I regret.
I think I regret everything. How many regrets can one man carry?
I wake, and blink up at the sunny sky. Two suns. Desert. Tatooine? How did I wind up here?
And then I see him, with a couple of vaguely familiar droids. It's my brother. It's Luke Skywalker.
I realize in a flash of insight what must have happened. The power of regret propelled me across space and time. I regret the death of my brother, of the failure of the Rebellion and that I could do nothing to help them. And so, I wound up here.
It occurs to me that my power was never about dying at all. For so long, for as long as I can remember and even before, it seems like I've thought it was merely some form of immortality, that dying was what triggered my Time powers. And yet, here I am, looking across the dunes of Tatooine at a brother who won't be born for an untold amount of time, and I hadn't died to get here.
There's so much that I thought I knew, but I really know nothing.
I'm still wearing my armor. My lightsabers remain at my belt. And that mask is still in my hands. I look down at it with a touch of sorrow. How could my path have become so twisted? I tried to do good, once. I tried to do what was right. But I'm not very good at that, apparently. There's too much anger in me.
I sigh and put the mask away in my pack. I don't need it anymore. I don't think I ever needed it.
"And who might you be, in that getup of yours?" says the middle-aged man at the moisture farm as I approach. I know his name - Owen Lars. "You some sort of mercenary?" He eyes the lightsabers at my belt suspiciously and makes an interesting and distasteful expression, but makes no comment on them.
I think on that question for a moment. "I'll admit I have fought for money in the past. Right now, though, I'm just a tired old warrior looking for... something. I'm not even really sure what I'm looking for. Answers? Peace? A home? Family?"
Owen grunts. "Name's Owen Lars. You?"
"Lexen Skywalker," I reply quietly.
Owen looks surprised. "Didn't know there were any other Skywalkers around."
"I'm Luke's older brother."
"How's that possible? You look almost forty, yourself," Owen says skeptically, eyeing me suspiciously.
I shrug. "I've had a hard life. But really, it's a long story."
"Eh. Come on in, then, I suppose. Just don't you be filling the boy's head up with tales of adventure."
I give him a crooked smile. "Believe me, I'd rather not even think about it, never mind talk about it."
Luke's cleaning up the new droids, and I'm doing a bit of discreet research to try to figure out just when I am. How far out of time did I wind up?
I find records of Darth Revan. Of the Mandalorian War. The Jedi Civil War. It was... almost four thousand years ago. And there's no trace of any mention of the Elkandu. I don't know whether they merely failed without my guidance, or if I've wound up in another timeline where none of that happened. I can't even be sure if the one named Darth Revan here was even me.
Thousands of years later, it seems like nothing I did even mattered. It's a humbling thought. I was the greatest warrior of the time, a charismatic and powerful leader, but did it really matter? If I hadn't been Darth Revan, someone else might have been instead. Male or female, light or dark, it doesn't matter. It could have been anyone under that mask.
"Looking up ancient history?" Owen asks, peering over my shoulder.
"Takes my mind off the present," I say with a shrug.
Luke comes back from cleaning the droids. He thinks that they belonged to someone named Obi-Wan Kenobi. That name should be familiar to me, but I can't quite grasp the details. I'm forever chasing memories, like a kath hound trying to grab its own tail.
I don't know the details of the impending attack, or even whether or not it's going to happen at all in this timeline, but I have a dreadful suspicion that it's going to be soon. Very likely tonight, I think. I've made sure to catch a quick afternoon nap, but come nightfall, I stay awake, wary and alert.
And yet, no attack comes this night. Was I mistaken? Was my paranoia unjustified? Or was it merely that my timing was off? I know it must be coming soon, but I really can't just stay awake all the time. I'd already been awake for several hours before jumping into this time frame.
"Luke is missing," Owen says. "Where did he go? And he took those two droids with him, too!"
I blink at him wearily. "I don't know."
"You didn't have anything to do with this, did you?" Owen asks.
I shake my head. "I've hardly even said a word to him since I got here. But if you want, I'll see if I can track him down."
