Brendan felt so ashamed he wasn't able to sleep in the whole night. Even after the text conversation with Steven, and after boy reassuring that everything was fine between them, Brendan's words and feelings echoed in his head, making him burn with shame.
He shouldn't have had all those whiskeys, but what the hell was he supposed to do, when Steven was being flirty with that little guy right in front of him? It was either ripping the yank in pieces limb by limb or trying to drown his anger in the drinks.
It was been a shock to hear about the date at the first place. Brendan thought he had got to known Steven during this week, and he had been certain the lad had a thing for him. Not that it had made Brendan's situation any easier, picking up what he thought were signs of attraction knowing he couldn't do anything about it. But then Steven had decided to go out with someone who was complete opposite of Brendan, so maybe he had just got it wrong. And after learning what that guy Noah had been like, it made sense that Steven would be drawn to men who were so mellow.
Every time Brendan thought about Noah his blood started to boil. He had googled the fucker, he was perfect image of a gym bunny, and seemed pretty darn sure about himself too. Apparently the guy was popular, he had some work out DVD's or something and his morning exercise section had been such a hit that other channel had made a bigger offer to him. There were hardly any mentions about Steven in those articles Brendan had found, some speculation here and there where photographers had spotted them together outside work but Noah seemed to be more interested to turn the attention to himself rather than anyone he might be dating with.
Brendan only had Steven's vague explanation from what happened between them, but Brendan's imagination pictured several scenarios of Noah taking advantage of the poor boy. If he'd ever come face to face with him, Brendan would have hard time not to strangle him to death.
But was he any better himself, after all? He had promised to protect Steven, yet he had hurt him just the same. Seeing someone get what he wanted had pushed Brendan over the edge and made his frustration pour out in such unforgivable way. The way Steven had fought back hadn't helped; The fire in his eyes and his anger had just made him more irresistible in Brendan's eyes. As fucked up as it was, Steven shouting and pushing his chest had made Brendan want nothing more than pick him up, carry him in bed and fuck him boneless. It had took all his self-restrain not to do so, but to step away from the situation to cool down.
Brendan was sure he had never been so sexually frustrated as he was in this house. He wanked off in the shower and before bed and sometimes in the mornings too, imagining the things he would want to do for Steven, yet he never seemed to get satisfied from that. It was like a sweet torture to be near Steven, and feel like all he had to do was to make the first move and the lad would be all his, ready and willing. But last night had been a needed reality call. Steven wanted someone else instead. The words they had said to each other were a reminder why they would be such a bad combination.
It was hardly half six when he heard Steven moving around in downstairs. Clearly Brendan wasn't the only one with troubles to sleep. Going down and meeting Steven scared him. They had agreed to put the things past them, but could they really?
He took his time in the bathroom before carefully making his way down the stairs. He found Steven in the kitchen, surrounded with smell of fresh coffee. Steven's hair was spiked up in all directions and he was wearing his dressing gown on top of his pajamas, being swamped in it made him look smaller than usual. When he heard Brendan's approach he turned to look at him and gave him a careful smile. His eyes looked red and tired, and there was wariness in there but also warmth Brendan didn't deserve.
"Good morning." His voice was croaky and everything in him made Brendan want to pull him against his chest and keep him there safe forever.
"You okay, Steven?" He asked instead.
"Yeah. Bit hangover, and me head is banging, so I couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you, it's so early still."
"It's fine. Couldn't sleep." There was defined sense of carefulness around them, and they kept looking at each other like searching for clues how to move on. In the end Steven took the lead and started to pour the coffee, asking what Brendan would like to eat for breakfast, trying to make it all normal. Brendan was more than happy to take that route, and in the end they had their breakfast bagels in front of a telly, early Saturday morning shows filling the voids in their conversation. By the time they left for Steven's sift the conversation was almost normal again, only Steven still had that bruised look in his eyes which Brendan could see no matter how hard Steven tried to hide it.
The bar wasn't open during the day but otherwise the restaurant was very busy for people wanting their lunches, so Brendan sat in a stool anyway to stay out from the way while Steven did his magic in the kitchen. At one point one of the waitresses brought him a massive dish of salmon and oven roasted vegetables, alongside with a coke. She gave him a wink before leaving which Brendan hardly noticed because his thoughts were already on the food and how Steven had made that for him. Usually he did send in a bottle of beer too, but maybe the coke was his way of remind yesterdays drinking. Brendan tried to push that away from his mind and focused on eating instead.
