Chapter 35: The May Dance

Anyways, now that I passed my exam, I feel partly relieved and partly restless, since I will soon find out, what will happen to me, after the game ends. I try to relax the rest of the day, but I can't stop worrying about the future. Will I be able to see Hieronymus after the May Dance? He probably heard us talking about my feelings for him in the dungeon, during the exam… What does he think of me now? Is he appalled from me, due to my childish feelings? Does it even matter, what he thinks of me? Since the game will end soon… I sigh. Somehow, I'm in a weird mood.
Everyone is getting their pictures taken the next day for the yearbook, and the student body is full of anticipation for the dance later. While everyone is happy and excited, I'm still in a strange mood. Somehow, my heart feels heavy… Am I lovesick? From my stupid crush?
In the afternoon, Ellen and Virginia start preparing themselves for the May Dance. I help Ellen with putting on her wrist corsage, which she made for herself as a small reward for helping us, when she suddenly asks me, "Why are you not dressing up for the May Dance, Elise? Are you not allowed to attend due to your husband?"
I smile wryly at her. "I'm allowed to attend, but who would want to dance with the teacher's wife? I'm still unsure whether I should go or not…", I reply, avoiding her gaze by focusing on the ribbon I'm tying around her wrist. Ellen's wrist corsage is mostly colored in light blue, with small pink and white flowers as color accents.
It's very pretty and very girly, perfectly suited for Ellen. "I think you should go. It would be a waste, if you don't go.", she encourages me. Maybe she's right.
If I don't like it, I can go, but if I don't go, I might regret it. I could also visit Hieronymus instead, of course, but… No don't think about it.
I decide, to attend the ball and get dressed. I wear the dress I bought at the mall in my holydays, it's color is blue, which turns darker towards the bottom, and black embroidery is covering my shoulders and chest. Ellen helps me doing my hair into a bun with braids. My hair grew quite long during the school year…
I put on some lacy, white teardrop-earrings and a wrist corsage, held completely in white.

In the evening, I arrive alone at the gym. Virginia ran off, before I finished dressing and Ellen went to meet up with Donald. I have the feeling, that this is going to be a lonely evening… I take a moment, to admire the gym decoration. The ceiling is decorated with translucent, bubble-like rainbow spheres and the walls are covered with climbing ivy. Additionally, the stage is surrounded by flowers and the light has a tinge of pink in it, just enough to make the atmosphere more dreamy.
The rainbow spheres are definitely illusions, but the climbing ivy seems real. About the sea of flowers in front of the stage, they have to be illusions, since they're floating in the air without any soil. On the stage stands Corrinna, a snake senior, in a white dress with a flower wreath on her head. I can also spot some silver stars in her wreath. Before her, is the line of guests, waiting to greet her, the May Queen, by bowing to her or doing a curtsey. Most came in couples, or with their friends, which intensifies my loneliness a bit. I feel a bit betrayed, since my roommates seem to have forgotten me.
I can understand Ellen, since she's in a new relationship with Donald, but where the f**** is Virginia? Traitor! I sigh, while I queue up. I'm nearly the last person to greet the May Queen. I do a curtsey as elegantly as possible, but the gazes of the other people make me nervous. Since everyone is watching the arriving guests in silence, it feels quite eery. After greeting the May Queen, I wait at the side, next to some students, I didn't have much contact with. I couldn't find my roommates, and my other classmates still avoid me due to my marriage. I thought about waiting next to Minnie, but she and Jacob look so lovey-dovey, I really don't want to disturb them. Ugh, somehow my mood is still strange. Finally a junior girl walks up the stairs and kneels before Corrinna, in order to be crowned the next May Queen.
I didn't have much contact with her, but she looks really cute with her blonde-pink hair and her fluffy white-pink dress. After Corrinna placed the flower wreath on her head, everyone applauds and the Dance finally begins. No one asks me to dance, of course, and I'm not in the mood to ask anyone to dance with me as well.
Mostly because the boys seem to avoid me, probably afraid of acquiring Grabiner's wrath by dancing with his wife.
I spot Ellen, she's dancing with Donald and looks really happy. Their relationship seems to be so carefree… since I know Donald, I'm sure, that their love life is quite uncomplicated. I sigh. The first song ends, and I head towards the exit.
I have seen enough, I'm really not in the mood to play the wall flower the whole evening.

Feeling restless, I decide to randomly roam the halls. It doesn't take long, until I end up in front of Hieronymus' door I raise my hand to knock on the door, but gently let the doorknocker down, careful not to make a sound and wake the lion. What did I even want to do? Confess my feelings? Ask for my 'first kiss', like in the game? I've already been kissed, and he knows it, he was present after all. I turn my back to his door, lean against it and slide down, sitting down on the floor.
