning again."
"...asshole."
And she has this weird habit of pulling things out of thin air! ...I'm not gonna lie, that's pretty awesome, even from someone as un-awesome as that chick. But she always pulls out un-awesome stuff! Like the first day I was here, she opens the box and instantly complains about getting the wrong unit (she'd ordered Lithuania. Really? How could he possibly be better than the awesome me and my awesome 5 meters?).
"Damn, a Lithuania Unit? Phht, of course I'd be the idiot that got Unit Co instead of that Flying Mint Bunny thing."
"Who the hell would want a Lithuania Unit? Totally unawesome."
"Who would want a Prussia Unit?"
"HEY! I'll have you know I'm fucking popular!"
"I'll have you know Russia's better."
"Yeah, cause rapists are so fucking hot!"
"I know right?"
"THAT WAS SARCASM!"
"So was what I said... maybe..." Okay, I didn't think rape was sexy... unless it was Russia... er... I'm a bad person.
"But she looked kinda cute pouting like that, so I groped her (she has tiny boobs, can't be any bigger than a B. Un-awesome. Just like her refusal to buy me any bier.),and she just stared at me for a few seconds, and then you know what she did? She pulled out a squirt bottle! FROM NOWHERE. THE BITCH FUCKING SPRAYED ME. Like I was a misbehaving pet or something!
"Hey that sounds-"
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!"
"But if it helps you behave..."
"IT WON'T!"
"And then when I started telling her exactly how unawesome she was, she turned around and started walking away WHILE I WAS STILL TALKING and then the bitch threw a thesaurus over her shoulder! And WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AT ME, she says "'Awesome' is on page 39. I suggest looking it up."
"Wow, this chick's just got a mountain of good ideas. You definitely need a thesaurus."
"Why? So I can say things are... are... fabulous or something? Do you want me to sound like Poland?"
"Now there's a Unit I can't see anyone wanting. I mean Poland is fine in Fanfiction but in real life I'd never be able to stand the guy."
"Yeah, Poland's an idiot from what I can tell."
"You haven't met him?"
"Uh, younger versions, Unit Co doesn't have any mature enough for sale yet."
"Oh okay."
"Why can't she pull some bier out of thin air? Or wurst?
At least she doesn't have anime crap lying around everywhere. Maybe she's just a closeted otaku or something.
Bitch can cook though. And she leaves me alone as long as I don't bug her or go in her studio. It could be worse.
...I still want my bier.
Till next time, Gilbert "The Awesome" Beillschmidt"
"Well it could be worse. I could refuse to let you have beer."
"Then you'd be an even bigger bitch. Here's another one."
"December 11, 2020
This place is pretty awesome I guess I see lots of hot girls, the red head who bought us (England and my awesome self for the record) Bel- something, is pretty hot red hair nice rack lets us do whatever. So I guess I have it pretty well compared to some of you like the ones who get bought by crazy Yaoi fan girls or furries or whatever. And the place down the block has nice food thank god because England and Bel can't cook hell Bel thinks England's food is good. What the hell fucked up her taste buds? Back to the diner, the girls who run the place are all pretty good looking. Though a few of them are lesbians like the one who's constantly trying to get in Bel's pants and the parents. Not that I mind it's amusing to watch Bel squirm. So that's pretty much my awesome life for the moment unless Bel really is a crazy fan girl . . .
~The awesome Prussia AKA Gilbert Beillschmidt"
"Well that guy's doing well for himself," Prussia muttered when he was finished that one.
"If you're just going to depress yourself, why read the happy ones?"
"I don't know if they're good or not until I read them obviously!"
"Dec. 12, 2020
The awesome Prussia speaking here! Holy crap, this whole thing is BULLSHIT! Y'know, you finally get out of that stupid box and then you get shoved into the grimy hands of some fugly British rich-girl! Unawesome as hell, ne? This kid can't be over ten years old, and her stupid parents ordered me as a freakin' BIRTHDAY SURPRISE. Mein Gott, diese Wichser! (My God, those wankers!) That unawesome brat already has a bloody England unit (I fucking hate that prissy gentleman FAIL), AND a France unit!"
"A France Unit? No way! Lucky little bitch, I want a France..."
