Uhura stood in the middle of Sick bay. After they had brought Chekov to Sickbay a nurse had taken over assisting McCoy. She was left standing in the middle of sickbay as they moved the ensign into an operating room. Her hands were still covered in the young Russian's blood. People hurried throughout sickbay treating the people that had already sustained injuries from the battle going on outside. Other staff busied themselves preparing for the casualties that would come. She was largely ignored in the organized chaos.

After several minutes somebody came over and ran a brief scan over her, then after ascertaining that she had no injuries the man had tried to grasp her arm to steer her to a chair to sit down. She pulled herself free from his grasp and backed away.

The man stretched out a hand as he came towards her "Miss we need you to wait here until somebody can check you over more, you could have –" His words broke off as the ship lurched and then without warning the lights went out in sickbay for a second or two then emergency power came on. From the operating room McCoy was in, a swarm of invectives could be heard.

A small stream of people came into sickbay. Some were walking wounded. Others were carrying people that had serious injuries. Uhura started as she heard a woman say her name before passing out. She glanced at the woman and recognized an ensign she knew. Uhura had some medical training, in fact a good deal more than most of the regular crew. She stripped off her gloves and began helping.

In what seemed like hours later a call came through to sickbay. McCoy even though he was in surgery took it. Moments later he came out and grabbed a young doctor that was repairing a scalp laceration. He pulled of his gloves and told the startled woman "go in there and finish. He's stabilized, there shouldn't be too many complications and you'd better do the best damn job you can!" Then he turned to the sickbay at large and yelled for quiet. Even the patients that had been moaning fell silent.

He told the staff what was about to happen and ordered almost a third of them to go to different transporter rooms. Uhura didn't hear the first part of what he said she just knew medical personnel was needed at the transporter rooms and she went, pulled along in the tide of crew hurrying off. It was better to be helping somebody else then to give the memories time to flood back.

XXXX XXXX

Scotty had started transporting as soon as he was prepared, but there really was no way he was prepared for what happened. He had called in the best transport techs he knew. He had made sure the machine was calibrated as well as could be expected under the circumstances. He had braced himself for the worst.

Every cadet that had ever gone through the academy had seen pictures and videos of transporter malfunctions. They had read the effects. They knew what to expect, only they didn't.

Nothing in any of his training could have prepared him for what he saw when three adults along with 3 squirming mass of greenish blood and flesh appeared on the transporter pad.

The smell was awful. The medical staff pulled the living people off, and the security guards who had been called in to help, removed the piles of flesh that had once been people. There was no time to recover, they had to keep going.

The next transport pulled back 4 children and 2 heaps of mangled tissue and bone. The crew didn't stop they just continued taking the living and removing the remains of the dead. Scotty knew if he stopped to think about what he was doing he would be sick.

Several guards and medics already were sick, but as soon as they finished they came back and continued to help. Green blood and other body fluids were spattering the room and crew as bodies spilt apart and disgorged their contents. Screams and crying filled the air, human and alien.

Scotty felt like a murderer. Still he couldn't stop. He had four minutes left of transporting time. The transporter room was filling up as the guards couldn't remove the bodies fast enough. The floor was slick and slimy.

The last group of children brought two that had been fused together during transport. One child was clearly dead; half its body was missing. The other child was still alive but just barely. The only other child that was alive in that group was a little girl. She kneeled on the transporter pad in a pool of blood. She was covered head to toe in it. She screamed and screamed. The medical personnel quickly checked she wasn't injured and then moved on to the other transports. The guards began roughly pulling the girl out off the transporter pad.

McCoy, pushed past a group of people, and shoved the guards out the way. He bent down and gently picked her up; he held her tightly stroking her blood-soaked black hair. Her small face was pressed into his blood-soaked uniform.

The transporter room was chaos; the floor was slippery, with blood, vomit and other body fluids, pieces of flesh lay everywhere. As soon as the transporter pad was cleared enough, Scotty began transporting again. This time they transported the adults, it was better only worse.

