A/N So Merry Christmas, or if dont celebrate this holiday, then Happy Tuesday! This was suppossed to go up about 2 days ago but life got in the way. And you'll never guess what the Leading Guy got me... Go ahead guess!... It's a laptop! Soo this is my first update on a very new laptop... Expect my updates to be a bit more regular now... Btw, before I let you go, I reread the last chapter and practically facepalmed, I had some missing words, misspelled ones, ya know the works! So I'll be editing that shortly.
Shepard hurt, everywhere. Each breath he took was shallow and wheezy. He felt like he was suffocating. Again, like after he was spaced, on the original Normandy, he felt relief for a small moment.
A sound, it was muffled, but it was there. Was it his imagination? Was it a person? He prayed to some random God, it was. Shepard strained his ears, trying to pick up some sort of voice. Trying, but failing miserably, Shepard sighed inwardly. He was frustrated and hurting, the pain was causing his breath to hitch. Time to man up, Shepard thought. Nothing like escaping death, multiple times. He risked a glance down and noticed the blood. Oh so much blood, his arms were a charred mess and his legs, well he couldn't see them, they were buried under rubble. He couldn't move a muscle, literally.
He took a deep breathe, but not without excruciating pain. It tore through his body, ripped up into his throat and seemed to tingle all the way down to his toes. A major throbbing forced its way into his head. Shepard geared up and finally let loose his scream, he fought with all of his being, to stay conscience. It burned and ripped through him, like a saw, just slowly hacking away. Breaking every piece of his will. Was it even worth it? Did they even win? He fought, he couldn't give up now, what if the Crucible didn't fire! What would he do? Get back up and fight until he died of exhaustion, that's what! The voices started shouting orders, and he heard muffled here's and there's, the rocks were shuffling. In the end he lost and his world faded to black.
_
Shepard awoke in a forest just as his dreams. Instead though, trees were blooming, the once black weeds were multi-colored flowers. This world was unknown to him. Instead, the people seemed happy, wait, people?! Where the hell was he?
A familiar voice, one he willed himself not to forget, called his name.
"John?" the voice was feminine, with the roughness of someone who saw a lot in her lifetime. The voice made Shepard's knees buckle. He turned to the source and tears filled his eyes.
"M-mom?" Shepard croaked.
This time a more masculine voice called him.
"D-D-Dad!" Shepard croaked once again. This time the tears fell. His thoughts went to Mindoir, when his parents were killed. "Jesus," he breathed, as he took in the sight of his parents, long since gone. They looked the same as the day they were killed.
"Jonathan! GO! Now!" His mother yelled, reaching into the gun cabinet. He brown hair was up in a loose bun, falling around her face. The face, her face, had lines of worry and stress sketched into it permanently.
"Mom No! get Dad is in the barn! I won't leave until we go together!" John couldn't help but try. His parents, they were everything to John, and to leave them behind as this carnage took place, was horrible massacre. They heard about it from the neighbors, crying and shouting all about raiders and slavers. That got the Mrs. Shepard going, packing clothes, food, water, and way more.
The gunfire and screams echoing on the back roads of Mindoir. Shepard's mom walked over to him and hugged him tightly.
"John, listen to me, I need you to go and run to the bunker. You know where it is, yes?" Shepard nodded, "Good, I promise you, your father and I will be there. I love you," She kissed his cheek in a motherly way.
Shepard nodded and gave her a smile. It was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.
"But wait, what about.." Shepard trailed off as he looked into the eyes of his mother.
"Wait, here John," She said and handed him a pistol. "Just in case, you might run into trouble, You see one of those Batarians, don't think just shoot, just like when you and your father go hunting. Right?"
John interrupted his mother, "Mom, yes, I know how to shoot straight." Shepard tried to joke, it ended up being a weak attempt at lowering the tension that didnt work. It wasn't a time for jokes, but the look on his mother's face was worrying him. Maybe this was just a drill of some sort. Mrs. Shepard just smiled and pushed him out the door, putting his backpack on his shoulders.
"I left something in the smaller pack... Open it when you're safe. Alright?" She said into his ear, fixing the pack so it fit his tall figure.
"Don't talk to anyone, just go to the bunker, we'll be there okay? Run and never look back," She said as she fixed his hair. As if he was 9 years old going off to school.
If only he really knew what would happen. He would've stayed, died along with his family.
That was a lie, John was strong and smart for 16, the slavers would've taken him, put him to some sort of use. John slowly turned around to face his mother, leaning down and putting an ear to her stomach.
"Don't worry, you, dad, and Janey will be fine." Shepard said with devotion. Rubbing her bulging stomach lightly.
As John snapped from his flashback daze, he realized his mom and dad were standing in front of him, their arms outstretched in a warm welcoming. He didn't hesitate, this time, he ran into their arms like a child would. He was deprived of this, a sense of family, and love from biological parents. The only way he got through the grief was investing himself in his career.
"Come with us, cross over now, and never look back." Mr. Shepard said. hugging his son tightly.
"I'm dead?" Shepard asked.