"I thought you liked Russia?"
"I do, but France is definitely my second favourite."
"Who the hell likes France?"
"Um, hello? He's hot, romantic, perverted, and funny to watch. What's not to like? And anyway, aren't you supposed to be friends with him?"
"Doesn't mean I have to like him."
"... you know what? Never mind. Keep reading."
"Mind you, Francis ain't really so bad. We can piss of Brit-boy together... kesesese... Whatever. I need to get out of this shitty Sailor Moon cosplay before it permanently taints my awesomeness."
Okay, we both snorted at that one. Poor Prussian bastard.
"The prissy-girl can act out her twisted fantasies on her dolly collection or something instead, but not on her f*cking units! Gott hilf mir doch! That kid could win an award for the most chest-less girl of the century. Who gives a toss if she's under ten? And mann! Have you seen her old lady? I now think I know where the little witch gets her looks from, kesese! Maybe if I grope that old bat she'll kick me out for a while so I can write in my awesome journals in peace."
"What, kick him out? What the hell's wrong with him?" Prussia was suddenly looking serious, which was odd.
"Well, if he hates it there so much then-"
"Yeah but if he's kicked out he- er," Prussia stopped for a moment a shook his head, "Never mind, I'm still reading!"
"That'd be awesome... yeah, awesome. But seriously... It's so hard to release tensions in this crappy prison. Last time I ran into Francis and got creative, old bat found us and started screaming about us possibly tainting her little princess' purity. Heh! Who really gives a fuck? Yeah, I conked out halfway through England's lecture on STD's anyway. That guy talks crap; I bet he hasn't even gotten laid himself yet. Virgin bum.
I'm gonna hit the sack now. This sucks. Are you feeling the FML, people?
His awesomeness Prussia, Gilbert Beilschmidt, signing out!
Oh, and btw, this wireless is fucked DX"
After the last one Prussia read a few in silence and I examined my fingernails. Kind of long... I should cut them soon...
"Um... Mother Russia?"
I turned to the door. I hadn't noticed it open, but there was Little Russia shuffling from foot to foot. "Yeah, what is it?"
"Dinner is ready! Yao says we should all eat together as a family!" Little Russia looked happy.
"We're not a family!" Prussia snapped and for once I was apt to agree.
"Yeah I mean, it's cool if you want to call me Mother Russia and all, but that doesn't mean we're related."
Little Russia frowned and bit his lip. "But, we should still all be together for dinner, and then no one will be lonely, da?"
... fucking illegal cuteness. "Fine," I sighed and got up from the bed, "Come on Gilbert, might as well get this over with."
"Can I go back online later?"
"No."
"Bitch."
On that note, the three of us trooped to the kitchen where China had somehow magically conjured enough chairs to give everyone a seat, though some people were lacking a surface to put their plates on. At the table were two empty seats that Prussia and Little Russia quickly took up alongside Tony and America. That left myself, China and Panda-aru without an eating surface and while the latter two likely had accepted this fate, I wasn't thrilled and went into a rant over how someone had better give up their table place because I'll spill food from my lap and the plate is hot. China then pointed out that I could eat off the counter top. Alright. I am an idiot. I've been proving that a lot recently. Let's move on.
With dinner finished I was assisting in tidying up, it being my house that was messy I felt more inclined to help with such matters then back when I lived with my parents, when the phone suddenly rang. Leaving the dishes in the sink, I answered. After the Corey fiasco, this could only be one of two people, my mother or my editor. It seemed this time it was the latter.
"Can we meet in person?"
Well there was a phrase I didn't like to hear in a phone call with my editor.
"You know, most people start conversations with a friendly hello," I offered.
"Most people don't try to hide from their editors when they've already pushed back their book release date a whole month. You ARE still working on that right?"
"Obviously," I said rolling my eyes. I noticed that the few Units still in the room were watching me curiously, that is China, Little Russia and Panda-aru. Everyone else had left to do... whatever it is they were doing. Where were my dogs and cats? Oh right, phone call. "So why do you want to meet anyway?"
"Because I need to go over some of your plot you've outlined for me in Heart of Darkness, as well as some issues I have with Chapters five and six. It's just easier in person. Plus I haven't seen your face in close to two years and I think it's a good idea if we met up again just to make sure you're the same person I started working with."
