Days in Avalon
Chapter Forty-Nine: Never Be Ready
Sirius sat quietly in his window looking out as the rain fell hard on the Hogwarts grounds. It was hard to believe that only a few short hours ago the sun had been shining and revealed the potential of a glorious day. But that was English weather for you; always changing and just full of surprises.
It was funny how his life was now reflected to the weather. One moment he felt like he was on top of the world and the next he never knew if the sun would shine again.
He hated the fact that Remus was the one who found him a few hours ago going through the end of his emotional storm. He also hated the fact that his friend knew exactly why he had been through a tempest. But what truly scared him was that he knew he would have to tell his best friend what was going on before someone else told him.
Sirius could still feel Remus's eyes even though he tried to appear busy. He could see out of the corner of his eye that he was trying to straighten up something that would likely prevent someone from tripping, or so Remus would say. In reality, Sirius knew it was just busy work to keep his mind off of what had and what was about to occur.
It was at that moment that the door to their room swung open and revealed Peter and James barging in looking like a pair of drowned rats.
"Oy! What brought on this weather? Thought it was supposed to be a glorious day?" James laughed as he whipped off his robes. He quickly muttered a drying spell and took in the air in the room.
Peter also notice that something was amiss between the other half of the Marauders gang. "What's going on mates? You look as if we lost the House Cup."
Remus grabbed a few of his books and loaded them into his bag. "Come on Wormtail. Let's head down to the Library. I can help you with that potions essay you were asking about yesterday."
James looked as his friends and wondered why the sudden need to leave. That is until he saw the look on Remus's face. He now knew that something was drastically wrong with his best mate and needed a friend right now.
As soon as Remus and Peter left the room, James looked over at his best friend. Sirius continued to stare out the window and was ever so quiet; something that was majorly out of character for him.
"So…what's going on Padfoot? Why the long face?" James asked. Again Sirius said nothing.
"You know I thought we were going to practice today before the weather gets too bad," James said hoping to get a reaction.
"Sorry mate," Sirius said softly as he continued to stare out the window. "I just lost track of time."
James watched his friend's reaction and knew now that whatever was on his mind was something heavy. "What's going on Sirius? Is it your folks? Did they send word about something?"
"No it's not them, mate," said Sirius softly.
"But it is something?"
Sirius sighed deeply before closing his eyes for a moment. "It's nothing mate."
"Sirius I know you better than anyone. I know all your secrets and I have never judged you."
Sirius turned his head to face his best friend. "Prong's you would tell me the truth right? No matter what it may be or how I would react right? You would always be honest with me?"
"Of course mate," James replied as he tried to figure out where his friend was going with these questions.
"And you would expect the same in return?" Sirius asked. It was then that James finally got a good look at him. To James, he looked as if he had been through a battle that was life alternating.
"What happened Sirius? Whatever it is I promise I will not think differently of you. No matter what," James stated as he took a seat in the desk chair near the window.
Sirius sighed as he tried to form the right words. "Do you think I'm like them? My parents I mean."
"No. Of course not," James replied.
"Not even my father and his many…relationships…with different women?" Sirius asked with a hard swallow.
James sighed heavily while running a hand through his naturally messy hair. "Look man, no one is as bad as your father when it comes to that. No offense. Sure you do tend to have many relationships, but that is to be expected of us. We are young! We are supposed to act out like that."
Sirius was silent as he took in his friend's words.
"Is that all?" James asked. When he received no reply, he got up from his seat and began to collect his things for a shower. By the time he reached the door way for the loo, he heard Sirius speak.
"Even when it involves Miranda?"
James turned and stared at Sirius who was now standing next to the window. James let out a sigh as he placed his things down on the closest bed. "Miranda? Why would you bring Andy into the middle of this?
Sirius squared his shoulders as he looked James directly in the eye. "I've been seeing her in secret."
James couldn't help but snicker at his friend's stance. "Is this about your match making plan to get me and Lily together? Because I figured that out a while ago."
"How much do you know?" Sirius asked.
"I know that the two of you have been plotting for a while and brought a few of our friends into your little plot. I also know about the polyjuice potion, since I'm the one that found it and destroyed it," James said with his hands on his hips. "What else do I need to know?"
"Did you know that kissed her?" Sirius asked.
James didn't say anything for a moment as he processed the words. "How many bruises did she give you for pulling that move?"
"James I kissed her more than once…and she was with me over the summer holiday."
James blinked rapidly as he took in his friend's words. Even though James and Andy hadn't been together for years now, he did see her as a sister that he was never fortunate enough to have. But now hearing his best friend's confession was now rubbing a raw patch in his chest. Like a beast was clawing, ready to break out and protect her from his trusted friend.
"Excuse me? What…no. That is not possible. Andy wouldn't do that."
"I'm not lying. She came to my flat after she got into that fight with her dad."
"Why would she go to you? Why not Lily? Or me for that matter?" James asked more to himself as he tried to process everything. He knew it was wrong to feel jealous but the beast inside was too strong to contain.
"You were gone on holiday mate," Sirius answered simply.
"So that just gave you the right to let her stay at your place?"
