One evening, Saionji returned to find Touga already in bed, asleep or pretending to be asleep. Taking the opportunity this presented, of being able to resolve himself to Touga's return without dealing with the man himself, Saionji went about his evening rituals. He fed Jeanne, fixed a meal, applied himself to his studies for a while, cleaned up the dishes and tidied up the apartment, offered up a prayer at the kamidana, and showered.
Saionji could not be entirely glad that Touga had returned, not anymore. His concern for his old friend had not wavered, nor his conviction that Touga was better off away from Ohtori than within the school's walls. But after countless arguments, countless disappearances, what did his return even mean anymore?
When he approached the darkened bedroom, he found himself moving cautiously, as if he were afraid of some sort of reaction. It was foolish, he though. What was there to be afraid of?
He looked down at Touga's form, still and indistinct in the dark. He was half-curled on his side, perhaps, hair splayed out behind him, uncharacteristically lightly tangled. Saionji sighed and lay down on the futon beside him, eyes fixed on that slim crest of shoulder, the wild tumble of hair.
Compelled, he reached out, gently running his fingers through the strangs, smoothing their loops and twists. But then Touga shifted, slightly, and Saionji withdrew. Regardless of the context, regardless of intent, Touga would treat any form of contact as an advance, and he would not be the first to pull away. Navigating that landscape was exhausting, and Saionji suspected that neither of them were prepared for that ordeal, not now.
They lay there, silently, in the dark, before Touga spoke.
"Why?"
Saionji knew what he meant- why did you lash out like that- and it occurred to him that Touga had never asked this before, though he had enough occasion to.
"It doesn't matter."
"Tell me anyways."
The outline of Touga's body, barely visible in the dark, was so still. He barely seemed to be breathing. Saionji kept his eyes fixed on one point, the faint dip that sloped towards the hint of his neck.
"Are you trying to forgive me?"
"I just want to know."
He took a deep, slow breath.
"I spoke with Kanae again. She told me to stay away from you."
"Are you going to?"
Saionji scowled at the darkness, which concealed Touga's form not a whole two feet from his own. If he were trying to stay away, he would have been doing a terrible job at it.
"No. But she said… there were rumors."
When he spoke again, Touga's voice had changed. He spoke slowly, sounding strained.
"What kind of rumors?"
"Something happened. With a student."
"Do you believe her?"
Saionji clenched his teeth. For a moment, he was inclined to yell at Touga for acting like it didn't matter, for lying there, still, for having said nothing about this before. He let the moment pass.
"Tell me what happened."
"What if I lie to you?"
"It doesn't matter. Tell me anyways."
The shadowy outline of Touga's form shifted again, more subtly this time. Hesitantly, knowing it could easily be misinterpreted, Saionji reached out and laid his hand on the other's shoulder, feeling an uncharacteristic tension that ran through it.
"It was right before the engagement party."
Touga's voice was quieter now, careful.
"I went up to the Chairman's office."
The end of that sentence- as usual- hung in the air between them, unspoken.
"There was a student there, a boy. The Chairman said- he said that the boy would be the new President of the Student Council."
Saionji choked back a gasp, but could not stop himself from pulling his hand away.
"What did you do?"
"Does it really matter?"
Touga's voice was bitter, venomous, and the sound of it and his words forced Saionji into silence. He lay in the darkness, waiting for a swell of anger, but it did not come. It was as if, having been pushed past some invisible limit, the bowstring that would have drawn tight to lose his fury had been broken.
Saionji sighed, and made to turn away to sleep.
"Nothing. I did nothing."
He understood, then.
Right before the engagement party. The party after which Touga had left the note that had told Saionji he was back at Ohtori.
And yet, Touga had still gone back. He still went back.