Thank you so very much for your reviews! After days of struggle to write it, I present you the final part. As I mentioned last time though, a short epilogue will follow. I really hope you enjoy your reading!
The interview
Part 5
Rachel had easily fallen into her morning routine: wake up and shower, have breakfast, send her men on their way, welcome Quinn and spend hours against the actress's naked body.
Now, during the first week without Quinn being in town, Rachel's mornings feel purposeless and empty.
Rachel misses Quinn. She misses the excitement and the happiness she has felt in the woman's arms. She misses hearing Quinn talk passionately about her job, and being asked to sing. She misses the way that Quinn kissed her lips, touched her body and looked at her with devotion.
Rachel wants to call Quinn. She wants to know what Quinn is doing, if she is missing her too, when she's going to be in Lima next time, if she is watching that Don't Rain on My Parade video again.
Several times a morning Rachel finds herself holding her phone and going through her contacts for Quinn's number. She always hesitates to press the call button. She fears that Quinn might not want to hear from her; she's afraid that Quinn might want to finally move on and forget her.
Rachel just wishes she could stop thinking about their two weeks together: they had been a pleasurable and wonderful break from her monotonous and miserable life but they can't become a memory she relives to escape reality.
-x-
Rachel's afternoons are less desolating: she has singing lessons, she plays with her son, she spends time with her fathers. She is busy and her mind doesn't stray back to Quinn.
One afternoon, as she is making a peanut butter sandwich for Andrew, her son timidly inquires, "Can I ask you something, mom?"
"Of course!"
"Jason said he has a sister now. Can I have one too?"
A shocked Rachel almost lets the plate in her hand fall to the floor but she manages to place it intact in front of Andrew.
"Does Jason like having a little sister?"
"He said she is cute but cries a lot. But he'll be her big brother and protect her. I want too."
"You know, it will take a lot of time to give you a sister. The baby has to grow in my belly and it could be a boy and not a girl."
"Oh, I'm not sure I want a brother. Mark isn't very happy about his." Andrew replies and then abruptly changes the topic, "Can I eat my sandwich on the couch? I want to watch cartoons."
"Yes. Here you are!" Rachel gives him a napkin and he moves to the living room.
Rachel takes a sit then. She is relieved that it's Andrew and not Finn asking about a baby: her son will probably forget about his desire for a little sister when one of his friends will say he got a new fancy toy and make Andrew want that instead.
However, Rachel can't hide that she wants to give Andrew a sibling some time in the future: he would learn to share and to be supportive, he would have someone to play with and to love, he would have a friend for the rest of his life.
But Rachel knows that having a baby right now would only be for the wrong reasons: she'd want to relive the joy of becoming a mother to forget her conjugal problems, to focus on the baby and not on her marriage, to have someone else to love.
Rachel really can't consider having another baby right now.
-x-
Rachel doesn't notice that May has morphed into June, but one morning she gets woken up not by her alarm but by Finn's steps in the room. When she opens her eyes her husband is next to her, smiling and offering her a cup of coffee.
"Happy anniversary!" He says and Rachel realizes it's already the 4th of June and 7 years of marriage.
That evening Finn drives her outside of Lima and takes her to a fancy French restaurant. Sharing a classy dinner with her husband should be a joyous occurrence, but Rachel can only feel sadness and resentment.
She looks at the person in front of her and sees the man whom she has forgone her dreams for, the man whose love is not enough to fill her heart, the man who hasn't been able to make her happy for the past few years; Rachel sees the man who is too oblivious to notice how unhappy she is and how different their relationship is from its beginning.
When they get home, Finn leads her straight to their bedroom and undresses her. His hands are callous and rough; his grip too tight.
Finn takes his time and Rachel finds herself whispering "I need you!", faking desperation to make everything last shorter.
Just when her body has started to respond to Finn's actions, her husband groans and comes inside her. Rachel moans loudly then and tenses her body: she pretends to reach her climax to please Finn who smiles satisfied and moves to lie next to her.
"I need to go to the bathroom," Rachel says slipping quickly out of bed.
