Chapter 8

A/N this chapter seems kind of akward too me,it just seems off...i dunno,sorry bout that :/ its probably because i suck at writing the feelings part

No, this isn't right! Curse you brain and...feelings! I can't, I mean, it just isn't right! I'll just get hurt again, its stupid! I don't need anyone else, I've trained to rely on myself alone and no one else! This can't happen. I mean, why Private? He's so adorable and cute and...perfect Gah! Snap out of it you idiot! With this he slapped his head, and put his head in his flippers.

Private took the longest route possible to the penguin habitat. If only the ground would swallow me and I wouldn't have to face Kowalski. The zoo looked normal, safe, but it didn't feel safe anymore, not to Private, not with Kowalski near. It doesn't even feel like home anymore. Private took a deep breath as he slid back the fishbowl and fell down into HQ. He looked around, scared that he had alerted Kowalski. He heard nothing and stood up, spotting Rico laying on his side in his bunk, facing the wall and crept over.

"Rico, are you okay?" Private asked worriedly. When he received no response, he put a flipper on Rico's side and asked again. This time Rico rolled over to face him and faintly nodded his head. But Private knew he was not okay, Private looked in his eyes and saw no sign of the crazed penguin he knew, he looked empty and defeated. Rico rolled back over to stare blankly at the wall of his bunk. Private sighed sadly, hurt at what Kowalski had done to the other penguin. "Good night Rico" He whispered softly, giving him a hug and crawling into his own bunk, but sleep never came.

He lay in the dark, fearful of any noise, afraid if he slept Kowalski would hurt him. I wish Skipper were here, he'd wouldn't let Kowalski hurt me, nothing would scare me if Skipper were here, he's so brave, he wouldn't be scared of Kowalski. He pictured his ex-leaders trademark smirk and smiled. He remembered the rare times Skipper had laughed and recalled the warmth and happiness he felt when he had hugged Skipper goodbye.

He sat up and tried to erase Skipper form his mind Why am I thinking about him all the time? I never did before. This is weird, and kind of confusing. I just want Skipper to be here. Gah! Here we go again. Whatever I think Skipper ends up in it. I actually kind of miss Skipper...Is this normal? Private peered out the hatch and saw the sun rising. I think I need to talk about this, what if there's something wrong with me? I'll ask Marlene, she should know.

"Marlene?" Private asked hesitantly, walking into the otters habitat.

Marlene appeared out of her cave. "Oh, hey Private" she greeted her friend cheerfully. "What's up?"

"Well, actually I kind of wanted to talk to you." Private said nervously, twisting his flippers.

"Sure, come on in."

They both settled into comfy chairs and Marlene leaned forward.

"So, what's up?" She asked again.

"Um, well I figured since your a girl you would know about this stuff, ah, you see, I've been having these really weird feelings and thoughts..."

"Like what? Come on Private, I need more than that."

"Um, well" Private looked embarrassed. "They are about a certain somebody, and I'm so happy when I'm with them, its like everything in the world is right and I always miss the person and I'm always thinking abut them...and when I hug the person I feel all warm and fuzzy and good." Private blushed as he finished and hung his head embarrassed. "I cant explain it very good."

Marlene laughed. "That's so cute! Private has his first crush."

"So, its normal? I'm not sick or anything?" he asked

Marlene laughed again. "You are naive, aren't you? You sir, have been bitten by the love bug" Marlene smiled and jokingly made kissing sounds.

Private realized what Marlene was implying and felt his beak drop, I want to kiss Skipper? I like, like him? His mind was full of questions but Marlene didn't notice how preoccupied the little penguin was. "So" she asked, "Who's the lucky girl?"

At the same time Private blurted "Are you sure?"

Marlene looked taken aback, "Sure of what?"

"That.. I like this person."

Marlene put a paw around the penguin. "Aw, your confused, poor little guy, maybe I shouldn't have told you, but really your the only one who knows deep down inside."

"But what to I do?" the penguin whimpered.

The otter sighed. "Well, some people would try to ignore it, and hope it goes away, but if its true love, its not going to just go away. Besides, if you tried to ignore it, you'd be miserable. I think you should go get 'em. Spend some time with her, really get to know her, and when you get the courage you tell her how you feel and hopefully happily ever after.

Private tried to comprehend what Marlene had said. But its Skipper! He could picture the elder's trademark smirk. He'd probably say something about insubordination, if I told him, he'd hate me and I'd get kicked off the team, Skipper, Skipper, Skipper. The younger unconsciously smiled as his ex-leaders name repeated itself in his mind.

"D'awww, your thinking of her" Marlene said, grinning and nudged the little penguin with her elbow. "Yeah, I saw that little smile, the way your face lit up."

Private blushed and turned away. I like Skipper? But I cant! It's just wrong! Skippers the leader, its just wrong, and he's a guy. Private hung his head. How I could I just ignore that part? I'm a freak...

Marlene noticed the little penguin looking down and hugged him. "I'm sorry Private, I didn't mean to make you said, its just, well- you did ask."

"It's okay Marlene, I'm just, I don't know, confused, scared, a freak."

"What? No your not Private, I told you, its normal, everybody has crushes."

"Yes I am, Its not a girl I like" Private whispered.

Marlene's eyes widened as she comprehended what Private had said and but quickly regained her composure, she knew she had to comfort him. "Private, its okay, you shouldn't be ashamed " She said softly, hugging him tighter. "And liking a guy doesn't make you a freak, okay Private? If anybody says any different then you tell me and I'll help beat them up." She smirked, wiping the penguins tears away.

Private hiccupped "Thanks Marlene" he said, struggling to stand up.

"Are you sure your okay? You had a big shock, maybe you should rest for a bit."

"I'm okay, I just want to be alone for a bit, I should probably get back to HQ anyway."

"Okay, well, I'm here for you, I'm sure it'll work out, but if you need anything at all, and you ever need to talk again, I'm here."

"Thanks Marlene." Private said gratefully

He stumbled out of the cave, shielding his eyes from the suddenly bright sun. Skipper, Skipper, Skipper his brain repeated. If only he could turn off his brain. He slowly scooted by the penguin habitat, making sure Kowalski was nowhere to be seen. He continued on his way, picking up two spoons the humans had meant to throw into the garbage and missed. Private laughed at their horrible aim and waddled towards the park, dragging the 'shovels' along with him.