The Courting Games
Chapter Five: Books and Cleverness
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Author's Note: Welcome to another chapter! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favourited, you guys are a little scary and homicidal but I love you anyway! (Seriously you guys have given this kill Umbridge thing waaaaaaaaaaaay too much thought *winks*). And by popular vote, Dumbledore will be making an appearance in robes with tap dancing pineapples on them sometime in the near future.
Now on to the story!
Malfoy really did have a great ass, Harry reflected, watching the blond saunter off like he owned the castle.
"Git, strutting around like he owns the bloody world," muttered Ron angrily.
Harry rolled his eyes.
"Ron you know what Malfoy on a power trip is like. I don't get why you constantly pick a fight when you know you're gonna get burned for it."
Ron snorted.
"Coming from the guy who has detention from now until the end of seventh year that means...absolutely nothing," Ron commented grinning and slinging a long arm around Harry's shoulders.
"You could both stand to exercise some self-control, they wouldn't look nearly as smug if you didn't rise to their bait every single time," Hermione said pointedly.
"True but we'd have less fun," Harry said.
"Boys, honestly, this is right up there with the fascination with sports, blowing things up, and the inability to ask for directions."
Ron hooked his other arm around Hermione's waist.
"You wouldn't have us any other way," he declared smugly.
Hermione rolled her eyes, but she was grinning broadly so Harry had to agree with Ron's assessment. They stayed that way all the way down to the dungeons. The door to the potions classroom swung open and Snape appeared looking distinctly irritated.
"Weasley, stop mauling Potter and Granger, ten points from Gryffindor," snapped Snape.
The Slytherins snickered as the trio separated begrudgingly and the students filed into the classroom. Harry, Ron and Hermione claimed their usual bench at the back and Neville slid in next to Hermione. They took out their parchment quills and their copies of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi. The door slammed shut with a loud bang and the students fell immediately silent as they turned their attention to the front of the classroom.
It became immediately apparent what had put Snape in what had to be the foulest mood Harry had seen him in since his first day of potions class.
"You will notice that we have a guest with us today," he said in his usual low sneering voice, his lips curling away from his teeth slightly as he gestured to the dim corner to the right of the blackboard where Umbridge perched on a stool, legs crossed and a clipboard leaning against her knee.
Snape and Umbridge, the two people in Hogwarts he hated most right now. It wasn't difficult to decide who he was rooting for. Snape may have hated him on sight and tried to get him expelled several times as well as making his classes a living hell, but he had never tortured him, he didn't lie or wear pink or pretend to clear his throat. Right now it was his dearest wish to watch Umbridge as her self-esteem was slashed to ribbons by Snape's razor wit. A sentiment he was pretty sure was supported by everyone in the room.
"We are continuing with our Strengthening Solution today. You will find your mixtures as you left them last lesson. If correctly made they should have matured well over the weekend. Instructions," he said waving his wand, "Are on the board. Carry on."
The instructions appeared in their usual neat block letters on the blackboard. Harry chewed his lower lip trying to decide, should he write off the lesson and focus on watching Umbridge? Or should he focus on the potion since for once it looked close to Hermione's and if he got this next half right he might get an Exceeds Expectations on his practical work? Honestly, between his nightmares, sneaking into the Slytherin common room and his run that morning, he really just did not want to make trouble for himself, he was too tired. With a regretful sigh he bent to his potion and completely ignored Umbridge as she started making notes.
Harry had just added a few drops of the salamander blood turning his potion from turquoise to a sort of purplish pink color when he heard the click of high heels on the stones of the dungeon floor. He charmed his spoon to self-stir and sat back to watch the proceedings with relish.
Snape was leaning over Dean's cauldron instructing him caustically on how to turn his potion from a sparking green mess back to something resembling correct.
"Well, the class seems fairly advanced for their level," said Umbridge briskly to Snape's back, "Though I would question whether or not it is advisable to teach them a potion like the Strengthening Solution. I think the Ministry would prefer it if that was removed from the syllabus."
Snape, straightened slowly, and arched an eyebrow at her as if he couldn't really believe she dared interrupt him.
Umbridge for her part made a quick note on her clipboard.
"Now, how long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?"
"Fourteen years," said Snape his words slow and measured but distinctly clipped.
"As I understand it you applied for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position."
"Yes."
"But were unsuccessful."
"Obviously," sneered Snape.
"And though you have reapplied each year you have been consistently denied the position."
"Indeed."
"Have you any idea as to why Dumbledore continues to deny your request for transfer?"
"I suggest you ask him."
"Oh, I shall."