Steven wanted to do some grocery shopping after his shift was done, so Brendan drove them to that same supermarket they had been before. When he had everything he needed they headed back to Steven's place, where he made them a Sheppard's pie for dinner. It was like their usual routines, only it wasn't because Brendan still could feel the weight of yesterday on them, the careful way they talked to each other. He desperately wanted to fix it, to get things back to normal, but didn't know how.
After dinner they settled on the couch as usual, and the distance between them seemed massive. Brendan always had the desire to reach out and pull Steven to his side, but now his urge to do so was even bigger. Thankfully he got a text from Declan so he had something to do with his hands when he was texting with his son.
Some point he realised that Steven was throwing side way glances towards his phone like it was taking away his attention from the series playing in the telly. Something Steven had said the night before suddenly came into Brendan's mind, and he remembered the pained look on lads face when he had said it.
"It's Deccy, my oldest boy." He explained because he didn't want Steven to think he was texting with other men. "Just asking how he's been."
"Oh." Steven looked both ashamed of getting caught and surprised that Brendan would share something like that to him. After a while he carefully asked "How old is he?"
"Fourteen. Padraig, my youngest, he's almost ten."
"Padraig." Steven tried and Brendan laughed to his effort.
"Most of people just call him Paddy." Then before he could stop himself he flipped through his picture gallery, found the most recent picture Declan had sent him and showed it to Steven. "Here they are."
Steven studied the picture carefully for a long time. It was a nice picture of them, taken in Dublin bay during sunny summer day.
"Paddy looks a lot like you." Steven said with a small smile. "Is Declan more like their mum?"
"Funnily enough, he's not. She's dark haired too, so who knows where he gets his coloring."
"But Cheryl is light haired too, maybe it just runs in the family." Steven gave the phone back to Brendan.
"She gets that from her ma. We have same dad, but different mum." He explained and there was a look of revelation on Steven's face.
"Well, they look like nice boys. You must miss them."
"I do, yeah. But they are good with their mum, so. They came to stay over during Easter Holiday and one week in start of their summer holiday, when Eileen was kind enough to let them come." He didn't know why he was telling all this to Steven, he usually didn't like to share personal information. "Things haven't been good with us since the.. since the divorce." Since Eileen found him in a bed with another man and discovered her husband was gay. "Declan though, he's a good lad, he tries to make things work and he's old enough to make his own decisions so if he wants to see his old man she can't stop him without sounding unreasonable."
That had been Brendan's greatest fear, that his sons would despise him after learning who he really was. Declan had been angry for a while, but in the end he had accepted him and now he regularly kept contact with his dad, and tried to make Paddy do the same. Padraig had been much younger during the divorce and it was much harder for Brendan to try and connect with him. Him wanting to come with his brother to see their dad and aunt was a success enough.
"He sounds like a good person." Steven said and Brendan gave him a nod. "Thank you for.. sharing this."
"Steven, are we okay?" Brendan couldn't stop himself from asking. "I know you said but.. Are we really?"
"We are." Steven swallowed. "I know this must be hard for you, to... Be stuck in here. But I really.. I really like you being here, and you've been more like a mate for me than... And I really don't want to ruin that."
A mate. The word stung but Steven wanted him to stuck around, so at least he had that.
"I don't want to ruin that either. You know I would take back all I said if I could."
"I know." Steven's voice was small and then he smiled to Brendan again. "So, we really are good, okay, and will stop talking about it, yeah?"
"Okay, Steven." The weight inside Brendan eased a little. They didn't talk much after that, but the tension between eased way enough to relax Brendan and make it feel like any other night they had for the past week.
At some point it started to rain; the sound of drops hitting on the roof mixed with sounds of television and maybe it was that soothing sound or the day they had behind them, but Steven had fallen asleep. He was half leaning on the armrest and half laying on the sofa, almost in a fetal position, face squished against one of the pillows. His soft puffs of breath were almost lost in the sound of rain, but Brendan was so tuned into him that he could still hear them. Steven's lashes looked even longer with his eyes closed, casting shadows on those high cheekbones. His mouth was slightly open.