The adults didn't scream or cry like the children, but due to their larger mass, very few of them were able to be picked up entirely by the beam. The chaos grew. The transporter was packed with people. It was hot and the stench of destroyed bodies filled the air. More than one crew member had to be led out and sedated. The others continued working, but every second was horror filled. When the colony ship finally blew, thirty people had been left there that couldn't be transported in time. Scotty honestly couldn't say if it would have been better for the ones that had been retrieved to have stayed on the ships.

If they had had a choice would a quick death have been preferable to the lingering death many would have or the pain that countless had suffered as there bodies were destroyed beyond recognition? Scotty didn't know. The decision that had been made might have been logical but was it right?

Scotty turned around just as Kirk came into the room. Kirk was followed by Spock. Kirk's face, as he surveyed the horror was older and more serious than Scotty had ever seen it. Kirk felt like an executioner. He stared for several seconds as the scene brought back the memory of another bloodbath years before. He only was aware that he hadn't moved when Spock said his name and glanced at him curiously. Kirk shook off the memories, and tried to concentrate.

Scotty moved away from the transporter controls and his hands trembled. A medic was going around giving hypo's to the crew.

Kirk didn't say anything; there was nothing he could say. No good job or good work, because it hadn't been either. It was an awful job and an awful order. And Scotty had to do it.

This was a day the engineer would remember his entire life. He waded through the mass of bodies living and dead. His feet slid on the slick floor, he felt numb. A medic caught up to him and gave him a hypospray, within seconds he felt his hands steady. The hypospray had stopped his trembling, but it couldn't stop the horrific scenes that continued to repeat in his mind. Scotty walked past Kirk and Spock back to the engine room and didn't say a word.

XXXX XXXX

Spock noticed how shocked the chief engineer was, at the moment he didn't care though because he had spotted somebody else more important. He walked towards her as the person straightened up helping a young girl onto a stretcher. She turned around at his approach. Spock spoke "Nyota, what are you doing here?"

Uhura's uniform was drenched in other people's body fluids. Her eyes were haunted. Uhura stared at him numbly. Her feelings were spilling over into his mind and Spock quickly blocked the onslaught which was strangely empty and yet startlingly strong, like a cold gust wind. Spock wondered who had allowed her to leave sickbay and come to help with this. Then he realized that everybody had probably been too preoccupied to notice her.

Uhura finally said "Spock". That one word held all the emotion she had felt, the past few hours. She looked like she wanted to fall into his arms but something held her back.

"You shouldn't be here" Spock said, noting the quiver in her voice.

"Please, Spock ...this is better" Uhura said tears falling down her face. "I need to help with this. I need to do something. If I'm here...at least I don't have time to remember..." Spock stretched a hand out to hold her, but Uhura wiped her eyes and turned away. Spock watched her walk away.

Uhura had wanted to leave when she had first started helping, but as the casualties kept coming she felt she had to stay. And a small part of her mind was saying that this was part of her penance for killing Silkar.

Spock would have gone to her again, to do what he didn't know, but a voice crackled overhead. It was Sulu "Captain, Scotty says he'll be ready to leave in 15 minutes. He's ready for Mr. Spock to start giving him the data he needs." Kirk turned to leave and Spock after one last look at Uhura followed.

There were things in the transporter room he didn't even know how to fix, at least on the bridge he knew what to do.

XXXX XXXX

The rift was fast closing, by pushing the engines to their limit and timing their departure just right they were able to escape, the engines which were overtaxed already, broke down and even with Scotty's best miracle fixes the most they could get was warp 3. The Enterprise limped back federation space, with a brig and sickbay full of Vulcans, a damaged ship and hurt people.

Kirk stared out the window in his cabin and watched the stars streak by. In his hand was a glass of whisky. He took a sip of the harsh liquid and let it burn his throat. He was happy Spock was too preoccupied to notice where he had gone. Even though it was late into the night the Vulcan was almost obsessively working to fix the sensors and computer system. McCoy was likewise occupied in sickbay and had been in surgery for almost 18-hours as he had finished Chekov's surgery and started on the Vulcan casualties.

