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Suggested Listening: "Deadbeat Summer" - Neon Indian

Feel It in My Bones

~Deadbeat Summer~

As our town sleepily dragged its feet into midsummer, the heat only got worse. Before, it had been uncomfortable, but at least tolerable. As things were now, however, I could probably fry an egg on the roof of my mom's car. Regardless, people went outside in droves.

Frankly, I thought they were insane (never mind the fact that I was impartial to the outdoors in the first place).

I'd never liked the heat very much and the way that my t-shirt clung to my back with a disgusting layer of sweat didn't help. My room had pretty much become an oven, and so while I'd usually be in there playing a video game or surfing the web on my second-hand laptop, I had taken to spending time in the garage to escape the heat.

Although I hadn't taken up Watari on the offer to help him out with his inventions in exchange for parts yet, I continued to work on my car. There was only so much that I could do as a lot of the car's inner workings were beyond repair, so I spent the time preparing it for when I'd be able to install the new, functioning parts.

When Mello had found out what I had been doing, he had pretended to be angry, saying, "You'd better not finish it without me being there to see it. God knows how you've slaved over that thing... I want to be the first to see the finished product."

I had promised him that he would be – but that's where the problem lies.

Mello worked at his father's store that sold leather products, acting as the salesperson and occasionally manning the cashier. He loved his job and always got a kick out of telling people that he worked in the family business, leaving it open for them to guess what exactly that business could be. Because most people we had gone to school with were gullible and hopelessly prone to gossiping, everyone had decided that his family was affiliated with the Mafia. Just like all of the other rumours about him, Mello never said a word to confirm or deny it.

Anyways – now to how this relates.

The store had been unusually busy the past few days, meaning that he hadn't been able to come over. A promise is a promise, and so I held off on getting the new parts despite how eager I was to finish my pet project.

Fortunately, today was the day when Mello said he finally might be able to stop by. He hadn't specified a time, but I had assumed that it would be later in the afternoon when he would show up. Currently, it was noon, but I still left the garage door open on the off chance that he might show up earlier.

At the moment, I was continuing my preparations and revising my mental list of exactly what would have to be replaced. Whoever had been the previous owner had done a number on it, that's for sure.

Heat seemed to radiate into my sanctuary at an increasingly alarming rate the longer I left the garage door open. Pretty soon, it became too much and I shut the hood, deciding to take a break and hunt down a tall glass of water to gulp down. Before I went to do that, however, I yanked my t-shirt that was now streaked with oil and sweat over my head and tossed it carelessly towards the workbench. I then pushed up my goggles and wiped at my eyes.

My God... Any more of this heat and I swear that I will melt.

Pulling my goggles back down to their rightful place, I tromped indoors to get that glass of water. Thankfully, my mother was at work and therefore not home to question why I had come in from outside without a shirt. Who knows; if she were, she might not have even noticed. Even if she did, she might assume that I in all of my scatterbrained glory had simply forgotten it somewhere.

Surely a viable option if not for the fact that I wasn't usually one to peel off clothes in public places.

I ended up draining my first glassful and headed back to the sink for another. I watched the water cascade from the facet and sighed.

The past week had been strange.

If not talking to Mello at all had been out of the ordinary, then him calling every night of the week was a cause for alarm. Mello never did anything half-assed, but if this was his version of making up for his absence, I was of the mind to tell him to tone it down a bit.

I'm sure that would go over well.

Besides contemplating if my best friend had been taken over by a pod person, I also had to explain to Wedy why the phone line was always busy when she tried to call – which, by the way, also happened every night of the week.

Between the two of them, I think I have spent more time on the phone in the past week than I have in my whole life.

I remembered an incident a few days ago where Wedy called to talk about the university she was going to and I had stood there in the kitchen for a good forty minutes inserting the occasional mhm and I see as that was all she gave me time to say. I hadn't been all that bothered because I knew she was excited that she had been accepted into the psychology program, but I had been finding it hard to concentrate on what she was saying because I had had a particularly taxing day at work, and my eyes had kept sliding over to the kitchen table where my supper had been getting cold.

