I Ordered Russia Online I Didn't Get Him

by JoyHeart

I didn't bother asking what a 'unit' was. It was Ivan freaking Braginski related and damn it I wanted one! Unfortunately stupid company is stupid and did not send me what I asked for. Based on "est. 1995"'s Formerly Lollidictator manuals, here's my story. I feel unoriginal.

9. Why Are Units So Hard To Explain?

I Ordered Russia Online. I Didn't Get Him.

Chapter 9~ Units... Damn It's Hard To Explain These Things...

((First news: 100 REVIEWS! Congrats to invisiblecanada who sent that 100th review in, your story is about half done and will be posted in a couple of days. But thank you to everyone who has made this possible. I will also give a one shot to my 200th review if I'm lucky enough to reach that far.

Also, someone totally guessed my main character's name. Actually a few people guessed it, but I must comply to the one who guessed first. So contest is over, but I'm not revealing the winner yet. I haven't gotten very far on this person's one short, but it will be published after the name is revealed. Congrats to the winner of that too.))

Right now I'm staring at Canada and wondering how the hell we managed to lose all my other nation Units in the span of mere hours and also wondering how the hell we're going to get them all back. But obviously there was a lot of lead up to this point so I'm going to jump right into some back story on the person that I mentioned meeting on the subway before we left off last time because I'm sure that you at least have some mild curiosity over who she is. Or, more likely, not. After all, she isn't a Hetalia character or a character from another published universe, but for the sake of explanations I'm going to explain her anyway.

Hannah Klein was one of my best friends from high school. She's half German, half Jamaican, and we met in a communications technology class in grade nine. We became class friends in grade ten drama classes and then progressed from good friends to best friends throughout the course of the rest of high school and into college and university. She went to a college in Toronto while I attended U of T so we were able to visit each other fairly regularly, but after I left Toronto and moved to the house I still live in to this day, at the time it was much emptier upstairs, I sort of stopped calling her and we fell out of touch. Interestingly, she helped me move my stuff to my current house as well, so she is one of the very few old friends I have that know where I live right now. Not that this has led to her trying to contact me or anything, but I always seemed to be the one that called her- even in high school- so when I stopped calling she never bothered to call me and, like I said, we fell out. But to the best of my knowledge there has never been bad blood between us, so there was no reason this reunion should be anything to avoid.

"Hannah I... I honestly cannot believe it," I said, blinking hard as if my eyes were deceiving me.

"I know right? I haven't seen you in years, man. How've you been doing?" Hannah gave the easy going smile I knew her best for. I relaxed completely. Hannah just oozed the sense that she would listen to anything you had to rant about and then make some noises of vague agreement that wouldn't be particularly useful as advice, but would at least make you feel like you've gotten things off your chest. Very useful for an independent soul such as I, who enjoyed a good rant yet detested being told what to do. In recent years I'd been ranting solely on interest message boards and random live journal posts and I rarely read the replies to these since I had a fear of flamers that I had never completely overcome.

"I've been good," I said, nearly robotically. "I... well I... really haven't gotten out much I guess?"

"Yeah... you're a writer full time now, right?"

"Yeah."

"I read that first one, Wings, really hot stuff." She grinned. Well that was only natural. Wings was a quasi historical boy love romance novel between Achilles and Patroclus, who were so obviously gay for each other in Greek mythology that a book just had to come from it. I'll be the first to admit my writing never got that good again. "Haven't read your others though."

"Oh that's fine, they suck anyway."

"Oh, that sucks."

"Yeah."

"I thought I heard something about your penname putting out a new one next summer."

"Er, we're pushing it back to the fall." I wasn't going to say why unless she asked.

"Aw, how come?" Damn it.

"Er..." I sighed, "I'm lazy?"

Hannah laughed at that and said her trademark, "Oh no!" Coming from other people this might seem an out of context cry for help, but from Hannah it was more of a... cry of laughing sympathy? It's hard to describe. Nevertheless, I grinned back at her. This was... surprisingly easy. Of course Hannah and I had always gotten along well.

"So where are ya heading off to now?" Hannah asked, still smiling away.

No reason to lie here. "I'm going to see my publisher and editor. Business trips suck." I made a face and Hannah nodded. "So what are you doing out?"

"Oh, I'm just heading to meet Ishmael for lunch." I nodded at this. I remembered Ishmael; he'd been dating Hannah online since high school and had moved to Canada from Georgia (the state, not the country) about five years ago to be closer to her. So I wasn't surprised that they were still together.

Still, it seemed a good place to comment. "You two are still dating huh?" I grinned.

At this Hannah's smile fell. "Oh, um... actually we're kind of..." She lifted her left hand. A diamond sparkled from the ring finger.

My jaw dropped. "Holy crap... you're engaged?"

"Um... we're married actually!"

I stared at her.

"You're... wha-?"

"Um, we've been married for about... two years I guess?"

"Two years and... How did I not know this?"

Hannah shrugged. "Um, well it was on Facebook but I guess you never checked so..."

"Yeah I... I've been really out of touch huh..."

"I would have invited you to the wedding, but we hadn't spoken in two years so I wasn't sure..."

"If it would be appropriate, yeah I guess it..." I nibbled on my lip. I had missed one of the best friends I'd ever had getting married? I'd been left off the invite list? "Well, er, congratulations then?" I laughed nervously.

Hannah laughed a bit too and nodded. "Yeah, thanks man."

"And um... sorry I wasn't there."

Hannah waved her hand dismissively. "Aw it's alright; it's not as if it's your fault."

"Right, well, sorry anyway," I said, looking away with a slightly red face. My stomach was twisted a little too, but for now I decided to try to ignore this. After all, I hadn't seen this girl in years; I had to make the most of this chance meeting since I doubted I'd get another chance to reconnect. "Um, so..." I frowned a little, not sure exactly how to invite her out to... lunch I guess? Not coffee, I don't like coffee... oh what the hell! "Want to get together after my business meeting and catch up a bit?"