Brendan wasn't sure how long he had been staring at him, completely forgetting the television. He reached the remote placed between them and turned TV off, and then moved slowly not to disturb Steven, crouching in front of him on the floor.
He was supposed to wake him up, that what he was going to do, to tell him to get in the bed instead and not hurt his neck by staying in that position on the couch. But when he reached his hand to shake Steven awake, he hesitated. Before he could stop himself he slowly reached to stroke Steven's cheek instead. It was smooth and warm under his fingers.
Steven stirred and Brendan quickly pulled his hand away and stood up. Steven was frowning his eyes closed and then opened them. He tilted his head and focused his hazed gaze to Brendan.
"Did I fall asleep?"
"Looks like it. I was just about to wake you."
Steven pushed himself up and had a little stretch, then he touched the cheek Brendan had just caressed. He looked puzzled for a second but to Brendan's relief he didn't say anything, just stood up and yawned.
"Guess I go continue this to bed then. I want to be full of energy for the kids tomorrow."
"Yeah, better get some sleep." They walked on the hallway. "Goodnight, Steven."
"Night, Bren." Steven mumbled back.
Back in his room Brendan once again thought how it would be best for everyone if he would drop out from this case now, when he still had some self control left. He could ask Joel to move in with Steven, or introduce him to some of his rivals, who would be more than happy to take on a job like this. But even when he went on that train of thoughts he already knew that in the morning, when he would see Steven's smile in the kitchen it would take a fucking army to tear him away from the lad. It was not only that Brendan didn't trust anyone else to look after Steven as intensely as he did, he knew no one else would care him as much as Brendan did.
Care was starting to be a word too weak to describe it.
In the end Brendan felt too riled up for sleep, so he let his imagination drift back to how soft Steven's skin has felt. How skinny he had looked the night before, in that tight shirt of his. That mouth, the way he licked his bottom lip. How good it would look around Brendan's cock, lips wet from saliva and cum. It didn't take long for him to come and he was thankful that years living with Cheryl had made him learn to be quiet. He cleaned the mess with tissues and was finally relaxed enough to drop off.
As he had known, the next morning any thoughts about leaving were out from the window. Steven seemed more of himself now, the radio was back on and he was singing horribly alongside with the pop songs while doing a fry up.
"I guess we can have a greasy breakfast today, as we are going to be outside. You are going to do your exercises again, yeah, so you can have something unhealthy." He joked as plating food ready.
"What are you, my dietician?" Brendan asked and Steven laughed.
"I just want you to stay healthy, don't I? Here, can you take the trash out while I finish this up?"
Brendan took the bag, went to the front door and pulled it open. He wasn't looking down so he almost step on the box laid down on the front step. He quickly glanced around but of course there was no one there, and by the sight of the box it had been there whole night, moist from the rain.
Brendan crouched down and picked it up. There was no note outside, so he carefully lifted the lid.
It was a heart this time. Too small to be human, so Brendan guessed it was maybe from a cat, or a small dog. The note was inside the lid.
You are breaking my heart Steven.
Brendan pulled out his phone from pants pocket and took a picture of it, chose DC Scott's number and sent it in. Then he took the box and the trashes to the bin and showed them both inside.
"You took your time." Steven joked when Brendan got back in. "I thought I lost ya."
"Just wanted to enjoy the fresh air. I like how air smells after the rain." Brendan said and that seemed to settle Steven.
Steven chatted away during the breakfast and even when Brendan kept listening his thoughts also drifted back to the box and it's content. It must have been early hours of the morning when it was delivered, or the rain would have ruined it completely. Brendan had been full sleep on then, dreaming about Steven's nice firm ass.
When they finished eating Brendan made his excuse and run upstairs, opened his laptop and logged in Steven's security system. He fast forwarded through last nights tape from the front door, until at 3:56 there was the same hooded figure making quick entrance on screen, running up steps on Steven's door, placing the box and leaving. Guy was good, hiding his face the whole time so it was impossible to recognise who he was. It took a while for Brendan to figure out how to work with the tape, but eventually he managed to send it into DC Scott's email with a short explanation of what had happened. He doubted the would hear back from him, because he had just got a short confirmation that Scott had received the message from the note sent to Steven last week.