Owen pauses for a moment, then just gives a sharp nod in acquiescence. And as tired as I am, I have to make sure my brother is alright. I set off into the desert, letting the Force guide my steps, but I don't have a vehicle and Luke is a long way ahead of me. Damn everything. Some ways away from the farm, I sit down in the cover of some rocks for a short rest, and before I even realize it, I'm asleep.
I wake, blinking at the sunlight in my face, and abruptly realize that the suns have moved since I sat down here. Springing to my feet, I rush back toward the farm in a panic, lightsabers in my hands without even thinking about it.
Too late. Too damned late. Black smoke twists into the air from the charred ruins of the farm, and burnt corpses lay in from of the farmstead. I am such a fucking idiot. Luke... where is Luke? Was he here? Or is he in trouble off in the desert somewhere?
The sound of a speeder approaching rumbles across the desert, and I spin around warily toward the noise. Luke steps out, along with an old man who seems vaguely familiar, and I lower my blades with a sigh of relief. My brother is alive and safe.
"Lexen, what happened here?" Luke wonders, staring in shock at the scene of devastation.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't here," I say, lowering my head in shame and putting my lightsabers away. "I would have stopped them if I could. But Uncle Owen sent me off to look for you. I just got back myself..."
I make brief introductions with the old man, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and get into the speeder along with them, heading off to Mos Eisley spaceport. A thought occurs to me that Luke was fine on his own. Was it my interference that changed events enough that he was killed? Perhaps I was the one who had gone out with the droids instead, leaving him at the farm during the attack.
I don't really like this train of thought. I can't second guess myself. What am I even doing here? All I can do is follow this line of events and see where it goes. Maybe this is exactly where and when I need to be to find the answers I have long been searching for.
Staying in the background, I allow Luke to lead the way, quietly playing the part of a mercenary bodyguard and trying not to interfere too much. We book passage on a ship, the Millennium Falcon, and embark with people shooting at our backs.
Once aboard the ship and safely in transit, Obi-Wan takes me aside to ask me some pointed questions that he'd clearly been holding back on previously. "I saw those lightsabers of yours," he says quietly. "Who are you?"
"Lexen Skywalker," I reply. "And before you ask, it's a long story, and even I don't know the half of it. I'll try to explain it if you want, but I'm not sure that we have time for it right now, unfortunately."
"Perhaps you could summarize it, then?" Obi-Wan says.
I give a bittersweet smile, and say, "I'm Luke's half-brother, a time traveler, and very likely from an alternate timeline. I just spent some decades in a time thousands of years in the past, and I'm not even sure how these different timelines even all fit together."
Obi-Wan stares at me. "That possibly posed more questions than it answered."
"It'll have to do," I say with a shrug. "I'd appreciate if you'd just go and do whatever you would be doing if I weren't here. I really don't want to interfere with the timeline and screw things up somehow." I sigh.
"Very well," Obi-Wan says reluctantly.
I settle in quietly for the ride, sitting back and watching Luke practice with a lightsaber. And then... a terrible wave of darkness washes over me, echoing through the Force. Something terrible has just happened. A billion voices cry out in pain, and are suddenly silenced. Obi-Wan staggers back, putting a hand to his forehead.
Was this something that I should have stopped? No, I must not second-guess myself.
I try to meditate quietly as we come in to the Alderaan system. I must not allow my anger to get the better of me. That's what got me into trouble so many times before.
Alderaan was destroyed, and we emerge into the space debris that is all that remains of so many lives. But there's no time to dwell on that. An enormous battle station like a small moon starts to tractor us in.
The Death Star.
I know how it can be destroyed. I remember that much. Is Luke really a good enough pilot to succeed where the Rebels failed? I don't know. He didn't live long enough for me to find out. Is that what he was always meant to do? Is there a meaning to events at all? If someone didn't stop the Death Star at Yavin, would someone else have done so somewhere along the line? Would the Empire have eventually fallen apart from infighting or financial difficulties?
How can anyone say that any particular timeline is how things were meant to be, how they were supposed to be, when there are so many different possible outcomes? Can one really say that the life of one person, even one planet, is more important than any other?
Once aboard, I head off with my brother and his new companions to assist in whatever hairbrained quest they might have taken upon themselves. Rescuing a princess, alright, fine, I can go for that. It doesn't go quite as smoothly as one might hope, but we manage, and head back for the docking area to make our escape.