Hannah looked at me with surprise and then smiled. "Oh yeah sure! No problem man! Do you want my home address?"

I nodded, "Yeah, sounds good. Oh, and do you have a cell phone?"

Hannah nodded. "Sure do. Do you?"

I shook my head. "No, but give me your number so I can get a phone and call you when I'm done, okay?"

Within a couple of moments, I had a piece of paper with Hannah's contact information and I felt a little excited. Whatever I missed in Hannah's life, it seemed that I had been given the chance to be friends again! That was nice, if I'd sort of missed anyone during my years of being disconnected from the past then it was probably Hannah. After all, she was my fellow fuijoshi, my fellow rotten woman searching entertainment media for every scrap of boy love we could draw from it. I hoped she was still into that... oh well, that's not something you can just give up!

Anyway, at my subway stop we were forced to part ways. I left her as she continued on her underground journey and took myself topside to the sidewalk. I was in the business district and, having gone there many times in the early days of my author career; I automatically turned the corner and headed for the building that housed my editor's office. It wasn't long before I was traipsing across a familiar lobby with grey tiled floors.

I approached the front desk, behind which a dark haired man was glancing at paperwork and appeared bored out of his skull. He was clicking a pen cap open and shut repeatedly and when he noticed me in front of him he looked surprised.

"Oh, hey!" he grinned, his teeth looking a little... sharp about the canines. "How can I help you today?"

I frowned slightly at his happy appearance. I don't usually like talking to secretaries and people behinds counters and desks. I know they must have boring jobs and all, but I don't like being social with them just to alleviate that boredom.

"I have an appointment with Cindy Withers. Just tell her I'm here, okay?" I said, and I'll admit I probably sounded a tad irritated. I may have been glad to see Hannah, but I still hadn't wanted to make this trip in the first place. Not in the mood to attempt a social attitude.

The guy behind the counter sighed. "Yeah sure, whatever, that's all I ever do around this dump..." the guy sighed and pressed button on the phone in front of him.

"Yes, Cindy speaking?" came the voice through the speaker.

"You have an appointment with, er," he looked at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Wait, is it my girly?"

"Girly?" the secretary blinked.

"Wearing glasses and scowling like the devil?"

"Uh..." he looked at me. I scowled. "Yes?"

"Well how about that! I thought she was going to skip out again. Send her up!" The line beeped to signal that Cindy had hung up. What the hell, I don't skip out that much! Well, it wasn't like I was called in that much... though I suppose I had also neglected to pick up the phone sometimes... and I probably wouldn't have bothered if America wasn't begging to go shopping... a-anyway, I nodded briefly to the man behind the desk before heading briskly to the elevator. The journey up to the third floor and down the tiled corridor was uneventful as I only passed one person on the way and we didn't even make eye contact. Finally I knocked on the door, checking my watch as I did so. Oh, I was twenty minutes late. That might be why Cindy was worried. That makes sense.

"Come in then girly!" That was the loud voice that boomed through the door and I sighed before opening it. That was Cindy: loud, friendly, and calling everyone lacking a penis 'girly'. Just one of her strange Newfoundlander quirks I guess. Not a big deal though.

I opened the door and looked inside. Not much here had changed in the years I'd avoided this place. It was still rather cramped with books, binders and loose papers lining shelves along every wall. The desk Cindy sat behind was stacked high with documents and she had a printed manuscript in her hands. Since she had been expecting me, it was likely the manuscript for Heart of Darkness that she wanted to go over with me. Apart from that, Cindy herself looked... tired. When I say that I mean more tired than she usually did when I visited her. The perpetual dark circles around her eyes were darker than ever, she reminded me of a raccoon. Her straw blond hair hung limp around her head as though she had been skipping showers and her simple white work shirt was rumpled and had a few coffee stains around it. Speaking of coffee, I noticed a large Tim Horton's coffee cup on her desk and several more in her overflowing garbage can. For all this, she still seemed to have a friendly smile when she looked at me, so I figured the caffeine was doing her some good anyway.

"Hey girly!"

"Hey Cindy."

"Come on, have a seat!" Cindy pointed to a chair that was currently occupied by a box full of yet more papers. I moved it to the floor with a slight grunt of effort and sat down.

"Cindy. You look terrible," I said this bluntly because, damn, she did look terrible. "How long have you been in the office?"

Cindy sighed and straightened one of the binder piles on her desk. "Well, I have a publishing date due next week and one of my authors JUST sent in the last twelve chapters last night," She waved the manuscript she was holding. Huh, not mine then. "Let's just say that right now I'm running entirely on coffee. Thank goodness that Train kid is downstairs; I think making coffee runs is the highlight of his day so he'll do them at the drop of a hat."

I raised an eyebrow. "Train? So like, he's in training or something?" Lord knows I don't really keep up with modern office slang.

Cindy shook her head, still grinning. It was a little maniac looking, that grin, now that I think of it... "No, his name's Train. He came in a few weeks ago with a girl about sixteen who was looking for a job for him. The girl seemed to do most of the talking, but Train did well in the interview and has a good resume. He seems pretty bored with it, but it's not the most exciting job anyway, so I try to give him things to do when I can."

I nodded. "I can understand that I guess. Now then," I folded my arms. I didn't want to be stuck there any longer than needed. "What exactly did you want to talk to me about regarding my novel?"

Cindy opened her mouth for a moment, and then closed it. She seemed to think for a moment before answering, probably trying to clear her sleep deprived mind enough to speak. "Well, I would love to get right into that, but I don't like repeating myself in this state and we're still waiting on our publishing representative, so how about we just kill time? How have you been doing?"

I bristled. "What? I'm already twenty minutes late! How the hell is the publisher running later than that?"

