I Ordered Russia Online. I Didn't Get Him.
Chapter 14: Just Because I'm Rescuing Him, Doesn't Mean I Like Him!
((Joyful Note: Zettai Kareshi... Absolute Boyfriend... an Anonymous reviewer on my last chapter asked if my time travel was a reference to it. I must say... it sort of is. Lol, indeed it... it kind of really is. Waaay back when I began this story I had just finished reading that manga, along with another manga called 'Afterschool Charisma'. I am going to admit right now that my ideas for Units and the struggles they face here were pretty much based off of ideas that came from reading those two other manga. I decided that Unit Co existed in the future very early on, you see. I recommend both of those manga too, by the way. Absolute Boyfriend is cute, Afterschool Charisma makes you think. I just hope you don't decide I was... I don't know... copying or something. Maybe I was in a way, but hey, it's hard to have an idea that's completely original! So... no judging! Anyway, it isn't really a carbon copy of either of those things, but a combination of both. Both lovely... lovely things. Indeed. Also, this entire idea of 'Units' is very similar to Absolute Boyfriend anyway! Really. It is. So, enjoy the chapter already!))
Time travel is a bitch to pull off apparently, or at least it has a long loading time. But honestly, I think the fact I managed it is the least of my accomplishments today, and I'm certainly not finished yet. Though at the moment I'm feeling hopeful that America will be able to break down this door and allow me to try to talk some goddamn sense into Prussia because... because how could anyone WANT to be... 'deactivated'? But, er, this happens MUCH later, so it'll be a while until we reach that from where I left you back in the year 2020. I hope you have a barf bag handy, because not only if the time stream doesn't make you nauseous, then some of this bullshit I'm about to spew at Prussia will, I'm sure.
I must admit, the idea of the Units being from the future was a bit of a bombshell. A... a really big bombshell. Like, enormous, size of France bombshell. Most people would tell you that's pretty large. And yet in some ways it made sense. After all, how else could clones be grown to a proper age for selling before the fad died out? Though I would have assumed they could simply grow them to the proper size automatically... though if that were true, how would Little Russia exist... unless people actually bought the child versions but...
Well, none the less, this was a bombshell. I staggered to the sofa and sank down on it. Immediately my lap was filled with Bandit and Dudley looking for a head scratch. I did so without thinking about it, trying to understand how this could be happening.
After a moment I leaned back so I was staring at the ceiling started laughing. Hard. Too hard.
"Aiyah! H-has she cracked-aru?"
"I-I don't know, eh..."
America's face suddenly filled my vision and he lightly slapped my cheeks. I groaned and finished laughing, instead putting on my serious face(TM).
"So, no free will, then," I said finally.
"What?" Wes' eyebrow rose.
"No free will," I said with a sigh, shaking my head, "Though really, I've suspected since high school that it didn't exist, but now it's confirmed."
China frowned slightly, walking in front of my line of vision. "Why... why would this situation confirm that there's no free will, aru?"
I chuckled. I might as well tell them, it was... too late... god I feel so empty inside... I shouldn't, there's no good reason, but I do. "Okay well, I don't think free will makes sense logically, to begin with. I mean, every person's body and brain chemistry, not just Units, but every creature born is a sum of their parents' DNA and their random mutations. It follows that plan, and even those mutations are a result of outside factors... those outside factors are the result of, oh, atoms bouncing off each other in a certain order that was started at the big bang and keeps going, each reaction creating a certain reaction in a certain order... and... basically every action is a sum of all other forces acting upon it... there's no other way for it to turn out. In a vacuum if you hit something it keeps travelling in the direction you hit it unless it's hit by something else... so while everything might be created by accident there is literally no other way for something to turn out except the way it does, once something began the motion," I shook my head and went on.
"And your personality is a sum of your DNA plus every experience that ever happens to you... and your personality judges your decisions, so you don't really decide what you do it's only based on the sum of experiences and who you are at the time, so you can choose nothing other than what you end up choosing, therefore no free will."
"That's... that's needlessly confusing!" England snapped, making me shift my gaze to the corner he was standing in, looking kind of irritated with his arms crossed and everything. Huh. "And for that matter, I still don't see why that means there isn't free will... or what that even has to do with this situation!"
"Well, we're talking about time travel, which confirms my theory that free will doesn't exist," the confusion didn't seem to lift, so it seemed I would have to elaborate. I let out a frustrated sigh before doing so, just so I would seem like more of a tortured genius labouring among idiots. It's a nice image to flaunt around now and again, makes one feel too important for this shit. "Time travel cannot exist in a universe with free will, or else there would be the chance of creating paradoxes. Paradoxes cannot logically exist. If someone goes back in time to change an event in the present and succeeds, then there is no reason to travel back in time in the first place so they would not have gone back, only they would have had to have to have made the change. That's a paradox and cannot exist. Without free will, any change made to the past had essentially already happened, creating a time loop, which is a strange thing to think about but is at least possible. But yes, if there's time travel, there cannot be free will."
"Well, uh, not necessarily."
I frowned and looked at America again. "How do you mean?" This should be good; America is going to try to refute my obvious genius with his oblivious idiocy.
"Well, dude, what about multi-universe theory?" America asked while nibbling on his lip. Huh. Well that... I'll admit, this gave me reason to pause. How embarrassing, the only way to cover this up is to act as though America saying something intelligent was a normal occurrence so hopefully no one would question it.
"Multi-universe theory..." I hummed, folding my arms and thinking about it. "That... that would make it possible... ignoring the whole 'free will isn't logical in the first place' argument of course."
"Um... multi-universe theory?" Wes asked, glancing between myself and America for clarification. Geez, what a simpleton. Probably a jock in high school. Or... or something. Maybe not a jock, he didn't really have defined muscles or anything...
"Oh, multi-universe theory is the idea that there are infinite realities parallel to each other in which every single possibility can be realised," America said in one breath. Wow. He was smarter than I had previously given him credit for... either that or he'd just watched a bunch of Big Bang Theory re-runs.
"Um... okay... and how does that allow for free will?" Wes asked blankly.
I groaned, "Well, OBVIOUSLY, if we consider multi-universe theory, then it's possible that by travelling back in time to change the past you make no change to the future you came from, but instead create an entirely new universe branching off from the original in which the change you made occurred, creating two futures where once there was one. However then it gets messy when you try to return to your own time, because if you anchored yourself to the future I can only assume you'd return to the timeline where the change did not occur, unless the time travel is only one way in which case you may just stay in the past living out life as an outsider watching the changes in the timeline that you've created... unless staying in that time stream would mean when you launched into the future again you get to experience the future in which the change did occur since that's the time stream you're in..."
"This seems needlessly confusing-aru."