They drove to Amy's place to see the kids few hours later, and this time Amy seemed much cooler for Brendan being there. She still kept throwing some curious glances towards him while she and Steven went on about kids related stuff, there were no hostility. It also seemed that Leah had no reservation towards Brendan at all, she was instantly on him telling what she had learned in school. Lucas on the other hand was still wary and rather kept holding back and only came closer after seeing Leah being so brave.
"Is the hairy man coming to park with us again?" Leah asked to her dad when they were putting on shoes and jackets. Brendan could tell how hard it was for Steven not to laugh.
"He is yeah, only he's having a run again, just like last time."
"You could swing with us if you want." Leah said to Brendan and this time Steven did let out a honk, probably imagining Brendan trying to fit himself into a swing set.
"Maybe later Princess, once I've had my exercise." Brendan said when they were making their way into the park.
"Why you need to exercise?"
"Because he wants to stay fit, doesn't he." Steven said and threw Brendan a look he could have swear was appraising. Then the kids changed the subject and finally Steven let them run off to the playground. Brendan made sure Steven was okay alone and then went off to run his tracks again.
Even when the ground was wet from the last nights rain it was still a good run, he got his muscles warm and found his stride, keeping an eye for his surroundings while enjoying the exercise. It also gave him a moment with his thoughts. He didn't want to worry Steven with the notes and presents his fan was leaving. There was no point of making him more nervous, specially now when he was worrying about the upcoming party and possibility of meeting Noah. Brendan would make sure his life was as stress free as possible.
After he was pleased with his run he made his way back to Steven and the kids. The kids were being hyper, running around noisily but the look on Steven's face was pure love. He had promised to take them for an ice cream and that had made them even more excited.
"Steven, it's September." Brendan pointed out "Who eats ice cream in the fall?"
"Shut up." He smiled at him. "I didn't mean getting them from a stand. There's a nice cafe close by, they sell ice cream inside. And they make milkshakes and hot chocolate too if we change our mind."
"You do know ice creams and milkshakes are basically the same thing, don't you?" Brendan teased and Steven made a face to him. It seemed he was also going for a playful shove, but changed his mind in the last moment, probably remembering how he lunged at Brendan in few nights back.
"Right then, you little monsters, shall we go, eh, and see will the nice ladies in the cafe let us in when Brendan is all sweaty and smelly?"
It turned out they did, and it was a nice place, Brendan had to admit. Leah wanted a hot chocolate but both Lucas and Steven chose an ice cream dishes, and Brendan thought fuck it and got himself a ball too. He also managed to pay it all before Steven realised it.
"Add it in to my bill." He said with a wink. When they took over a table Brendan noticed some of the customers threw a knowing glances towards them and he realised how it must look – Two dads out for a Sunday treat with their kids. Steven seemed to notice it too, and looked almost apologising. Brendan didn't mind though. He didn't march around announcing his sexuality, but he didn't care what random people thought about him. And sitting there, eating his mint chocolate chip ice cream in the middle of September, listening Steven chatter with the kids he couldn't help but thinking how it wouldn't be so bad to be part of a family like this.
They took the kids home after that. Amy asked would they like to have a cup of tea before heading away, and even when Brendan tried to make his excuses he somehow found himself sitting on a sofa which was probably older than he was, drinking tea while Steven and Amy talked about the upcoming week and settling out schedules. Steven was having lesser shifts on Tony's during the week so he, and obviously Brendan, could come and see the kids some other day too. Brendan also heard Steven telling her about the party on Friday, but he made it sound like he wanted to go and didn't mention Noah being there. Brendan wondered did Amy pick something up from the way Steven was faking his excitement, but she kindly didn't ask.
When they were saying their goodbyes Steven kneel down to hug the kids and to Brendan's surprised Leah came to him for a hug too. For a second or two his brain refused to function, he had no idea how to react for a little girl standing next to him with outstretched arms. Steven gave him an encouraging nod so Brendan did what he had seen Steven do, crouched down so she could wrap her arms around his neck briefly.
"Leah likes you." Steven said when they were driving back to his. "She was asking all kind of questions about you."
"Yeah? She's a curious one, ain't she?"
"Thanks for being so good with them. I know it's not part of your job but you are doing well."
"My pleasure, Steven." Brendan said and Steven gave him a soft smile. "How are you feeling about Friday?" Brendan carefully asked, wanting to change the subject.
"Don't ask. It's bad enough to be there with all those famous people and having to stand around for photos and stuff. But if Noah's there... I don't know how I'm going to handle that."