Cindy groaned and rubbed her forehead before rummaging through one of her desk drawers. I waited as impatiently as possible as she pulled out some Tylenol and popped a couple pills in her mouth, washing them down with her coffee. Yuck.

"Well apparently she had some car trouble and had to wait for the taxi company to come get her, she lives on the outskirts of Toronto with her family. I don't like it either, but if she had been kept waiting you would probably have gotten yelled at for it, so count yourself lucky."

Lucky. Phht, sure. "So I haven't met this rep then, what's she like?"

Cindy shook her head. "Dragon Lady, she'll make absolute certain she gets what she wants."

"And what does she want?"

"Well, aside for you finishing that book within two weeks so I can finish editing it in half that time, I'm not joking, she's going to present three cover ideas and she already picked which one she wants to use if you catch my drift."

I rolled my eyes. "Well I don't care about the cover that much. As long as I get paid I'm fine. But two weeks?" I took this moment to give a dramatic shudder. "God, there goes my free time."

Cindy's smile turned rueful and she leaned her chin on her hands. "Because we all know you have so little of that."

My eye twitched. "Well, I don't these days it seems, or at least since last week."

"Oh? Why so busy?"

I sighed. "What do you know about Units?"

A look of confusion crossed her face. "What kind of units?"

"Um, they're..." I trailed off, and then shook my head. Too much work to explain if she didn't know. "Never mind. Let's just say I suddenly have a lot of house guests I wasn't intending on having. Actually, not so much guests as boarders. Yes. Who don't pay rent very well. Though admittedly China- er- Yao cooks, which is nice."

Cindy nodded, but her eyes were glazed over so I'm assuming she was falling asleep so fast she hadn't heard a word I said. I groaned, scratched my wrist absently, and sat back in my seat until Cindy suddenly snapped out of her semi-comatose state for a moment.

"Oh, er, what were we talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Come on girly, you were saying something about having... guests over was it?"

"Yep, something like that."

"So are they family? Friends?"

I laughed, a little bitterly, "More like pains in the neck. They do keep calling me 'Mom' though."

Cindy seemed to suppress a giggle of her own. "So are you babysitting?"

"Ah..." I paused at that and thought about it. They were all younger than me, and I kinda had to... sorta take care of them... well not really... "No... no it's not really babysitting. They're just living with me. I'm trying to make them get jobs."

"Well there can't be much out where you are. What's the town closest to you again?"

"Duran," I said bluntly, "It's small, about a half hour away. I don't care, I get most things mailed over the internet anyway, and we got a new Wal-Mart in town recently, so there's that. I think there was one there before I moved there, but it got... I think it was flooded, or burned down or something... I don't know... but they got a new one now."

"So can they get jobs there, then?"

"I suppose so. They need their resumes straight first."

The two of us sat there like that, making small talk, for another forty minutes before Cindy's phone rang. It was like a gift from above because God knows I hate having to make so much small talk. I'm better if I can either rant about something, or just absently nod while someone else rants or tells a story. I don't like casual banter of 'so, how are you?' 'Good, how are you?' 'Weather is nice.' 'Yes, it's weather-y'. Stupid... anyway, so Cindy got a phone call, and Train sent up the apparently Dragon Lady.

When the woman walked in, I couldn't help but sit up a little straighter in my seat. Cause damn she was intimidating. While Cindy looked tired and friendly and a little underweight, this woman was alert, serious and was wearing a suit with leg creases so sharp you could probably slice bread with them. She was a bit plump too actually. The suit was black, the blouse a crisp white, and her red hair was done up in the tightest bun I had ever seen. In fact, the only thing interrupting the image of a cold business woman was a series of kind of cute freckles dotting her nose and cheeks, but other than that I could tell this was someone I'd rather not mess with. Her mere presence was like an alien on another planet amid all the clutter.

"Hey girly!" Cindy smiled at the newcomer.

"That's Ms. Weasley to you."

I stared. There was a silence as the other two obviously waited for me to greet this woman. Obviously I said something more along the lines of, "WHAT?"

This had to be some kind of joke. A woman with red hair and freckles called Ms. Weasley? Ridiculous! I mean, Harry Potter! It's just... too... wait. Wait a minute.

Because what if... what if this woman was... b-but that couldn't be. Because if... if she was a Unit, and Units could get jobs like this, where they were in charge of other people and their jobs then... w-well that was... how could...

Who the hell gets a Molly Weasley Unit anyway?

"What do you mean, 'what?'" the woman, Mrs. Weasley? Holy shit... well she spoke and her eyes narrowed and... damn... she was scary...

I swallowed a bit, "Well, you know... your last name is Weasley... and you've got... red hair... so um... Harry Potter reference?"

Ms. Weasley dropped the suitcase she had been holding and GLARED at me. Oh god oh god... "LOOK HERE MISSY! We're already OVER AN HOUR late for this meeting, I've got THREE KIDS to feed at home because their DEADBEAT dad won't cook a bloody meal, and I will NOT be made fun of by the likes of you! I KNOW that it's funny! I KNOW! I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE YOU KNOW! WELL FUCK YOU OKAY? FUCK YOU! NOW LET'S SIT DOWN AND TALK LIKE CIVILIZED ADULTS!"

I squeaked and shrank in my seat. Scary lady... I guess maybe she wasn't a Unit... then... maybe... creeps... I glanced at Cindy who looked rather alarmed as well. Ms. Weasley tipped over the second guest seat, spilling the books on it over the ground before sitting down looking incredibly irritated.

