Chapter 46

God, he was tired.

Spencer stepped out of the conference room, worn to the bone from all the questioning. But it was out now, the entire story, from the time he went missing to the moment Morgan stormed Rudger's door. Only the inference that Rudger might have been considering killing them, after what happened to Maggie, had been the slightest bit untrue. Only the intimate details had been glossed over. He had no reason to hide anything else.

Of course his friends were waiting. "What did they say?" Morgan asked.

"Reinstatement pending psychiatric evaluation, which is fair, I did lose control." He had lost control. Regardless of whether he was escaping because he thought Rudger was going to kill them or because he would not risk Rudger killing his next child, and there had to be another child, the truth was that he had not meant to kill Rudger. But when he'd had Rudger on the ground his heart and mind had been filled with the overwhelming silence of that terrified cry being cut off like throwing a switch and he had simply lost control. He'd never thought himself capable, but now he knew, harm his children and he might very well kill.

And they all understood. Don't threaten their children. They'd learned that from George Foyet and Hotch, from what would have happened to Izzy Rodgers if Rossi hadn't stopped JJ. Never threaten the children. "God willing that situation won't come up again." Rossi said.

"Amen." Morgan replied.

Spencer nodded his agreement. "I told them my goal was to return to the field soon after the first of the year." It was almost the last week of November, hopefully that would be enough time to get Laura settled somehow. And they were already planning on therapy twice a week, to help heal. "But they said to take more if I needed it."

"What's that?" Morgan asked, "Five or six weeks?"

"About that."

"We can work with that, see how it's going when we get there."

"Dave." Strauss said quietly from the doorway.

Spencer and Morgan politely stepped away, but they still caught the conversation. "You should know, Dr. Patterson was questioned to be certain that everything that happened was consensual."

"Erin." Dave's voice was loaded with disappointment. "You are not serious."

"I know. The order came from above my pay grade."

"But why? We've had agents kidnapped with civilians before."

"Yes, but none have come back with a baby before or intending to marry the agent before. She went on record saying that she understood the situation and consented."

By now Morgan was muttering. "This is ridiculous." He said.

"It's all right." Spencer told him. "We expected that line of questioning. It's not a concern."

They were not going to die that night.

They talked for what seemed like hours, about all the deeper, more intimate subjects that courtesy had not allowed them to speak on before, his mother, her step-mother, Hankel on his part, a time of self-harm on hers that she'd never discussed with anyone before, Maeve, Martha, Emily's death, the unfounded accusations of shoplifting and identity theft from her family. All things that should have come out gradually over a period of months of getting to know each other, but they no longer had the gift of time. Finally Laura rested her hand on her upturned arm and looked at him. "You know," she said, "this would probably have happened anyway."

"Really?" Spencer asked. Was she serious?'

"Uh-huh. You really are attractive, you know."

Oh. "Yeah, right. I'm a walking string bean; a pale walking string bean. And a former addict with one dead girlfriend already and a job that lends itself to being kidnapped or held hostage. I'm not exactly the best catch here."

"Stop." She pressed her finger to his lips to silence him. "Not only are you the most intelligent man I've ever met but also one of the most courageous. You could probably do anything but you chose to risk a lot to help others. And after living with you for two weeks I can safely say that you are both a gentleman and a very gentle man. Given all that looks and history don't matter."

"Thanks." He said quietly, both flattered and touched. "I can return those compliments, you know."

"Not the brave part."

"Uh-uh. It takes a lot of bravery to challenge the status quo to stand up for something you believe in."

"Thank you." She blushed nicely. "So yeah, this would have happened, given enough time."

"Good to know."

With that she crossed her fingers where he could see, leaned over and kissed him.

It was a small kiss, tentative and shy compared to the two he'd received before. But that made it better somehow, more intimate, more real. When it ended he rolled over and placed his mug of tea on the nightstand, then rolled back and cupped her head in his hand, threading his long fingers gently through her hair. "Yes?" He asked.

"Yes." She replied.

"Where is Laura?' Spencer asked.

"Waiting in Rossi's office," Morgan replied.

They headed that way, only to be met by JJ and Alex finally coming home. "Spence," JJ said, moving to hug him at last. "Oh, I am so sorry."

"Thank you." She'd been crying, he could tell, probably for days on end. He honestly hadn't expected that of her, although now he couldn't say why.

"No, I mean I'm sorry." JJ said. "I'm sorry for lying and I'm sorry for treating you like crap and I'm sorry we didn't trust you. It wasn't right or fair and now all this has happened and I'm just…"

Oh. "JJ, it's okay." He hugged her again. "I forgive you."

It was Alex's turn next, always quiet, always calm Alex. "Hotch is with her." She told him, laying a hand gently on his shoulder. "They're going to the funeral home."

"I need your help." Dave said to her, "Arranging for the services."

"Anything," Alex replied.

They moved away. Spencer took JJ's hand and led her up to Dave's office, where Laura was sitting on his sofa, knitting herself to calmness while Garcia kept her company. "You two haven't had a chance to really meet. JJ, this is Dr. Laura Patterson, Laura, this is…."

"…Henry's mom." Laura stood with a smile. "I remember."

"It's nice to meet you." JJ said. "She's so beautiful…" And then they were hugging and everyone was crying again.

Spencer looked over at Morgan. "It's just not going to stop until after the funeral, is it?" Not that he was certain he wanted it to.

Morgan handed him a fresh box of tissues. "No."

"Right."