Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn, nor do I own Pokemon or Pirates of the Caribbean. I do own my insanity, however.
5th Drink - I Gotta Catch 'Em All?
"Cheh!" I muttered under my breath. "I'll bring you to the brink of death, son of a bitch. After that, I'll take possession of your pitiful vessel and use it to fight my battles, forcing you to follow my half-assed strategies which are mostly offensive. I will then force you to fight with others of your kind, and kill them as well for my own purposes. I will also use you to kill off those of your kind who have been captured by those such as myself, only of a lower status. For I have defeated the best of this world, and there's no one to stop me. It's hopeless, so give up."
Luke threw an ultraball!
...
...
...
Shoot! So close!
"MOTHER FU-!" I threw the Gameboy towards my bed in exasperation. "WHY WON'T YOU GET IN THE FREAKING BALL, YOU STUPID REGICE!?" I started to grumble vulgarities, frustrated that the stupid Pokemon wouldn't get in the ball.
That's right. I was playing Pokemon Emerald when I was supposed to be updating.
...Why are you looking at me like that?
"Haah...That was my last ultraball...All I have left are normal pokeballs..." I settled onto my bed and deftly picked up the Gameboy. I growled the slightest bit, knowing that I'll just have to try my luck with the remaining pokeballs.
Luke threw a pokeball!
...
...
...
Gotcha! Regice was caught!
"SON OF A-"
The Event Room in Screwed-up Dreamland~
"Ara? Why are we here?" Tsuna asked Reborn, who was in his adult form. He was currently gathered in a wide, spacious white room together with his Guardians, comrades and the Varia.
"We were summoned here by the author," he simply replied. "Illusion-san wants you to do something humiliating, and I get to watch."
"Juudaime shouldn't be summoned by some terrible author just for the sake of entertainment!" Gokudera declared.
"VOIIIII! WE CAN'T BE FORCED TO DO SOMETHING BY SOME SHUT-IN LONER WITH NO LIFE!" Squalo screamed angrily as he waved his sword around.
Just then, two blocks of concrete dropped onto their heads, knocking them down onto the floor, and giving them a huge concussion.
"Ah, I'd rather you don't insult me." From above dropped a person, who landed elegantly in the middle of the room. The person had unruly midnight hair and equally dark eyes.
Obviously, it was me.
I was wearing a black turtleneck sweater with a sienna jacket over it, and white pants paired with black boots. Due to my terrible eyesight, I also wore my red-framed glasses. I looked up at all of them and smiled.
"Welcome, everyone, to The Event Room!"
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU BASTARD?!" Squalo and Gokudera screamed simultaneously. Completely ignoring them, I continued.
"Well, I'm not one to keep to the spotlight, so I'll make this quick. Today..." A wave of my hand, and Nintendo DSes appeared in everyone's hands.
"...We'll be playing Pokemon Diamond!" The room then filled with comfortable couches and footrests in individual sections, and one wall held a large screen. After a few seconds, the previously black screen burst to life, revealing a match-up tree, the bottom branches showing which match-ups will be taking place for the first round.
Everyone stared at me like I was some mad man.
Which, I technically was. Only, they forgot to put in 'psychopathic'.
"...What..."
"...the..."
"...F^&*..."
Smile never leaving my face, I continued.
"You all will be fighting each other one-on-one in the Wireless Colosseum, three Pokemon each. The first round will have the match-ups as follows."
"Sasagawa Ryohei VERSUS Leviathan!"
"Dino Cavallone VERSUS Hibari Kyoya!"
"Gokudera Hayato VERSUS Superbi Squalo!"
"Yamamoto Takeshi VERSUS Xanxus!"
"Rokudo Mukuro VERSUS Lussuria!"
"Dokuro Chrome VERSUS Belphegor!"
"Sawada Tsunayoshi VERSUS Fran!"
"Please head to a section and commence your battle! If you've played Pokemon before, your Pokemon will be what you'll use. If you haven't, randomly selected Pokemon will be distributed to you. Their levels will also be randomly decided. But before we start, any questions?" Gokudera and Squalo were immediately up in my face. That was expected. Surprisingly, however, Dino was also in front of me.
