At dinner in the cafeteria later that night, the atmosphere was very much the same. Batman sat calmly eating his food and trying to ignore the furious stares from all the other inmates, except Joker, who kept talking at him.
"You'll wanna avoid the sprouts, Batsy, they're never pleasant," he was saying. "Also the meatloaf. I dunno what kinda animal it's made from, but it probably ain't FDA approved. Maybe it's made from bats! And you wouldn't wanna turn into a cannibal, would ya?" he chuckled. "Add that to your list of offences – bombing and cannibalism! Sounds like a good title for the memoir of a plane-crash survivor!"
He laughed hysterically while everyone else just continued to glare at Batman. "You know, it's rude to stare, guys," snapped Joker. "I don't understand why you're all so fascinated by Batsy being here. I've been expecting him for years!"
"Do you remember what you did to me at our last encounter?" murmured Jonathan Crane softly.
Batman took a drink of water. "Yes," he replied casually.
"You ripped an electrical cable out of the wall and shoved it into the toilet. And then you shoved my head down it," continued Crane.
Joker began chuckling madly. "Outstanding!" he giggled, clapping Batman on the shoulder.
"You attacked a child," retorted Batman.
"It was an experiment! I needed to see the minimum dosage required to affect children! It was science, you ignorant buffoon!" snapped Crane.
"It was torture!" shouted Batman. "It was only fair that you be tortured in return!"
"Call that justice?" growled Two-Face, flipping his coin. "You know anything about the law, Bats? Here in America we don't believe in Old Testament eye-for-an-eye style vengeance. We're a little more civilized than that."
Batman shrugged. "I think he learned his lesson. I don't think Professor Crane will be experimenting on children anymore."
"No, that's Hatty, like I said earlier!" laughed Joker.
"For the last time, I'm not…" began Tetch.
"The last time we met, Batman, it ended in a whole forest being burned to the ground," murmured Poison Ivy. "Hundreds of living creatures burned alive. I heard them screaming in agony until they were silenced forever. I hope you're happy about that."
"Yes, because it stopped you from unleashing Poison Ivy toxin on the citizens of Gotham," retorted Batman.
"Pruning the weeds, is what I was doing, Batman," murmured Ivy. "You have to prune the weeds, or they'll choke the flowers."
"Human beings are neither weeds nor flowers," muttered Batman. "I'm sorry you can't understand that, Ivy."
"Last time we met, Bats, I…" began Killer Croc.
"Threw a rock at him?" suggested Joker. "That's your usual style, Crocky old boy."
"Yes," muttered Croc. "And it was a big rock too. But it missed, and hit the rock wall, and brought down all the rocks on me. But this time, I'm not using a rock. This time, Batman, you're dead meat."
"Look, Batsy's beat the crap outta all of us at one time or another," said Joker, standing up. "He's beat the crap outta me more times than I can count, and probably worse than he has the rest of you. We have a special relationship, y'know," he said, patting his head and smiling. "But hey, I'm not the kinda guy who holds grudges! And nobody's killing him under my watch, got it? So why don't you bunch of losers just grow up and forget all about hurting him? It ain't gonna happen."
"Don't challenge all of us, Joker, you won't win," murmured Ivy.
Joker laughed. "You wanna bet, Pammie?" he retorted. "I'm betting me and Bats can take all you freaks put together."
"And me, puddin'!" chimed in Harley. "I'm on your side!"
"Of course you are, pumpkin pie," purred Joker, kissing her cheek. "So if you morons think you can take me, Harley, and Bats, why don't you bring it on? Let's settle this here and now."
Everyone glared at him but returned to their meals. Joker chuckled, sitting back down. "See, I told ya, Bats, they're all a bunch of cowards. Now let's get you back to our cell and all tucked in. I might read you a bedtime story if you wanna, although at the moment I'm making my way through American Psycho and it ain't great bedtime reading, if I'm honest."
"I'm sure you shouldn't have a copy of that book," muttered Batman.
"Oh yeah, you're right, Batsy," said Joker, nodding. "It might subliminally influence me into becoming a murdering psychopath or something. Oh wait, too late!" he laughed. "And anyway, this guy Bateman's a real sad case – he should be having the time of his life with his murders and mutilations! But does he crack a smile, or have any sense of humor? No! Instead it's all drama; long, gratuitous descriptions of maim and rape, and I'm like 'lighten up, junior!' He just don't seem excited by any of it, and I don't get it - he's been saved from his boring business career by the glamor of homicide, and he don't appreciate a moment of it! There is nothing worse than a serial killer who takes himself too seriously, lemme tell you…"
Joker led Batman away, with Harley skipping after them. The others watched them go, and then Two-Face said, "All right, we're killing the Bat. Who's with me?"
Everyone nodded their agreement. "We need to wait for the right time, when J's not guarding him," he growled.
"I'll let you know when Harley leaves our cell," murmured Ivy. "When she and J are off in the janitor's closet for some fun, we'll grab Bats and have some fun of our own."
"Yeah, sounds good," said Two-Face, nodding. "I guess that way some good will have come of this roommate idea after all. I think I got screwed over, personally – there's technically three guys in my cell with Scarface and the Ventriloquist."
"Not to mention the two people in your head," retorted Ivy, dryly. "I imagine it is rather crowded in there."
"Nobody has it worse than me," snapped Edward Nygma, angrily. He gestured at Croc. "This cretin couldn't solve a riddle if I wrote down the answer for him!"
"I can't read," snapped Croc.
"Precisely my point, you inferior specimen of humanity," retorted Nygma.
Croc said nothing, but picked up the skeleton of the roasted chicken he had just consumed and popped it into his mouth, chewing loudly. Nygma looked at him and then muttered, "Yes, point taken. I'll keep the riddles to myself."