Kirk took another sip as he thought of the Russian Navigator. He had visited the 17-year old in Sickbay. McCoy had taken the time to tell Kirk that Chekov would live, but Kirk knew what had happened on the planet and in the shuttle and he knew the boy wouldn't forget. None of them would forget. Uhura would remember whatever had happened with Silkar. The Vulcans who had lived and every crew member there would remember what had happened in the transporter rooms. Kirk would remember the face of each and every one who had died or been hurt because of his orders. His decisions.

The weight of command lay heavy on his shoulders just as it had so many years ago. Kirk remembered his other charges and took another convulsive swallow of his glass. He grabbed the bottle and poured himself another glass, this would be his last he promised himself. He had a ship to command. He had decisions to make and next time he wouldn't fail. He couldn't fail, because when he did other people paid the price for his mistakes and too many peole had already paid. He contemplated the liquid in his glass and took another sip of the fiery beverage. It seared his mouth, as flashes of faces new and old swirled through his mind. If either McCoy or Spock knew what he was doing they would try to stop him. Kirk didn't want to be stopped he needed this. Kirk would regain control of himself, but for now he needed to forget. For his sanity he needed to forget.

XXXX XXXX

McCoy knew he was about to wake. The monitors' readings had changed about an hour ago, showing the subtle change in waveforms that indicated a patient was returning to consciousness. McCoy stood by the bedside watching the ensign as he moved restlessly, then mumbled something in his sleep. His consciousness slowly returned, until minutes later his eyes opened.

They looked around blankly before settling on McCoy's face with a confused look. The first thing he said was "Leah?" the word was barely comprehensible and sounded like a hoarse croak. Chekov croaked the word again and McCoy this time was able to understand it. For a moment he wondered who Chekov was talking about, he was used to hearing people's last name. After a second he realized he was asking about Ensign Kelly.

McCoy reached out and gave him drink water, avoiding the ensign's question as he helped him to sit up. Chekov took a sip, then pushed the cup away and said again "Leah?"

McCoy avoided his gaze, and said "do you know where you are? You're in sickbay, there was an accident and—"

"Where's Leah?" Chekov said cutting him off, his voice demanding an answer.

"You don't remember what happened?" McCoy said evasively stalling for time. Where was Nurse Chapel when you needed her? "You're probably having some residual effects from your concussion and –" he began to say as he picked up a nearby instrument and raised it towards the ensign.

Chekov pushed it out the way and repeated "where is she?" while struggling to get up of the diagnostic bed. McCoy pushed him back. He had put it off for as long as he could. This was one of the things he hated about being a doctor: having to tell somebody that someone they knew and cared about had died. He was never prepared for the onslaught of emotions that followed.

Steeling himself he began "you're were in a shuttle accident, Kelly was—" slowly he began to tell the ensign, what had happened. The details were sketchy but he had been able to put together a lot of what had happened from the pattern of injuries, the damaged shuttle and how the y had found Chekov and Havarii. After he finished speaking, he looked at Chekov waiting for what would come. The ensign stared at him blankly, not saying a word.

As Chekov looked at McCoy he felt numb. McCoy thought that Kelly had died and he had left her in the shuttle and saved Havarii. He didn't realize that she had been alive when he left. He didn't know that she would still be alive, if he had saved her.

McCoy watched him somewhat worriedly, startled by the lack of response and asked "Chekov, do you realize what I said?"

Chekov made no answer he continued to stare his face blank. There were no tears, no questions, no expressions of anger, no anything. It was like he was devoid of emotion. It was disconcerting.

"Chekov, do you understand what happened? Kelly died." McCoy said trying to elicit some sort of response.

Chekov turned his eyes toward McCoy and the doctor saw a flash of something dark and disturbing, then it was replaced by nothingness. He spoke quietly, his voice steady and empty "I remember vhat happened."

When McCoy finally let him out of Sickbay a day later, the ensign hadn't changed. Chekov gave no sign that he even cared that Kelly had died.

