A/N: This is the seventh chapter, and probably the one where Serena's resolve is finally beginning to crack. Thanks for all the reviews so far :)

Sarah x

Serena stood at the far end of Keller, unseen by James and Mariah, just watching them. He seemed confused, and Mariah seemed...jumpy. That look on her face, Serena remembered all too well; she wasn't going to listen to reason. She had worn that very same expression when she had slapped a registrar as a young nurse, because he had ran a hand down her back without asking. It later transpired that the poor man had merely seen some cellophane statically stuck to her back and tried to brush it off, but Mariah hadn't waited for an explanation.

She was torn; there was a part of her curious to know whether Mariah would accept her version of events, but the part of her terrified of the possible outcomes won out every time without fail.

Mariah met Serena's gaze, looking hurt. Serena felt slightly guilty. She knew she had left her best friend with no explanation, no knowledge of where she was, who she was with, if she was safe, or even if she was still alive. It was one of the most selfish things she had ever done but, until now, she had never really regretted it.

Until now, it was what it was – it was what she had to do.

"Serena?" Malick's voice brought her back to where she didn't want to be. "You OK?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm going to be on AAU today. Tell Ric, would you?" she asked.

"Don't you think you should speak to him?" Malick reminded her. So someone had told him then. She had expected as much. Ric and Malick had a tendency to confide in each other. Serena glared at him, waiting for him to explain his remark. Eventually he admitted, "Ric told me you walked out last night. He just wants you to come back."

"He wants me where he can see me," Serena contradicted. Malick groaned in disdain and came to stand in front of her. His hands fell lightly on to her shoulders, his fingers squeezing lightly.

"Is it true? What they're saying?" he asked. Serena nodded. "Then the best thing you can do is talk. Talk to Mariah. Talk to Ric. Talk to Eleanor."

"I will. When I'm ready," she amended before he carted her over to Mariah himself. She knew she was digging her heels in now, but it was fuelled by nothing more or less than fear. "I promise." Why she said that, she would never understand; it was a promise she was almost certain she could not keep. She was probably just attempting to appease him, and she believed that if he knew she was still functioning and still looking to the future, Malick had no right to berate her.

She was alarmed to find Ric approaching, and tried to think of an excuse to leave. "I've got to go down to AAU," she whispered hastily to Malick, who was confused by her sudden wish to depart.

"Serena!" Ric called when she turned her back to them. She stopped dead, unable to move. Her feet wouldn't go forward but her head wouldn't let them take her back. She folded her arms across her chest, like they were protecting her heart. A stupid notion, but it was somewhat of a comfort to her. "Serena!" he said again.

She still did not turn, but she heard his footsteps coming towards her. She had known this was unavoidable; she just hoped she would have been able to dodge him for longer. Before she could process the command to her feet to move, she was staring him in the face, aware that her expression was stony and hoping the hurt and fear was well disguised. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm alive," she asserted harshly, though she could feel her voice catching in her throat and heard it was coming out slightly choked. Why did her body pick such inconvenient times to rebel against her lies? She was not really alive. She was surviving, and only just by the skin of her teeth. Big difference.

"Just," he raised an eyebrow at her. "Serena, come home. Please," he said, his tone pleading with her. "Where are you even staying?" he demanded.

"That doesn't matter," she evaded, not wanting him to know. He would only pester her to see his version of common sense. "All you need to know is that I'm safe," she added, eternally grateful that Jac and Jonny hadn't told anyone where she was staying for now.

"Ms. McKinn- sorry, Ms. Campbell!" she heard Mariah call out to her.

"You have got to be kidding!" Serena groaned when Mariah came up to her side. "How can I help?" she smiled, trying to be polite.

"Can I have a word?"

"Well, I have to be somewhere else, I'm afraid, but I'm sure Mr. Griffin and Mr. Malick can answer any questions you and your husband have," Serena brushed off the question.

"I didn't mean about James," Mariah retorted sternly. Serena tried to walk away but Mariah's hand wrapped around her arm and tried to pull her back. In a flash of panic, of memories spinning in her mind, Serena threw her back, and Malick had to catch Mariah so she didn't fall.