As she cleans herself up, Rachel can't help but think how wrong having sex with Finn has felt. After knowing Quinn's reverence for her body, the woman's gentle touch, and the excitement and pleasure the actress has made her feel, Rachel is sure she won't ever enjoy being with her husband again.
When she is back in their bed, Finn takes her in his arms. Rachel has never realized before how much his hug feels like a prison. In that moment she is not so sure she could spend the rest of her life at his side.
-x-
Rachel misses Quinn everyday more: her body and her heart ache for her; everyday more being around Finn becomes less bearable.
One afternoon – while Andrew is with his grandma Carol and Finn is still at work – Rachel finds herself taking her laptop in the guestroom and watching 'On a rainy day'.
The movie is even more dull and predictable than she remembered but Quinn is great; she looks stunning and her acting is good: the romantic comedy doesn't require any special skills but Quinn makes the absolute love of her character for David Eliot's completely believable.
However, Rachel can't help noticing the difference between Quinn's on screen enamoured looks and those she saw directed at her: a peculiar glint and a deep warmth distinguish the honest looks.
The final scene – the big wedding between the characters – brings a sudden heaviness to Rachel's heart.
Watching Quinn, dressed in white, ready to share a life with another person makes her sad. It's fictional but Rachel knows that one day it could really happen. Rachel is not so sure she can stand the thought of Quinn being with someone else, loving with all her heart and wanting to marry someone who is not her.
Rachel acts on impulse. She opens a new internet tab and accesses her email account. Calling Quinn could be undesired but writing to her gives Quinn the option to ignore her words. She wants to let Quinn know that she misses her, that she can't stop thinking about their time together, that she wishes she could spend every day with her.
It's with big surprise that Rachel spots (among the unread payment confirmations and her newsletter to the on-line bookstore) an email from Quinn.
With her heart beating furiously in her chest, Rachel opens it.
Dear Rachel,
I finally find the courage to contact you. I really hope you've decided to open this email: there are things that I need to tell you and that I think you should know.
First of all I need to apologize for the way I left you on our last morning together. I was angry but I shouldn't have left without even saying goodbye. I should probably apologize for what I said that day too, but I won't. It kills me to see you so miserable and I know you think you won't be able to start over, but you can Rachel, you just need to find the courage and the strength that are inside you and make the needed changes to be happy again.
Secondly, I want to thank you: I will forever cherish the two weeks I spent in Lima. Having you in my arms, having the chance to pleasure you felt like a dream. I let you cheat on Finn and I let you give yourself to me for the wrong reasons only because I wanted you. But I can't feel guilty about it; not when I know that I managed to make you forget your sadness for a little while.
And finally I want you to know the answer to the heavy question you asked me one morning. Rachel, I spent the past 7 years loving the memories I had of you, loving the obnoxious but passionate and forgiving Glee diva who had stolen my heart the first time I saw her. But those two weeks were spent with you, with the woman who is bitter and sad about her life and her crumbled dreams but who can still melt my heart with her singing, who can still be passionate, who can still talk in long paragraphs, and who still makes me want to belong to her. They were spent with a woman who just needs to be reminded that she's amazing and that amazing things can happen to her...And Rachel, I love that woman more than I ever loved her teenage self, and I could spend every day of my life telling that woman that I love her.
I only ask one thing from you, Rachel: let yourself be happy. You deserve it.
With much love,
Quinn
Rachel reads the email, one time, two times, three times.
Quinn's words fill her heart with joy. She can't believe that Quinn really loves her, the woman she is today and not who she once was.
Quinn's words move her deeply and make her feel blessed. Quinn wants to belong to her. Quinn wants to tell her she loves her every day. Quinn just wants her to be happy.
Quinn is her better life. Rachel sees it clearly now.
Rachel wants her; she wants to try having a relationship with the woman. She is not in love with her but she is already on the edge, ready to fall and let Quinn catch her.
Rachel needs to go to Quinn.
-x-
Booking a flight to LA for the following day is surprisingly easy: a few clicks and she has assured a way to get to Quinn.
Rachel moves to her bedroom then. She packs the strict necessary for a few days and hides the suitcase in the guestroom.