"VOIIII! WHY THE F^&* WOULD WE WANT TO DO THIS S^*&!?"
"THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO BENEFIT FOR ANY OF US!"
"WHY DID YOU PIT ME AGAINST HIBARI?! AND WHY ISN'T LAMBO HERE?!"
Three blocks of concrete landed straight on their heads, effectively shutting them up. I coughed into my hand.
"First of all, because I want you to. Simple as that," I said, addressing Squalo, who was now twitching on the floor. I looked at Dino. "Second, it's called fan service. Plus, Lambo will most likely destroy the DS not knowing how it works. Third," This time, I faced the audience.
"There IS a prize for the winner." Everyone leaned in closer to hear my statement. Purposely stepping on the bodies of the three men on the ground, I walked forward.
"As you all know, I'm the author, and therefore I have the ability to create amazing fantasies which may or may not entertain a person, based on their points of view." I let out a sadistic grin.
"The winner will get to do whatever they wish to the others in the following chapter. That includes, but is not limited to, slavery, murder, resurrection, torture, perversion, rape, slander, abuse, thievery, use of comical notations, arson, strange theatrics, musical performances, and homosexual pairings between your desired couple."
Silence.
"In other words, you can borrow my laptop, and do whatever you wish to everyone else, may it be for others, or for self-benefit." I adjusted my glasses, and smirked evilly. Based on their expressions, I already knew what they were thinking about the prize. Specifically, what they wanted to do if they won.
Ryohei was going to make everyone join his boxing club and 'EXTREMELY' fight with him.
Dino was going to have a nice outing with Tsuna and the others. And probably force Hibari to loosen up.
Gokudera was going to win for Tsuna, and make everyone respect him, and turn them into ass-kissers. Typical.
Yamamoto was going to make everyone play baseball with him. If he does win, I hope he includes an ambulance in there.
Chrome was thinking about having some bonding time with Tsuna, the Kokuyo members, and the others.
Mukuro...
...OH, WHAT THE F*** IS HE THINKING?! RULING THE WORLD WITH PINEAPPLES?!
Hibari was thinking about making Mukuro, Reborn and Tsuna fight with him. Totally expected.
Tsuna was just worried about what the others were planning.
Lussuria...
...
...
...
...
...you seriously don't want to know...
*coughrapecough*
Levi was thinking about making everyone worship Xanxus.
Bel was thinking about making everyone his slaves in his kingdom. What a prince.
Squalo was probably thinking about killing off a bunch of people, or having Xanxus become the Tenth boss of Vongola so he can finally cut his f%^&ing hair.
Fran was thinking about having Bel worship him and making the prince his slave.
Xanxus was thinking about becoming the boss of Vongola and killing off Tsuna.
"So do your best." I raised my open hand in the air. "Yosh! Let the Ultimate KHR Pokemon Contest," I quickly closed my hand and pulled it down. "BEGIN!"
Everyone begrudgingly headed for the sections to fight with their chosen opponents. Meanwhile, I slipped into a comfy spin chair in front of a bunch of holographic monitors, Reborn settling down into a similar chair beside me. I slipped on a pair of white headphones and activated the said monitors. On display were the familiar Pokemon battle screens and the players themselves.
I handed Reborn a mug of espresso. "Here. I'll make sure it doesn't run out." Reborn took it and we both faced the screen.
"Let's see the first match-up between Sasagawa and Leviathan." The screen showing where they were enlarged, and all other screens, and the people in the other sections, were paused, so that we could observe them all one by one.
Reborn merely smirked. This was going to be entertaining.
Trainer Ryohei sent out Hitmonchan!
Trainer Levi sent out Onix!
"Hitmonchan. Typical. Level 66. Onix. Level 30," I commented, reading the descriptions.
"It's in Ryohei's favor," Reborn added.
"You play Pokemon?"
"I dabble."