"Er... so," Cindy cleared her throat and pulled out another manuscript, this one clearly having my book's title on the front page. I supposed we were getting started then. Over the next hour and a half, I was subjected to glares and anger. Not fun. The cover that was pushed on me was disgusting by the way. Two pale hands holding a black Valentine shaped heart with a purple glow. It looked... Twilight-y... yuck. Still, like I said, I didn't really care. Besides, the goal of my writing was to make money and despite everything shitty about Twilight it made some goddamn money. So that was that. Also, I agreed to the two week deadline without question because... who the hell could fight with this woman seriously... scary... I-I mean, I'd totally backtalk her or something but... she kind of my boss in some quasi way I guess? Anyway, she wasn't someone I should piss off, I knew that much. Even if she wasn't my boss she sure as hell carried herself as if she were and I'll be damned if that doesn't count just as much as actually having power over a person.

Then Cindy started going on about this and that in my novel. I'm not sure why we couldn't have discussed this in the forty minutes we waited for the Dragon Lady, but maybe she didn't want to be interrupted? Whatever, in the end I mainly agreed to shorten the length of chapter three, re-write the living room scene in chapter seven and cut out the section where apparently I'd been giving a history of Queen Elizabeth I for no real reason other than the fact I had just been to a website about her and wanted to spew out all the new information I'd just collected. Simply corrections could have been done in an email. In fact, all this bullshit could've been done online. Stupid Cindy, not living in the right century I'm telling you.

The moment Ms. Weasley deemed our meeting concluded, she stood, bid us a brief good day, handed us both a business card and marched out the door. I'm a little surprised she didn't slam it behind her. I can't imagine why, after all that she had managed to get everything she wanted including both Cindy and I cowering at her shadow. But... well some people just have problems I suppose.

"Sorry about that, girly," Cindy laughed a little to break the tension left in the Dragon Lady's stead. "Not sure what her problem is, but it's nothing against you personally."

"That I gathered," I sniffed, "Anyway, I've got things to do so..."

"Leaving already?"

"Seems that way."

The smile left Cindy's face suddenly and my lips quirked down as well. Cindy frowning? "Honey, I want you to take care of yourself okay?"

"Huh? Er... okay?"

"Remember to eat three times a day and sleep eight hours a night."

"Phht! Like you're one to talk!"

Cindy smirked for a moment before turning oddly serious again. "I just worry about you. I hope your guests stay for a while, it's not good to be alone as much as you are."

I sputtered at that. "I-I'm not alone! I've got two dogs and two cats, they're company and... and I go into town sometimes!"

"Well you should go out with friends sometimes too, have a few drinks, and live a bit."

"I live just fine! And I'm hanging out with an old friend right after this, so I have to go meet her, okay?"

Cindy's frown continued. "Alright girly... have fun."

I nodded and headed for the door directly. I pushed it open when it occurred to me that she... probably didn't believe that I really was hanging out with someone after this. "Cindy... I really am hanging out with a friend after this. Her name's Hannah. She's married. Her husband's name is Ishmael."

My tired editor seemed to brighten at this and gave a warm, genuine smile again. "That's good. Treasure your friends girly, you need them in the world."

Pausing just a moment longer, I quickly muttered a goodbye and left. When I got to the lobby Train offered a wave but I didn't bother returning it. I wanted to get out of the building, get back to my hotel room to check on the peanut gallery I left there and then call Hannah. I mean, I didn't go to my editor to get lectured or anything, even if... well I was kind of excited about talking to Hannah again so... it probably had been too long... Anyway, Cindy didn't have to point it out, I KNOW I've dropped out of everyone's lives these past few years! So... yeah.

Roughly fifteen or twenty minutes later I navigated the subway back to my hotel, fighting the crowds of Toronto that I'd moved far away to avoid. A quick check of my watch showed me it was about 4:40pm. Not that late, but I was getting a little peckish. I wondered if Hannah would expect me to stay for dinner or not... better ask about that. At any rate, I reached my hotel room door and heard some quiet talking on the other side. That was weird as I had expected chaos. Then again, if that were the case we would probably have been thrown out of the hotel I supposed. I opened the door with my card key.

Oh, I never did really explain these hotel rooms in detail did I? I mentioned that there were two rooms connected by a door but otherwise... alright, so they weren't that much to write home about. There were two double beds in each room, so they weren't that big. The space was snug, but both beds in each room faced a flat screen TV about... 32 inches I guess? Something like that. There was a satellite system, and the bathroom was clean... the tub's rim was a bit high... the colour pattern differed between the rooms. The one I had just entered had a yellowish colour on the walls and cream coloured comforters on the beds. The other room had whiter walls and blue comforters. The walls had some pictures of flowers on them. Also, the beds on either side were backed against the wall opposite the door between rooms, so with the door open those in the beds closest to the bathroom could see each other.

So knowing that floor plan was what I left the room with, the first thing I noticed was that the room I'd opened now contained all of the blankets and pillows from both rooms. I also noted that the mattresses of the beds had been moved and the beds were pushed together, with the mattresses holding up the sheets in a giant fort. The sound of the TV could be heard, but I couldn't see the TV. I did see a cable leading inside the massive pillow/mattress fort though, so I'm guessing it was inside.

I... I didn't know if I should be furious or impressed actually, though mostly I wondered what possessed them to do this to an innocent hotel room in the first place. Only one way to find out, so with a deep breath I walked over to where there was a small part in the blanket and pulled it back.

"Hello?" I asked in a flat voice. Immediately I was faced by a silence save the TV playing some sit com and four, er, five pairs of eyes. Nearly forgot Canada again. Damn it, so that even works on Canadians does it? Anyway, I noticed that of all the nations I'd left here, Prussia and China appeared missing. After a moment of blessed silence, Little Russia jumped up and tackled me into a hug. Damn cute little bugger, breaking the silence.

"Yay! Mother Russia is back! We can eat dinner now, da?"

"Hey Mom! Check out our awesome fort! It's totally like Superman's fortress of solitude!"

"Um... I told them they shouldn't mess up the hotel room but they didn't listen... maple..."

"Who?"

"I'm Canada..."

