"Whatcha doing, roomie?"
"Meditating," replied Batman, keeping his eyes shut as he sat on his bed, legs crossed and breathing steadily.
"Kinda looks like you're sitting funny and breathing funny to me," said Joker. "Why're you doing that?"
"It helps me to conserve energy and hone my thoughts."
"Whatcha thinking about? It's me, isn't it? Am I wearing much?" chuckled Joker. "Y'know if you wanna see me naked, all you have to do is ask. Or we can just go to the showers."
"Meditation requires silence," said Batman, opening his eyes and glaring at Joker.
"Ah, I get ya," said Joker, nodding. "Say no more, Bats."
Batman shut his eyes again. Joker climbed onto the top bunk and picked up his book, popping a wad of bubble gum into his mouth. He chewed and then blew a bubble, popping it. Batman tried to ignore him, but when the sound happened again, and again, he had enough.
"I really can't concentrate when you're making noise like that!" he shouted, standing up.
"Geez, sorry, Bats," said Joker, surprised. "I just really hate total silence, y'know? Can't hear myself think."
"Yes, that's exactly my problem right now!" snapped Batman. "I have no intention of staying in here any longer than necessary, Joker…"
"Aw, you mean you ain't having fun being roomies, Bats?" asked Joker, looking slightly hurt. "I think it's a laugh riot…"
Batman seized him by the collar. "It's a living hell, is what it is!" he hissed. "And the only way I'm getting out of here is if I'm allowed to think of some way to escape! And the only way I can do that is if you shut up! So stop making noise before I beat you unconscious!"
He dropped Joker to the ground. He struggled to his feet, chuckling. "You know, I do like being threatened, Bats. Really puts me in the mood, I must say. Why don't you gimme a couple firm punches, and then I'll be off to see my girlfriend? That'll get me outta your hair, and you can do your funny breathing as much as you like."
Batman was only too happy to oblige, striking Joker a harsh blow across the face. "Oh yeah, that's it, Bats, harder!" he gasped.
Batman struck him several more times, trying to ignore the sounds of pleasure he made. He knocked him against the lock on the door and it broke. Joker climbed slowly to his feet and then gasped, "Thanks for the foreplay – see ya later, Bats!"
He raced from the cell. Batman shook his head slowly, sighing. But at least he was alone now, and there was relative silence. He intended to take advantage of it.
He sat back down on his bed, shutting his eyes again, trying to focus his thoughts. Easiest escape routes would probably be something to do with the laundry…or maybe a window could be forced…if only he had his gadgets, but his belt had been confiscated by the police. He only had his wits to rely on now…
He was suddenly seized and a bag was thrown over his head. He struggled violently, but there appeared to be several people restraining him, and he recognized the scaly, reptilian arms of Killer Croc holding him firmly. The man was stronger than he was – resistance was pointless. He stopped struggling and waited to see where they were taking him.
When the bag was removed from his head, he saw that he was in the old electrotherapy room, which mostly just contained patient records. He was hooked up to one of the old machines, which appeared to be working. Surrounding him were Two-Face, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Mad Hatter, Riddler, Scarface, Clayface, Freeze, and Croc, all smiling with a kind of gleeful triumph.
Two-Face approached him, flipping his coin. "I would normally give you a fifty-fifty chance, Bats," he growled. "But there are some things that are too important to leave to chance. And your death is one of them."
"Your eventual death," continued Crane. "After first being unmasked and tortured. There's really no point in struggling – there's no escape, and you can't take all of us on your own."
"No, you're caught like a bat in a trap," murmured Ivy, smiling at him. "And we are all going to enjoy this, Bats. Trust me."
She ran a finger down his mask. "You're finally going to pay for the murder of all my babies."
"For the constant humiliation and bullying," growled Crane.
"For making me late for tea," muttered Hatter.
"For cheating on my riddles," snapped Nygma.
"For being an annoying mook," said Scarface.
"For keeping Nora frozen," murmured Freeze.
"For upstaging me," hissed Clayface.
"For…erm…a lotta stuff," growled Croc.
"For justice," whispered Two-Face. "Your kinda justice, Bats. Let's start with a face for a face," he murmured, reaching out to unmask him.
"Hold it right there, Melty Face!" snapped a voice. Everyone turned to see that Harley Quinn had kicked open the door. The Joker stormed into the room, and started back in surprised.
"What the hell is going on?!" he demanded, furiously. "I am shocked, shocked at each and every one of you!"
Harley giggled. "Nice gag, Mr. J, because we're in the electrotherapy…"
"It wasn't a gag!" he shouted, striking her across the face suddenly. "It's not a joke! I'm being completely serious for once in my life, so everyone listen up! You oughta be ashamed of yourselves! What would any of us do without this guy?!"
"We'd win!" retorted Crane.
"And what kinda hollow victory would that be, Johnny?" snapped Joker. "Bats is the only thing that makes winning any fun! It's easy to win against the police! There ain't no fun in a fight without a challenge – it's like beating up a woman! And look how easy that is!" he shouted, hitting Harley again. "See? No challenge! If I wanted an easy fight, I'd just be content with repeatedly slapping around Harley! But I ain't, because it gets boring after awhile! She don't fight back, and look how easy it is for me to win!" he shouted, punching her again and knocking her to the ground. "No fun at all! All of you should be grateful to this man for giving your life a purpose! Without him, you're all just a bunch of freaks in a costume! But with him, you're supervillains! You think someone's just gonna appear to fill the void left by Bats if he dies?! Bats is one is a million! There ain't ever gonna be another one like him, so it's our job to take care of him, so he can keep fighting us and giving us a reason to live! Now c'mon Batsy!" he snapped, seizing the cables and ripping them off. "We're going back to our cell! And if any of you losers even think about touching him again, I'm going to personally disembowel you! You know what disemboweling is, Crocky?" he snapped.
"Um…not fun?" stammered Croc.
"That's right – it ain't fun," growled Joker. "Not for you, anyway. Harley, make sure they don't follow us."
"Rightaroonie, Mr. J!" said Harley, smiling despite the pain in her face. She gazed lovingly after Joker as he led Batman out of the room, and then stepped in front of the door, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at all of them.
"Are you guys actually going to take that from him?!" shrieked Ivy, furiously. "I don't care if J does wanna save his boyfriend – I'm gonna kill the Bat!"
"You really don't wanna do that, Red," snapped Harley.
"Look, just get out of my way, Harley," growled Ivy, pushing her away from the door. Harley suddenly kicked her in the back of the head, and then seized her arm and sent her flying into the wall.
"Anyone else?!" Harley shrieked, holding up her fists.
None of the other inmates had ever seen Harley like this, and they backed away slowly. "That's right, you'd better stay back!" she shrieked. "Now why doncha all just stay in here until you cool down?! If you even think about going after Mr. J and the Bat, I'll find you! And it won't be pretty!"
She slammed the door. The inmates looked from the unconscious Poison Ivy to the door and back. "So…staying in here for a while seems ideal," said Crane.
"Yeah," agreed Two-Face, reaching for one of the records. "Plenty to read anyway. Hey…looks like J didn't just make that up. They have suspected pedophile written in your record, Tetch," he said, showing the file to Hatter.
"Oh, for goodness sake!" cried Tetch. "Can't a man just model himself after a character in a children's book without people jumping to ridiculous conclusions?! And they call me mad!"