A/N: Hi gang…he's back…no, please, hold the applause…I'm just following my compulsion…just wanted to drop this…what the hell, it was done…the chapter…not the story…sorry, more story to come…sorry if you're allergic to fluff, well…no I'm not sorry at all…I like me some fluff…if you're here, you probably like it too…don't worry, I won't tell anyone…your secret's safe with me…for a small fee…just hit that review button and I won't have to tell anyone that you're a 'fluffer'…wait, that isn't right…that sounds wrong…I must …I don't know where that came…wait, there I go again…stop it, you twisted old git…get back to your normal, innuendo-less ramble…crap, now I'm lost…ok, what was Casey warning Chuck about…there at the end. How big a comedy nerd are ya? Huh? Let's see. JT
I don't own Chuck or any of the other famous, semi-famous or infamous people or things mentioned below…and I done did all of this without a beta…for which, countless betas breathed a huge sigh of relief…inordinately pleased that they'd dodged the mental stigma that attempting to beta anything I've done would undoubtedly cause…just saying.
Thanks Jim.
Sarah Vs. The Strong Swimmer Chapter 18
The sound of the alarm clock had Sarah reaching under her pillow for one of her knives, planning to kill the offending electronic torture device. When her hand found nothing, she immediately reached for her curly haired 'love' pillow, finding only a still warm empty spot where her fiancé had been. After briefly debating getting out of bed to answer the beeping 'little bastard', as she had named Chuck's latest alarm clock, Sarah opted for the 'remote' off switch.
"Chuck…CHUCK!" Sarah whined, with emphasis. "Turn off the 'little bastard', please" she finished, stretching the final word into six or seven syllables. Opening one eye to watch the doorway, she was rewarded moments later when the subject of her summons appeared, a toothbrush still in his mouth.
" Yeth?" Chuck said before removing the toothbrush. "You called?"
"Please…turn off your alarm clock."
"Ok…but I thought it was our alarm clock?" he replied as he walked over to the dresser and, reaching behind Sarah's jewelry box, turned off the electronic timepiece.
"It was ours…until you started hiding it."
"I had to start hiding it because you killed three of them…rather brutally, I might add."
"Speaking of which, where's my knife?"
"Isn't it under your pillow?" he asked, trying to look innocent.
"No, Chuck, it's not. I agreed to your 'no guns in bed' rule…so, where's my knife?"
"Oh yeah, I remember now…it's under my pillow. Well…I'm gonna finish my teeth and go for my run with Casey" he answered hurriedly before ducking back towards the bathroom.
Sarah reached under his pillow and pulled out her knife, encased in a sheath. With a smile, she sat up in the bed and let the sheets slide down to pool in her lap, hoping that she could entice her fiancé into postponing his morning run. 'Fiancé' she said to herself, loving the sound of the word and all that it meant. Moments later Chuck stuck his head in the doorway and immediately clapped his hand over his eyes.
"You are an evil seductress" Chuck said in his best melodramatic voice. "Cover your wares, wench…before I'm forced to flee so that I may save my virtue."
"Methinks the man doth protest too much" Sarah replied, using an old sounding English accent. "Ok…they're covered…you big baby."
Chuck dropped his hand and raised it back again. "Sarah…I meant with a sheet…or t-shirt…not a hand bra…that involves to much squeezing and smiling." Chuck turned his back and started to walk away.
""Get back here, Chuck Bartowski…I have need of your services…strictly in a workout capacity, of course."
Looking back over his shoulder, Chuck paused and smiled before resuming his journey towards the front door. "Sorry, honey…I promised Casey I wouldn't miss another workout. Smoke me a kipper…I'll be back for breakfast" Chuck said in an odd accent.
"Sorry 'Ace', we're all out of kippers…I had the last of them on my chocolate pop-tarts yesterday."
Chuck froze in his tracks and then slowly turned around, his eyes wide. "Kippers on pop tarts?"
"I was joking, Chuck. Go for your run…the twins and I will have some breakfast waiting for you…" Sarah said with a smile before blowing Chuck a kiss. Just before he stepped out the door, she added "..and it was sardines, not kippers" and giggled when she saw him shudder before closing the door behind himself.
-0-0-0-0-00-0-0-0
Chuck entered the courtyard alone, Casey having decided to extend his run. Looking around him, he went through a mental checklist, making note of anything that wasn't in it's usual place. The checklist habit was something new to him. Casey had 'invented' a 'game', requiring Chuck to take note of the courtyard whenever they returned from a run and if anything was different and he didn't catch it, the Major would slap the back of his head and if he did catch it…well, he wouldn't get slapped. He had to admit that he didn't like the 'game' but he was getting better at it…in fact, since Casey hadn't had a reason to hit him in the last week, he'd expanded the game to include their workout route, forcing Chuck to pay more attention to his surroundings…which he realized, begrudgingly, was probably the Major's intention.