"Fucking Canuck, why'd you take so long?"

"Alright, alright SHUT UP!" I growled, giving Little Russia a pat on the head before peeling him off me. "Yes, I'm back, that's great. And nice fort, I'm not going to lie," at this I smirked just a little before turning on my serious face again. "But why did you feel the need to tear up our hotel rooms to build it?"

"I told him not to..."

"Because it was AWESOME! DUH! And I was bored!" America let out his usual boisterous laugh and I sighed deeply. I did not want to deal with this bullshit right now.

"Fine, whatever, I don't care right now. Where's Gilbert and China?"

Little Russia piped up this time. "Big Brother Prussia left about an hour ago to get ice, and China left to go find him a short time ago!"

"Oh, well, figures I guess..." I muttered. Well if China was on the job he'd find Prussia eventually. Probably. In any case, I had to call Hannah. I left the trio of nations along with their bear and alien in their 'fortress of solitude' and headed for the phone. After a moment spent digging out the paper with Hannah's contact information and ten minutes spent trying to figure out how to call out on the hotel phone, my friend's voice came over the ear piece.

"Hello?"

"Hey Hannah, it's me," I said with a small smile on my face. It felt kind of good to say that to her again.

"Um, me who?"

My mouth fell open and I was silent for a bit. She... she forgot what my voice sounded like? Damn it... well, best way to cover up sadness is to speak with an edge of sarcasm, so that's what I did. "Oh, I don't know, who did you meet after all these years on a subway train?"

"Oh! Oh sorry, you haven't called in a long time so..."

"Yeah... yeah I know..." I sighed.

"Who're you talking to?"

"Shut up Alfred," I mutter, covering the mouthpiece while addressing him. "Stupid! Can't you see this is an important conversation? You'd think the tone of... voice... oh yeah. Can't read the atmosphere. Never mind." I muttered and waved him away.

"Right so, how long are you in town for?"

"Oh, I'm probably going home tomorrow-"

"What! We haven't even TRIED to find Christmas presents yet!"

"Or maybe the day after..."

"Damn right the day after!"

"So you should come over tonight then probably, huh?"

I laughed a bit, feeling awkward for some reason. This shouldn't feel so awkward... this was Hannah! "Uh, yeah, looks that way!"

"Well that's no problem; want to stay for dinner too?"

"Sounds good! Oh, what's your address?"

Hannah relayed me her address and I was quick to write it down on back of the paper with her contact information. Once I'd quickly said goodbye I turned to America who was looking grumpy.

"So, I'm leaving again, watch the room for me, I'll be back in a few hours probably..." I said, trying to get past everyone, but within a moment Little Russia was clutching my leg and America was standing in my path. Damn it. "What? What the hell could you possibly want now? I'll take you shopping tomorrow!"

"Yeah but I'm hungry!" America snapped.

"Um, I kind of am too... eh..."

"No! Mother Russia can't leave already!" Little Russia sobbed, rubbing his face into my knee. Damn it damn it damn it...

"HERE!" I yelled, digging out a couple twenty dollar bills from my wallet (I had taken some money from the ATM when I got to the hotel) and handing them to America. "Buy pizza! Eat, enjoy! I'm going to see a friend I haven't seen in years, providing I can navigate Toronto with my GPS."

"Um, excuse me eh..."

I glanced toward my invisible Canada who had somehow made himself heard for once and waited for him to continue. When he noticed he'd actually caught my attention he flushed and fidgeted for a moment before answering. Damn moe Canada...

"Um, m-maple, well, if you need to find where your friend lives, m-maybe you could b-bring me along, eh? Th-then you can just use public transit too and... and save on gas... so you don't need to fill up again until we're closer to home?"

I stared at Canada. Well that sounded... reasonable. He apparently knew Toronto as he said before; I'd save on money... it sounded okay anyway...

"Well... alright, but I'm going to call Hannah first to see if she's okay with a guest..."

"No fair!" America gasped, stamping his foot. "I want to go too!"

"No, you have to watch Ivan," I said, pointing to the kid.

"But, I want to go with Mother Russia too, da?"

I shook my head and glared. No amount of pleading was going to shake me this time. "Bringing Matthew isn't going to matter. Bringing his noisy brother and a toddler it doesn't look like I'm related to probably will. It's not happening. Just order a pizza, play in the fort, and watch TV. Make sure everything in the hotel is back to normal by midnight I guess. Something like that."

Ignoring the protests still arising, I marched to the telephone and called Hannah up again.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, it's me again, when I come over can I bring a... a friend with me?"

"A friend? Oh sure, no problem!"

"Cool, thanks," I said with a smile and after a brief second goodbye I hung up again. "Okay Mattie, grab your coat and we're out of here!"

America looked pissed. "This isn't over!"

"Yes it is," I said bluntly and after ushering Canada out the door into the hallway I slammed the door in America's face. Silly America, you cannot defeat my iron will! And thank god I was able to shake off Little Russia too. Probably wouldn't have if I'd looked down at... at his... face...

Damn it he was still clinging to my leg.

"Matthew!" I said quickly looking away from the tiny Russian before his cuteness could stop me.

"W-what is it?"

"Get Ivan back in the room please."

"Oh..." I shut my eyes as I heard Russian protests, some yelps from Canada and finally a door opening and shutting.

"Er, I got him back in eh..." Canada said and my eyes opened. I smiled at him.

"Thanks bro."

"Eh? Oh, n-no problem!" Canada laughed a bit in his soft voice and the two of us left the building. As we headed onto the sidewalk and I followed Canada into the subway I wondered vaguely where Prussia and China would have gone... ah they were probably fine. Just fighting or something. Probably. I had more important things to worry about! Like the fact that there was a creepy hobo staring at me while I was waiting to pay for my subway ticket, fucking creepers...