"Yes, this is the otherworld, as some would call it. A place for souls with unfinished business come and wait for loved ones."
"Why wasn't this here before, when I died the first time?" Shepard questioned. His mother spoke up next.
"Because Cerberus was rebuilding you. They kept you in a coma, you didn't die per se," The smile that his mother gave him, was motherly, and it made Shepard feel comfortable.
Shepard stepped back a little, facing his parents. He forgot what they looked like, having lost all the pictures on Elysium, his thoughts sent him to a darker place, his mood angry. But with one look at his parents, he smiled. He missed those moments, where he could smile at his parents, like a normal child would, or counld. John was not normal by any means. His mother didn't have the baby bump anymore, and John couldn't help but wonder.
"What happened to Janey?" Shepard whispered, and feeling like a child again his voice cracked. Deep down he was expecting the answer of 'She was happily born and lives among us without any suffering.' Of course that would be easy. Instead his parents' next words made him worry.
"She was killed when we died, John. She was never born, she was too young, and instead, she was reincarnated as something beautiful." his mother said. Shepard felt himself tear up at that. He had an unborn sister die with his parents, and he didnt know exactly what happened. The pain he felt in his heart was immense.
"I lost the picture of us on Elysium. Can I take another?" Shepard asked sheepishly. Ashamed he would lose something so valuable to him.
"Of course! But we must warn you." Shepard's father started,
"To you it will look as you took it today, your present self, but to an onlooker, you will look like a 15 year old boy with his parents." Shepard's mother finished.
Shepard nodded. He understood, someone may pick it up and dismiss it, only he will know. Why did it matter anyways? He would be, wherever people go after death, so it was just for him to have for eternity right?
He took a quick holo. Smiling widely.
"Let's go shall we?" Mrs. Shepard said with a smile on her face.
"We shall." John said, smiling equally as bright, taking his mother's arm. Starting to walk towards the bright light.
So there really is a light, how cliche? Shepard thought
John stepped forward slowly, time seemed to slow, this was the right decision. At least he thought so. It was his turn for peace. After years of fighting he just yearned for time to sit and relax and smile. He couldn't wait to smile again.
"Shepard wait!" called a male voice.
Shepard turned his head, looking for the one that called him. His jaw hit the ground when he saw who it was.
"Kaidan?" Shepard asked, now fully turning. Jesus it was Kaidan! The best friend he let die, so he could be with Ash! Oh there was so much to say to him! "I'm so sorry about Virmire, I thought I had time to save both of you. Ashley had the most people, I figured that..." Shepard felt he had to explain himself.
Kaidan held up a hand, silencing Shepard.
"Shepard, honest, I understand. I'm just glad you stopped Saren in the end. And the Collectors, and the Reapers altogether. It was well worth it. Now, will you please stop feeling guilty, I forgive you."
"We stopped the Reapers?" Shepard asked, he tensed waiting for Kaidan's response.
"You and Anderson stopped them, Commander. Although, EDI, and the Geth, they were sacrficed. All synthetics are gone." Kaidan finished wearily, the line that formed his lips grew tighter.
Shepard let himself grieve a brief moment, thinking of EDI
"But," Kaidan continued. "You are only telling me half the truth about why you chose your decision. You loved her."
Shepard couldn't meet his friend's eyes. Kaidan's words gripped him in a cold vice grip. Kaidan stepped closer, with a blank expression on his face.
"I-I I guess so, yeah" Shepard glanced up, and shook his head. "I dunno why, I, I don't like big decisions like those were." Shepard finally made eye contact. "I really am, so, so, sorry."
Kaidan held on to his blank expression. Where'd he learn how to do that? He was usually so, well, open, is this what death does? Shepard asked himself.
"Shepard, I..." Kaidan sighed, and continued his words. "I was angry, at first, when I woke here. I felt you made a selfish decision."
Shepard winced at his words. It didn't make it any easier to listen too.
"But, now, I really do forgive you." Shepard looked up, honesty written across Kaidan's face.
"I... Thank you, Kaidan. I really am at a loss for words." Shepard held out his right hand and Kaidan shook it.
"I know, which makes this difficult to say." Shepard furrowed his brow. Ready to ask why, but his question was answered with Kaidan's next words.
"She needs you." Kaidan said simply.
Ashley! How could he want to die, without even thinking of the consequences on Ash's life! He did it once before and she said it devastated her! He felt guilt grip him, not relenting. He needed to go back if he could. He would go back! He glanced back at his parents, his face full of worry.
"Kaidan! I need to go back!" Shepard pleaded, turning back to face his friend.
"Don't you worry Commander, I wouldn't remind you if I didn't have a way for you to go back." Kaidan winked, and then continued "You should probably tell them." He said as he waved his arm in the general direction of Shepard's parents.
Shepard gulped, "Yeah, guess so huh?" Shepard glanced back at his parents. This just got a hell of a lot harder. But, Ashley, or my parents. How am I supposed to choose, Shepard thought.
"You're hesitating, here let me show you something. Just look down, and close your eyes. When I say so open them."
John looked at Kaidan, one eyebrow raised. But he obeyed, and closed his eyes, moving his head so when he opened them, he would be looking down.