I wrap my arms around my knees and lean my head against the door. If I manage to convey my feelings to him, then I would cross a line. And if I cross this line, I won't be able to turn back. But what will happen to the me, that can't turn back, tomorrow? Ah, f**k it, I want to be foolish and simply go for it. Even if it is inappropriate. Even if there is no future here for me. Even if I don't succeed. Ah, but if I fail… I'm afraid of being rejected nonetheless. Tsk, I'm such a coward.

I'm startled, as the door behind me suddenly opens, and I gaze up to an equally confused Hieronymus. …I'm sitting on the floor in front of his door right now. He must think, that I'm super-weird right now! My cheeks slightly heat up, due to this thought. Why am I blushing so much, since I came here?!
"Elise. Why? You… do not need to be here. Would you not prefer to join your classmates for the dance? Your – our – circumstances do not bar you from attending.", he tells me a bit flustered. I have never seen him flustered before… "This is your last night. You should 'have fun'.", he adds more composed, while he holds out his hand for me. I timidly grab his hand, and he helps me up. Ahh, I feel so embarrassed! "I don't particularly feel like fun… I guess, that reminded me of you?", I explain to him, slowly regaining my composure as well, while I follow him into his room. "Don't feel obligated to follow in my footsteps.", he responds with a slightly pained expression. Well, I'm happy that I can follow you into your room right now, though… "Your life is only just beginning. You should experience what you can and not let this unfortunate happening hold you back.", he adds more stern. "Unfortunate…", I sigh.
He doesn't know, that this was all Potsdam's little matchmaker-scheme…
"Would you choose a different word? You are tied to me through my mistakes and your unnecessary heroism. It should never have happened."
I wouldn't call my act of throwing marbles at the unconscious him an act of heroism, not that it matters. I start feeling guilty about the circumstances of our marriage.
I knew, that he would end up in that situation, if I would've stayed calmer… In addition, I shouldn't have messed around with Damien from the beginning.
This was another reason, as to why things panned out the way, they did after all. "Ah, I think, I shouldn't bother you… I better head back to my room…", I excuse myself and turn back to the door. Due to my game knowledge, I have a guilty conscience. It's as if I would trick him into starting a relationship with me…
"Wait." Just this single word, and I'm unable to leave. "I am not trying to hurt your feelings, I'm trying to spare them." Oh no, here it comes.
I reluctantly turn back to him, and hesitatingly face him. "There is something I should tell you.", he continues. "Your interactions during the final exam, with your roommates. Are you aware, that I was monitoring them?" I knew. Which is why I'm so nervous right now.
"I am concerned, that my actions may have fostered an… inappropriate connection between us. I have devoted my life to protecting foolish children from making permanent mistakes. It is my responsibility to prevent you from making one here. Go and play with your friends." Anger rises in me.
"I'm not a child. I may not be a woman, but I'm definitely not a child. The magic word for this is 'puberty'. And I would 'play with my friends', however, they are busy 'playing house' with their own objects of interests.", I snap at him, with my voice full of sarcasm.
Ok, I don't know about Virginia, but Ellen is definitely enjoying her time with Donald right now.
"Besides, it's not your decision, who I like, Hieronymus. Not even I get to choose my feelings, so why should you get to choose for me? And your responsibility?
Since when are you responsible for the love life of your students? Unless, it's endangering their life, but I highly doubt, that you would kill me for liking you, even though you're not comfortable with the way I feel.", I add, still sarcastic as f**k.
"Well, since I'm already doing confessions, I may as well add another confession. Professor Potsdam obviously doesn't think of such a relationship as 'inappropriate'. She's trying to push us together. I'm honestly shocked about how much that woman likes to play matchmaker. Unfortunately, she even told me about… your past. It was not my intention, but I do know about… Violet.", I continue in a softer tone of voice. "That is no concern of yours!", he replies angrily.