"You don't have to. I will handle it for you." Brendan though the fire on Steven's eyes during their fight, and the power of his rage. It could well be that Brendan would have to save Steven from his own anger and stop him from attacking Noah. "I'm gonna look after you."
"I know." Steven said.
::::::
Ste tried to keep himself busy through the week to stop him from worrying over the party on Friday night. He had a long shift on Tony's on Monday and on Tuesday after his morning show. On Wednesday Amy had a meeting after her work so Ste went to pick up kids from school and from daycare and took them to their home. He kinda felt sorry for Brendan having to hang around too, and tried not to imagine what the teachers and daycare staff might think about them.
Back at Amy's place he wanted to do something nice with the kids and they ended up baking her a cake. Leah wanted Brendan to take part of it too, and after a several attempts trying to get away from it Brendan was mixing in some flours looking extremely suspicious.
"You don't cook much, do you?" Ste asked amused and got some annoyed death glares from Brendan while Leah found it all funny. They managed to get the cake in the oven and get place tidied up before Amy was back just in time for the cake to come out. They had it for tea with kids before leaving, and on their way home Ste tried not to think how much he had enjoyed Brendan being there with him and his kids.
It was another reason he tried to stay busy, to stop himself from thinking his feelings towards Brendan, but that was a lost battle.
After their fight Ste had accepted that Brendan was leaving him. Not right now, but eventually he would. What ever fantasies Ste's mind was coming up that was all they would ever be. He could enjoy his time with Brendan now, but it wouldn't last forever. Being jealous was pointless and there would be no way Brendan would suddenly go gay for him. They were just spending so much time together, that it was natural for Ste to feel close to him. Soon as Brendan would walk away from his life things would get back to normal.
That what he kept saying to himself, over and over, several times a day.
He couldn't stop his dreams though, where Brendan always wanted him. When Ste woke up in mornings with a hard on after dreaming about Brendan's weight on him he felt betrayed by his own body. But it had been ages when he last had sex, and the sex he had then hadn't been good so it wasn't no surprise he was horny. He settled for wanking off in the shower hoping the sound of water would drown down the moans he couldn't hold back while picturing Brendan fucking him. He felt very embarrassed afterwards and worried Brendan could some how sense the way Ste was using him to get himself off.
There was also Doug, who had been texting Ste a lot, making him feel very guilty of how he was treating the poor american. He used the excuse of work for not being able to see him, but he did wonder how long Doug would be buying that. Ste did like him, he really did, but trying to imagine him as anything else than a friend was too hard. Also Ste tried to imagine how Doug would handle the situation with the stalker, and that didn't encourage him for another date either.
It did seem like Brendan had become bit more open with Ste and it surprised him. Since the Saturday night Brendan had talked more about his sons and overall the life he was having outside work. Nothing major, he wasn't a talker like Ste himself was, but Ste hang on every word. He learned Brendan had born and lived in Dublin since his mum had died. He had married his ex wife, Eileen, and had kids when he was very young, just like Ste had. After the divorce Brendan had moved in England, to live with Cheryl. One of his favorite shows was Knight Rider and he liked all kind of old movies Ste had never heard of. He liked to listen songs which Ste thought were depressing, his favorite singer being Johnny something.
Ste also learned Brendan was afraid of spiders.
It has been Tuesday evening, after getting back to Ste's place from Tony's when Brendan went upstairs. Ste had been regarding the ingredients inside the fridge to decide what he should get from the store the next day when the was a loud bang and shout from upstairs bathroom.
Ste's heart had started to race, he thought about how someone had broken in the flat and had now jumped on Brendan. Before stopping to think he quickly ran up the stairs, ready to fight who ever was in there. Brendan had just rushed out from the bathroom on the hallway and had looked shaken. He was also topless.
"Brendan? You okay?"
He had looked embarrassed. "I'm fine Steven, I just got... There is a.. There's a spider in the bathroom."
"A what?" Ste had been confused. Brendan had looked like he wished the ground to swallow him.
"A spider. I don't like spiders."