"It is," I said baldly, "Which is why I've generally written off time travel as impossible. This idea of you guys coming from the future is hard to wrap my mind around. Though it also helps divert some attention from the fact that Gilbert is... is..." I gasped a little, biting at my lip. Why did I have to keep thinking about that? If it was too late it was too late! I had to move on from this! It happened hours ago, I need to lighten up damn it! ... right? God I don't know... did this deserve a period of grieving?
"Well... as Alfred said... it's too late. They picked him up last night and would have sent him in for deactivation as soon as they got back... it's only a three hour process..." Wes sighed, "I'm sorry about the stress of this... if it's any consolation, I'll put extra effort to have your Russia Unit in by-"
"Oh FUCK!" I slammed my hand down on my leg, wincing ever so slightly in pain. I hate it when I hit myself too hard... but anyway, I had just realised something kind of important! "This is time travel isn't it? So just send me to the future three hours before Gilbert's set to be put to sleep!"
Wes and the Units all froze and their eyes widened. Little Russia let out a small gasp of his own.
"That... uh... that..." England stammered and looked at China.
"W-well um... aru..." he looked at... um... oh, Canada!
"E-eh?" Canada looked at America.
"Well uh..." America looked at me and scratched his head, before giving a nervous laugh, "Didn't really... think of that..." I stared at him in disbelief before jumping up, screaming and throwing couch cushions at everyone who hurried out of the way as I raged.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU FUCKING MEAN YOU DIDN'T FUCKING THINK OF THAT?! I'LL FUCKING MAIM YOU ALL! YOU FUCKING WORKED ME UP TO THIS... THIS... FUCK YOU GUYS!"
"I-I'M SORRY MOTHER RUSSIA!" Little Russia wailed as he narrowly dodged a wayward cushion. I stopped my assault, breathing hard and shaking my head.
"No it... it's not your fault I just... god fucking... WELL LET'S GO TO THE FUTURE THEN!" I shouted, feeling as though every scrap of sanity I had held on to up to this point had just fled me. What a ridiculous statement. Anyway, WE WERE GOING TO DO THIS THING!
"You can't do that!" Wes protested. Well. I didn't really expect it to be that easy I guess.
"Listen here bub," I said darkly, my eyes narrowing at Wes as I stood from the couch and clenched my fists, "You fucked up. Somehow, some way, this is your fault. I just fucking know it." Wes gulped. I decided to take that as unfounded confirmation. "As such, I HEAVILY suggest that you help me in going to this Unit Co of the future and retrieving Gilbert before I unleash a HUGE can of WHOOP ASS on you. And I'll have help, yes?" I scanned the room, making eye contact with as many Units as possible.
"I will help Mother Russia!" Little Russia was jumping up and down, a weird murderous glint in his happy eyes. Um... at least he was on my side in this.
"I..." China's eyes were surprisingly determined as I met them, "I will do anything I can to help you rescue our original Gilbert aru. He does not deserve such a fate aru."
"Well, I am the HERO after all, so I obviously need to help with a rescue mission!" America laughed loudly, and I have to say I was glad to see him stop acting abnormally serious and border line intelligent. It was kind of disturbing. Not apron-wearing-Prussia-level disturbing, and not nearly Panda-aru-level disturbing, but disturbing none the less.
"Um, I want to help Gilbert too, eh!" I don't really remember who said that...
"Oh bloody hell, if everyone else is going on a fool's mission I suppose I'd best go too. No doubt you'll need the spy skills of the British!" England sniffed. With a satisfied smirk, I turned my gaze on Wes.
"There you go. I'll have help. So are you going to take us to the future, or are you going to be a dick and get yourself pummelled for it?" I asked in a hard voice.
Wes winced and looked extremely uncomfortable under my look. Which I obviously found awesome as hell. Intimidating people = world's greatest power trip. Anyway, Wes stared down at his feet for a bit before finally growing a pair and answering me.
"I... I guess I can but... damn it I'm going to get in so much shit for this!" His hands raked through his short hair. A person with more empathy would feel bad for him I think. I say 'I think' because I don't know. I'm not empathetic if that wasn't painfully obvious already, so Wes' distress meant little to me. Mostly I focused on the fact he said 'I'm going to get in trouble' as oppose to 'I would get in trouble' implying that he had already decided to help. I felt I could be satisfied with this.
"Be that as it may," I said carefully, "We are not going to waste any time. Well... I guess technically we could waste time, given time travel... ah fuck it. We'll just go to the future. I don't even know how the fuck the continuity works in the time stream, this is so..."
"It's best not to think about it," America piped up, "It ruins the movie if you try to think about it too hard!"
"This isn't a movie!" I snapped, "I suppose it would save a headache though... okay let's just do this. So do you have a time machine or a time gun or something then?" I asked Wes with a frown.
Wes shook his head, "Well, not personally... though I do have a teleportation device I usually use to get myself and my crates to my house and my roommate runs the call center while I'm making deliveries and stays in contact with Unit Co. But the teleportation device is a one-person thing, unless the other people are unconscious so..."
"Right, right, well can I drive to your house, then?" I asked and Wes gave a nod.
"Yeah, um, I guess you want me to direct you there, then?"
"You guessed right." I looked at my Units and sighed. "But I'm not cramming six people in my car again... Ivan, you're sitting this one out.
"Oh!" Little Russia's eyes got wide and I think a touch watery but I averted my gaze before his level of adorableness got to me. "B-but I want to help Big Brother Prussia!"
"Yeah, well you're five years old or close to it, so you're not going. And I guess you need a babysitter, so... China?" I looked at the Asian, but was surprised to find him glaring at me.
"I tell you over and over to call me Yao-aru! It's weird you call me by my country name and everyone else by their human names-aru!"
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, but the little creepy guy with the one eye in Mulan was called Yao, and you're like... his total opposite so it's weird to call you 'Yao!'"
China blinked and looked a little shocked. "O-oh-aru... but still, it is my name so..."
"Anyway, you're staying here with Ivan so he's not by himself with the idiot in my kitchen. Somehow I doubt he's going to come to Unit Co with us."
"DAMN STRAIGHT! I'm WAY too awesome to go back to that stupid unawesome place!" Okay but seriously, when we got back I was DEFINITELY kicking that annoying bastard out. Sure, my Prussia was annoying too, but at least I was USED to him now. I didn't WANT to get used to this new irritant in my life thank you very much.
"N-no aru!"
My eyebrow rose as I gave China a serious look. "What do you mean, no? You're Ivan's babysitter, you have to stay with him... it's a good system, why mess with it?"
"B-because, w-well," China nibbled his lip before going on, "I... I realise that the duty you gave me was to look after Ivan-aru. But... I have another duty, to my heart! And my heart tells me that I need to be with you to help rescue Gilbert!"
I twitched. "Ew, Mulan II reference... I mean if you'd quoted the original Mulan that would be fine but the second one was kind of shitty."