A dark presense. Nearby. Very close by. Through an opening to the side of the docking bay, Obi-Wan has his lightsaber out and is fighting a man in black armor wielding a red lightsaber.
I recognize this man. Darth Vader. Dark Lord of the Sith.
He cuts down Obi-Wan in cold blood before my eyes. The old Jedi's robes crumple to the floor, empty.
He... killed Obi-Wan? He just killed Obi-Wan? Was this how things were really supposed to go?
No, fuck that. Fuck whatever was "supposed" to be. My lightsabers are in my hand in the blink of an eye, and I charge. The stormtroopers shoot at me with their blasters, but I can deflect them.
Obi-Wan mentioned something about Vader. I'm not sure anymore whether it was in this life or countless lifetimes ago, and I don't think it matters.
He betrayed and murdered your father.
A flash of hot rage roars through my veins like molten lava. Electricity crackles around me in an enormous deadly aura, striking any who come within ten meters of me.
I have a brief reprieve from incoming fire as the stormtroopers who are too close to me die rapidly, and the ones who are further away stumble back in surprise. But it isn't to last. They start firing at me again in earnest, but now I'm in a fully aggressive stance and no longer thinking to block their incoming attacks.
Darkness takes me.
I wake on the Millennium Falcon, and let off a small burst of uncontrolled electricity. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself, steady myself. I am the one in control here. I am the eye of the storm.
The Death Star tractors us in again, and as the others go off to perform whatever heroics they have in mind, I slip away on my own. If there's really any destiny meant for them, if there's really any meaning to existence, then they don't need my help with whatever they're doing. Me... I'm going to find Darth Vader. I want to kill him. It's not my destiny? I don't care. That's the path I have chosen. Bloody revenge. I was never a very good Jedi, and I'm not going to become one now. My father would be terribly disappointed in me.
How am I to find him, though? I laugh softly to myself and realize how little I care about being sneaky just now. I walk straight up to a group of white-armored troops. They point their blasters at me warily.
"Put those away, fools," I say, waving a hand.
"Who are you?" says one of them.
"I am Darth Revan," I say. "I understand that there is another Sith Lord aboard this battle station, is there not?"
"Y-Yes..." Behind that helmet, he's probably frowning in confusion, I imagine. "I don't recognize that name."
"You will take me to this would-be Dark Lord of the Sith," I command. "Take me to Darth Vader."
"I will take you to the detention block, and Lord Vader will come and interrogate you on his own time."
I snort softly. Luck is never on my side, and today, I'm not having much luck in getting Force persuasion to work even on weak-minded fools like this. What kind of a Sith Lord am I? I don't have the time or patience to just let them capture me and wait for Vader... and I don't want to fight him in a confined space, unarmed, either.
He betrayed and murdered your father.
Lightning crackles around me. I grit my teeth, trying to retain control over my rage and hate. Killing these fools would not serve any purpose, I tell myself, and it might wind up with me getting killed again, which would be annoying.
"Um... I'll escort you to him at once, Lord Revan," the stormtrooper says.
Smart man, obviously realized just from that outburst that I'm exactly what I claim to be. As he takes me off to meet with Vader, I make note of where we're going. I will find him myself next time.
"My minions say that you call yourself Darth Revan," Vader says, the sneer in his voice practically audible. "Why are you here?"
"To challenge you," I reply, pulling out my lightsabers.
"I see," Vader says, bringing out his own red lightsaber. "Very well. Strange, I had expected the presense of another... no matter. It was you who I sensed, then."
Maybe my distraction here will allow the others to escape unscathed. I don't really care too much about that right now, though. The object of my hate is standing before me, and I will destroy him, or die trying. Repeatedly, if need be.
I throw myself at my enemy. Our lightsabers spark and crackle as they strike one another. Green against red, and red trying to land a lethal blow. He's good, I'll give him that. I don't think I've seen anyone half as skilled as him since Vrook, and Vrook was a Jedi. I might even be enjoying this fight but for the intense all-consuming hate that's flowing through me.
"Yes, I can feel your hate..." Vader says. "The Dark Side has made you strong." With a flick of his free hand, a large box strikes me in the back, and I fall. "But not strong enough," he adds.