Ste had tried not to smile. It had felt so strange that a guy like Brendan would seriously be scared of bugs but his body language left no room for doubt. Ste had pushed the bathroom door open and made his way in and indeed, there it was, right on top of the mirror. Ste felt quite bad from squishing it with a toilet paper, but he had thought Brendan might not be able to sleep if the spider was in the house. He had swallowed his comments because Brendan had looked so embarrassed, and also because Ste had worried about the amount of saliva that was in danger to pour out if he had opened his mouth. He had left Brendan into his business and had escaped to have a shower of his own, second one of the day but the sight of Brendan's tight muscles, body hair and tattoos had been enough to drive him on the edge again.
If the stalker wouldn't get caught soon Ste could very easily just combust.
But as hard as Ste tried his nerves were getting on him. He managed somehow muddle through his live show on Thursday, but when they were filming his weekend episode he kept messing things up so much that the director got annoyed. They had to keep cutting the scene and do things again several times before he was pleased with the amount of footage they had, saying he hoped there was enough for the editors to scrape something up. So on top of feeling nervous Ste was also feeling miserable and the filming had taken up so much time that he hardly had time to go back home before his afternoon shift in Tony's. Brendan had one look on Ste's defeated face when he got off the set and once Ste had changed his clothes and took on all the notes which Mr Clarke had left him regarding Friday Brendan drove him away from the building as fast as he could.
Instead of taking him home Brendan drove around for a while until parking in front of a cafe. Before Ste could properly realise what was happening he had been taken in, sat down on a comfy armchair and Brendan had got some fancy coffee in font of him. Ste felt so thankful he could have cried, but instead he sipped though his very sweet coffee and listened Brendan's low voice when he was telling him about Dublin and other places Ste had never seen. They only had an hour but it was enough to calm Ste down so that when they got in to Tony's and Ste walked on the kitchen he was able to get through his shift with no troubles. It was strange how Brendan seemed to always know what he needed, even without Ste saying anything.
From the moment Ste woke up on the Friday morning it was like preparing for the battle. He could hardly eat anything from being so anxious by the thought of having all those cameras on him, all those people around him. What if someone wanted to interview him and he would say something stupid? Brendan had to force him to have some yogurt saying he wouldn't want Ste to faint on the red carpet.
Around noon they had to drive into a fancy store which sold dresses and suits, where Mr Clarke had already made a reservation of a suit knowing Ste would be useless in that kind of thing. The assistant was a very friendly guy, dressed suitably for the job, helping Ste in the fitting room to try on different suits they thought would be good for him. Few of them were too big and Ste was again feeling very self-conscious about his size, but there were two which looked okay and the assistant was very pleased with them, going on with his monologue Ste was hardly listening. The other was plain black one, but the other had a dark waistcoat and a lighter jacket, and when he came out from the fitting room to have a better look from the bigger mirror Brendan gave him a appraising nod.
"Pick that one."
So he did. The designer was someone Ste could hardly pronounce and he hoped he wouldn't have to say it out loud for the reporters. Clarke had also hoped they would stop by a salon to get Ste a "clean look" but he thought fuck it, there was no way he would want Brendan to see him getting his nails polished and eyebrows picked.
The event would start at eight and Clarke had arranged a driver to come and pick them up at seven thirty as it was a long way to get to the place. Brendan had googled the address Ste has give him, and it was a new office building for one of the channels finance partners which was now wanting some good publicity with all the so called celebrities posing in front of their new skyscraper. Ste was pacing around the apartment rest of the day and nothing Brendan tried could make him calm down longer than five minutes before the stress was on him again. Around six o'clock he already locked himself into his bedroom to get into his bloody suit and trying to make himself look good enough for the pics.
There was a careful knock on the door at seven fifteen.
"Steven? Are you ready?"
"No." He moaned but faced his fate. Last glance on the mirror to check there were no toothpaste on his face and that his hair was on shape, and the he opened the door.
Brendan was standing in the hallway giving him a long look up and down. He was standing very still and Ste couldn't read anything from his expression. That always made him nervous, not being able to tell what he was thinking. Then he could see the warmth on his eyes which Ste had learned meant he was smiling.
"You look good, Steven."
"Thanks. You too." He did. His suit was so dark grey it was almost black, and he had a white shirt underneath with black tie. His shoulders looked massive and his waist narrow. Ste tried to battle away the memory of seeing Brendan topless.
"It's not me they are going to notice." Brendan tilted his head. "You're the star."
"Stop it." Ste hoped he wasn't blushing. He knew Brendan was just teasing but his praise still felt good.