Kaidan flicked his right wrist, making a circular motion with his left. The clouds, that would be the ground swirled and thinned little by little. Soon it was like looking at a vid, A bird's eye view of the captains quarters.
"Open," Shepard opened his eyes, to see a top-down view of his quarters. The image broke his heart.
Ashley was sitting on the made bed in the room. A picture in her hand. Not of her family, but of Shepard. He smiled despite himself, it was the picture he insisted they take together. His smile was wiped off his face as he noticed she was crying. Ash never cried in front of him, and now here he was, watching her without her permission. He felt dirty watching this.
"That's not all," Kaidan said, flicking his wrist again. Now it showed her sisters, and mother mourning the loss of a daughter not dead, but lost to the world. Her family tried to coax her to eat, to sleep, and to put the bottle of alcohol down. Nothing prevailed. Ash was just a shell of herself, she mumbled John's name in his sleep, cried when she woke up to find her love not there.
"When is this?" Shepard croaked.
"It's if you cross over with your family, it's what will happen." Kaidan explained, giving Shepard a sympathetic look.
Shepard looked up into Kaidan's eyes, tears stung his own, and said "Reminds me how I felt after Horizon. She's so... broken" His voice cracked, with emotion, he pushed back.
Kaidan nodded, and swirled his left hand counter-clockwise, the clouds beneath them, became thicker. Closing off the heart wrenching moment. He decided, he needed to go back. It wasn't his time yet.
"Give us a minute," Shepard said, when Kaidan nodded, he walked slowly to his parents.
When he was close, he heard his mother say something.
"You're not coming are you?" His mother asked, as he stopped in front of her. She looked sad but understanding.
Shepard shook his head, then looked up with his own sad blue eyes, only to meet even sadder bluer eyes.
"I'm sorry, mom, dad." He looked at each when he said their titles to him. His mother was smiling sadly looking off, and down into the clouds where the vision of Ashley still played. His father wrapped a comforting hand around her shoulders and whispered something in her ear. Whatever he said, it snapped her out of whatever daze she was in.
"John, we are so proud of you, and your accomplishments. Even better, that you found someone to share your life with. She seems wonderful," Shepard's mom said softly.
"And, you know that, she loves you just as much as you love her. We may be dead up here, but not blind," His dad joked. "So please, don't do any victory sex until we crossover, son." At that Shepard blushed and cracked a small smile, his father had a very, different, taste in humor, maybe that's where he got it. It normally ended with someone blushing. Some of the things he said would make Jack blush.
"We really are proud of you, John." His father said. Shepard just nodded, and glanced back at Kaidan.
Kaidan didn't hurry him along, he just smiled warmly, his brown eyes, glistening. It then hit Shepard, Kaidan didn't have closure with his own parents, after Virmire. Not like Shepard is getting now. That made it hurt even worse.
He turned back to his parents, his face suddenly serious.
"Mom, Dad, you see that man over there." They nodded, "Will you watch over him wherever you guys go, please. He was a great friend and paid the biggest price imaginable, I would appreciate it, if you would, act as parents to him." He paused taking a deep breath, "Knowing him, he won't accept right away, just be there for him. He didn't get closure, not really." Shepard said softly.
They didn't say anything, they just nodded and smiled. A silent agreement forming between the three.
"Well, this is it." Shepard said, he looked down, not knowing what to do.
"We'll watch over him, and you and her." His mother said with a smile
"We love you,"
"Thanks," Shepard said, moving into his mothers arms giving her a tight hug. He moved onto his father, "You too," John mumbled, as he shook his father's hand. His father frowned, and sighed.
"I'm your father, John, C'mere" He said as he grasped his son in a tight hug.
Shepard smiled as he pulled back. "I'll miss you guys, and I love you." He called as he took a step back at each word. Knowing he was making the right decision. They slowly stepped backwards, waving and hollering about love and all the good stuff, as they finally vanished a tear escaped Shepard's eyes, only to be wiped away by a sudden breeze that held no chill.
Shepard walked back to Kaidan, a huge smile on his face. Shepard finally got the closure he wanted and needed, despite the news about Jane, he felt he was a new man, reinvigorated and now had much more to live for.
"Just a thing before you head back Shepard," Kaidan said, stopping Shepard in his tracks.
"Yeah?" Shepard asked. go
"When you go back, you will be in pain you can't imagine. So immense, it'll be difficult to hang on." Kaidan said his tone deathly serious.
"Well, I died, again, I kinda figured-" Shepard started but Kaidan interrupted.
"No, this pain is unimaginable! You have no idea! Its been months since you opened your eyes, or moved. They have machines keeping you from dying, when you wake up, you could go into shock. It's.. a messy process." Kaidan explained, frowning. "Do you understand?"
Shepard took a deep breath, if this didn't work, and he died, he would suffer terribly. But, he had to try. Commander John Shepard did not become who he was by giving up. If he didn't suffer, someone else would, in this case, someone very close to him. He had to do this, no, he was doing this. He just nods and gives a sad smile.