I believe we rode a total of three different subway cars and a bus before the two of us were heading down the street toward Hannah's apartment building. It seemed that Canada was right, he knew the city well. That was good; I sure as hell didn't have much of a grasp on it. Yes, Canada was a useful Unit to have. Plus he was quiet, so I didn't have to make any despised small talk on the way until the apartment was in sight. By then it was about five and seeing as it was winter it was already pretty dark out. Of course there were no stars to be seen, this being a heavily populated city with enough smog that it was a wonder that the sun wasn't blotted out if you want my opinion. Which you must or else you'd hardly still be paying attention to me because I don't think I've been doing much more than state my opinions on things since I started talking about all this crap. But whatever you like to do or listen to in your spare time is none of my business, so don't mind me.

"Um, so, that's the apartment..." Mattie mumbled as we walked, pointing it out.

"Uh huh," I said blandly. I was glad we were close though, it was cold out. It was really going to suck taking transit back late at night, Mattie better not get us lost...

"S-so..."

"Mm?"

"D-do you think that your friend will like me?"

"Hannah?" I scoffed, "Of course she will! She loves Hetalia too... well not to the extreme I do... maybe not as much anymore I wouldn't know but... well she likes it. And she likes cute characters, and you're nice anyway, she's nice... it'll work out. You'll be fine."

Mattie seemed to relax. "Good, I'm glad. So is it just her and us, then?"

"Yeah, and her... her husband," the word felt odd in my mouth. I still could hardly believe she was married of all things, "Ishmael. He'll be there too."

"Okay."

Soon I was calling up Hannah's room and she buzzed me into the building. It was a medium rise apartment and she was on only the fourth floor, so it was but a short elevator ride. It was made longer by the fact they were playing that goddamn 'Soul Sister' song in the little moving room. How was it, all these years later that THIS craptastic song was still alive and kicking? Okay, it was a bit catchy in terms of the tune, but the lyrics were terrible. 'Your lips stick stains on the front lobe of my left side brain'? References to an untrimmed chest? Disgusting if you ask me. Stupid song, why can't it just die already?

And then I was finally there, standing in front of room 403. I raised my hand, hesitating before knocking three times. There was a shuffle and a muffled voice I recognised before the door swung open revealing Hannah smiling behind it.

"Hey man, how've you been doing?" my grinning friend bobbed around a little bit. She always did have problems staying still. I strained to force a smile back, it was only polite and I WAS happy to see her, I just felt awkward is all.

"Well enough," I shrugged and wondered briefly if I should go in for the hug. It was always a hard decision with me at the best of times. Normally I wasn't much of a hugger. In the later years of high school I kind of forced myself to hug my group of friends at school since it was their preferred greeting, but since then I had only hugged family and close friends, and in the past years of isolation I've hugged... well Little Russia and my pets. That was it. And I'll grant you that I'd hugged Hannah in greeting and parting before, but that was when we had seen each other every few days. She hadn't even invited me to her wedding wondering where our relationship was now. But I hadn't really seen her in years not counting the subway today. So did that warrant a hug? I... I really didn't know. Why was hugging protocol so weird!

Of course I ended up waiting too long and Hannah ended up standing aside for me to walk in, cancelling the opportunity for a hug greeting as far as I was concerned. Well... that was that then I supposed. Once inside I gestured to my guest.

"This is Mattie, Mattie, this is Hannah."

Mattie gave a small, shy smile with pink cheeks. Really laying on the moe thick he was. "Hello, nice to meet you."

Hannah nodded and directed her warm smile at him. "Aw, well it's nice to meet you to! Sheppard's pie for dinner, is that okay?"

"S-sounds good to me!"

"Sounds great to me!" I loved Sheppard's pie! Hadn't had it in years though due to assembly being required and me being too lazy to assemble anything that took more than ten minutes usually.

Hannah walked to the left and I got to have a clear look at her apartment. Hannah had entered a small kitchen area, about a quarter the size of my own, though hers didn't have a dining space. Her plastic dinner table was in the far corner of her living room space, near the door to the balcony. On my right was a short hallway that likely had her bedroom and bathroom leading off it somewhere. The living room itself was cluttered, with a large TV on an overfilled entertainment... wood... thing... whatever that's called. She seemed to have a surround sound system too. Grouped around the TV was a coffee table covered in what appeared to be random junk, though I noticed some manga. Still an otaku, good to know. Apart from that there was a couch and a recliner, and a computer desk in the corner opposite the dinner table. Sitting in the recliner was a large wall of black man that I easily identified as Ishmael. He turned his chair around when Hannah tapped his shoulder and he blinked, pulling ear buds out of his ears as he turned to look at us.

"Hi," he said with a short wave and an uncertain smile. He never seemed very talkative around me, but I suppose that wasn't an issue.

"Hi," I replied, pulling Matthew forward. "This is Mattie."

"Hi," Ishmael repeated.

"Hi," Mattie said, looking intimidated. Well, like I said, Ishmael is a big guy, even sitting you can tell that much. Tall and wide. Not fat though, you could never call him fat. Well you could, but you'd be wrong. He had that kind of... well it didn't quite look like muscle, but you knew it wasn't fat or else his gut would be larger... anyway he was intimidating to look at. But I knew he wasn't a bad guy or anything, so I strode easily by him and sat on the couch, pulling Mattie with me so he wouldn't just stand frozen in fear. Seriously, I wasn't feeling particularly patriotic right now.

When I sat on the couch I happened to notice a couple of other things in the room, such as an electric keyboard near the door. I remembered something about Ishmael trying to be a musician at some point, so that was probably his. I wondered if Hannah still had her stash of Lolita outfits... she'd started making her own not long before I left actually... you know, actually being in her house was stirring a lot of memories I didn't know I'd forgotten about Hannah.