"Mulan-aru? I wasn't quoting that... w-was I?" China looked confused.
"Yeah. Maybe I'll just call you Mulan... naaah that sounds pretentious," I shrugged.
"It's a girl's name-aru!"
"ANYWAY, if you aren't here, who's going to watch Ivan?" I asked seriously. China's lips tightened.
"U-um," a tiny voice somehow caught my attention and I turned to see America... uh, wait, Canada... damn it! I LIVE in Canada, I shouldn't be affected by this, damn it! "W-well, not to say that I don't want to help Gilbert! B-because I really do! But, well, if someone needs to agree to stay home, th-then I'll do it, eh?"
I looked at Canada for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah... okay that's fine then. So myself, Wes, China, Alfred and Arthur will go then. Probably the best combination... okay. Let's go to my car."
"YEAH! WE'RE GONNA BE THE HEROES FOR REAL!" America laughed loudly as he ran out the door to head for the garage. China quickly followed behind him to make sure the super strong Unit didn't destroy my garage door by pulling it up in his haste. I watched Wes carefully as the man groaned, stood, and began to head for the door as well. We paused long enough to grab boots and coats (China and America were already wearing boots, at least, and America had his bomber jacket) and then followed the Units, England behind us.
"You do realise," England muttered as he came up beside me, "That even if we reach the company at a time before Gilbert is deactivated, we still might not be able to save him."
I glared at him, and I guess it might've been a touch too intense because England's eyes widened and he stumbled. "I did not ask for pessimism right now, did I? Usually I feel like a pessimistic person, but right now I am TRYING not to think like that, so how about you let me do that for five minutes, okay with you, bub?"
England scowled and rolled his eyes. "Well, fine then! Surely there was a nicer way of saying that!"
I snorted, "Whatever." We reached the garage and I punched in the code to open it, striding into my front seat. Wes took shotgun, obviously, so he could direct me properly. America got one window seat, China quickly claimed the other, and England was left in the middle looking rather disgruntled. Since China was the shortest it would've been better if he was in the middle... but hell I'm not THAT picky. Long as it wasn't America, then I couldn't see over his head through the back window at all...
"So how far is your house from here, then?" I asked Wes as we got onto the road. I was thankful that there was only a light snow recently and that, while the driveway could use another shoveling, my car could still drive through the couple of centimeters easily enough. I noticed Canada waving at the car from the driveway and was surprised not to see Little Russia doing the same... oh well; there wasn't time to think about that at the time.
"Um, it's just outside of town, kind of the opposite direction of your house though so..."
"So... wait, thirty minutes away?" I scowled.
"More like forty-five, actually," Wes sighed. I groaned.
"Fuck. I'd speed but, you know, crappy roads and snow and shit. This blows."
"Dude, just speed anyway! If you skid into a ditch I can pull you out anyway, you know!" America laughed and I hummed.
"That's a good point," I admitted, my gas pedal sinking down further.
"AIYAH! B-but what if you hit a tree-aru! I-I mean we as Units would be fine but you wouldn't be!" China cried out. My foot jumped away from the pedal as if burned.
"That's a better point. Speed limit it is," I giggled nervously. We continued on.
"I, er, I kind of hope my roommate is home, he's better at working the time machine than I am..." Wes said after a while.
"Can't you bloody well call him, then?" England snapped, evidently grouchy. I was thankful for that; it meant I didn't have to do the snapping.
"Oh yeah," Wes pulled out a cell phone and starting typing out a text message. "I'm just going to tell him to go home before we need to fill an order or something, I don't think he'll go for it if I straight out tell him what we're doing... well maybe I'll tell him I'm bringing people over... um..."
"Do whatever you have to, then," I sighed, wondering why Wes felt we needed a commentary on his actions. Seriously, as long as his roommate was there when we got there, why should I care what had to be done to get him? Hell, if he had to hire some kidnappers it would be fine by me.
After a moment I heard the Final Fantasy victory music and glanced at Wes.
"That's your text message ring tone?" I asked.
"Um, yeah," Wes said as he played with his phone to read the message.
"I approve," I said, feeling just a tad more respect for Wes than what I'd had for him previously. Which was, of course, no respect at all.
"Yeah! Final Fantasy is cool!" America cheered unhelpfully from the back.
"Oh, um, my roommate wants to know if we can pick him up on the way to the house," Wes asked suddenly.
"Pick him up?" I groaned, "Damn, then we'll have to use the sixth seat... fine, where is he?"
"The liquor store, you know where that is, I guess?"
I clenched the steering wheel. "What, do I look like an alcoholic to you?"
"Well, you have... had... have... a Prussia Unit?" Wes said meekly, making it sound like a question. Um.
"Er... yeah I guess I... yeah okay I know where it is." I chuckled sheepishly as we entered town and I began heading toward the Wal-Mart and liquor store area. As it came into view, I asked Wes, "So what's he doing at the liquor store anyway? Planning on getting drunk tonight or...?"
"No, he works there," Wes explained, "Well, actually he owns it. Um, Unit Co doesn't really pay us that well, he does this on the side... plus we can't really put our earnings from Unit Co on a tax return or anything so this actually gives us deductible income and whatever..."
"Oh he owns... wait... WAIT A SECOND!" I gaped as I pulled up in front of the store, staring out my car window to the door. Wes opened the door beside him and waved out it.
"HEY DEREK, OVER HERE!"
The older man with the spectacles and goatee waved back with an amused expression. "I see you. Any particular reason you're in the car with a client and three of her Hetalia Units?"
Derek was Wes' boss/roommate. I... I suppose that's why he knows about Units then. Well. That... um. Um.
...
WHAT THE FUCK?!
"WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK?" I screamed as Derek approached the car and Wes got out so we could start arranging for the middle front seat to be put down.
"You're being kind of loud, huh?" Derek observed as he played with the middle seat, "I'm right here you know."
"NO! SERIOUSLY!" I shook my head as Derek got himself in next to me and did up the seat belt. I was staring at him openly. "You work for Unit Co? And you never brought that up? WHY WOULDN'T YOU BRING THAT UP?!"
"Eh, I like pretending I'm not so that people don't come to me with their problems," Derek shrugged, "I'm not delivery so I can do that."
"Lucky bastard," Wes grumbled as he got back inside and shut the door.
"I had a boss like that once," I muttered as I started the car up again and shifted gears. Now don't get me wrong, I actually really liked that boss. She was a sweet woman, very understanding if you ever needed time off for anything, but she when she was in the store stocking shelves or whatever she'd never wear the uniform so that people wouldn't realise she worked there most of the time and therefore wouldn't ask her any questions about where stuff goes. It was downright clever. Made me wish I was in charge and had those kind of perks... phht. Well I'm my own boss now, kinda, so I never had to worry about that again anyway.