Two things caught Chuck's attention, right away. First, Morgan was seated on the fountains edge, which wasn't too unusual…his attire, however, was. Struggling to contain his laughter, he took in the purple tuxedo and yellow tux shirt…shaking his head in amazement. Glancing away was almost impossible, the clothing combination was almost hypnotic and it was only the brief glance towards the second odd item, leaning against his front door, that enabled him to look away.
Crossing the courtyard, Chuck paused about five feet from his front door and stared. Turning to his right, he found that Morgan had joined him and was currently staring at the giant, horse-shoe shaped bouquet. The flowers making up the arrangement were obviously well on their way towards mulch and the banner stretched across the 'horseshoe' was very worn looking. Underneath the letters proclaiming 'CONGRATULATIONS' someone had added, with a black magic marker, 'ON UR NEW EMPLOEES'.Stapled to the end of the banner was a legal size envelope that appeared to be addressed to one Chuk Bartowskey.
"Morgan?"
"Yeah boss?"
"Three questions…"
"It was here when I got here…"
"OK…and why…"
"I just figured that today would be a good day to get to work early."
"And third…"
"Well, when I stopped at the Buymore yesterday, someone told me that today was national impress your boss day and someone else suggested dressing up and…"
"Let me guess…Lester and Jeff?" Chuck asked with a smile. He could swear he could see the gears turning as Morgan processed the data…'and there it is' he said to himself, picturing the light bulb turning on.
"Darn it! They got me again…didn't they?"
"Afraid so…but don't worry about it" Chuck answered as he leaned down so he could detach the envelope from the banner, refusing to drag the whole bouquet into the apartment. Straightening back up, the removal successful, he turned look at Morgan. "Listen, buddy, why don't you…"
"Go back home and get into something a little less formal?"
"Exactly" Chuck answered. "Have you ever noticed how we…"
"Finish each other's sentences? Yeah…must be that 'twin' thing we have. I'll be back in a few." Morgan said as he turned and left.
"Alright, Morg…we'll have some…"
Breakfast when I get back? Sounds good." Morgan answered over his shoulder.
"Right" Chuck said to no one in particular. Being careful of what he touched, he moved the bouquet to the side and then opened the door while he looked again at the envelope in his hand. The return address in the left corner caught his attention.
' Samuel K. Patel, Esq. ' Chuck read and immediately new that it was going to be a fun morning. "Sarah?" he called out as he opened the clasp holding the envelope closed.
"In here, Chuck…slaving over this hot stove so my future husband has something to eat…I wouldn't want him to waste away…at least not until after I get my morning workout…" Sarah stopped when she felt Chuck's arms wrap around her waist and felt his warm breath on her neck as he nuzzled at one of her weak points. "Chuck…you're all sweaty…and it wasn't my fault. Go take a shower…"
""Yes ma'am…are you gonna be this bossy after we're married?" he replied as he let her go.
"Oh no…I'm gonna be even bossier…is that a word? Well, no matter…you get the idea?" Sarah asked as she returned to her project on the stove top.
"Can't wait" he shot back. "I'm gonna go take that shower…how would you like to read this?" he asked, waving the envelope.
"What is it?"
"Would you believe something from a lawyer named Patel?"
"Patel?…as in Lester Patel?" Sarah asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yep…his cousin, as a matter of fact"
"Oh yeah…leave it on the table…I'll open it after I get your breakfast ready…oh, sorry 'Ace', I was right…we're out of kippers…I hope an omelet will be an acceptable substitute?"
"Oh yeah…that sounds great…oh, Morgan should be stopping by soon…he went home to change out of his prom tuxedo…don't ask…I'll tell you later. Hey, when he gets here, tell him you found a recipe on-line and made him chicken vindaloo…be back soon, all clean and irresistible" Chuck promised after tossing the envelope onto the table and walking to the bathroom.
0-0-0-0-0-00-
Chuck finished lacing up his 'chucks' and, rising form the bed, strolled back out to the kitchen. He found Sarah seated at the table and immediately became worried by the fresh tears on her face. He looked around and then noticed the stack of papers in front of his fiancé and was about to ask what was wrong when he realized that she wasn't crying…well, she was, but she was also shaking and smiling.
"What is it, Sarah?"
"Chuck…just sit down and don't say a word…" she finally managed to choke out, "…just listen". Picking up a piece of paper, she started to read aloud while she struggled to keep a straight face.
