A/N: Don't hate me for this chapter - it's got to be done. Part of the bigger picture of the story. But thank you for the nice reviews :)

Sarah x

Serena had to take deep breaths as she closed the door behind her. What was she meant to tell them? Eleanor was home; the TV was blaring through the house, as per usual. Ric was home; she could smell the beginnings of dinner coming down the hall.

She decided to act like nothing had happened, praying to a God she didn't believe in that nobody had told Ric she'd sat and got drunk for approximately three hours, and another three hours sleeping it off. Some way to spend her day.

Walking through to the living room, she noticed Eleanor was watching BBC news, and she panicked. "Turn that off, please, darling," she said, keeping her voice level.

"But I'm watching it!" Eleanor argued. Serena heard the start of the local section of the news and grew more uptight, not wanting her daughter to know what was going on.

"It's not a request or a debate, Eleanor," she warned, still in control of her voice. "Turn it off."

"No," the teenager argued, and Serena could hear the familiar voice announcing the programme, and her nerves started to fall apart. "It's just the news! It's not some mental music channel, is it?!"

"The young doctor who vanished for almost two decades has been-" the man on the television began, and fear and panic took over Serena's body.

"Turn it off now!" Serena shouted, and she stunned herself when she picked up the nearest object, a clear vase with flowers, and threw it with all her might, narrowly missing Eleanor. It wasn't just out of sheer temper, though, along with fear and terror, that was what was primarily driving her to lose the plot slightly. It was to drown out her name, and distract Eleanor from seeing her mother's face on the television. Eleanor's terrified scream alone achieved that. She ducked, her arms over her head to protect herself.

"What the hell is going on?!" Ric yelled over the commotion. Serena quickly grabbed the remote control and switched the TV off. Her hands were shaking like they'd not done in years, and she was finding herself terrified of her own instability.

She couldn't do this. What was she becoming? Throwing a vase at her own daughter?!

"Mum just went psycho," Eleanor announced, never taking her eyes off her mother. It was a heavy, tense silence that descended between them. It was the first time Eleanor had ever been truly scared of Serena.

"Serena?" Ric asked, touching her arm lightly. She yanked it away and stormed upstairs. She wasn't having this. She was not going to have her own daughter scared of her. She was not going to live in a house with her partner and daughter when she couldn't trust herself not to hurt them, or herself.

She threw a holdall onto the bed, tearing clothes out of the drawers without looking. She had no plan. She just needed out of here. She just needed to leave them in peace. They were better off without her; Ric was perfectly capable of keeping Eleanor on the straight and narrow with out Serena's help.

She threw her trainers into the bag, going to her bathroom to get toiletries. She got her phone charger, laptop and laptop charger out of her bedside cabinet. "This is the answer to everything, is it?" Ric's deep voice demanded quietly from the door.

"I have to go," she replied, wiping tears from her cheeks; she hadn't realised until now she was silently crying. "I can't stay here."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Just don't, Ric," she begged. "Just don't try and stop me. You don't want me here. Not just now anyway."

"Of course I want you here!" he argued, and she could almost feel the frustration and helplessness radiating from him. This was exactly what Serena was trying her utmost to avoid. She'd known she was pushing her luck when she had allowed him to love her and take care of her. She'd always known it was a matter of time before she was going to push him out once too often.

"No, Ric, you want to keep an eye on me," she contradicted him. "There's a difference."

"Don't be so silly," he scolded her, coming into the bedroom.

"Let me go, Ric," she pleaded. "Please, just let me go. I'll be fine. Take care of Eleanor," she reminded him she was leaving her daughter here, truly going it alone for the first time in almost twenty years.

"Serena," he said, "why are you doing this?"

"Because I have to. Because I can't stay with you and Eleanor when I know I'm so unbearable that you can't love me anymore," she said. "Because you're better without me."

"Of course I love you!" he almost shouted. "After all we've been through, how can you possibly doubt that?!" he said as she zipped up her holdall and thought of a snag – her car was at the hospital and she was illegal to drive. Taxi it was to be, then. Or the bus. Whichever got her out of here quickest. Or she could have stayed with one of her few friends.

"You don't really," she informed him. "You think I can't survive on my own. That's the only reason you haven't put your foot down and chucked me yet."

She picked up her phone and texted the only person she could think of who would take her in – Jac Naylor: Meet me, corner shop at the end of my street? 10 min? Xx

She looked at Ric for the first time, unable to find an excuse to preoccupy herself with her rushed packing. He looked pained and torn, and she knew he was debating whether to just let her walk. She believed, in the back of his mind, he wanted her to go. She believed she'd pushed him once too often.