At any rate, I decided that this new revelation wasn't particularly important at the moment. As long as he helped us, there was nothing to worry about. And so it was in this way that I finished the long and arduous journey to Wes and Derek's small house out in the middle of nowhere on the other side of town from my own house. It was a single story just sitting on the side of the road without a garage and a tin roof.
"Wow. Unit Co really doesn't pay well, huh? Sucks to be you guys!" America laughed and I agreed with a snort as I parked in the tiny driveway.
"How do two people live in such a place? It's bloody ridiculous!" England shook his head as he got out of the car and folded his arms to survey the house.
"I don't see why sharing such a space should be strange-aru, saving space is important. Well, it is in China-aru," China said with a shrug.
Derek smirked as he headed to the front door, followed by myself and the Units with Wes trailing behind. "Well, feel free to think what you want, I find it rather roomy."
We got into the house and it looked as run down and lame as it had on the outside. Then Derek pulled a book from the bookcase near the door and part of the floor slid aside to reveal some stairs that, upon taking them downwards, revealed a much large home beneath the house. Stupid future technology, making things awesome. Now it wasn't mansion sized or anything, but it was certainly a much nicer space than the house above. It had rounded edges and blue tints to the walls; very clean, very modern. It was divided into a living room, kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms (Derek had insisted on given a brief tour for some bizarre reason), though most appliances and whatnot seemed mostly similar to what I had in my own house. They also had a nice work room that was a sterile white colour with a large and complicated looking pair of machines in the center of it, along with a very large and expensive looking computer.
"Nice place," I commented as we filed into this last room, "But why bother with the house above at all, then?"
"I was about to ask the same thing, actually, it seems rather redundant," England added for no reason I could discern. Well, he'd been absent for most of the weird Unit escapades so far so maybe he was just trying to make up for that.
...
Yeah that really doesn't make any sense. Well, I'm semi-hysterical right now apparently! I can't think through things properly! Fuck! Why the hell did Prussia have to be a doochy idiot, GOD!
"Eh, well," Wes stretched a little and scratched his arm, "Actually we were supposed to live in the house and it would just be this room that would be underground. But when they guys were in setting things up they got the dimensions wrong and the room was WAY too big, and to make less paperwork for themselves they just put in some dividing walls and since these floors are self cleaning we decided to just move most of our actual stuff down here."
"More soundproof down here too," Derek grinned, "If we want to partake in any... activities..."
Wes flushed and glared at Derek, hmm... "We don't do that!"
Derek snorted, "I said 'if'. But you know if you ever wanted to..."
"NO! I mean, I don't have anything against it, but I'm STRAIGHT! Go fuck your liquor store co-worker already! He's still on the rebound, right?" Wes huffed, folding his arms.
"What?" I frowned, "You mean Corey? Okay as interesting as that might be, and as thrilling as your potential molestation misadventure is, I'd like to be sent to Unit Co to get my Prussia back before I have a freak out. Again. Seriously."
"Wait, THAT'S what you want to do?" Derek's eyes widened as he turned to stare at me, "I... I thought you were forcing Wes to bring you here so you could watch him order your Russia Unit for you properly to make sure he does it... you can't just go to Unit Co! It's in the... well..."
"The future, I know, I don't care. I just need to go and get back Prussia."
"Huh," Derek frowned and stroked his bearded chin for a moment, looking hard at my determined expression, "This is kind of weird... from what I'd seen, I thought you didn't like him?"
"I don't like him! I hate him! Now help me get him back, because he belongs to ME, and I don't want him to fucking DIE, okay? Okay!" I clenched my fists and narrowed my eyes. Derek looked at me a while longer before he snorted.
"Well... this is totally against procedure but... ah what the hell," Derek glanced at China, America and England. "You're taking them too?"
"Why the HELL would I bring them this far if I wasn't?" I asked in my most snotty manner. I mean... that's just obvious. Honestly, I appreciated that Derek was a laid back kind of guy. In this case at least, it was helping me get shit done. But now I'm wondering if he's just a dumbass. Maybe everyone Unit Co employs is a dumbass. That would explain why they can't get one simple fucking order right. But I digress again, and I apologise. Actually no I don't. I can digress all I fucking want because WHAT THE FUCK I'M EMOTIONAL; I AM A WOMAN HEAR ME CURSE AS I SHOOT BLOOD AROUND THE ROOM FROM MY CROTCH!
... yeah yeah, TMI, I'm on my period, IT HAPPENS. Not that I was going to mention it, but what the hell. Hopefully this emotional PMS state isn't the only reason I'm so upset over Prussia and I'll end up regretting this... oh god it probably IS the reason but... oh fuck it all I'm here now anyway, may as well go through with it.
"Alright, I am irritated with talking now as well, aru," China tapped his foot, hands on his hips like the woman he is, "Can we please get going?"
Derek scratched the back of his head, "Well, the machine needs to boot up first, and it's complicated stuff so it'll take about an hour to be fully ready to time travel..."
"What? An hour? Aw man, that's forever!" America whined. I had to concur, that was annoying. I had the fastest internet connection available for a good goddamn reason. Still... seeing as this was time travel I didn't... want a program to crash or something or... you know I really have no idea how this kind of technology operated but I figured I'd leave it to the ones that work with it on a day to day basis.
"Well, what are we going to do while we're waiting then?" I asked with a sigh.
"Well, I've got to run some system checks so... Wes will entertain you, right honey?" Derek smirked. Wes flushed red. Phht.
"Don't call me that! And, uh," he looked at myself and my irritated Units. Then he laughed nervously. "Um... anybody for pizza? We've got frozen pizza!"
Well, I am not one to turn down free pizza and going on a rescue mission on an empty stomach was probably not the best idea... probably... so I shrugged and followed Wes to the kitchen. I was relaxing somewhat now that things seemed to be heading on track and I would be able to get Prussia back easily enough. America ran ahead of us because obviously he loves the stuff and hell, even China seemed eager for it.
"I don't usually eat pizza-aru, but it's close enough to Christmas for it to be acceptable I think."
I snorted and glanced at England who seemed less than chipper as Wes pulled a couple of frozen pizzas from the fridge and shoved them in the oven while America jumped around him like an excited puppy.
"What; have something against pizza? You ate enough of it when we were in the hotel room in Toronto," I pointed out as I sat at the small kitchen table. England sighed and sank into the seat across from me. China and America were standing and staring at the oven as though it would somehow cook the pizza faster or something. I wish.
"It's not the pizza... though I'm not particularly fond of meat lover's..." The British Unit scowled and I chuckled.
"Yeah, me either, but pizza is pizza. So what's really the problem? I'm feeling pretty good about things at the moment, how hard can getting Prussia back be, since we've got a way to reach him?"