"Maybe. But you tell me to 'live my life', while you cope yourself up in your room and try to avoid everyone and everything, that has to do with 'life'. How many relationships did you have since then? It's not my place to say this, but if I were her, I would want you to move on. Don't misunderstand, I'm not talking about forgetting, but you are alive, you survived, it's rude to her not to cherish that." I probably really shouldn't say this, it is indeed not my place to meddle into his business, but… I'm growing tired of his self-pity-lifestyle. And I meant it, the way I said it. If I died due to my own mistake, while my loved one survived, then I wouldn't want em to life eirs life in self-pity. Because it would make my mistake that much more grave…
"That is none of your business!", yells Hieronymus, now fully enraged. "You know, you're not as mature as you seem. You burn the letters of your father without reading them, you sulk and hide in your room to avoid dealing with people, you have problems controlling your temper and jump to conclusions… You have more in common with the typical teenager, than you would acknowledge.", I state calmly, before softening my tone, "Look, I apologize for being so direct. You are right, it is not my business, but I honestly like you, though I can't tell how deep exactly my feelings are. They are deep enough, to worry about you. And deep enough, for me to simply enjoy your presence, if you're not currently yelling at me. And I don't think, that liking you is ruining my life. But you shouldn't waste your life running away from it.", I conclude my speech. The anger, which filled my courage, dissipated. I don't know, whether he will forgive me for the things I said, but it was something, which had to be said. And therefore, I don't regret it, though I fear the possibility of him seriously hating me.
For a moment, Hieronymus simply stares at me, speechless. "If… if my existence is as damaged as you imagine it to be, is that not all the more reason you should not waste your time here?", he asks me. Somehow, he sounds defeated. "Standing in the corner of the gym, watching all the happy couples dancing, while being completely ignored, was wasting my time. Having a serious conversation with my husband, the man I love, is definitely not wasting my time.", I reply unfazed.
"Love?", he mumbles surprised. Ups. I meant 'like'. Yes, like. Nothing more. …who am I kidding? Love is a suitable description for my feelings, I won't deny it anymore. Hieronymus clears his throat. "The fact remains that you deserve better. Our connection is temporary. You will go on and discover your own young love. You should not make yourself bitter before your time." Geez, what do I have to do, in order to be taken seriously?
"I already found my 'young love'. What do I have to do, in order for you to understand that?", I dryly retort. "You cannot be serious.", he states unbelievingly, emphasizing the 'cannot'. Whether I can or not, is not your decision though? "Why is it so difficult to believe? ", I ask him in frustration, while crossing my arms.
"It is certainly a unique reaction…", he answers me. What kind of answer is that?
"It's not my business, whether others are able to see your qualities or not. I like you. I like your intellect, your knowledge, your dry humor, your voice, your appearance, your capability. And I don't see, how I – as your wife – shouldn't be able to appreciate your qualities.", I calmly explain to him.
"Well. That is difficult to argue with.", he admits softly. Does that mean, I have finally your permission to like you? How 'gracious'. But what to do now?
Ah, I feel mischievous now. I have to be bold, right? "But I don't think you understood…", I state acting doubtful. "Ah, what to do?", I add a bit melodramatic.
"Oh?", he asks, while raising an eyebrow. Good, he seems to be confused. I step closer to him, raise myself onto my toes and lean closer to him, slowly placing my lips onto his and softly kissing him. It's just an innocent, short kiss, but it's enough to make me feel all giddy. My heels are touching the ground again, but I feel like floating. "Anyways, please give me a chance? I'll wait for your answer…", I request of him nervously, suddenly unable to directly face him.
Even though I was so bold, just a second ago… Soft fingertips are touching my chin, raising it up and I gaze at Hieronymus in surprise. He tilts his head down to me and returns the kiss to me. I instinctively lean towards him, not letting his lips escape. This feels heavenly…
He wraps his arms behind my back, drawing me closer into his embrace, and our lips part, deepening our kiss. A tingling sensation spreads out from my spine and washes over my whole body. My cheeks are brightly flushed, as our lips finally depart. This kiss… is obviously a 'yes'. So… we're in a honest relationship now?
I'm a bit at a loss for words. Hieronymus clears his throat, before breaking the silence, "I'm not surprised Petunia has been urging you into this. That was one of the things I was concerned about. I suspect my father may have been bribing her. He is desperate for me to marry and take up the family seat, to allow him to retire." "Well, 'urging me into this', is downplaying it…", I thoughtlessly comment. "What do you mean by that?", inquires Hieronymus warily.
Ah well, he has a right to now, right? But… "You won't like the answer, though it won't change anything.", I reply evasively. "What did she do?", he asks me sternly.
I start to fidget a bit. "She… orchestrated our marriage. Without my knowledge, of course, but I managed to see through her plot by coincidence.", I explain to him.
For a moment, he simply stares at me, utterly speechless.
"She… what?! HOW?", he probes further, enraged by the new information he received. "Well, she suggested the room to you…" And since his father was the one, who send him the Manus, he probably worked together with Petunia. "… how did you manage to find that out?", he asks me skeptically. I smile at him.