Also, my mother had been sitting there the whole time, watching me and stifling giggles.

Finally, she had let me go and I had put the phone back in its cradle with a sense of relief – only to have that dashed when the stupid thing started ringing again. Grumbling to myself, I had picked it up and put on a cheery tone. When I had realized who it was, I hadn't had to keep up the façade anymore, but I still had felt a twinge of exasperation.

"Who is it?" my mother had mouthed to me.

I had covered the mouth piece with my hand and whispered back, "Mello."

She had snorted then before quickly covering her mouth with her hand. I had glared at her, continuing to talk to Mello, but we both knew that I had caught the smile lingering on her lips as she had innocently continued to eat.

It wasn't that I resented the increased amount of conversation, but – with Mello especially – it was so out of line with their usual behaviour. Wedy, for example, was more likely to text me or see me in person, but since she had been busy with arranging for her housing for when she would go to university in the fall, she hadn't been able to see me the past while either. Her excitement over the changes in her life was understandable, and I guess she just wanted to share it with me and actually hear my reaction… but I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions all of a sudden.

As for Mello, if I was being honest, things had been different between us for quite a while now and this was just another point on the growing list.

I was actually really happy that I was seeing Mello today because, before I had found out that he was busy with work, I'd thought he was feeling awkward after the night that I had stayed over. Then the calls had started, and I had pushed the worries to the back of my mind.

… However, they still pop up at the most inopportune times.

Realizing I had just been staring into the water glass in front of me for the past few minutes, I picked it up and threw the contents down my throat. I put it in the sink when I was finished and then leaned against the counter, staring at nothing in particular as I examined my recollection of that day.

Thankfully, I always slept like the dead until noon while Mello liked to beat the sun in being first to rise; this meant that there had been no uncomfortable moment of waking up at the same time and remembering why the other person was across from you in the bed. However, all possibility of an awkward moment was not evaded, as I had ended up waking up after Mello had just gotten back from his morning run and he was over by the closet, taking off his shirt.

"Um," I had articulated in a most-intelligent manner.

He had frozen in place, shirt halfway over his head, before he had yanked it back down. The blush turning his cheeks a bright red hue was so uncharacteristic that I half-wondered if it was leftover from his run, but his body language betrayed his mortification.

It's a rare moment that Mello's ever caught off guard, that's for sure.

If that wasn't enough, what he had said next had only confirmed it: "Shit." His tone had been completely flat, but by the shock that had shown in his eyes, I could tell it was carefully controlled. "I didn't know you were awake yet."

Remembering the line of his shoulder blades in the moment I had caught him pulling his shirt over his head, I felt like something reached into my stomach and tied my innards into a knot. I pushed my goggles up and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Fuck," I groaned. "Fuck fuckity fuck fuck…"

Through the open window, I could hear the sound of a motorcycle approaching from down the street.

… Perfect timing.

Kicking off from the counter, I walked back to the garage. Sure enough, as soon as I opened the door, my suspicions were confirmed as the glint of the sun off of metal and leather caught my eye. Upon closer inspection, however, the hair was much too long and the wrong shade of blond.

"Hey, Matt!" Wedy grinned as she hopped off her bike and pulled off her leather jacket. "'Thought I'd come over since I've kind of been neglecting you lately."

… Oh. Okay, then…

Quickly adapting, I returned her smile with one of my own and trotted down the steps to meet her. "No worries."

I stopped right in front of her and she reached out and poked my bicep, chuckling. "I always thought you were just lanky, but it looks like you have some muscles, too. Looking pretty fly… for a white guy." She waggled her eyebrows at me.