"Er, well, that's what the issue is, really," England nibbled his lip and I in turn sucked in mine. I can't say the look on his face gave me reason to do anything but start worrying again. "There's a lot that we might have to go through. Paperwork, verbal convincing... and even then those might not work. So what do we do? We'll have to break in. If this was Flying Mint Bunny Inc I could help more with that. I'm an expert at spying of course, but not knowing the layout of Unit Co... not to mention if they find out that I'm not a Unit from their company we might run into further troubles!"
"Fuck," I grumbled and set my hands on the table so I could cushion my chin down against them, "Well we've still got to do it. Maybe it'll be easier than you think."
"And how often has that been the case for you lately?" England frowned. I mirrored him. The British bastard had a point.
"Eh, well, still don't have much of a choice. We're here now, after all. Be a shame to waste all I effort I spent intimidating Wes into helping."
"Ah, right, good show with that by the way. You were quite terrifying," England smiled. Well... that sounded enough like a compliment to get a pass from me. I smirked back.
"Well, it was nice to have backup with that, too. So," I looked over at my other Units, "How's the pizza coming?"
"Should be done in a minute!" America said happily.
"Hooray-aru!"
"Great," I smirked at England, "Don't worry about it." My smirk fell into a glare, "No, seriously. If you worry, I'll worry. And when I worry, I freak out. And when I freak out, certain British Units might end up with their eyebrows pulled out."
"Leave my eyebrows alone!" England gasped, covering them defensively with his hands.
"I hope I can. I DID always love them. But if I freak out..." I left the sentence hanging as China and America cheered together, Wes hurrying over to withdraw the pizza from the oven.
Once pizza was consumed and time had passed we eventually assembled ourselves in the room with the time machine once again.
"Alright, so how does this thing work? And don't bother with science-y explanations, I just want to know where we stand when you push the buttons, as well as how I'm getting back here afterwards and most importantly, will it hurt and will I have the same number of body parts arranged in the same order when I come out on the other side of this thing?" I asked as I looked at the giant white cylinder that apparently allowed for space and time to be transversed.
"Well," Derek said as he stretched his arms above his head and spun around in his computer chair. His technique on the spinning was very good by the way; he clearly had much practice in the art. "You and your Units will stand inside the container there. You'll be zapped into a nearly identical container inside Unit Co. I'll give you a paper with co-ordinates back to this time and location so you can get someone there to help you get back home after, there isn't really a way to send yourself... it shouldn't hurt and anyway you'll be made to fall unconscious before the transition, it just makes the process smoother. On the note of the same number of body parts... well there hasn't been problems like that before, so it should be fine I guess."
"Y-you guess-aru?" China's eyes widened, "You should be doing more than guessing!"
"Okay," Derek said bluntly, "Then I know. It is fine."
"I-I don't trust you now-aru!"
"China, you've already gone through this thing once. All three of you... well you and Al have, Arthur might've used a different one but... the point being, it worked before," I sighed, "Anyway, let's get that paper. I'm not getting stuck in that creepy future you're going on about."
After Derek had scribbled this down, and then did it again in neater printing when I complained that a pharmacist couldn't read that level of chicken scratch, my Units and I entered the container- a tight squeeze even with us all standing with our arms at our sides- and waited for Wes to shut the door. The delivery man gave us all a rather morbid look before the door was shut, plunging us into blackness. Derek has mentioned as well that we should be arriving at approximately 15 minutes before when Prussia should have been scheduled to arrive at Unit Co to give us a chance to wake up after being knocked out for the trip.
"Er, lass, in the event we don't make it through to the other side... I would like to say that this was a bloody stupid idea."
"Well fuck you too!" I snapped, "And stop sounding like this is going to kill us!"
"Yeah Artie, we're the heroes, and the heroes never die before they save the damsel in distress!" At this I snorted. Damsel in distress indeed...
"But, judging by Derek's attitude thus far, and Wes' general incompetence, how do we know they will not mess up-aru?"
That was a... an interesting point. I was just starting to rethink this idea a bit when I heard a hissing noise that, judging by the loss of consciousness that followed, was likely the releasing of knock out gas. If I was going to change my mind, it was far too late at this stage.
...
The next thing I saw when my eyes opened was a bright fluorescent light shining directly into my eyes and trust me, that's the last thing you want to see after being in a comatose state for a while. As I rubbed my eyes to erase the blindness and tried to work out what the flying fuck was going on, I heard some scrambling around beside me and turned my head to see China scrambling to his feet with America and England groaning and lying on the floor as well. I blinked bleary-eyed and slowly sat up, taking a look around the room. It was a large, white chamber with a wide window at one end and a panel next to it that I assumed served as a door. Behind the window was a small room with a desk facing the white chamber. Three computer screens were lined up on the desk, and in a spinning chair was a girl in her early to mid twenties in a lab coat with long blonde pigtails and frame-less rectangular glasses reading something on some kind of flat tablet she was holding. When she spun in the chair I caught a glimpse of the screen and saw two anime-style dudes butt naked in panels making out.
Ooh, a fellow yaoist! Always a pleasure to find more of us lurking out there in the far reaches of time and space. Still, since she was the one there, it seemed I had to pull her out of her much-approved fantasizing. When I'd finished making sure all my body parts were in order and as my Units stretched and gained coherency, I staggered to my feet and cross the room to tap briskly on the glass of the window.
"HEY!" I screamed, my tapping quickly escalating to full out banging on the thing, that sound and my ensuing shouts echoing around the space, "YO! OPEN THE DOOR WILL YA?! SOME OF US HAVE SOME SHIT TO DO OTHER THAN LOOKING AT PORN! NOT THAT I'M JUDGING OR ANYTHING, BUT YEAH!"
I did this for what I think was almost a minute before the girl glanced up. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in a silent yelp before she fell off her chair onto the floor. I snorted at that because... hey, pain is still hilarious when it's not your own. She seemed to groan, though I couldn't hear her, as she got to her feet and mouthed something while facing a computer screen. There was a click and whirling sound and the panel beside the winder depressed into the wall and slide to one side.
"Yeah, back at Unit Co again!" America laughed, but that quickly tapered off, "Well, I guess that isn't such a great thing, huh?"
"I would agree-aru," China frowned and England gave a small gulp, but all three still followed me through the door frame and into the room with the blonde girl.
"You..." the girl stood and walked to me slowly, pointing at me in a rather rude way but looking more shocked than anything, "What are you doing here? Where are you from? Who are you? How did you get here?"
"Um," I cleared my throat, "Well, I'm from Canada in the year 2020, I got here by having the local Unit delivery boys send me here, and I would be a disgruntled customer who has come here with a few of my Units for the purpose of collecting my other Unit that was picked up off the street last night... well what WAS last night when I left my time, but he was supposed to show up here about 15 minutes after the moment we appeared in the chamber here I think?"
The girl frowned and glanced behind me at my three Units. "Well, um, okay... but by 'pick up' do you mean for deactivation?"