My red lightsaber went flying out of my hand. I bring myself up to one knee and parry desperately with my green one.
"Submit to my superior strength, and I may permit you to live and serve me," Vader says.
"I'd sooner die," I growl.
Vader clearly has the upper hand now. For all my combat prowess, I can't hold him off for long.
I wake on the Millennium Falcon with renewed rage. I am the greatest warrior of my time. How dare he best me with dirty Force tricks! In a fair fight, I'm sure I'd win.
But he's a Sith Lord, and he's not the only one. That is a fair fight among Sith. I should return the favor in kind and not hold anything back.
Once we land on the Death Star, I stalk straight to where I found him before. I'm not even stopped by any stormtroopers. Perhaps my Force powers are working this time to make them not notice me, or they just really don't want to bother an obvious Dark Jedi meeting with their master.
"Who are you?" Darth Vader demands when I come in. "Did the Emperor send you?"
"No one commands me but myself," I reply. "I am Darth Revan, the true Dark Lord of the Sith, and I am here to kill you!"
If only I'd been able to be around for the last few millennia in order to prevent the Sith from rising again. I could have stopped all of this before it even began. But would it have really mattered? Alderaan would argue otherwise. As would my father.
I fight in a blind rage, throwing everything I have against Vader and holding nothing back. Force lightning erupts all around me, destroying everything in the room. I have him on the ropes, and then, on the cusp of my triumph, in the midst of a mighty surge of lightning... the world goes dark.
I wake again in confusion and frustration. What happened? Did some sneaky attack kill me from behind? Or was my body unable to sustain the overload of electricity coming from me? I suspect it was the latter. That burst had been stronger than anything I'd attempted before, powered by untold levels of fury, and it hurt coming through, even though I was ignoring the pain at the time in my anger.
I'd been avoiding the others on the previous couple loops, unwilling to let them see me in full Dark Side mode, but this time I manage to steady myself a little and go out to where they are.
"You seem troubled, Lexen," Obi-Wan says.
"It's Vader," I say quietly.
"You think he was responsible for what we sensed earlier?" Obi-Wan asks.
"He's destroyed Alderaan," I say. "The entire planet. Everyone on it."
Obi-Wan looks a bit alarmed. "You've seen this?"
I nod tersely. Easier to let him think it was a Force vision or something than to explain exactly what it is about me, and I don't really care at the moment anyway.
"There is much anger in you," Obi-Wan says softly, glancing furtively aside to Luke, who isn't paying attention to us at the moment. "Revenge is not the way of the Jedi."
"I know," I whisper. "It's been a long time since I've been a real Jedi, though. Less long since I was a Sith Lord, and I'm not even really that anymore, either."
"The Dark Side will consume you if you are unwary," Obi-Wan says. "You would not be the first Skywalker destroyed because of it."
My eyes flash in anger, and I reply coldly, "I know." I take a deep breath. "I'm going to kill him. I will not be dissuaded from this path."
"No, Lexen," Obi-Wan says urgently. "You must not do this. If you kill Vader, you will become like him-"
"I'm already like him," I snap. "It doesn't matter what happens to me now. I kill him. I then kill myself, or you kill me, or something. I don't care anymore. Get rid of us both, and leave the damned galaxy in peace."
Obi-Wan stares at me for a long moment, and says, "There is a flaw in that plan. There would still be the Emperor, you realize."
I sigh. "Fine. I'll kill Vader, kill the damned Emperor, kill myself, then there'll be no more fucking Sith in the galaxy and everyone's happy."
"This is not the way to do this," Obi-Wan says.
And then we drop out of hyperspace, leaving it a moot point whatever outcome this discussion might have led to.
Abord the Death Star, once the stormtroopers are gone, I'm about to head off to confront Vader again. Obi-Wan tries one last time to dissuade me, but I'm not even listening to him anymore.
Vader looks over at me when I arrive and demands to know who I am and why I'm here. I'm a bit calmer and more stable than I was before, even if I'm still set on this path. I'm not going to blow up and destroy myself in a futile attempt at revenge.
"My name is Lexen Skywalker," I reply. "And I am here to kill you."