Oh, yeah… That's right… I have no shirt on. Great…

Snorting, I rubbed at the back of my neck and proceeded to compensate for my discomfort in the only way I knew how: snark. "Isn't that Near's catchphrase?" I quipped. "Besides, I'm allergic to the sun and any element of the outdoors; prolonged exposure gives me a rash."

She smirked. "Attractive."

I shrugged. "'Just telling it like it is."

"You're such a dork," she said, giving me an affectionate swat on the shoulder. Moving past me, she walked over to the gutted out Camaro. "Is this the car? Matt, it'll be beautiful." She ran her hand along the side of it, and I remembered all the times I had done the same while I had stood beside it, imagining the potential.

I came up beside her. "It's what I'm working towards."

Wedy looked up at me then, and I was caught off guard as she started snickering. "Matt… Look what you have on your face."

I bent over to look in the side mirror, and sure enough, I had a streak of oil on my cheek.

To make use of Wedy's earlier comment: attractive.

I felt a finger under my chin, coaxing me to stand up straight again. As soon as I did, Wedy starting cleaning off my face with a rag she must have grabbed from off of the work bench. I stood still while she did so, but I kind of felt like I was a little kid again and my mother was cleaning off a mark on my face with her thumb and a bit of her saliva.

Still to this day I do not understand why people think that is anywhere near hygienic.

"There," Wedy said when she was finished. "Good as new."

"Am I fully operational?" I asked, smiling.

"I think so…" She made a show of inspecting me, her eyes going wide as if in sudden realization. "Ah! There's just one more thing."

Then she was leaning in and her lips pressed against mine.

The few times that I had kissed Wedy in the weeks that we have been dating so far, there was always that moment of surprise and a jolt of panic. It was less than before this time, but I wondered when that feeling was supposed to go away. Aren't most people excited when they get kissed? Was I just malfunctioning or something (robot pun not intended)?

First of all, I never knew where to put my hands. I'd figured out by trial and error that Wedy liked it when they rested on her waist, and that was where I tentatively placed them now. Then there was the whole thing where I felt like I might break her; not to say that Wedy was breakable in the first place, but rather that she was just felt so soft and slight under my hands. I wasn't too sure I liked the taste of her lip gloss or the overpowering scent of her hairspray either.

I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually.

From somewhere, the sound of someone clearing their throat broke into my thoughts and my eyes popped open. I pulled back immediately. Wedy quirked an eyebrow at me before craning her neck and showing the same expression to whomever it was that had interrupted us.

I looked towards the mouth of the garage and my mind registered two things: pursed lips and eyes that glittered like ice.

I swallowed.

Shit.

Mello tilted his head to the side in an almost innocent manner, leaning against the wall casually. "Am I interrupting anything?"

Wedy said yes at exactly the same time that I said no – which would have been really funny if not for the fact that I felt like I was ten seconds away from getting mauled by one person and bitch-slapped by another.

Wedy whipped her head around to look at me.

Make that five seconds…

I put my hands up in front of me in a feeble attempt at protection. "Look, this is going to sound really cliché, but I can explain."

Mello smirked as if to say go on, while Wedy just crossed her arms and looked at me expectantly.

I rubbed at the back of my neck. "Right – um," I began. "See, I initially invited Mello over to see the car and then Wedy showed up unexpectedly… But since you're both here now, why don't we just all hang out? I mean, it's not like the car's gonna go anywhere…"

In that moment, brief explanation over and looking between them, I wondered why I even had to explain myself. Had I really done anything wrong?

Mello shrugged (which was the closest to a confirmation I was probably going to get) and Wedy nodded, but I could tell she wasn't happy about it.

Well, they certainly seemed to think I had.

"I'm going to get on a shirt, and then I'll be right back. You guys think about what we should do while I'm gone," I told them, putting on a false, cheery tone.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Just as I was turning to leave, I caught the expression on their faces as their eyes met.