'Mr. Bartowski, please find enclosed copies of two employment contracts for my clients…Mr. Lester Patel and Mr. Jeffrey Barnes. Following their instructions, I've made sure that the contracts included all of the pertinent facts and conditions as explained to me by Mr. Lester Patel…who explained that that you had given him all of the information contained here-in. Once you have gone over the documents, all that will be needed is your signature…and the first pay-checks for Mr. Patel and Mr. Barnes…'
Sarah howled as fresh tears started down her face. Chuck reached over and took the paper from Sarah's hands and after scanning the page, continued to read aloud.
'…also enclosed you will find a DVD containing several music videos that you may use for advertising purposes…provided you are willing to pay the additional licensing fees for the use of the material , as performed by 'JEFFSTER', the thriving entertainment group containing, and solely made up of my clients …' Chuck paused as he reached for one of the 'contracts' that was sitting in front of him, picking it up he started to skim over the page and then paused, looking over at Sarah who was still struggling to contain her laughter.
"Sarah?" Chuck said, "did you already look at the DVD?"
Unable to speak, Sarah grabbed the laptop in front of her and spun it around so Chuck could see the screen. Reaching over, she hit the enter key and the sound of a Sitar started to pour from the computer's speakers. Chuck couldn't turn away as the sight of Jeffrey Barnes, wearing what looked like a baggy orange diaper, sat playing the classical Indian instrument. Moments later, Lester appeared with a microphone in his hand. Wearing a classic Nehru jacket and what looked like baggy pants borrowed from MC Hammer, Lester began moving, in what Chuck was sure was a painful manner, while he sang…"Stand By Your Man". He couldn't help it…he howled and soon joined Sarah as they wiped the tears from their eyes.
"Bollywood?…and Loretta Lynn?…and a drum machine ?…please, tell me there's more…this can't be the only …well, I hate to use the term…video?" Chuck managed to weeze out, still unable to take his eyes of the screen.
"Oh yeah…" Sarah managed to answer. "…although this is the only one I've watched…I was afraid…and I wanted you with me…in case I passed out."
"That was actually a good idea…if one of us drops, the other can pause the video until we're both ready again" Chuck said as he glanced up and caught Sarah's red-rimmed eyes. "Maybe we should make Casey watch this with us…that is the only way this could be any funnier."
"True…but Casey might hurt you…you know how he is."
"Sarah?…believe it or not, I think Casey has a very twisted sense of humor…sure he keeps it buried but I'm sure it's there.
"What are you talking about, Chuck…Major John Casey doesn't have a sense of humor…I believe he murdered it, years ago."
"Sarah…I caught him watching Bubba Ho-Tep…and laughing" Chuck said with a smile as he watched Sarah's eyes open wide. "Honest" he added as he saw the look of disbelief in her eyes. "plus, I checked his Tivo, when he wasn't around, and he's got some movies that shocked me…really…Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, Blues Brothers…and lots of other classics. I'm telling you, Casey actually has a sense of humor."
Before Sarah could reply, there was a knock at the door just as it swung open to reveal Morgan, with Casey standing behind him.
"Hello…" Morgan said as he walked in, Casey just a step behind him.
Chuck smiled as a weird mental image hit him. "You know Casey…all you need is a black leather jacket with the words…"
"Moron…if you say 'One Wolf'...I will end you" Casey growled at him.
Chuck couldn't help himself…the fact that, somehow or other, Casey had caught his reference left him breathless…clutching his sides as he laughed harder. Morgan and Sarah both missed the interplay between the two men but it didn't matter because by then, Morgan was standing behind Chuck, looking over his shoulder and Sarah had picked up one of the contracts and after beginning to read…the end result being that both of them were soon laughing, leaving only Casey without a smile. Chuck decided to remedy that situation…with drastic measures.
"Casey…I have something you have to watch…" Chuck as he stood up and hit the restart key and then the pause. Offering his chair , he waited until Casey had sit down and Morgan had pulled up a chair next to him before hitting the start key and then stepped back to watch the reaction as two new victims were exposed to 'Jeffster'. He caught Sarah's eyes and nodded, knowing that she was waiting with anticipation, to see the reaction. Easing quickly around the table, he stood behind her and held his breath as the first notes from the Sitar began to play…
A/N: A cliffie?…nah, just tired and…well, wanted to save some more 'Jeffster' goodness for the next chapter. Casey's reaction? The contract's contents? Casey's search for a new head after his old one explodes?…review, please…if you have the time…and the desire… JT
Hey Quistie...does this count as a cliffie? Sorta?