"I suppose there is some relevance to this line of questioning."
"Oh, yes, the Ministry wants a very thorough understanding of the teachers'...backgrounds..." said Umbridge sweetly.
Harry wondered if she knew that Snape's background included a thorough study of the dark arts and a place in Voldemort's inner circle. He suspected not else she wouldn't be so flippant about the sheer intensity of the black rage that emanated from the Slytherin Head of House.
Umbridge turned to survey the classroom and her eyes locked on him and a nasty smile spread across her toad-like face. Harry gave a little internal sigh, here they went again.
"Mr. Potter, how do you find Professor Snape as an educator?" she asked him.
It was a blatant trap, suck up and diminish a Dumbledore appointed professor's credibility or say Snape sucked and take the fallout of his wrath. Well, Harry was used to Snape's wrath and he'd rather keep a wrathful Snape than have another Ministry toady appointed in his place.
"To be honest, I don't like Professor Snape and I never have, his teaching methods leave everything to be desired and not only does he blatantly favour Slytherin house, but he also has been harassing me personally for years," said Harry in a low and bitterly disgruntled voice.
"Thank you for your honesty, Mr. Potter," she said smiling sickeningly and making another note on her clipboard.
Umbridge made a few notes on her clipboard and moved on to Pansy Parkinson who immediately began hotly extolling Snape's many and varied virtues. Harry couldn't have planned the contrast better if he'd tried. Snape stalked over to Harry's work station his black robes billowing behind him in a singularly menacing fashion. He examined Harry's potion carefully but it was the proper color as described by the instructions and only a shade off from Hermione's own perfect potion.
"10 points from Gryffindor for that little speech. Bottle that, Potter, and start on the homework. I will speak to you after class," he hissed in a low angry voice.
"Yes, sir," Harry agreed.
Snape then turned around to snap at Parvati for adding pomegranate juice instead of her salamander blood.
It could have been worse. Harry reminded himself, as he carefully bottled and stoppered his completed potion. Snape could have given him detention, or a punishment essay. Hermione was beaming at him proudly, while Neville was trembling slightly in fear.
"Good on you, mate," Ron mouthed.
Across the classroom Malfoy turned briefly in his seat ostensibly to consult with Theodore Nott who was sitting behind him. Their eyes met across the crowded classroom and his lips twitched upward on the one side as he gave a barely there nod of acknowledgement.
With his potion actually done on time and to the specifications he was able to actually finish his potions homework in class and have Hermione's whispered help when he got stuck on a question. If it weren't for the hazard of Snape's wrath, and Neville and Ron brewing on either side of him he might have actually enjoyed the class and found it useful and productive. Maybe he would finish Snape's essay tonight in the common room and get it out of the way.
Neville had given him what he needed for Sprout's essay at breakfast so if he was fast he might be able to get two done tonight, he was going to need another source for McGonagall's essay, maybe two, but he didn't want to borrow Hermione's because for once he wanted his Head of House to see that he took her class seriously. He'd already skived off History of Magic to get Hedwig to Professor Grubbly-Plank so he couldn't skip Divination but he could at least start his Charms essay, Trelawney would never notice. Then he could go to the library during lunch, answer Malfoy's questions, get the books he needed for McGonagall and now that he thought about it maybe a secondary source would get him a better grade on his Potions essay, Merlin knew he could use one. If he got Potions and Herbology both done after dinner tonight he could finish Charms when he inevitably woke up in the middle of the night and then all he would have to do would be McGonagall's essay and whatever Trelawney assigned for homework...and good grief he was turning into Hermione.
Despite that thought Harry's brain was bursting with plans on how to spend his extra time. He could set up an obstacle course for the DA and he wanted to teach them Reducto and Bombarda. He would do it after the course though so that they didn't just try to plough through it. Also he should probably teach them something about ducking, dodging, and falling. He also wanted to advance his own knowledge of the subject, keep ahead of the curve, so he added a few Defence books to his mental list of things to pick up at the Library.
"Your time is up, bottle what you have in your cauldron, if you cannot pass a bottle through it, it is not fit for grading and you will receive no marks," Snape said.
Those students who hadn't finished already, bottled their potions labelled them carefully and neatly and put them in the usual spot. Then they filed out in groups of two and three.
"You want us to wait for you mate?" asked Ron shooting a surreptitious glare at Snape's turned back.
"No, it's alright, you guys head up there, I'll see you in Divination," Harry said gathering his books.
"You're not going to have lunch," tsked Hermione disapprovingly.
"I've got a roll and some cheese left from breakfast, I need to get something from the Library," Harry said.
