Chapter 44

While Tonya and Laura moved to the family room the BAU family gathered around the stove. "So I did a thing while I was out." Garcia said. "I hope I didn't overstep or anything."

"It's probably fine." Spencer told her. "What is it?"

"Got Laura an appointment with a doctor, specifically a midwife, over at GW. It's the same program JJ used and she really loved it and they have a midwife who specifically works with parents with psychological or emotional issues around childbirth and she is really hyped about helping you guys. She said the timing is exactly right for the standard post-natal appointment, and if all is well then medically you can take it from there."

"Oh. No, that's…that's great, that's really helpful. Thank you."

"It's a week from tomorrow, which she said ought to be soon enough unless she's having problems, pain or bleeding or running a fever…"

"No, she's been fine."

"And they have a separate waiting room and I got the first appointment on Black Friday, so you shouldn't have to deal with any triggers or anything."

"That's great. Perfect."

She took a deep breath. "She needs to see the coroner's report though." Garcia said with a wince.

Spencer felt something inside him still as the pain welled back up. Two steps forward, one step back. "I assume to see if Maggie was healthy."

"Yeah. There's no other way…"

"No, that's fine."

Sure."

"Yeah." He stood there blinking for a long moment. "Is it really strange that I'm glad there's a report?"

"No." Dave said, calmly stirring the soup. "It's one more tether, one more thing that won't let her be forgotten."

"Yeah, exactly," Spencer nodded. "I want to see the file."

"Reid…" Morgan warned.

"No, I need to know. Laura…I don't think Laura does, but I do."

Without a word Garcia handed him her tablet. He started paging through it quickly as they watched.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tonya asked.

She and Laura had settled on the sofa in the family room, surrounded by the bags Tonya had brought. Now Laura settled back and thought; did she want to talk about it? The whole thing had this rare, set apart, perfect quality. It was something she and Spencer had shared, no one else. Maggie was somehow theirs alone to know, at least for now. Was she ready to truly let others in? "Um, I don't know? Not yet?"

"That's okay, but if you need someone to listen I'm on the other end of that phone. At least I will be after Thanksgiving; I'm in town until then spending it with my sister."

"Oh, I can't even think about that. The funeral is between now and then, I think; I can barely get it together to get that far. We're supposed to go get interviewed at the FBI tomorrow and then I'm just going to hide for the week-end I think."

"If you need help with the funeral…"

"Dave's handling it. Spencer and his father are estranged, Dave is kinda…."

"Grandpa. Got it. I'll ask him." Tonya sighed. "So I finally got to meet Karen."

"Oh, I am so sorry." That was Laura's standard reaction.

"No, no, not your fault. You were right though, that woman is seriously not right. She cleaned you out, we just couldn't stop her."

"Oh, don't worry. It was just stuff, things. I'll deal with it when I can think more than five minutes ahead."

"We did manage to save a few things though, stuff that wasn't in your room. I brought your sweater, a pair of shoes, some stuff from the kitchen…"

"Thank you."

"…and this." She pulled a bundled of knitted something out of the bag. Shaken out it became a shawl, a series of overlapping fans, each in a different, delicate color. Tonya held it up so Laura could see all of it.

"Oh! It's beautiful." Laura touched it gently. "Koigu, has to be. Who…?'

"Hickory. She went around to all your friends and had them pick a color. At the shop, the house, on campus, even out where your friend Martha was living, they each got one. That one's mine." She pointed to a particularly bright orange before she carefully draped it around Laura's shoulders. "There. That's the hug they all sent."

"Ohhh." Laura pulled it around her shoulders, feeling the warmth and the love woven in every stitch. "I didn't…oh. I can't stop crying." She said as her cheeks grew damp again.

"That's all right." Tonya said. "You have to be alive to cry."

"That's not exactly how it ended." Spencer said when he finally pushed the tablet away.

"Oh?" Dave asked.

"We knew he wasn't going to kill us. We…we couldn't risk him killing any more of our children." Spencer sighed as he looked into the past. "But they were right; I didn't mean to…I just…lost control. I don't even remember."

"Same reason Hotch lost control." Morgan pointed out. "Some things are just too far."

"And sometimes it's better not to remember." Dave pointed out. "Given everything that happened it would make sense that you were afraid for your life and for the other victim, that's why you felt you had to escape. Erin would understand that."

"Right. I understand." A convenient lie, but at least this one wasn't to everyone. Where was Laura anyway? He slipped off then stool and went looking for her.

Morgan, perhaps picking up on something, followed. "You okay?"

Spencer turned to him. "You asked what you could do to help?" Morgan nodded. "I can't risk ... I can't let that happen again. I just can't. But I can't not have them either, I just…" Oh hell, what was he trying to say? All of a sudden he felt so lost…

But Morgan understood somehow. "Don't worry, I got your back."

That was what he needed to hear. "Thank you." Why were his cheeks wet again? Because the children not even conceived but already so loved were that much safer? "Thank you."

Later, after an entirely satisfactory dinner, while Morgan and Tonya were doing dishes, Spencer found Laura sitting out on the back porch swing. "What are you thinking?" He asked as he sat down.

"I'm just looking at the stars." She replied, "And dreading the funeral."

"I thought you wanted to say good-bye?"

"I do, I do. But there are going to be flowers, you know there will be flowers. She never got to see any flowers. Or the moon, or the sun, or the stars…"

Spencer put his arm around her shoulders so she could rest against him. "I think she can see the stars. I think she's with the stars."

"Oh?"

"Something JJ and Will used to read to Henry before bed:

Once there was a baby star.

She lived up near the sun.

And every night at bedtime that baby star wanted to have some fun.

She would shine and shine, fall and shoot and twinkle oh so bright.

She said "Mommy, I'll run away if you make me say goodnight."

And then her mommy kissed her sparkly nose and said,

"No matter where you go, no matter where you are.

No matter how big you grow and even if you stray far.

I'll love you forever, because you'll always be my baby star."

"She's strayed about as far as she can. I guess." Laura said.

"But she'll always be our baby star." He replied. "That's how I'll remember her, whenever I see the stars."

"I just wish she could have seen them. She could have seen how beautiful the world is."

"I think she knew. She felt it the moment you wrapped that blanket you made around her, and she felt how warm and soft love can be. That's the most beautiful thing of all, isn't it?"

She smiled as she settled against him, "Yeah. It is."

Unseen behind then Garcia quietly crept away. "Okay, I need everyone's help." She said when she got back to the kitchen and dried her eyes. "I have an idea."

.

Note: The Baby Star story is copyright someone on the Criminal Minds crew, I assume writer Virgil Williams, and was featured in Episode 07x07 "There's No Place Like Home".