"Yeah, so it should be done in about twenty minutes," Hannah said as she grabbed a chair from her dining area and pulled it over to sit near us. "That okay?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" I asked with a shrug. Suddenly Mattie tugged on my sleeve and leaned up to whisper in my ear.

"There's dirty socks everywhere..." he whispered. I blinked.

"What?"

"I said-"

"I heard you," I fought not to roll my eyes.

"What did he say?" Hannah asked. I noticed that Ishmael had put his ear buds back in.

"He said that there're dirty socks everywhere."

Hannah blinked, and then laughed, "Yeah, I guess there kind of are, oops."

I frowned and scanned the room more carefully. Huh there... were kind of a lot of them... three on the floor... one half hidden under the recliner... two on top of the TV... one on the lamp shade- how'd I miss that one? It cast a shadow! What the hell...

"So, is Mattie your boyfriend then?" Hannah asked. I stiffened as he blushed to his ears.

"No," I said sharply. "He's like, nineteen; do I look like a cradle robber to you?"

"Woah, okay man, sorry, I just wondered why he was with you... so does he work with you? Kind of weird since he's so young then... oh I should probably ask him about this, huh?" Hannah laughed and turned to Mattie, who seemed completely surprised to have suddenly become the center of attention.

"Oh, um..." Mattie glanced uncertainly at me and I rolled my eyes and nodded to him. Yes he could speak, obviously, what was he looking at me for? "Um... w-well I... well I kind of live... i-in her house as a... as a..."

"As a boarder," I finished for him. Okay, maybe he shouldn't speak if he was going to have problems like that.

"You take boarders now?" Hannah looked surprised. Admittedly, I had told her when I moved last time that I would never, ever share my house with anyone ever again save for my pets. Clearly that wasn't happening anymore.

"Seems like it," I drawled out and stretched, taking a quick look at the clock. Nearly six now, I had lots of time to catch up. "So, aside from getting married, anything else new happen while I was away?"

"Oh, same old same old," Hannah laughed and leaned back in her own chair, "Got a new job in graphic design though; I'm doing the art and movement for one of the supporting characters in an upcoming RPG. Pretty cool stuff."

"Still sewing Lolita dresses?" Thought I might as well ask, and it seemed like it was a good question since Hannah's whole face lit up at that.

"Yes, I totally am. You should see my newest one after dinner, it's so... so... squeal!" Ah, yes another strange quirk of Hannah I'd forgotten. She occasionally said the word 'squeal' when she was excited. God I missed her, it really hadn't hit me until right then but damn I... I really did.

"Still into yaoi?"

"How can I not be?"

"Fujoshi to the end!" I giggled and she joined me as our giggles turned into light cackles that made both men in the room look at us in alarm before Ishmael returned to listening to his music and Mattie returned to counting threads in the carpet or whatever he was doing. I didn't really care just then.

"Oh, I found this new series that's so cute! It's called..."

Yaoi, bringing girls together since... since it was legal to talk about it I guess. While Ishmael and Mattie seemed determined to tune this out, Ishmael going so far as to disappear down the short hall into the bedroom, Hannah and I launched into a massive discussion and giggle-fest over whatever yaoi related things we had found recently and reminiscing about yaoi of the past. It was like being in high school again, beautiful. Soon the oven timer went off and dinner was served. Ishmael and Mattie now had no choice but to listen, so Hannah at least took pity on them and forced the subject more on what we've been doing lately apart from getting our jollies off of men fucking each other. I personally didn't care if they were uncomfortable, but if my friend insisted, I'd stray from the topic.

Instead, I got to hear how Ishmael had released a moderately successful album online and his Youtube channel was really helping with selling songs to the public. Then I got to talk about how my new book was coming and I talked about meeting my editor that day and the Dragon Lady that walked in and that's when I screwed up a bit...

"I swear though, when I saw her, the first thing I thought was, 'Holy crap, is that a Molly Weasley Unit? Who buys a Molly Weasley Unit?'" I laughed, then my eyes widened. Well... fuck.

"What's a Molly Weasley Unit?" Hannah asked good-naturedly. I didn't know exactly what to say. That was when Mattie surprised me.

"Uh, my mast- er, sh-she meant that she just looked like um... Molly Weasley was it?"

"Yes?" I said, blinking at Mattie's attempt at a heroic save.

"Yes... m-maple so... she just meant that... eh?" he looked at Hannah who seemed a little confused by Mattie's hesitance but brushed it off with ease.

"Oh, okay," Hannah nodded.

I couldn't really add more to my recent events since that involved talking about the Units, and I really would rather avoid that. Even if I stuck with my 'boarders' story I could easily mess it up and reveal something, and Hannah might recognise the countries by their human names... best not to tread in those choppy waters. I didn't want to explain the Units because firstly, I didn't know how to explain what they were properly. Secondly I would then need to explain about Mattie, and thirdly Hannah would probably want to meet them and well... that wouldn't be that bad but... well I didn't want her thinking I ordered them because I was lonely or something... cause I didn't...

Whatever! The point is I didn't want to mention it so I wouldn't! I didn't have to!

After dinner, Ishmael turned on a hockey game on TV. This obviously peaked Mattie's interest and soon he was cheering for the Maple Leafs while Hannah took me into that short hallway. It seemed there were two bedrooms and the second one she used for sewing. A compact sewing machine stood in a corner with unused material propped against the wall. A mannequin stood nearby that with a half finished skirt over it. The shirt was pink with ice cream cones on it... adorable. I quickly also noted that there was a closet full to bursting with dresses.

"You've been busy," I noted as Hannah shut the door and started pulling out dresses to show me. Some were brightly coloured, others more plain, but all were cute. Well, it was Lolita, obviously it was cute...

After a while, we collapsed back into talking about yaoi. Hard to stay away from the topic really.

"So, is Mattie..." Hannah trailed off after her interruption from our discussion on how much L and Light need to fuck each other senseless. I knew what she meant.