Hitmonchan used Mega Punch! I could faintly hear Ryohei shout 'EXTREME' in the confines of the section. Good thing I lowered the volume. To like, one bar. I watched as Levi's Onix' HP bar slowly went down into the red, then emptied.
It's super effective!
Onix fainted!
Trainer Levi sent out Pidgey!
"..."
"What the f^&*?"
Hitmonchan used Tackle! Why the hell did he keep Tackle?,I thought.
Pidgey fainted!
Trainer Levi sent out Magikarp!
"...Level 5."
"He's either never played Pokemon before and the computer hates him, or is a complete douche who has no idea how to pick Pokemon properly."
Hitmonchan used Tackle!
Magikarp fainted!
Trainer Levi was defeated!
"And it appears he's moving on." I made a sliding motion with my hand, and Ryohei's image moved up the match-up tree, whereas Levi's picture had a big red 'X' on it, meaning he was eliminated. I paused their division and switched screens. "Next battle, Dino and Hibari." I resumed time in their division, and it became immediately clear that Hibari had the urge to bite Dino to death, so to speak. I could see him holding back, knowing that he'll have a better prize if he wins.
"Battle, start!"
Trainer Dino sent out Rapidash!
"...He has Pokemon based on his box weapon?"
Trainer Hibari sent out Giratina!
"What the...HE PLAYS POKEMON!?" I didn't include any legendary Pokemon for the random choice, which had Pokemon level 50 and below. It was apparently level 99, so my mind was full of f^&* at that moment.
"I guess he plays it in his spare time..."
Giratina used Earth Power!
It's super effective!
Rapidash fainted!
Trainer Dino sent out Flareon! I saw Hibari look up. "Herbivore. Why do you have Pokemon of the same type?" Dino sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "It seemed cool at first..."
Giratina used Earth Power!
It's super effective!
Flareon fainted!
"That's a foolish thing to do," I heard Hibari declare while Dino just laughed awkwardly.
Trainer Dino sent out Blissey!
Finally. A change in types...
Giratina used Earth Power! A little more than half of Blissey's HP was taken away.
Blissey used Softboiled! Blissey's HP was restored! I saw Dino snicker, believing he still had a chance.
Giratina used Heal Block!
"..."
"..."
"..."
"D-Damn..."
Blissey used Softboiled!
Blissey can't use Softboiled because of Giratina's Heal Block!
Giratina used Earth Power!
Blissey used Take Down!
The move failed!
"Since Giratina's a Ghost type. Honestly..."
Giratina used Earth Power!
Critical hit!
Blissey fainted!
Trainer Dino was defeated!
"Well. That settles that...I guess..." I waved my hand, and Hibari's picture went up the match-up tree, leaving poor Dino with a red X on his face.
I switched screens. "Next battle. Gokudera and Squalo."
"Lower the volume."
"Got it."
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! (FEEL FREE TO COMMENT WHAT POKEMON I SHOULD USE FOR WHOM! I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!)
The men clashed, and sword clashed with sword. The collision of metal against metal filled the air of the damp cave, along with gunshots, and various other things.
"Give it up, Kyoya Sparrow," one of the men said. "You've met your match."
"I should be saying that to you, Mukuro Barbossa," the other said.
Yes.
Really.
I'm that messed up.
The two continued exchanging blows, until Barbossa was backed into the edge of the cliff.
"It's over now," Captain Sparrow said. Barbossa simply smiled, then held out a bottle of rum.
"Not just yet, my friend."
Kyoya narrowed his eyes. "Don't. You. Dare."
Barbossa dropped the bottle of rum over the cliff, and Kyoya jumped after it.
And that's how Barbossa could've won in the Black Pearl, if only there was a cliff, and he had hammerspace.
"Ohhh...Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants!"
"KEN, WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU WATCHING?!"
"N-N-Nothing..."
AAAAAND, that's all for now! I hope you enjoyed!
By the way, I'm having a poll on my profile, about what story I should write next. If you want, you can read the descriptions of each of my ideas, and vote. If you want.
Thanks for reading~!