"Marbles.", I reply. Hieronymus tilts his head in confusion. "Marbles?" I chuckle. "I only threw three. But you picked up more. Furthermore, I searched for Petunia at first and couldn't find her, but when I was in danger, she suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I questioned her about this, and she confessed. I wanted to tell you sooner, but you were so angry, I didn't want to further fuel your anger. Besides, the deed was already done, telling you wouldn't have changed anything.", I calmly explain to him. "I was wondering about these marbles…", Hieronymus dryly remarks. While remembering the confused look on his face, as he picked up the marbles, I can't suppress a small smile. "But to think, that she would go so far as to endanger the life of a student…!" Whoa, Hieronymus looks seriously scary right now.
"Apparently, she had protected me, by shielding my soul from the Manus, or something. Anyway, your father might be a conspirator. He send you the Manus, didn't he? And since you would even suspect him of bribing Petunia…", I comment, while pondering about the incident.
After hearing, that Potsdam had taken the necessary safety precautions in her scheme, Hieronymus visibly calmed down. He seems still angry though, just less scary. "The old coot would definitely do something like that. All because of this damn family seat…", he comments disdainfully. "Family seat?" What was this about exactly? Something about his title? "In Government. You were aware that my father was a Lord, were you not?", he replies.
"A Lord in the mundane world, or in the magical world? I don't know about the responsibilities of a Lord nowadays…", I answer honestly. "Both. But nowadays, only the magical title counts. The council doesn't meddle much with mundane politics anymore, however, a certain amount of surveillance is needed, in order to protect our secrecy. Most seats of the magic council are assigned to outstanding magicians via vote, some however are passed down within important old families, together with a title. The seat of 'Shade of Shetlock' for example, is passed down together with the title Viscount/ Viscountess Montague.", he explains to me.
"So you're a real noble, huh.", I muse. I thought it would be a magical-only title, since the magic community places importance on not competing with the mundane world. "You might say that. But then, so are you, at the moment." Oh… Hieronymus chuckles at the sight of my surprised expression. Don't judge me!
I didn't make this obvious conclusion, because I simply couldn't imagine anyone addressing me as 'Lady', just because of this 'accidental' marriage.
"Perhaps you should return to your own room now. But should you wish to correspond over the summer… I would not object.", he softly informs me. "Alright…"
I'm a bit reluctant to leave, but he's right, it's getting late. I turn towards the door, only to turn back to him again. I lean in for another short kiss, and he returns the kiss without hesitation. "Good night, Hieronymus.", I bid him goodbye with a smile.

Back in my room, I jump onto my bed, without bothering to undress. We kissed! And it didn't feel like a greeting! But tomorrow… Argh! I roll around in my bed, one minute smiling like an idiot, the other frowning out of worry. After a while, Virginia returns. "… What are you doing there?", she asks, upon seeing me rolling around in my dress. I raise myself up. "Uh… nothing. I was just thinking about something… Anyways, there were you? I couldn't find you at the ball.", I counter-ask her.
Better divert the attention away from me, I don't want to talk about Hieronymus with her right now. "I was there, though? I danced with Pastell… and Balthasar… but I didn't see you as well?" "Yeah, well, I left pretty early. Was not really in the mood for dancing, since the boys seemed to be afraid of me or something… Balthasar, huh? I thought, you didn't like him?", I counter. Virginia fidgets a bit. "Well, it's not like I can't stand him, he's just a bit weird…", she retorts.
I suppose, she doesn't want to talk about it. Awkward silence ensures. "… I think I should ready myself for bed, it's already late…", I break the silence and swiftly change clothes and brush my teeth. Virginia seems to be thankful, that I won't pry further. It's a bit unfair, how she wouldn't accept it, if I wouldn't have told her about my feelings for Hieronymus, while she keeps her secrets for herself. Virginia also prepares herself for bed, and soon we both silently lie in our beds.
Ellen is still away, probably still flirting with Donald. I stare at my ceiling. I simply can't fall asleep yet, even though I'm growing tired, since I can't stop thinking about what happened today and what may happen tomorrow. It doesn't take long, until I can hear Virginia's snoring. Great, now it will be more difficult to fall asleep. Suddenly the door creaks open, and Ellen sneaks inside. I consider teasing her a bit, about coming back so late, but decide to let her be instead.
I don't want to wake up Virginia, besides, I'm not in the mood. Ellen doesn't notice, that I'm awake and heads straight to bed.
It seems to take an eternity, until darkness engulfs me, and I fall asleep.