Something told me that they'd be talking about a lot more than what activity we'd be doing next.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

We ended up deciding on going to the park because my room was a mess (and without saying anything, I think we all knew that being trapped together in the confined spaces of my house wasn't the best idea).

I walked along with the two blonds on either side of me, hands shoved into my pockets. Nobody said a word, but I could tell they were both steaming over the conversation that had taken place when I had been out of the room. I didn't really understand what their deal was; weren't they supposed to be friends?

My sneakers scuffed over the pavement as I kicked at a pineapple weed growing through the cracks of the sidewalk.

Step on a crack, and you'll break your mother's–

I chewed on my chapped bottom lip absentmindedly, jonesing for a cigarette.

The sound of children excitedly shouting signalled that we had arrived at the park. There was a group of them playing ball tag on the jungle gym, and so we went to sit down in the shade of the gazebo. We sat down on the floor facing each other since sitting on wood planks seemed like a much better idea than sitting on the metal benches in this heat.

Mello stretched out one of his legs in front of him, keeping the other one bent, and fanned himself lazily with his gloves. "Fuck me, it's hot," he muttered.

The corner of Wedy's mouth twitched and she narrowed her eyes. "'Funny that you're complaining since you're already wearing so little."

I busied myself with studying the grain of the wood we were sitting on.

I could hear the sneer in his tone as Mello replied, "It's the leather; it traps the heat." I felt his eyes on me and looked up. His eyebrow rose in a perfect arch. "Isn't that what you always tell me, Matt?"

I sputtered, "Well, I – uh." I cleared my throat and restarted. "It's true. First of all, it's black leather, so it would have an albedo that would be close to zero. Since it's absorbing so much light energy, you would feel it as heat. Then, the properties of the material itself make it so that it will heat up quickly and cool down just as fast. I'm not sure what its specific heat capacity is… Anyways – there you go."

They both just stared at me for a moment.

I blinked.

Suddenly, they started laughing.

"Nerd," they said in tandem, realized what they just had done, and almost immediately stopped laughing altogether. The look in their eyes read surprise as they held the gaze of the other before they both looked away.

"So…" Wedy started in an attempt to change the subject. She sat up a little straighter and a smile spread across her face. "What do you two have planned for the future?"

Mello gestured for me to go first with a nearly imperceptible nod.

"Something to do with computers, I suppose," I answered. I picked at the frayed ends of my jeans, wishing I'd brought my smokes with me.

She laughed. "'Seems like you. What school were you thinking of going to for that?"

I shrugged.

Wedy seemed to deflate a little.

"I had this dream when I was younger," Mello admitted suddenly. "I wanted to go to school in Europe and see all the places that I had read about in books. I want to be an author, see," he explained. "I wanted to understand those authors better by going to those places, by seeing the things that they themselves had seen. I don't have that dream anymore."

Wedy tilted her head to the side in curiosity. "Why not?"

He closed his eyes. "What's the point of understanding the past or thinking of the future if we don't get a grip on the present? Things have changed; I have other goals that are more important at the present time." His eyes slid open and looked right into hers, blue meeting blue. "Besides, if I go there now, I want my experience of it to be coloured by my own feelings – not by what some old, dead guy tells me I should think."

Mello's grin was feral, showing teeth. "I'm going to live my own way."

Wedy exhaled, staring right back at him.

It dissolved into silence after that. I don't think either Wedy or I could think of a viable response to what he'd just said.

We were saved from it becoming too awkward, however, as music chimed in the distance. The children on the jungle gym halted, listening for a moment, before they climbed down and went running for the street. The three of us could clearly hear the tune now.

Ice-cream man.

Mello stood up and dusted himself off. "Well, as enlightening as I find your company, I'm going to have to leave you momentarily." He paused. "In other words: I'm getting ice cream, bitches. What flavour do you guys want?"

Wedy snorted. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I don't think they have that flavour," he remarked snidely.

"I'll have strawberry," I announced, beaming.