"Is he gay?" I paused a moment to consider that, "He... he's at least bisexual." That should solve the issue.

"That's so cool!" Hannah's face suddenly turned a little perverted, "Has he tried anything at your house yet?"

"No, he hasn't."

"Someone else has?"

I stopped myself for a moment and slowed myself down. If I spoke too fast I'd say something wrong... why was I going into this territory? I should change the subject... "Er, well this one guy... Gil... he's gay and brought his boyfriend home and went at it on my living room couch!" Not that I would mention watching this on camera. For Hannah, it would probably be a little too much... a little... anyway it wasn't something to tell people.

"You're joking!"

"I'm not."

"How many people do you have living with you then? You have a lot of bedrooms and spare rooms, right?"

"Right, um... I have five living with me right now. Mattie and his twin brother, he's a pain in the neck. Oh, and Gil obviously. Also an Asian guy and his... and his... and a little kid named Ivan that the Asian guy takes care of."

"Asian?" Hannah gasped, "Is he Japanese?"

"Phht, if only!" Not a lie, Japan was third favourite Hetalia character after Russia and France. God I'd kill for a Japan Unit... not available to me right now obviously but still... "No, he's Chinese."

"Oh... still though."

"Yeah."

There was a silence between us. It lasted a while. Finally Hannah broke it.

"... hey um... you know... I missed you..."

I smiled, a bit sadly. "I missed you too... sorry for falling off the earth like that. "

"Are you going to do it again?"

"Huh?"

"When you leave, are you going to... you know, stop calling again?"

I stared at her. It was a good question. "Um well... you can call me too... you know..."

Hannah's eyes widened as if the thought hadn't occurred to her. "Oh... oh yeah!"

I shook my head. "You never were the one to call me to do things, I was always calling you. You should call me sometimes!"

"Well you have to call me too man."

"I definitely will."

"So what are you doing tomorrow?"

"I think I'm going Christmas shopping since Al insisted..."

"Al?"

"Ah, er, Mattie's brother," I winced a bit. Damn it mouth, quit talking! I know it was 10pm then and you were tired, that's no excuse!

"You brought your boarders with you?"

"Um... seems that way."

"Did you bring all of them?"

"Er... right again?"

"So... you're all friends?"

"... kinda sorta not really..." Hannah looked confused. "Don't worry about it."

"If you're going shopping... mind if I come with?"

When she said this I smiled. I wanted her to come, obviously! Shopping in Toronto with Hannah... we could go to China Town, the Pacific Mall... it'd be awesome! Crap er... fantastic! It would be fantastic! Damn it I'm not using Prussia's word... But still as fantastic as that would be, that would mean Hannah would meet the rest of the Units and the odds of her figuring this out then was very, very high. I mean, America and Prussia... and China they would... and obviously Little Ivan. I mean Mattie was generic! Quiet! He was safe to be around her but the others, she'd know instantly.

On the other hand... well on the other hand if she met them personally and figured it out maybe I wouldn't need to spend all that time explaining...

Hannah was one of my best friends in the world...

Er...

"Y-yes... yes you can come! Sure! Just... how about you meet us at the hotel, I'll give you the address, and you can meet us there at like, nine thirty or something?"

Hannah agreed. So that was it then. We would go shopping together and she would meet the Units. I'd have someone from my old life back who knows everything about mine. Hell, maybe she'd take a Unit or two off my hands for me; I could do without America and Prussia, Canada was useful for directions and China made good food and Little Russia was... adorable... so they had their uses. (Kinda). But Prussia and America, unless they got jobs soon, were pretty damn useless to me unless Russia came soon. I really, really hoped Russia would come soon...

It wasn't long after this exchange that the two of us said our goodbyes. Hannah took us down the elevator to the front doors. Mattie excitedly babbled about the hockey game and I tuned him out as we walked toward the bus station. Finally Mattie quieted after a while as we were on the third subway car and I was nodding off and had to be shaken awake when we reached the final stop.

We walked to the hotel, took the elevator to our floor and I fumbled to open the door with my card key.

The first thing I noticed was that the pillow fort remained intact. That was annoying. The TV was off though, so I assumed the others were inside it or something. I checked the other room first to be sure. No one there. Then I checked the fort.

No one there either. Well, almost no one.

"Who?"

"...Your owner's owner."

"... oh."

"N-no one's in the bathrooms either..." Canada said softly, having checked when I asked him. I knew that empty, cold feeling in my stomach; it was the feeling of panic. It was a sickening sensation it... oh fuck it. Fuck fuck fuck. I was worried about the bastards. Why the hell was I worried about those bastards? Well... maybe not all of them. Like I said, I liked China's food!

"How the hell did we lose everyone in seven hours?" I asked Mattie helplessly. The Canadian shrugged.

Which brings us up to now, as we head out of the hotel room to question the front desk about my Units whereabouts. I could tell that no matter how much I wanted to sleep right now, this was the start of a long night. Goddamn it WHY THE HELL DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME? FUCKING HELL PRUSSIA IF THIS IS YOUR FAULT I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND BE DONE WITH IT!

((Joyful Note: Yep, still alive. You may have noticed that a lot of this did not include the Units at all. You also may have noticed that Hannah might be a reoccurring character. Yeah... yeah that's probably going to happen now... sorry if you don't like that then.

Also, no Prussia blog posts today. No room for them. But when they get back home we'll be able to answer more so there's that.

Again, invisiblecanada's one shot should be done in a couple days, it won't take too much more to write it out... the name guesser has to wait until the name is revealed... yeah... okay so I hope you didn't mind this. I'm curious as to how my OCs are accepted... they are somewhat important to my story, seeing as my character's major problem is that she needs to get back in touch with the real world... damn this going to be a freaking huge fanfic when I'm finally done with the bugger... how I'll get so far I don't know...))