"Yes..." I said, feeling uneasy.
"Okay well um..." the girl scratched the back of her head, "I'm not really sure about the procedure for this. I mean, I'm just a guard really, and this portal's only supposed to be used for delivery not recall, it's weird that you even came in this way and um... yeah this wasn't really in the training manual... I guess I should call a supervisor?"
I sighed, "Listen, uh, what's your name there, Hun?"
"Oh, um, R-Rachel? Rachel Spencer?" she asked, looking confused. My head jerked slightly in surprise.
"Huh, really? Rachel?" I smirked, "Odd I... would have expected something more... futuristic, I guess?"
Rachel shrugged, "Well, Rachel's been a name since the supposed Biblical times right? I don't see why it would ever go out of fashion completely."
"Very true. Okay Rach-el..." I flicked the name over my tongue, "Tell me, I know you're a guard but do you know how to put co-ordinates into this machine to send people across time?"
"Well yes, but-"
"Hush, hush, just a moment there kid," I laughed and she looked rather disgruntled. Oh well, she'd have to get over it, now that we were in the future we CERTAINLY had a deadline to meet. "So, all I want to do is have you tell me how to get from here to where they process the Units before... deactivation... and then when I come back here I would like you to send me back to the co-ordinates on this piece of paper." I pulled out the paper Derek had written on and showed it to Rachel. She took it into her hand and looked at it while nibbling her lip.
"I don't know if that's allowed but..." she shifted uncomfortably, "Well... okay, I know Zane's supposed to be watching cameras right now but he never does so... okay, I'll give you a map then? And you have to be quick though, my shift ends in forty minutes or so."
"Great! Thanks for the help, I'd question why but..."
"Oh it's just, I only started here a couple weeks ago and I don't really want to be seen as that one employee who calls the boss for everything, you know?" Rachel gave me a small, unsure smile and I laughed.
"Yeah I guess. Okay, let's get that map!"
"I'll print it off!" Rachel went to the computer and started fiddling with it. In the meantime I turned to my Units with a smirk, focusing attention on England.
"See, told you, everything's working out!"
"So far..." England said slowly, "There's still a lot that can go wrong!"
"Aw come on Iggy!" America pulled England into a headlock and ruffled his hair, "Lighten up!"
"QUIT THAT YOU WANKER!" England snapped, struggling to get out of America's grip as I chuckled and looked at China.
"So, are you ready for phase 2? Or 3 or... whatever it would be now?"
China sighed, "I suppose-aru, but being back here is a little... that is, I am not sure how I feel about it."
I was about question China on why that would be when Rachel tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a piece of oddly shiny, stiff paper with a diagram of a building on it. Then she reached forward and tapped the top left hand corner and to my shock the diagram glowed and stretched up from the page, creating a three dimensional image of a four story building.
"Wow, this IS the future," I said in a suitably impressed voice, "So this is Unit Co, huh?"
"Well, a section of it, printer paper doesn't have enough memory to download the entire floor plan and you shouldn't need the whole thing anyway," Rachel explained easily, "So yeah, right now we're here," she poked a position on the lowest level shown and the three dimensional room became highlighted in a soft green glow, "And the processing area for Units to be deactivated is here," her hand moved up four stories and tapped another room that glowed a soft blue. "Now just wait a second and..." Suddenly an orange ribbon left the green room and began winding down the hall in the diagram, twisting up a set of stairs and then going up an elevator and down a hall again to the blue room. "Easy, right?"
"Damn right," I said, looking closely at the route. I then turned to England. "Arthur, memorize this!"
"What? Why? She GAVE you the thing, didn't she?" England asked in a huff as he took the paper from me and began looking it over.
"Yes, but it's cumbersome to have to uh, fold it up and open all the time? Anyway, it'll probably go faster if you memorized it, and you wanted to know more about the interior of Unit Co anyway, right? In case things go wrong?"
"Ah, yes, quite right," England glanced at me for a moment before going back over the diagram.
"Well," I turned back to Rachel, "I guess we'll see you in a bit then. Out of curiosity, there ARE more future-y named out there than Rachel, right?"
"Technically, yes," the blonde smirked, "But I'm named after my great aunt, who taught me everything I know that's important in life."
"Ah," I snorted, "So she taught you the wonders of yaoi?"
"Oh, you saw that?" Rachel flushed. I winked. She smiled. Acceptance of perversion is a wonderful thing.
Anyway, once England announced that he believed the route had been successfully memorized, Rachel showed me how to tap the page to bring things back to two dimensions and we headed through another sliding door into a wide hallway resembling the sort one would find in a hospital complete with a sterile smell hanging in the air. It looked fairly deserted, other than a couple of people wearing white lab coats walking away from us at the far end of it. England led the way for us down towards a heavy looking set of doors that actually had to be pushed open and revealed a set of stairs that we began to climb.
About halfway up the unreasonably long set stairs I had to sit down.
"Why the FUCK are there so many STAIRS?!" I screamed in anger once I'd caught my breath, "SERIOUSLY! I swear we've gone up eighty by now and none of the landings have had so much as an emergency exit door on them!"
"Oh, get OVER it-aru! If we want to save Prussia then we have to keep moving! We can't afford to rest!" China huffed.
I got slowly to my feet, went up five more stairs and sat down again. "You know what? Fuck Prussia. He's a doochbag anyway."
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF TAOIST PRINCIPLES-ARU!" China grabbed America's arm, "CARRY HER!"
"Oh, ah ha ha! Sure thing bro!" America grinned down at me and before I could protest I was grabbed up and flung in a very uncomfortable fashion over America's shoulder.
"HEY! That bruised my ribs..." I whined as the group of us continued on our way... we were going faster now too, not that I'd openly admit it to them.
England shook his head at my pouting expression. They couldn't even carry me gently? Fuck this...
"You can hardly end the mission NOW you know," England pointed out. I flipped him the bird and he glared at me in return. Whatever.
At last, at LONG last, we reached another set of doors that we quickly headed through though this time the corridor was far from empty. To the contrary it was TEEMING with young persons holding book bags and following down the hallways like salmon, if the salmon were fighting to pass each other and... well the point being, it was a crowded mess.
"What is this, a school?" I asked in confusion from my vantage point of hanging off America's back.
"Er, kind of..." America said slowly as he looked up and down the hallways, "I think this is the grade school area, these guys don't look older than 11 or so. HEY! It's a little me!" America paused to high five a blond boy with a cowlick as he walked by. A... a little America? I looked around but couldn't outright recognise any other characters among the throng bustling around.
"This is very unusual," England said suddenly, "Flying Mint Bunny Inc isn't set up this way at all."
"Well yes, I always did find this rather disorganised-aru," China sighed as he grabbed England and America's arms and waded through the sea of small people, "Let's get to that elevator-aru."