"What was I going to do? Leave her out in the cold? She didn't want anyone to know where she was. She needed a place to disappear and regroup," Sirius stated in an even tone, in hopes that it would calm James down.
"Did…did you…were the…two of you…" James stuttered.
"James I didn't touch her. She stayed in the guest room. I never went after her. I swear," Sirius said as he saw what James was trying to get at.
"Nothing happened?"
"I won't lie. There was one time that it was getting…heated, but we were interrupted. By you actually," Sirius said with a half grin.
"Good! She doesn't…"
"Contrary to what you may think, Andy can hold her own, Prongs. Plus, I may be a lot of things, but I would never force myself on a girl…EVER!"
James sat down on the bed next to his things as he felt his head swimming. "She's not a conquest, Sirius. She's my best friend…a sister…and if this is some morbid fancy that is only going to end up with you hurting her…"
"I know she is not a conquest James. I've never treated her as if she were just another girl," Sirius answered.
"So you have feelings for her?" James asked.
James watched as his friend fought to find the words to describe what he was feeling. "I don't know what I feel mate. But whatever it is, she won't want me now. Not after what happened."
"What does that mean? What happened then? Sirius…what did you do?" James asked.
Sirius continued to lay in his bed long after his friend's had gone off to class. He kept replaying the events of last night in his head, and was torn from wanting to see how a certain blond was doing and from wanting to forget about her completely. Was she in the hospital wing? Was she still in the girl's dorm? Did she go to class at all today? Why the hell could he only turn into a dog and not something small like a fly or rat so he could spy on her more easily?
It was during these thoughts that someone began to pound on his door.
"Go away!" Sirius shouted at the door. A second later there was another rap at the door.
"I said bugger off!" he shouted again. For a moment there was nothing and Sirius thought he was finally free to his thoughts once more. That is until the knocking started again. Frustrated over his visitor, Sirius got up from his bed and marched over toward the door.
"I said bugger…"Sirius started until he saw the face of the girl he was thinking about just a moment ago.
"Andy? What are you doing here?" he asked a little flustered.
Andy stood in his door way as she if she were shocked to find herself there as well. "I came to see you. You weren't in class today."
"I wasn't feeling well," he said with a shrug.
"May I come in?"
Sirius moved out of the way and allowed her in. Once she was in, he closed the door and sent a silent prayer to the heavens for strength to get him through this meeting. He turned and watched her move about the room as she took everything in.
"Why are you here Sparky?"
"Like I said, I came to see you," she said with a shrug.
Sirius crossed his arms as he took the sight of her in. "Why?"
"I came to make sure that you were all right," Andy said softly as she looked him in the eye.
"I'm fine. Just a few scratches and bumps. Nothing out of the ordinary," he said coolly. The sight of her before him suddenly brought on a seething rage that he was finding hard to contain. He knew that he had no right to lash out at her, but then seeing the memory of her taking on a werewolf rather than running for the hills was something he found hard to dismiss.
"Oh," Andy stated as she recoiled slightly from his tone. Realizing what he was doing, Sirius tried to relax for her sake.
"How are you? I mean did he…are you…" he asked as another vision popped into his head.
"No worse off than fighting a couple of punk Slytherins," Andy said with a chuckle in hopes of lighting the mood. When she saw his face, Andy knew that he was not having any of that. "I'm fine Blackie. So is Lily."
"Are you sure?" Sirius asked as he looked her over.
"Yes. I'm…" Andy started as she went to unconsciously scratch at her wounds that were healing on her arm.
"What is that?" Sirius barked.
"What?"
"On your arm," Sirius asked as he pointed to the arm she was scratching at.
Andy quickly pulled down the sleeve of her robe as if nothing was wrong. "It's nothing."
Sirius walked over and pulled up the sleeve. It was then that he saw the scratches and bruises on her arm. The dark blue and purple contrasted against her pale skin tone. He then quickly pushed her robe off and saw what else was damaged. Bruises all over her other arm; scratches up and down her legs that were partially masked by her knee socks and skirt.
"That…"
"Sirius I'm fine. I've been through worse," Andy said as she tried to reassure him.
"You shouldn't have had to gone through that in the first place. I should have kept a better eye on him last night," Sirius said as he shook his head scolding himself.
"Sirius…it's all right."
"No, it's NOT! You and Lily could have been hurt far worse. If I hadn't gotten there…he could have…he could have…"
"It didn't happen though. You and James saved us both. You were there. That's all that matters," Andy stated as she tried to put a reassure hand on his arm. Sirius brushed her off as he continued to berate himself.
"If we hadn't gotten there…I could never forgive myself if anything ever happened to…"
"We are both fine."
"…to you."
Andy stared at him as she watched his color begin to take on a flush shade of pink that she found so endearing. "Sirius."
"Is that all you have to say?" he asked coolly again.
"Don't be like that."
"Like what?"
"Don't shut me out Black."
"Don't tell me what to do Starmenter," Sirius barked as he turned away from her.
"Why are you being like this?"
"It's what I do. It's who I am. I'm Sirius Black!" he said with his hand raised.
"Yes, but you are not just Sirius Black to me."