Ron's eyebrows shot up into his hairline and for what had to be the second or third time today Hermione beamed at him proudly.
"Are you feeling alright mate?" asked Ron.
"Fine, I just want to get the homework done so I can work on other things," Harry said pointedly.
At this Ron's expression cleared and he nodded his understanding.
"Do you want me to come with you?" asked Hermione.
"Thanks Mione, but I'll be fine on my own."
"C'mon Mione, I'm starving."
"Honestly Ron, do you ever think of anything besides food and Quidditch?" sighed Hermione exasperatedly as they left the classroom.
Soon Harry and Snape were the only two people left in the room. With a wave of his wand Snape shut the door behind the class and strode over to where Harry leaned casually against his desk.
"So, Potter, you, in all your arrogance, feel that my teaching methods leave something to be desired," sneered Snape.
Harry watched him carefully but Snape showed no signs of being in a more bloodthirsty mood than usual, so he had about a fifty-fifty chance of getting away from this conversation unscathed. Harry gave an internal shrug, he was a Gryffindor, he could live with those odds.
"With all due respect sir, let's not pretend there's something like a student-teacher relationship between the two of us. You've hated me since the day I walked into this school. I don't know your reasons and frankly I don't care what they are because pretty much after day one in this classroom the hostility was mutual. That doesn't mean that I don't know you're one of the most brilliant potions masters around, and that doesn't mean that I want you replaced with some textbook ministry toady. So yes, I insulted your methods, because my word against yours means absolutely nothing and in fact works in your favour."
Snape arched a brow.
"You are of course labouring under the assumption that I did not already know the purpose of your little melodrama. There is a muggle saying I believe applies, go teach your grandmother to suck eggs."
"Sorry, sir," Harry winced inwardly.
Of course Snape knew what he was up to. He was a Slytherin spy for Merlin's sake!
"10 points to Gryffindor, for finally learning to use the barest ounce of discretion and subtlety. Now get out of my sight, Potter, before I return to my senses."
Harry did what any sensible person would have done. He grabbed his books and fled the potions classroom.
Since the corridors were mostly empty of students, they having all gone down to lunch, Harry ran from the dungeons all the way up to the second floor and the Library. He only had a half-hour before divination and he had a lot to get done.
He chose a table near the back away from a group of serious looking seventh year Ravenclaws who were comparing notes over a massive textbook with very small type. Tucked into his dark corner and sure that no one was watching him, Harry took the scroll Malfoy had slipped him earlier out of his back pocket, enlarged it back to its proper size and began to read.
Well if getting my attention was your goal, you certainly have it now.
How did you manage to get into my dorm? Not only is there the fact that you needed to find the Slytherin common room, get the password, sneak past anyone that might have been awake you also had to dismantle my personal wards. Though I suppose you must have hit me with a sleeping spell as I haven't overslept on a school day since I was nine years old.
What am I getting out of this? Answers for one. Knowledge is power after all and even if nothing else comes of this I will know more about a potential enemy. Besides which I have the chance to ask you about things I have always wondered. For another thing you are not unattractive yourself, and I would not mind getting you into bed at all.
Harry felt himself flush slightly and he bit his lip on a pleased grin.
Spare time. Well, I consider spare time to be when I have no obligations, compulsory or voluntary; after all it is not spare time if you've boxed it off for homework or tutoring. Usually in my rare moments of spare time I walk by the lake or read a book. Why would I waste my spare time doing something I did not want to be doing? That is ludicrous.
I remember when I was younger I wanted a brother or sister. My family spent a lot of time travelling and I didn't have any playmates my own age. I have since come to realize however that I really don't want any siblings as I abhor sharing. As to my other family, my father was an only child, his mother died in childbirth. My grandfather, Abraxus Malfoy, was forced to relocate to France after the Dark Lord's defeat and he remarried to a widow from the French nobility, a comtesse. I only met my maternal grandfather once or twice that I can recall but his wife was a dragon of the first order. My mother had two sisters; one married a muggleborn and was disowned, so of course we never speak of her. My other aunt is rather famous, Bellatrix Lestrange, she was imprisoned in Azkaban for being a Death Eater after the first war. She's married to Rodolphus Lestrange but from what I can gather they don't like each other very much so I don't expect I will ever have immediate cousins. The Blacks and the Malfoys are very old families and we have blood ties to all the pureblood families, in fact if I am not mistaken your great grandfather married a Black. My middle name is Lucius, of course, it's tradition, the first born son takes the name of his father as his middle name, the first born daughter the name of her mother. That's why your middle name is James. It amazes me how much you don't know about your own culture.