After much pushing and shoving we managed to hit a stream of children heading the same way we were and were able to move along swiftly to the elevator and pushed the 'up' button. As the elevator doors opened however we became aware that the hall was suddenly empty as the children disappeared into various other doors scattered along the walls. In the creepy silence that followed I was able to squirm enough that America put me on the floor again.
"Well, uh, shall we?" I asked, gesturing to the waiting traveling box known as the elevator. We entered and took it up the two levels required.
The next hall we wandered into was quieter, but we still saw the occasional casually dressed person heading down the hallway. I saw a couple identical boys who looked to be Harry Potter Units by way of their glasses and lightning bolt scars, but otherwise I didn't recognise any in particular. These Units appeared to be in the 14-16 year old range as well.
As we headed down the hall, I heard a loud shriek from behind me and turned to see in my shocked line of vision a teenage boy with white hair and a long scarf grabbing an albino kid from behind and pulling him into an open closet.
"HEY!" I shouted, stomping toward the two, "What the hell is going on here?!"
"What? Who the hell are you? Th-the awesome me doesn't need help from random girls!" the albino snapped. Oh god. A Prussia...?
"I am only doing what I have a right to do to the nation I own, da?" the... the younger Russia Unit giggled and... oh my fucking god.
"Dude... dude no..." I shook my head and swallowed, "Dude, how old are you both? Like, in human years..."
"Uh, why does that matter?" Russia looked confused, "But I am sixteen! And little Gilbunny is fourteen!"
"NO!" I snapped, reaching out and despite the protesting yanked Prussia out of Russia's grip, "Okay kid, I am still iffy on how sexy rape is in fanfiction and possibly in my house but... the kid is fourteen!"
"But we must start now, da, because we do not live as long as nations do, so he must be tamed early!" Russia said patiently, "He has been chosen to be tamed into a Kaliningrad Unit after all!"
"Tamed into...?" I shivered, my eyes widening, "And they start at FOURTEEN?!"
Russia shrugged. "Well, they used to start at seventeen, but apparently it was discovered a Kaliningrad Unit was accidently shipped before his taming was finished and ended up causing some trouble. They are fixing that now, but they've decided that starting taming earlier would help stop the problem from happening in the future."
"WHICH IS TOTAL BULLSHIT!" Young Prussia screamed in my arms and then pulled away, "I'm out of here!" This shouted he took off running down the hall. Russia growled, glared up at me, and then turned the other direction and stomped away in a huff mumbling things under his breath that sounded remarkably like death threats... fuck. Now trust me, I do love Russia still... I do but... that Unit was off somehow. Maybe he was going through a... a more creepy phase but... he just had a dark aura. Man, what is all this?
"Lass, we'd better press on, you know? Time is running out," England reminded me and I nodded, still staring after the odd Russia for a moment before following my British Unit in the direction of the Young Prussia, though we made a different turn than he did, encountering fewer and fewer Units as we went.
When we rounded yet another corner at the end of a hall however there was no one, and it became dead silent. No doors lined this new hall as they had previously either. All there was at the end of the hall was a single dark blue door with the words 'DEACTIVATION PROCESSING' written in tall, black, block letters above it.
"Chilling," I murmured into the space, but the echo made it loud enough for the others to hear.
"You think it's chilling? Try looking at this as a Unit... I never thought I'd have to be here-aru! I-I... I want to go home!" China suddenly wailed and turned, but America and England grabbed his shoulders, making him thrash.
"Dude, no, you said you wanted to save Gilbert, right?" America reminded gently as he pulled China out in front of him toward the ominous blue door.
"I-I did but-"
"Lad," Arthur said carefully, "I realise that, given the past history of our Unit types you likely don't want to listen to what I have to say, but I truly think that if you leave now you will regret it."
"I-I," China swallowed and winced, glancing at the sign above the door and shivering, "I g-guess we don't have a choice..." Taking some deep breaths, the Unit looked at me, "S-so, um, are you going to go first, then?"
I grimaced. Sure I wasn't a Unit, but that didn't mean I had nothing to fear from... whatever was behind that door! Yet it seemed I had no choice. Taking a deep breath, I marched forward. I felt a little like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, going to see the fabled Wizard with the three other men marching behind me. I just hoped that the brains, heart and courage promised to them would be able to be delivered.
We reached the door and after a moment's hesitation I pushed it open. I didn't know what to expect on the other side, but I was immensely surprised to see what appeared to be a small reception area. There were some empty chairs that presumably one could sit and wait on to be called, and behind a neat looking desk was an older gentleman in a tweed suit with a salt and pepper mustache that matched the hair on his balding head. He looked more suited to a library or university rather than a reception area, but what did I know about how this strange new world of the future worked? Maybe this was just the new fashion now... or something.
"May I help you with something, Miss?" the man behind the counter asked pleasantly, his entire attention focused on me. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other in my discomfort.
"Erm, well, yes I guess um..." I laughed nervously, "Well, you wouldn't know if there's a Prussia Unit from the year 2020 scheduled for um... 'deactivation' in the next while? I'm his owner and this whole deactivation thing, it's a total mistake. I really want him back if you don't mind."
"Back? Oh! You mean the one we got in about half an hour ago?" the man asked, and I frowned. Had it been so long?
"Er, yeah, that one. He's around still, uh... r-right?" I asked, feeling a squeezing feeling in my stomach.
"Well, let's take a look, shall we?" the man said as he picked up a tablet similar to what Rachel had back in the delivery room. "Ah yes... yes, he hasn't gone through the process quite yet. Still filling out the paperwork for it. But even so, you really won't be able to take him back at this time. You have been sent a replacement Unit though, have you not?"
My jaw dropped open. "What? But... well I have but... it's not the same thing! Anyway, why can't I take him back if he's still alive?!"
"Still activated you mean?" the man seemed a little confused, but pressed on, "Well, normally you could fill out some forms and might be able to have him back, but this is an unusual circumstance. Now I find this ridiculous, but PETU-"
"PETU?" I interjected.
"People for the Ethical Treatment of Units," the man explained, "Yes, well, they made a law pass that states that should any Unit at any time desire to be deactivated they should have the ability to do that much. They were saying that since assisted suicide was legalized Units should have the same option though to be able to do it without owner consent? Completely defeats the purpose of Units."
"Wait, but..." I tried to understand this, "Are you saying... Gilbert WANTS to be deactivated? Why? I thought this was about him running off... or because he was acting weird? Something like that?"
The man coughed. "Well that's certainly part of it, but once he was collected he announced that we could not 'kill' him because he was 'too awesome for that' and he 'is dying by his own will and right'. This counts as verbal consent."
"But WHY?!" I snapped, throwing my hands down on the man's desk. He didn't bat an eye and that somehow made me angrier. How dare he not respond to my sudden emotion! "What the hell does he think gives him the right to... to just decide he can die! Why would he want to?"