I sighed. Normally I would fight this, but my house had become insane anyway so... "Alright fine, when are you coming by then?"
"Actually, I would prefer if you would come to my office in Toronto. That would be easier on both of us I think, plus there's someone else you need to speak with, your publisher. I can't handle everything with that you know."
I groaned. "Toronto? You know I hate that city, Cindy."
"Yes, well you'll have to suffer through it. I'm sorry, but it would only be for a day, I'm sure you'll manage."
"Easy for you to say," I muttered into the phone, "Fine, whatever, when should I be there? Next week?"
"The 16th would be better."
My eyes widened. "But that's just the day after tomorrow! I need to plan for that you know!"
"How much planning do you need? Just get a hotel room and write it off later as a business expense."
"You're so-!"
"Please? Come on, you know you don't want to disappoint me."
"I... phht, fine. I'll be there."
"Thank you." Without further discussion she hangs up. Of course.
"Well looks like I have a business trip," I sighed, hanging up the phone.
"Oh? Where are you going-aru?" China asked as he finished putting away the last of the clean dishes.
"Toronto, I need to speak to my editor and publisher apparently. It's kind of weird, I haven't spoken to them in person for two years now, but I suppose getting away from you guys for a while won't hurt much."
"Oh, we can't go with you?" Little Russia asked from the floor.
"No you can't," I said in irritation, unmoved by the cute look for once. Not that my will power was getting stronger, I was just rather tired. "Now then, I'm going to bed and you all know where you're sleeping. Goodnight."
"Er, but it's only seven-aru."
"Yeah okay, when I said 'going to bed' I meant 'going to watch naughty videos and read naughty Fanfiction for a few hours and THEN going to bed."
"... oh-aru."
"Yeah. Goodnight!"
And I followed through with that without interruption thank god. The next day I was awoken rather early for some reason, though I can't for the life of me remember what that reason was right now. I'm sure it will come to me later. Anyway, I got up, dressed, had breakfast in chaos again and set about packing things up for my trip tomorrow. I figured if I left early enough I could reach Toronto by the afternoon. Unfortunately America caught me packing and decided to interrogate me on just where I was going.
"Toronto on a business trip, only for a day," I muttered quickly as I searched through my drawers for something worthy to be worn in an office. There wasn't much in there.
"Toronto? That's a big Canadian city right?" America asked.
"Yeah, so?"
"We could go Christmas shopping there!"
"Are you still on about that? With what money?"
"I'll pay you back!"
"No way."
"AW!" America pouted, "But, but, it would be fun anyway! It's so boring here; I want to go somewhere fun!"
I gave him a scathing look. "There is not a chance of you or anyone else coming with me!"
"Please?" America gave his best puppy dog eyes.
"No and that's final," I said simply and pulled a wrinkled blouse from the bottom of my drawer. It would have to do.
"Hmph..." America stomped out of my room. I thought he had given up, but when he returned with four other Units who were all somehow convinced by America to give puppy dog faces at the same time it was just flat out cheating.
"Gah! Fine! You can come, but if anyone gets lost I'm ditching them!"
"Kesesesese..."
"And no purposely letting Ivan get lost!"
"... unawesome."
After shooing them away I finished packing and the rest of the day was spent trying to figure out who exactly would fit into the car and what stuff everyone was going to bring with them. Finally we ended up with myself in the driver's seat obviously, Prussia in shotgun (how he swung that don't ask me), China, America and Little Russia would span the back seat with the returned Gilbird on Prussia's head and Tony riding on America's lap since he could look like a stuffed toy anyway. I swear to god I'm forgetting something but what it is I just can't...
Well anyway, that was cleared up and here we were on December 16th at nearly 1pm, just entering the blasted city of Toronto. Prussia's mood seemed mostly cleared up but he kept staring out the window dejectedly at points so he was still depressed. Tony didn't like sitting on America's lap much either. China was staring out his window with little Russia on his lap and between them Canada was sitting quietly with Kumajirou looking a bit-
Oh shit THAT'S what I forgot! Right, that morning some chick had shown up at my front door with a crate and a manual for America. I was afraid they'd sent a new America Unit and was going to send it back but America came out singing that old Miley Cyrus song 'Party in the USA' at the top of his lungs and Canada came out asking him to shut up. But otherwise it wasn't that exciting of an arrival so that's probably why I forgot about it. Plus Canada sort of faded into the background after that, what with the excitement of preparing to go on a trip and all.