Her phone vibrated in her hand and she read: Sure. What's going on? xx

Serena tapped her fingers lightly on the screen and replied: Explain later xx

She looked up at Ric again, taking his face gently in one hand, kissing his lips lightly. "I love you," she asserted. "I just can't make you live with me anymore."

She picked up her holdall, slinging it on her shoulder and almost running down the stairs. She got to the hall and looked into the living room. Eleanor was shaken by her mother's attack, but her eyes widened when she saw the bag and Serena's defensive stance towards the front door. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, knowing she would be heard over the silence of her broken home.

She walked towards the door, picking up her handbag on the way, and opened it. "Mum!" she heard Eleanor cry. "Mum!" Eleanor had got up and Serena closed the door; it was the only way she was going to have the strength to leave.

She walked down the street, hearing Eleanor running out the front door, followed by a second set of footsteps she assumed was Ric, shouting after her, "Mum! Come back!"

She almost stopped. She almost turned back. But instead she forced her legs to keep going, knowing that Ric was going to take care of the teenager. "Mum!" Eleanor screamed after her.

She just kept walking, reminding herself that she was doing this for them, so they didn't have to live with her madness. She was mad. It was the only reason she would have attacked Eleanor like that. What if it had hit her? What then? She wouldn't have been able to live with herself; she couldn't trust herself to behave. She had to go. She had to leave them alone.

She turned the corner and went into the shop, pulling change out of her pocket to buy a bottle of water – her throat was killing her from the level of shouting she'd done when she'd thrown the vase at Eleanor.

She waited outside the shop until Jac's car pulled up. She opened the passenger side door and asked, "Can I stay with you and Jonny tonight? Please?"

Jac gave her a strange look. It was a mix of suspicion and concern, but she replied regardless, "Of course."

"Thank you," Serena said sincerely, putting her bags on the back seat and getting in the front. She stared out the window, unable to hold back her tears any longer. Her sobs ripped through her chest and the silence, the hell of the day finally hitting her. She'd destroyed what little she'd managed to rebuild now, to protect them from her insanity. To make sure she couldn't hurt her daughter.

"What's happened?" Jac sighed, going against her usually indifferent nature. Serena couldn't reply. She just wiped her tears away with her sleeve, trying to control her breathing. Trying to exercise discipline before it turned into a full-scale panic attack. She could feel it in the way her chest was tightening and her breathing was becoming more difficult that she was in danger of letting Jac see just what happened when she fell apart.

"Serena?" she heard Jac ask, her voice full of true concern. "Serena, what's happened? Did Ric kick you out?"

"No," she managed to choke out. "No, I walked out."

"Why?"

Serena struggled against her mind and body for control of her breathing so she could speak properly. "Serena, why did you walk out on Ric and Eleanor?" she demanded.

"I-" she began, fighting for control of speech and breathing in her body. "I attacked Eleanor," she forced out, her voice broken and choked, like her body didn't want her to admit she was unstable.

"Attacked her?!" Jac repeated disbelievingly.

"She wouldn't turn the news off," Serena cried, knowing there was no excuse for what she did. She could only pray Ric hadn't told Eleanor what was going on. "She wouldn't turn the news off and I lost my cool. Threw a bloody vase at her."

Jac, of all people, would not judge her. She knew that much, and it was confirmed when the younger woman's slender hand linked itself in hers in a symbol or support. "I saw the news leaving the hospital. Is it true?" she asked, taking her hand away to change gear, resting it on Serena's leg afterwards.

"Yeah," Serena said. "Yeah. Every word."

They parked outside Jac and Jonny's home, and Serena got out and collected her things from the back seat. They entered the house, Jonny immediately taking Serena's bags from her; Jac must have phoned ahead to warn him. She was grateful they were being so good to her. She'd done nothing to earn it, and was surprised they weren't demanding answer after answer after answer before they let her into their home.

She sat on the sofa, her fingers tracing the long scar on her throat once again. She'd been doing that a lot recently, she noticed. Maybe it was her subconscious warning her there was trouble and pain ahead for her yet again.

Jac sat beside her and Jonny disappeared, returning a few minutes later with three mugs of coffee. "Thank you," she whispered, not really knowing what else to say. She didn't like to depend of others, so this was a massive step she was taking – at least she was with friends and not in some unfamiliar, bare flat, six weeks pregnant, running from a ghost no-one else could see, with nowhere to turn. It was a step up, at least.

Hope this is OK!
Please feel free to review and tell me your thoughts!
Sarah x