McCoy watched him leave, and wondered if he had done the right thing by letting Chekov leave. Medically Chekov was stable; his injuries were cleared and his labs were within normal range, there was really no physical reason to keep him. But there was something that gave McCoy pause.

He had seen other people before that had looked blank when you told them that someone they loved died. They would be okay for a while, but then it would come down on them, slowly then in a rush. Those types of people were worse than those who expressed their grief and anger in a sudden rush. Those that seemed okay, didn't get it out of them, it laid in wait festering. They were quiet and appeared to be okay for days, even weeks. Then they exploded.

XXXX XXXX

Starfleet had given orders that T'Kas and he group were to be interrogated. Even though nobody wanted to admit it ,Spock because he was a Vulcan was put in charge of the questioning. The rest of T'Kas faction had proved to be either extremely unwilling to participate or they truly didn't know much either way they had yielded little information.

T'Kas after demanding a promise that the information she gave wouldn't be used to attack the Romulan Empire had agreed to tell them what she knew. Strangely, the Vulcan woman while not agreeing with the Romulan government was reluctant to inform on them. It was like she was off two minds.

She told Spock that all Romulans weren't bad and it was mostly a misunderstanding and government and military influence that was responsible for what had happened. The information that T'Kas gave showed that the Romulans had been kidnapping young vulcans for over a century. The initial Romulan plan had been a long-term invasion after sowing Vulcans with Romulan ideals and training throughout the federation, but the technological advances that Nero had transmitted them, made the Romulans bolder. And the plan had been moved up.

It was going to take 5 days for the Enterprise with its crippled engines to rendezvous with the transport shuttle which would take the Vulcans. After two days Spock had gleaned as much information as T'Kas was willing to give, but still he came back. He told himself that it was because the Vulcan woman might decide to tell something else, or let something slip accidentally, but part of him knew that he just wanted to see T'Kas.

After they had gotten back from T'karis Spock had noticed a change. The crew was treating him cold and mistrustfully. The entire ordeal with the T'karis colony had only reinforced to them how close Romulans and Vulcans truly were. In addition Uhura was avoiding him, to the point that if he even came within a few feet of her she would unconsciously flinch, or walk away. Spock couldn't figure out what he should do, the whole situation was confusing.

To make matters worse Spock had noticed that his control was becoming more difficult to maintain. Numerous times over the past few days he had noticed himself unintentionally manifesting emotion, he couldn't figure out whether the lapses in control due to himself or a result of spill over from Uhura's emotions. Her emotions as of late had been much stronger than usual and they filtered through the bond they shared no matter how he blocked off his mind. He couldn't talk to Uhura but he needed to talk to somebody and everybody had seemed preoccupied since they came back from the planet including Kirk .

So Spock came and spent hours in T'kas's cell, they didn't discuss what had happened back on the planet, instead that talked about other things. At her request he began to teach her some of what he had learned of Vulcan control and logic. He also taught her 3-D chess, and was pleasantly surprised to find her an almost genius level pupil.

It was the fourth day. Spock and T'Kas were alone in the cell. At Spock's request, after overriding the young security guards objections, the force field had been turned to a frequency where it was opaque and blocked out noise. They were playing three-dimensional chess.

Spock watched T'Kas . She appeared indecisive. Her hands hovered over one piece then the other, for all her seeming indecision she showed aptitude that had left him startling close to defeat several times. Spock found the challenge very stimulating.

T'Kas finally moved a piece, then looked up at Spock. He could see she was trying to remain impassive, but he saw the mischievous glint in her eyes. Spock inwardly frowned and then examined the board. He saw the reason for her delight in a flash. When T'kas had seemingly been mounting a defence on one side of the board, she had carefully manoeuvred him into leaving his king wide open. Defeat was inevitable; within 4 moves he would be checkmated. He toppled his king and T'Kas looked up with delight. She stood up exuberantly knocking pieces over as she did so.

Her smile faded, as she realized her lapse in control and regained it. But Spock didn't mind , T'Kas had just the right amount of rationality, logic and emotion, like Uhura he thought.