My favourite room at Hogwarts would have to be the Great Hall, I love watching the enchanted ceiling. The night Black broke into the castle and we all slept in sleeping bags on the floor, I didn't actually sleep. I stayed up all night and just watched the ceiling. I only wish I could do it more often without looking like a fool. At home my favourite room would have to be the upper floor of the Malfoy library. There's a large window that overlooks the gardens that gets sun for most of the day, and sports a comfortable reading nook. I can honestly say that I spend the majority of my summer there.
I don't play exclusively for the home team, as you put it, I am perfectly willing to join either side and have been since I hit puberty. Pansy and I had a brief and heated fling in fourth year and we both decided we were better off remaining friends, much to the disappointment of our parents. They had been hoping for an alliance match. As it is my mother is trying to press me into agreeing to a betrothal arrangement with Astoria Greengrass. Astoria is not happy about the whole affair and it was she who sent you that first note, in case you were interested to know, in order to embarrass me and ruin the arrangement. As if I would have agreed to the contract in the first place.
Harry could practically hear the sneer in that last sentence.
But yes, Pansy is just that clingy.
Favourite color? Green, of course. Besides being a Slytherin color it also happens to look amazing on me. My favourite food would have to be chocolate mousse, light and fluffy with rich flavour, delicious. My Team is Puddlemere United, they are only the oldest and the most successful team in the league, they won the league cup 22 times and their players hold the most Quidditch records. No one else can compare! My favourite subject would have to be Arithmacy, I do love potions but it has to come in second, there is something about the feeling you get when you finally solve the puzzle and get the answer to the problem, besides which Professor Vector is an excellent teacher.
I'll have you know that I only spend ten minutes on my hair! It is after all perfect and needs little coaxing back to neatness. As to the question of uniform, I shudder to contemplate. I like uniforms it saves me the trouble of having to coordinate a suitably stylish outfit every morning. If I had to choose it would likely be something green or perhaps white.
While we're on the subject of appearances, do you even own a brush? And why when you're out of uniform do you walk around in clothes that are not only ill fitting and ugly, but also look ready to fall apart at the seams?
How did you, Weasley and Granger ever become friends? As I recall you and Weasley didn't even like Granger much.
Do you read much? I can't say I've ever noticed either way, Granger has always been the bookish one in your group. If so, what is your favourite book, and why? If not, what would you rather be doing?
Why do you continually antagonize Umbridge when you know you're going to lose points for your house and get detention? What will you do if she doesn't allow the Gryffindor team to play in the house league?
If you could do anything you wanted after Hogwarts what would it be and why?
What do you do on your summer hols? Why do you never go home or away during the Christmas break?
At the risk of being repetitive I will also ask, what is your favourite color? Food? Subject? Team? Season? Holiday? Type of music? And why?
How do you feel knowing Sirius Black is out there, and hasn't been sighted for several months now?
Who, excluding Lupin, would you pick if you absolutely had to have one of our previous defence teachers for another year?
I feel I should warn you that because of its incriminating contents I've hexed this letter. I wouldn't let anyone read it if I were you. The results would not be pretty.
Well, I'm out of time. I'll see you around.
Harry glanced at his watch, alright he had ten minutes to write his response and another ten to grab his books and then he had five to get up to the North Tower in time for Divination. He grabbed a blank piece of parchment and began scribbling furiously, trying to get everything he wanted to say down. Soon he and Malfoy were going to actually have to have a conversation or else invest in the parchment industry.
He paused. That actually wasn't a terrible idea, a kind of date. He chewed on his lip thinking and then he gingerly wrote the question out. Before he could change his mind he folded up the parchment and stuck it into his back pocket. He really needed to find out how to hex the papers so that they needed a password in order to read them. It wouldn't do if he lost them and some poor firstie ended up with their eyeballs liquefied or something. Sirius would know how to do it. If they had time maybe Harry would ask him tonight when he visited. In the mean time he did the best he could to keep the letter from being read by prying eyes.
Harry grabbed his book bag and headed into the stacks. Scanning the titles Harry found what he wanted easily enough, he was friends with Hermione after all, you didn't hang around her without picking up how to use the library. He signed out the books under Madam Pince's suspicious glaring gaze and took three short cuts to get up to Divination on time.
"Cutting it a bit close there," Ron told him as he flopped onto his pouffe.
"Made it though," Harry pointed out, tiredly.
Gods he was exhausted and the hot, stuffy, heavily perfumed divination room was just making his eyelids droop. If he didn't get at least six hours sleep tonight he would be done for the rest of the week.