"Are you joking-aru?"
I turned wide eyed to see China looking at me and... were his eyes wet? "What do you mean?"
"Why do you THINK he wants to die-aru?" China sniffed, "He told me... his boyfriend left him-aru! His owner did not pay attention to him or his needs-aru! None of us were really friendly to him... if he wanted this then... I cannot blame him for it."
I stood frozen for a good three seconds before glaring at my Unit. "Well I can certainly blame him for it! And I do!" I turned back to the man. "Where is he now?"
"Oh, he's just behind that door, waiting for his turn," the man gestured to the door behind him, "Of course I can't let you through-"
He crumpled forward suddenly and I suddenly realised that England had snuck up behind the man and hit him hard with his fist in the back of the head. Well then. Sneaking spy skills are quite the success after all.
"Okay then! Let me in there to talk some goddamn sense into that dumbass!" I shouted and headed for the door. I tried the handle... it was locked. My eyes widened and I turned to America. "BE A BATTERING RAM!"
"What?" America asked.
"Knock the door down!" I explained, exasperated.
"AH HA HA! Oh," America ran to the door and pulled his fist back.
Here we are. We need to reach Prussia. I hope to god this works. America's fist is flying forward and then... yes! There's a huge crash and the door flies off its hinges into the room beyond. I step through the gap and gasp. The place we step into... it's bigger than anything I thought it would be- it's like a giant warehouse. There's a conveyer belt and... it goes into this big metal thing and the sound... there's a lot of metal scraping but... are those... are those SCREAMS I hear beneath it? My stomach churns and my wide eyes scan over to the left to see a row of guard forcing and/or leading a line of people... Units... onto that conveyer belt. They're in a line. And there... there's...
"GILBERT!" I scream as I run toward the line. Halfway down the albino's white head turns to me and his mouth drops open.
"THE... THE FUCK?!" he yells back as I run toward him. When we're close enough, China, England and America at my heels, I pull back my arm and PUNCH THAT IDIOT IN THE STOMACH!
... you'd think the guards would do something about my sudden entrance here, but they really don't...
"OW! What the fuck! What the actual fuck! I'm too awesome... you're just... WHAT THE FUCK!" Prussia writhes and massages his tummy as I seethe, breathing hard.
"You idiot! You fucking idiot! Why didn't you tell me about fucking deactivation?!"
Prussia groans and glares at me. The fucking hell, why is he doing that?! "I didn't think you'd care! Hell, why DO you care? Why and how are you even here?!"
"That's not even important right now, I'll yell at you later! Let's just GO, okay?" I snap, reaching out to grab Prussia's arm but he pulls away. WHAT THE HELL!
"Why should I go anywhere with you?!" Prussia's fists clench, "Why? I've already accepted this... anyway, what good would going back with you do? You don't even like me! Why should I bother living with you if you don't... don't even appreciate my awesomeness!"
I stamp my foot. "IDIOT! If I..." I shut my eyes, "IF I DIDN'T LIKE YOU, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I TRAVEL TO THE FUCKING FUTURE AND GO THROUGH ALL THIS CRAP TO FIND YOU? IF I DIDN'T 'APPRECIATE YOUR AWESOMENESS'..." I trail off a moment, but though my eyes open I stare at the ground, "W-well I still think you're an idiot but... you're WAY more awesome than that idiot other Prussia they replaced you with!"
"They... replaced me?" Prussia's voice sounds shaky, "So... why even bother..."
"BECAUSE!" My eyes snap up to Prussia's and his red eyes widen in response to my rather intense look if I do say so myself... god I feel like my chest is burning... and... ARE MY EYES WET?! GOD FUCK- "THAT IDIOT IS NOTHING LIKE YOU, YOU'RE FUCKING UNIQUE AND I DON'T NEED ANOTHER FUCKING PRUSSIA UNIT THAT ACTS LIKE THAT FUCKTARD IN HETALIA, I WANT YOU TO BE THE ONE IN MY HOUSE ANNOYING ME, DAMN IT, SO COME HOME WITH ME RIGHT NOW!"
I stare at him, cheeks blazing with a fever and trembles shaking my entire body. In some part of my mind I know that every Unit in earshot is staring at me, but really I'm only seeing Prussia's white face.
"So you... you..." he trails off. I glare.
"YES! I fucking want you- AH!" I scream as Prussia suddenly launches at me and grabs me up in his arms. "HEY! PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN, ASSHOLE!"
"KESESESESE!" Oh god, the laugh that haunts my nightmares... "HEY GUYS!" he yells at my other Units, "MOM LOVES ME AFTER ALL!"
"I DON'T FUCKING LOVE YOU! LET GO!"
"Excuse me."
The one-sided (seriously) love-fest ends abruptly and I'm put down quick as one of the guards approach our little group.
"Y-yes, what do you want?" I ask hesitantly.
"Are you this Unit's owner?" the guard asks.
"Yes," I nod.
"Well, I'm afraid that he really IS scheduled for deactivation," the guard says simply, "So if you go to reception I'm sure arrangements for a replacement Unit can be made so-"
And then America punches the guard in the face. Within moments there is anarchy.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" I scream as America lifts me off the ground in the traditional 'bridal-style' position (I swear being carried over the shoulder like a sack of potatoes was less embarrassing) and we are all running for the door as the Units in the deactivation line make a break for it beside us and the guard start setting off sirens...
"Dude, well," America says as we run, "After everything you just said, that guard was going to let Gil get deactivated anyway? Totally not heroic, definitely villain, so..."
"Whatever, KEEP RUNNING!" I snap as we head for the door.
If nothing else, this was going to be an interesting escape... if we make it that is... o-of course we'll make it! Oh god, what'll happen if we don't... no I can't think that way! I won't sound like England, I won't!
ANYWAY, I'm leaving off for now, and I'll get back to you all when HOPEFULLY we've gotten out of this mess! FUCKING HELL, PRUSSIA YOU ASSHOLE GOT US INTO THIS... god I don't want to think if China had a point right now, and why does Prussia still look kind of upset and... GAH! STUPID HOROMONAL EMOTIONS RUINING EVERYTHING!
((Joyful Note: Aaaand scene! For now. God. Fucking. Damn. WELL HERE IT IS. Took a while. Might not be perfect, but at least this throws us into the future. Note: we miiight be here for a while. Or not. If I change my mind. I'm kind of liking describing future technology so we might draw it out but... we'll see. I HOPE THIS WAS EVER SO SLIGHTLY SATISFACTORY. If not well... eeeeh it's my first dabbling in a sci-fi kind of setting. THERE WILL BE MORE THINGS TO COME. Not enough character development to go home yet anyway. I'm tired. Fuck. Posting and going to bed time! Yaaaaay.))