T'Kas started picking up the pieces scattered across the floor and Spock went to help her. He squatted down and scooped up the chess pieces. Then, they both stood at the same time, and wound up facing each other, they were almost touching. They stared at each other for several moments, not speaking, before T'Kas turned away. She sat down and began setting the pieces up for another game. Spock sat down opposite her. T'kas's hands were clumsy; she fumbled a piece sending it toppling onto the table. They both reached for it. T'Kas grabbed the rook. Spock was a second to late his hand landed on top of hers.

"Spock?" T'Kas said softly looking at her hand. Spock didn't move his hand; T'Kas gently slid her hand out from under his and looked at him. She swallowed before speaking "Spock you need to stop coming here, this has to be your last time."

"T'Kas ...I-" Spock began

"Spock let me speak" T'Kas said "I know about you and Uhura."

Spock looked surprised.

She continued. "One thing that the Romulans encouraged in us was to use our minds to their full extent. I don't know if this is something all Vulcans can do , but I can sense your emotions, even feel your thoughts sometimes, without even trying, especially if they're strong." She looked down at the table turning a knight contemplatively in her hand. Then continued "and they're strong Spock. They are extremely strong... when you think about Uhura...and me."

Spock looked uncomfortable but didn't deny it.

T'Kas turned her face up staring into his eyes as she said "Uhura loves you. I know you doubt it now, but she loves you in a way I don't even know if I could love you like that...You don't know what my brother was capable of—" She trailed off then she continued her voice stronger. "You don't know the things she's gone through, I don't know. I can only guess and I knew Silkar... whatever he did was to her was horrible.."

She continued getting up and pacing around the cell. "All these years of going into other people's minds and killing and hurting. It got to him, he isn't-wasn't sane." She turned to look at him and stopped pacing "He killed our grandfather or knew who did. I know that, I was his twin. He was evil. That's why when I saw him looking at Uhura like that, I tried to warn you but..." she trailed off.

"Silkar " Spock said the name with poorly disguised anger , "and the others like him are what all Vulcans would be if we didn't have logic. He was what we were in the past... and waht we can be now. ... Back on the planet I was going to kill him if Uhura hadn't stopped me." T'kas turned to stare at him her gaze was neutral either accusatory nor forgiving. Spock continued "She saw what I was about to do and she said 'I wasn't like him'. But at that moment I was... I would have killed him and- "

Spock took a breath and said "and I wouldn't have felt guilty—After what he did to Uhura... I would have enjoyed it." Spock fell silent he stared at the chess pieces on the table. Neither he nor T'kas said anything.

Finally Spock spoke again. "Uhura saw what I could be—what a am and she hates me. She looks at me like I'm a monster. They all do. To them Romulans and Vulcans are the same."

"You can't do anything about the crew. You can't do anything about those people." She continued firmly "but you can do something about Uhura " T'kas sat down at the table and stared at him intensely holding his gaze. Her fingers lightly rested on his hand and through their contact he could feel the passion in her words,. "Uhura doesn't hate you Spock. She hates herself, and she hates what you remind her of."

Spock said "You don't understand, T'Kas we were having problems before this. For awhile she's been acting... differently. It's like something's changed"

"Something's changed? Everything changes. People change, the galaxy changes. People grow , but you don't have to grow apart" She continued her eyes blazing fiercely "Spock, she's going through what's probably one of the hardest times in her life... Don't let her go through it alone."

She let go of his hand thrusting it away from her and she said "Now go a-and-don't come back"

Spock left; he didn't see her again until late the next day. The federation transport arrived and took T'Kas and her group away. As he saw T'Kas walk away being led by two guards her hands restrained behind, she turned, like she sensed his presence. Their eyes met and they shared one last look, before she turned away. Then he was alone. On a ship full of people he was alone.

Next update will be March 26th. Thanks for all the feedback! Thanks to all favoruiters , followers and especially reviewers. Questiosn for this chapter: Now that you know the out come did Kirk make the right decision? What do you think will happen between Spock and Uhura? What do you think is gong through Chekov's head? Feedback is appreciated! Enjoy.