"Awesome. I'll be getting you vanilla; you lost your chance," Mello stated to Wedy before trotting off across the park.

Wedy watched him go, shaking her head. "He's crazy."

I laughed good-naturedly. "Yeah, he kind of is."

I watched as Mello approached the truck, causing the children that were now enjoying their ice cream to back away as they saw him coming. Even from here, I could make out the slightly baffled look on the worker's face.

Wedy gave me a look. "No, I mean actually crazy. Why do you put up with him?"

I was jolted out of my train of thought by this and I frowned at her, affronted. "What do you mean? I thought you liked him. Didn't you two hang out all the time before?"

She sighed. "It's just… It's like he expects you to do whatever he wants all the time. Don't you get tired of it?"

Wedy pulled out her cigarettes and lit up, but I didn't bother asking for one now.

I glared at her. "What do you know?" I scoffed. "Don't talk like you understand anything about it when you don't."

She just looked at me then, and I immediately felt guilty.

I put a hand on her shoulder and softened my tone. "Look… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react like that. It's just… He's just Mello and I'm just me; this is the way we've been since forever. Don't look into it too much."

"Alright," she said – but I don't think she believed me.

I don't think I really believed me either.

Wedy's parents ended up texting her two minutes later and she got up, her jacket tucked under her arm.

"I have to go," she said, bending down to kiss my cheek. "'See you later, Red."

She started walking away, only to pause and call over her shoulder, "Tell Mello that I'm sorry he spent his money on me for no reason. Maybe you two can share it."

Mello came back just then, holding three ice cream cones and shielding his eyes from the sun with his arm as he watched Wedy disappear behind the line of hedges. "Where the hell is she going?"

"She had to go home," I said, and then repeated the rest of what she had told me to say.

Mello grunted, scowling all the same, and then sat down beside me. We ate our ice cream in a companionable silence until yet another noise disturbance caught our attention.

Over by the jungle gym, two of the older kids had ganged up on a boy and had thrown his ice cream in the dirt. We could hear the bullies' taunts as their victim started crying.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Mello growled.

The blond stood up and stalked over to where the three of them were standing around. Mello must have cut an intimidating figure, because the instigators were already stumbling backwards as soon as they caught sight of him. I couldn't hear what Mello yelled at them, but it stopped them in their tracks.

The four of them stood there for a good five minutes; the guilty party looking like they were on the receiving end of the worst tongue-lashing of their lives, while the young boy was looking up at Mello like he was Superman. Scolding over, the older two ran off. I watched as Mello ruffled the kid's hair and then gave him our extra cone.

"That was nice of you," I said when he came back.

He frowned. "Whatever. It was melting all over my hand."

I just chuckled. "Sure, Mells. Whatever you say."

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

"Do you remember when we picked our nicknames?" Mello asked me on the walk back to my house.

"Yeah." I laughed. "Near was there."

He wrinkled his nose. "Unfortunately. Mine was for irony's sake, Near's because he's a creepy little bastard, and yours…" he trailed off.

"Yeah," I said.

"What was it that people used to call you?" he asked, suddenly changing the topic.

"Mailbox. Mail's not even pronounced like that, anyways…" I rolled my eyes. "And yours – well, they used to just butcher your real name."

Mello snorted. "Yeah. Nicknames were necessary… Hey."

I looked at him. "Yeah?"

He stopped and I realized it was because we were at my house. I need to pay more attention…

"I have tomorrow off, so I was wondering if you want to go out somewhere."

"Sure. Where did you have in mind?"

He winked and flashed me a disarming grin. "It's a secret. Just be at my house by eight."

Mello turned on his heel then to head back in the direction we had just came from, tossing a don't be late! over his shoulder. I only noticed then that his bike wasn't parked anywhere nearby.

He must've walked over here. Furthermore, he had walked me home when he hadn't needed to; we could have just gone our separate ways in the park.

I smiled and went inside.

Wedy definitely didn't know what she was talking about.