"Lexen Skywalker, is it," Vader replies, looking me over appraisingly for only a moment before my red lightsaber swipes at him, and he parries with his own. "The Dark Side has made you strong, I see."
"Strong enough to kill you?" I say with a smirk. I'm in control now. I am the eye of the storm. Fighting with all the skill I have, using my emotions to give me strength rather than sending me spiraling to my doom. And I'm enjoying the fight. It's sheer pleasure to battle one so skilled as this.
"I do not see why you wish to kill me," Darth Vader says, deflecting a blow. "Together, we could overthrow the Emperor and rule the galaxy together."
I snort softly and swing in to strike at him again. "Been there, done that. I have no interest in ruling the galaxy again."
"Then why do you seek to kill me?"
"Because," I say with a soft growl. "Revenge. That's all. Nothing more than simple revenge. You killed my father, you son of a bitch."
"Did Obi-Wan tell you that?" Vader asks.
I pause, stepping back into a defensive posture in case he tries to take advantage of my confusion to attack me himself. I realize that I have no proof that this is true. For all I know, it was actually Obi-Wan who murdered my father.
"If you have something to say, then I am listening," I say warily.
"Lexen," Vader says, lowering his lightsaber. "I am your father."
I stare at him, stunned, for several long moments. "Is this another lie?" I ask. "How can I trust that?"
"You look just like her," Vader says. "Your mother. Anara Chelseer. I haven't thought about her in a very long time."
I cannot formulate a response. There are no words. I let out a heavy sigh, close my eyes for a moment, and then put my lightsabers away. "You're right," I say quietly. "I have no reason to want to kill you."
My eyes are blinded in tears welling up as the full realization hits me. I've finally found him. My father... How long has it been that I searched for him, and he was here, and I never knew it?
And all my fears that he would be disappointed in me, and yet, we went down the same path after all...
"How did you come to be here?" Vader asks.
"It's... a long story," I say quietly.
The two of us exchange our stories, telling of our own convoluted paths that have led us to where we are now. In the meantime, the Millennium Falcon escapes without me, but I don't really care. I've found what I was looking for. And it seems my father isn't too concerned, either, as he had a tracking device planted on it to find the Rebels.
He tells me about my mother and their torrid, if brief, affair. And then, after she disappeared, about his ill-fated romance with one Padme Amidala. I tell him about my travels through time, show him the mask I wore as Darth Revan, and describe wars long forgotten. We both found our own ways to the Dark Side and were betrayed by those we had trusted.
As we're dropping out of hyperspace into the Yavin system, I say softly, "You regret it, don't you."
"This is hardly the time to speak of regrets," Vader replies, looking at the tactical readouts.
"They're going to kill us," I say with a faint smile.
"That's not possible," says a human man, one of my father's generals or something I suppose. I don't know what his name is. I don't care what his name is. "This battle station is invincible, and they only have a handful of small craft to throw at us."
"They're going to destroy this battle station," I say matter-of-factly. "I don't need to convince you of it. Now, be silent. I am speaking to my father."
The Rebel fighters come out, and Vader's minions realize that there's a possible weakness that they could exploit, but they refuse to retreat in their moment of triumph.
"Father," I say softly. "What is your greatest regret?"
"You know how this battle will end," Vader says.
I shake my head. "All I know are possibilities. The same that any reasoning mind could ascertain. People can't see the future, because the future isn't set in stone. There is no fate but what we make ourselves."
"What do you mean?" Vader asks.
"It's our own choices that define our future," I say. "We can always choose another path."
"It's too late for us, I think," Vader says quietly, staring at the fighters on the screen.
"Never," I say, smiling sadly. "Even as doom bears down upon us, there is hope. There is always hope."
"I... regret..." Vader says haltingly.
Hope and regret. I call upon my Time powers, letting them well up within me, filling me and surrounding me, and embracing my father with them. I will send him back. I will return him to the moment of his greatest regret. To the moment when he could make a different choice, take a different path, make a different future. Let him have a second chance. It matters little to me what he chooses to do with it. But this... this is why I am here. I have come so far, across space and time, to find my father... and somehow, I think I knew what I would find.
Hope and regret.
A cascade of pure blue light washes through the air for the briefest of moments even as the Death Star explodes around us.