Though I think something might've gone on between him and Prussia. When he had seen America they had a bro hug and America left to go be annoying elsewhere, but Prussia seemed to grope Canada and got the guy freaked out a little. I would have thought Prussia would be all over him for the cute reaction, but from the little I saw before I... somehow got bored and turned away, Prussia kind of backed off. It was weird, I guess he was still messed up over Corey. Hope he gets over that soon because it's kind of depressing to deal with.
Anyway yeah, here I am, you're all caught up. I fucked up Prussia's relationship, I got a new Unit and I'm going to Toronto to see my editor. Lucky, lucky me. Do you know I had to order two hotel rooms for this lot? Stupid expenses. How did I get suckered into this? I am not impressed.
"Turn left here," Canada says softly from the back. I glance at him in the rear view mirror.
"How do you know?" I ask curiously, making the turn since my GPS is about to tell me to make it anyway.
"Because I'm Canada... all Hetalia Units are made to know the Geography of their country and the maps of all their major cities..."
"Oh," I say, for lack of anything better.
When we reach the hotel we intend to stay in, I'm quick to get my Units to bring all my stuff to my room for me. Well, mostly America did it... anyway it was good to put them to some kind of use. The two hotel rooms are connected by a door, so I don't have to worry about them getting kicked out on a different floor or something and not hearing about it until way later. After this I announce that I'm going to see my editor now and they are all to STAY PUT until I get back. Then, and only then, will I CONSIDER taking them out to look at stores and things.
Then I head out into the sunny street. Yes, it is sunny in Toronto. And I suppose if there's one sort of nice thing about Toronto, the smog is thick enough that in the winter they don't have much snow. So it's easy to head over to the subway system and start making my way to the building I know well from the first year I worked on getting my first novel, Wings, published.
What, you think I'd take my car around Toronto? No freaking way, I'm not used to Toronto driving anymore and I don't want to try it again. Too scary, have you seen those motorists? I mean it's no Paris France by any means but geez...
Anyway I get on the subway, sit in my seat and prepare to wait the three stops when suddenly I hear a shockingly familiar voice behind me.
"Hey, um, don't I know you?" I'm pointed from behind by a woman with brown skin, black poufy hair with a dyed blond streak and glasses I could only describe as 'hipster'. Her clothes were stylish, her voice was mellow and I knew her immediately.
"Hannah? Holy shit!"
((Joyful Note: Writers of today's blog posts are 3R15UK0UM31, stabbythings, Zaskaea. Yes I know there was more than that submitted but I didn't want to try putting too many in one chapter, since it's a little distracting, even though I enjoyed reading all of them!
... yes Hannah, you've just begun your cameo. But this won't be like other 'friend cameos' I swear! You'll only last one or two chapters and will actually hold some relevance and importance to the story! I swear I know how to make this work. Trust me!
Now then, this was a short chapter at only 20 pages and its taken way longer than it should have to get up. I know. I'm a horrible person. Hopefully the next part is out sooner. I have no clue. BUT AT LEAST I'M STILL GOING!
Geez, not much even happens in this chapter either... well next chapter a whole load of things will happen so hopefully that will make up for this. I may not be sorry for how long it's taken but I AM sorry for not having enough happen in this chapter. Sorry about that.
ANYWAY, still no one has guessed the name, here's 3 more clues:
This name has 2 spellings on the Baby Names website and one is of French origin, the other of Hebrew origin. I'll accept either as correct and even use it, but I mean the Hebrew one
This name is used in the Bible. So... that ought to help
It starts with a letter in the second half of the alphabet (so that means anything N through Z is fair game)
Yep that`s it. Again, sorry for the short chapter where not much has occurred. The next will have a lot more stuff. And remember, the 100th reviewer gets to commission a one shot from me as well as the person to guess my main character`s name. Bon chance!))