When Serena turned, she saw Mariah and Malick, him making sure she was alright, and Ric looking extremely worried. She briefly held his stare, trying not to let him see how much she was trying to deal with. It was all gathering inside her, and she felt her mind threatening to burst at the seams.

"I must apologise," Ric said when Serena remained silent. "Ms. Campbell can be easily frightened at times."

"I don't need you to speak for me Ric," she snarled quietly.

"Clearly you do," he argued. "With me," he ordered her, taking her hand.

"No," she yanked it from his grip. "I'm due on AAU. Goodbye," she snapped. Walking away, she realised it was something that was all too easy for her to do these days. Walking away was second nature to her now. Her finger hit the button with too much force, a sharp pain on impact. Temper was another thing that came too easily out of her.

Impatience overcame her and she gave up on the lift and resolved to take the stairs; she couldn't bear to remain on Keller any longer. She just knew Ric was itching to come after her but too cowardly to actually do it. She half-wished he had come after her. At least then she would have known he was willing to fight for her, rather than letting her run off to fight for herself all the time.

It was only when she got to the last stair, the madness of the AAU corridor surrounding her, swallowing her up, that she realised that everything she hadn't said, everything she hadn't done, everything she hadn't felt, was now built up inside her with no escape route.

She looked around her; the early morning rush of people was consuming her, making her feel closed in, making everything inside her just feel even more saturated. She fell back, leaning on the vending machine, trying to collect herself. It just wasn't working this time. There was so much anger and pain and fear and panic built up inside her, and she didn't know what to do with it. If she kept it in any long, it was going to suffocate her.

She just watched them all go by. The sick and the healthy. The medics and the patients. The visitors and the relatives. Each and every one of them with their own past and their own story to tell.

She turned around in an attempt to ignore the sea of people, staring at the vending machine. She wasn't staring at anything in particular; it was just her eyes fixed there. Her mind was off on a tangent, trying to make sense of it all.

It was too much now. She had tried talking it over with Jonny last night but she didn't feel any better about anything; it had only made it real.

Her temper was rising; she felt it forcing its way through her mind like a tidal wave of anguish and anxiety battering it's way to her attention. It had been ignored too long. She realised too late that she had raised her fist, punching the machine with all her might. She kicked it, punched it, elbowed it, with every ounce of strength she had left.

The rattling of the machine as she abused it was somewhat satisfying – there was something else one the planet that was under the level of strain she was falling to pieces under.

Her therapy came to an end when she heard Chrissie Levy's voice shout, "Serena!" and there were hurried footsteps of people pushing through the crowd of people. "Serena!" she shouted. There were a pair of hands on each of her arms, restraining her.

They pulled her back until she was no longer kicking out, and inconspicuously led her to the consultant's office, sitting her down in Michael's chair. Sacha gently closed the door and looked down on her with a mixture of what Serena read as concern and a debate on whether he really wanted to know.

"Whatever is wrong, I don't think the vending machine did anything to deserve that," Sacha smiled at her. She didn't speak, watching Chrissie sit on Michael's desk and Sacha standing with an arm around his wife's shoulders.

"Is this because of what they've said on the news?" Chrissie asked. Serena wasn't paying attention. She was just staring at the floor, unable to say a thing. Just wondering. Wondering why all this had to happen to her. Of all the people in the world, it was her who had to face her friends and colleagues in the knowledge that her past was being put on show for them. "Serena?"

She still didn't reply, and Sacha whispered to Chrissie, "Do you think we should call Ric? Hanssen, maybe?"

"Do it and die, Levy," she threatened, her throat trying to stop her. He held his free hand up in acceptance of her wishes. "Just let me go to work."

"Is that a good idea?" Chrissie asked sceptically.

"It's the only one I have," Serena reasoned. She stood up, unhappy to find her legs were shaking, and she strode over to the door. Her hand on the handle, she contemplated turning back and speaking to them, but she didn't know where to begin. How was she even to begin to discuss what this was doing to her? The waiting game. Waiting for Mariah to disappear into the past again, and for this whole ordeal to blow over.

Instead, she opened the door and walked out onto the unit, looking around her. She took a file from the closest nurse and went to the patient's bedside and examined him. Like nothing had happened. Like she wasn't breaking at the cracks.

Hope this is alright!
Please feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think!
Sarah x