Professor Trelawney slammed a copy of The Dream Oracle down on the table between Harry and Ron jolting Harry back into semi-alertness. She actually threw another copy and Seamus and Dean narrowly avoiding Seamus' head, and she shoved the last one into Neville's chest so hard he toppled off his pouffe.
"Well, get on with it! You know what to do, unless I'm such a sub-standard teacher you never learned how to open a book!" she shouted sounding angry and somewhat hysterical.
The whole class looked at her with wide eyes and then glanced at each other in confusion. Harry however had some idea of what was wrong.
"She must have gotten the results of her assessment back," he told Ron as she stomped back to her chair blinking angry tears out of her eyes.
He pulled his Charms work out of his bag and, propping his head up with one hand, began his introduction with the other.
"You're not seriously working, are you?" asked Ron incredulously.
Lavender shot him a disgusted look absorbed as she was with hearing Professor Trelawney's tale of woe.
"The uses for the Slickening Charm are many and varied, but in this essay I will cover some of their main uses in practical defence...you're not even doing Divination work!" Ron sputtered indignant.
"Shut up!" hissed Harry, but Trelawney was too preoccupied to notice Ron's outburst, "Flitwick's essay is due tomorrow and I still have homework from Sprout, Snape and McGonagall. She'll never notice, the state she's in."
Ron snorted in agreement, as Trelawney stalked by their table muttering what sounded like threats under her breath and occasionally dashing the tears from her cheeks.
"Alright," sighed Ron, "If you're gonna be working I might as well," pulling out his own Charms text and a bit of parchment.
By the end of the period Harry had a complete rough draft of his essay done and had managed to bolt down his cheese and roll so that if Hermione asked he could truthfully say he had eaten something. Ron had managed about a half a foot of parchment on the uses of Slickening Spells for recreation and they were both dreading Defence.
They swung by classroom 7A to pick up Hermione who was lingering to ask Professor Vector about something. Ron went in to remind her that they were going to be late to Defence and Harry spotted Malfoy his nose practically touching a sheaf of parchment with a ton of numbers and letters and symbols scribbled all over it in his neat spiky writing.
Harry almost laughed out loud when the blond was so absorbed he didn't notice Harry creep up behind him and read over his shoulder his nose inches from his ear. Harry didn't push his luck too far though he carefully slipped his response into Malfoy's book bag.
Harry shook his head when the blond didn't twitch and muttered something about x and y and quickly went back to where Ron had left him to find that Ron had managed to pull Hermione away from her simple trinomials.
"You and Umbridge have something in common," he informed Hermione to save Ron from an annoyed earful.
Hermione gave him an affronted look.
"And what pray tell would that be? A double X chromosome?"
"I am not even going to pretend to know what that means, but Umbridge obviously things that Trelawney's a batty old fraud, too. Looks like she's put her on probation."
"That woman," growled Hermione, "If anyone is fraudulent it's her, as if she had any right—"
"In case you haven't noticed Mione, the Ministry has given her the right, hasn't it? If it weren't for Dumbledore, she'd have the school under her thumb by now," Ron pointed out as they entered the defence classroom.
"That doesn't mean I have to like it," sniffed Hermione as she slid into her usual seat.
Umbridge herself entered not a moment later, wearing her black velvet bow and a smug smile, and nodded to Malfoy as he slipped into the classroom just in time.
"Good morning class."
"Good morning Professor Umbridge," they chanted in droning unison.
"Wands away."
No one moved as no one had bothered to take their wands out. They had officially lost all hope for a practical lesson.
"Please turn to page thirty four in Defensive Magical Theory and read chapter three, A Case for Non-Offensive Response to Magical Attack. There will be –"
"—no need to talk," parroted Harry, Ron and Hermione under their breaths.
Harry was actually hopeful that there would be something worth reading about in the chapter. After all hadn't he just been thinking of teaching ducking and dodging to the DA? But Slinkard was droning on about diplomacy, compromise, and hugging it out. If someone was attacking you magically they didn't want to hug it out, that was probably why they were attacking you.
Rather than bother reading the textbook Harry pretended to be taking notes and instead wrote his own version of the chapter, A Case for Defensive and Escapist Response to Magical Attack, and if he added a few paragraphs of snide comments, well, no one was going to read it but him anyway.
AN: Well the note slipping was considerably less convoluted this time, but honestly one you've risked life and limb to get into the Slytherin dorms, nothing else really compares. Besides which it's hard to do sneaky dramatics with a school full of witnesses meandering around.
Alright, enough of my excuses, let me know if you think Harry is getting too smart too fast.
Please review!