Author's Note: I cannot believe it's been nearly 2 years since I updated this story... I'm really sorry about that, and will try to be better about updating in the future! I'm hoping to finish this thing within the next year or two.

-x-

If it had been awkward bunking with Jason at first, it was worse now. Back then, Tommy had been the too-good-to-be-true newcomer, suspicious to everyone in the 'Hold up to and including his unwilling new roommate. During his months of training, he and Jason had come to an unspoken understanding and a mutual respect that bordered on actual friendship.

Now that fragile understanding was being pushed to its limit. Tommy was trying frantically to stop it from falling apart under the strain, but the fact remained: his roommate was a killer. And that was tough for Tommy to get past.

Worse, it was a sore spot for Jason, too. He hated killing. It was obvious the necessity of it tore him up inside even as he didn't see another path to victory; he refused to talk to anyone but Trini for days afterward, and even her best efforts couldn't seem to shake him out of it. Tommy gathered from the wary but resigned reactions of Kimberly, Zack, and the other Rangers that this wasn't out of the ordinary.

In Jason's place, Tommy liked to think it wouldn't come to killing, that he'd find a way to resolve the conflict peacefully. Deep down, he wasn't so sure. How long, he wondered, until I'm forced into the same situation? If the lives of innocent people were at stake, could he kill another human being to save them?

Trini found him in a corner of the cafeteria, mulling over his dark thoughts and wishing vaguely that he could get a hold of some alcohol. Being underage back home, and generally a law-abiding person, he hadn't indulged much. It just seemed like a good idea right about now. Better than dwelling on whether or not he had it in him to be a murderer, at least.

"I'd ask if you're okay," Trini began, "but I'm pretty sure you're not."

He honestly hadn't been expecting her. She hadn't taken very well to his addition to her team of Rangers, and had never really warmed up to him the way Kimberly had. And on top of that, she seemed to have her hands pretty full, between taking care of Jason and helping the elders out.

Rather than answer, he grunted noncommittally.

Trini rolled her eyes slightly and sat down uninvited across the small table from him. "You're worrying Kim, you know," she went on.

"Yeah, I know."

"And you're not accomplishing anything," she added for good measure.

"I know that, too."

She smiled in an exasperated sort of way. "You're exactly like him, you know." He didn't have to ask to know she meant Jason. "Getting so caught up in dreams of making peace…" She fixed him with a look he couldn't read. "I'm starting to think you really aren't a spy."

"Because I'm not handling it well that I have to share a room with a killer?" he asked.

She chuckled mirthlessly. "Because the thought makes you squeamish," she admitted.

"Oh, well that makes me feel better," he muttered.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're going to have to toughen up if you want to make it here." Tommy realized what that strange look on her face was. It was a haunted look. Something had happened to her in the past, something very bad. Something that made her think killing wasn't such a bad thing, not when it was the bad guys being killed.

For a bewildered moment he wondered what it would take to turn gentle, pacifist Trini into someone like this, someone cold and practical and unfazed by the thought of shooting an enemy. Someone that wouldn't risk trying to turn an enemy into a friend. Then he realized he probably didn't want to know.

"The elders are looking for crew for the winter supply run," Trini went on, ignoring the look of horrified confusion that had undoubtedly appeared on Tommy's face. "I'm going to recommend they take you."

If he hadn't been confused before, he was now. "Why me?"

She shrugged. "Many reasons. You're new and you've never gone on a supply run before, for one thing," she pointed out. "You'll need to know what it entails and this will be a good learning opportunity. You'll get to see one of the cities." She paused emphatically. "And if you want out, it'll give you a chance to run."

He glowered back at her. "What makes you think I want to run away?"

Her gaze was level, her eyes piercing. "Every new Ranger deserves a chance to get out if they want it."

By which you mean no one ever gave you a choice, he realized. He'd been annoyed with her for interrupting his solitude at first, and then for comparing him so unfavorably to Jason. Now he just felt sympathy. What happened to you, Trini? he wondered. Somehow he knew he'd have better luck bringing it up with Kimberly.

"It's different when you're just being taught about what Rangers do," she went on, her tone more gentle than before, almost wistful. "And then you get out there and you realize it's not just a hypothetical. You'll have to kill things. And sometimes the things you have to kill will be people. And you don't have the time to decide whether it's right or wrong. If you hesitate, you'll die. Or the people you're trying to protect will die."

Tommy stared down at his mug, long since emptied of the infernal herbal tea they drank so often here, and said nothing.

"It's okay if you're not cut out for this, Tommy," she went on. "Not everyone is."

"Jason did what he had to do," he murmured finally.

"Yes," Trini agreed. "But when the time comes, will you do the same?"

For a moment he thought he had her: "Billy never goes out on patrols. So don't tell me everyone here has to kill other people."

She stood up suddenly, planting her hands on the table firmly and staring down at him. It was the first time he'd ever seen true rage in Trini's eyes. "Billy is too valuable to risk on patrols. He's the best mind we have. Every weapon we have against the raider lords and the monsters that spawn out of the desert… every single one of them came from Billy. We almost lost him once, and it's not going to happen again. Without him, none of us would still be here."

Somehow, her anger was reassuring. There, underneath the flashfire rage, was the Trini he remembered from back home: the one that was fiercely protective of her friends and especially of Billy, the one that could be coaxed to fight only when her friends or her world were in immediate danger. The one that was equal parts furious and terrified because her friends and her world were always in danger and there was nothing she could do about it.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told her, grinning.

Rage evaporated into confusion.

"I'm one of your best pilots," he told her. "And I know I'm the best fighter you've got right now. You can send me on this supply run if you want, but I'm telling you right now that I won't run away." He went on recklessly, "And maybe I'm a fool, but I know there's a better way than this. I know we can end this pointless war with the desert and we can stop the raider lords and the slave trade. Maybe right now there's so much evil in the world that even we can't avoid it, but we can change that. You can't convince me it's hopeless."

She sat down, smiling sadly. "Now you sound like Kimberly," she told him.

"Because she's right," he said. "There's always hope. And I'll prove it to you."

It was a bold promise, and not one he'd expected to make, least of all to Trini. He only hoped that when the time came he could back up those bold words.