She'll need to be back soon: she'll have to give Finn an explanation, to let him know why she can't be with him anymore. He will be angry and hurt at first, but Rachel is sure that he'll eventually understand that their marriage couldn't last any longer.
Rachel fears having to explain things to her son: how can she tell him that his family will be different? Will he hate her for leaving his father? Will he understand that she needed to sacrifice their family to be happy again?
Rachel can't think of that now or she'll doubt the rightness of her decision.
Having her fathers being available to bring her to the airport and taking care of Andrew while she is gone is also easy. They obviously ask about the reason of the sudden desire to go to LA but they respect her wish not to tell.
That evening marks the end of the life she has lived until that moment. Rachel won't live as Finn's wife anymore; she won't ever again share a bed with him; he won't be the last person she sees before falling asleep anymore.
Rachel feels content about it.
-x-
The morning after Rachel cancels her singing lessons for the rest of the week and calls Brittany. She needs Quinn's address and the girl can give her that. She avoids calling Santana: she doesn't know if Quinn has shared anything with her best friend but she won't risk having Santana giving her a lecture.
Brittany – who answers the call as she is reaching the dance studio she works in – is happy to hear from her and gives her the address and Quinn's plans for the day without asking questions.
"Quinn loves you deeply. I'm happy you've decided to let yourself love her," she comments before saying goodbye and Rachel can only shake her head in amazement at the girl's insight.
Before leaving her home, Rachel leaves a message to Finn.
I'm really sorry.
I couldn't do this – us – anymore.
I'll be back in a few days and we'll talk.
Andrew is with my dads.
Take care,
Rachel
Closing her house's door behind her, Rachel opens a door to happiness.
-x-
The taxi ride to reach Quinn's house feels longer than the flight. Rachel's legs keep bouncing in anticipation until she is finally going off the car and walking to Quinn's door.
Rachel doesn't take time to admire the fine architecture of the mansion or the beauty of the rose and gardenia bushes at her sides. She only focuses on reaching the doorbell and ringing it.
"I'm coming!" Quinn's muffled voice comes from the inside and Rachel nervously smooths down her dress and takes a deep breath.
"I thought you said you were com-" Quinn, who was clearly expecting someone else, falls silent as she takes her in.
Rachel can't wait a second longer: she steps inside, wraps her arms around Quinn's neck and kisses the woman deeply.
When Quinn starts responding to the kiss, Rachel tastes happiness and love.
Eventually Quinn pulls away. "What's happening?" She asks, looking completely disorientated.
"I got your email. Your words, they were beautiful. And Quinn, I want to share my life with you," Rachel explains with tears in her eyes. "I love the way you make me feel; I never felt happier than those two weeks I spent with you. You make me feel alive. And I know you love me and I know that I'm not there yet. But Quinn, I know that with a little time I can and will fall in love with you!"
"Rachel…" Quinn murmurs, as she wipes away the lonely tear falling on Rachel's cheek.
"Please, Quinn! I want this. I want you!"
It's such a similar yet different plea from the one voiced in Lima three weeks before. There are still the desire to feel deep emotions and the need for someone who can really cherish her, but this plea is not born from a sudden and blinding lust; it comes from a conscious acknowledgment of Quinn's and her own feelings.
The answer is the same: Quinn kisses her.
"Are you sure you want to be with me?" Quinn asks against her lips.
"I am."
In the next touch of their lips, Rachel can feel Quinn's immense joy at finally getting her chance to be with her.
Quinn looks at her then and Rachel's breath is halted by the brightness in her eyes.
"I know we need to talk, but can we do it later?" Quinn asks as she takes her hand in hers. "I want to make love to you…"
"Later is fine," Rachel assures, sharing the same desire. "I just…my suitcase…I left it outside…"
Quinn chuckles and Rachel lowers her eyes, embarrassed by the out of place concern for her things. "I'll take it!"
Rachel stops Quinn before she can move away for her. Her suitcase and their talk can wait but Quinn needs to hear one thing right now.
"Thank you." Rachel conveys all her gratitude for Quinn's acceptance, understanding, love and 7 years long wait in the two words.
Quinn smiles gently at her, "You're welcome!".