Sirius shook his head as he tried to rid himself of the dizzying effect he got whenever she was around or when she spoke in that gentle tone to him. He also tried to ignore the tight feeling he had in his chest that was causing his breath to little harder. "Why are you still here Sparky?"
"I need to tell you something," she said softly again.
"What?"
"Will you turn around and face me?"
Sirius sighed in frustration as he turned back to face her. "What is it Miranda? What do you have to tell me?"
"This." Andy walked up to him swiftly and kissed him with such fieriness that it took Sirius by surprise.
"What are you doing?" he asked. He noticed that he was panting as if he had just been through a grueling practice.
"Something that always tends to happen between us."
"Those times before were a mistake," he said as he tried to escape from her grip.
"Once was a mistake. But twice?"
"I make a lot of mistakes."
"I don't." Sirius stared at her for a moment seeing the bright lust shine in her eyes. That was all the time she needed.
Andy kissed him once more, with a slow fiery passion that consumed Sirius. He quickly wrapped his arms around her as his mouth fought her for dominance. He spun her around and gently placed her on the bed, never breaking the kiss. The feel of her soft lips and her warm hands were becoming too much for him to bear any more and yet he still craved more of her. Always more. But he could hear a nagging little voice telling him that "This wasn't right. She's not yours. She belongs to someone else."
That thought was suddenly like a bucket of ice water thrown at him. "NO!" He quickly jumped off the bed and stumbled across to the other side of the room. When his back reached the stone wall he took in what had been doing. Andy sat up on his bed. Her hair was tousled in a way that made him want to put his hands back through her soft gold strands. Her shirt was un-tucked from her skirt and the first couple of buttons on her blouse were undone revealing the soft white bra that lay underneath. Her lips were a deep red and swollen begging to have his lips back on them.
Sirius shut his eyes quickly as he tried to rid his mind of the image, but instead it seemed to be burning on the inside of this eye lids. As he looked down at himself, he took stock in his appearance. Andy or perhaps he had managed to undo all the buttons on his shirt exposing his chest that was still rising and falling as if he had been running for his life.
"We can't do this," he said darkly, still unable to look her in the eye. "I can't do this."
"Sirius…"
"You're not thinking clearly Miranda. You should go back to him. He's who you should really be with. I won't be that guy Andy. Don't make me that guy."
With that said Sirius quickly ran into the bathroom that was only a few feet away, and locked the door. He kept his back braced against the door as he tried to regain his normal breathing pattern. The silence was deafening to him. That was until he heard what was on the other side of the door.
The hammering of Andy's heart beat and her rapid breathing took him by surprise. Especially when he realized he was breathing just as hard. But a moment later he felt his heart break at the little sob that escaped from her lips. He closed his eyes and could practically see the tears streaming down her lovely face.
The whole situation became too much for Sirius as he silently slid to the floor and listened as Andy's gentle foot falls scurried out of the room. The moment he heard the door close, he felt the tears he was holding back break loose and fall freely and swiftly.
"You kicked her out?" James asked as he blinked rapidly at his best friend.
"I had to. It was the honorable thing to do," Sirius said darkly as he looked out the window.
"What honor? She came to you and you just pushed her away? Why?" James asked.
Sirius sighed deeply as he watched the rain continue to fall on the grounds. "I just had to James. It wasn't right."
James watched him silently for a moment until the truth finally hit him like a dragon's tail. "This isn't about Andy. This is about your father. Isn't it?"
Sirius said nothing as he walked back over toward his bed and sat down on the edge.
"Padfoot, you are not like him. You are nothing like him!"
"Aren't I? That bastard has stolen more women from there significant others than any man I have ever known. Who's to say that the apple doesn't fall from the tree?"
"Sirius…I know your father is not a trustworthy man."
"James."
"Alright he's a bloody bastard that whores around and destroys families and young women's lives and reputations. But that doesn't matter because you are not a Black! Not like them!"
"James, she's still with him. She loves Tristan! I'm just a distraction that keeps getting in the way of her happiness. I won't be a curse upon her."
"But she came to you Sirius. Doesn't that mean anything?" James asked.
"Yeah, it just means she's confused. And one day she's going to wake up and realize that I'm not the right guy for her. She belongs with Tristan. She loves him," Sirius stated.
James started to add something else, but Sirius would not hear of it. "Listen, it's getting late and dinner is probably almost over. I need to get out of here and clear my head. I'm sorry it took so long to tell you the truth. You won't have to worry about her. I'm staying away from her for the rest of the year. And then when we graduate, her and I can go our separate ways and never cross paths again."
James watched as Sirius walk out of the room and realized just how deep his friend's feeling went. In all the years James's had known Sirius he knew that his friend had some serious issues when it came to showing true emotions and feelings. He had always hoped that his friend would find someone to care about, but he had never thought in a million years that it would have been someone like Miranda. Nor did he think he would give up so quickly on his own happiness. Nor did he think he would ever see the day that his fearless best friend was now scared out of his mind of his own feelings.
Disclaimer: I do not own nor did I think up of anything to do with the original Harry Potter. It's all J.K.'s doing. I merely borrowed her characters. I only own this story and the characters I made up.