There was a car honking outside.
"The driver's early, but I guess it's okay since you're ready." Brendan made a suggestion towards the door. "Ready?"
It was a black small limousine, parked in front of Ste's door. Brendan walked in front of him and opened him the door. There were seats facing both ways, and Ste sat on the one facing the direction there were going. To his surprise Brendan didn't come in with him but started to close the door.
"Wait! You won't come?"
"I sit in the front, Steven. It wouldn't look good for those photographers to see me getting off with you."
I don't give a damn about the photographers Ste wanted to say, but just made a small nod and Brendan shut the door. Brendan got in the front and the car started to move. Ste could faintly hear Brendan chatting with the driver, but other than that he felt completely cut off. He had hoped the half an hour drive would have felt longer, but they were there way too soon. Ste could see the flashes of the cameras and lights they had put on lighting the way for the stars to get inside the building.
The car came in to a stop. Ste could hear Brendan getting out from the front, and then come to open his door.
Ste stepped out to a sea of people. It was a dropping point for the stars, with a bit more space to get out from the cars onto the red carpet on the ground, which made it way to the entrance of the building. Few feet from where Ste stood started the area where the reporters and camera people stood, taking pictures and asking questions of people who had arrived before him. They were all posing against the background and looking like they were loving it.
Their car had already disappeared and the new one was driving in. Ste should move soon and get into the spotlight, to make way for who ever was coming after him. He threw a panicky look towards Brendan, who seemed to be torn on trying to decide what to do. Even while heading towards the anxiety attack Ste managed to wonder had Brendan ever had a client before who'd freaked out on the red carpet.
"Ste!" Suddenly Mitzeee was there. Ste realised it had been her car just behind his, and she had just got out from it. She threw her arms around him for a hug. "It's okay babe, just follow me," she whispered and Ste could have kissed her. He looked Brendan over her shoulder and he looked just as relieved as Ste felt. "You remember Riley, don't you? Aren't I lucky, getting two handsome man walking me in." Ste barely had time to say hi to this football player Mitzeee was seeing, before she had her one arm on Riley's and one on Ste's and started to steer them away and making space for the next arrival.
All he had to do then was to smile and try to turn on the direction he was shouted at by the photographers, but Mitzeee took on most of the attention. She was all wide smiles and sexy poses in her very tight red dress, answering some of the questions while constantly moving forward so they reached the entrance of the building fast while still giving the show. Ste tried to find Brendan from the crowd and then he was by his side again, somehow managing to move through without getting too much attention. Once safely indoors with no press Mitzeee gave him a hug too.
"Hello handsome, I think we managed to get our bambi inside with little drama, don't you?"
"Thanks a lot, Mitz, I completely froze." Ste was starting to calm down now when the cameras were out of his face. She smiled at him gently.
"It's my pleasure. Now, shall we..?" They made their way to the elevator line. Some of the buildings staff, judging by the uniforms, were standing behind the desk of some sort and one of them was furiously clicking something on his computer.
"Jesus what a nightmare, I told the system's not ready yet but they pushed through... Oh hello." He had noticed them standing there and seen the horrified looks on Ste's and Mitzeee's faces. "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, everything is absolutely fine, there's just been some troubles with the elevators but if there would happen to be any problems I assure it's fixed very soon." The elevator binged and opened it doors. "Have a great evening!"
It wasn't very assuring to get into the elevator, but there was another staff member to urging them in. It was a large one and they could fit several people in with no problem, and then they were on their way up. To Ste's relief everything went fine and they reached the top floor, where the elevator door opened to a wide space full of light and people.
They circulated for a while, Mitzeee waving hellos all around but even when Ste recognized faces he had hard time remembering their names. They found a calmer spot where they stayed to watch people around them, and there was instantly a waiter in offering them glasses of champagne. Riley spotted someone he knew, a manager or whatever, made his excuses, gave Mitzeee a kiss on the cheek and disappeared to the crowd.
"There's more people here than I expected." Mitzeee said. "I thought it would be just our station but it seems they are offering financial support for other companies too... Anyway, how are you boys? Don't you both look handsome devils. How do you like my dress?" She made a little spin.
"You look very beautiful." Ste said and she beamed at him.
"Didn't Riley look handsome too? I actually have a little announcement to make."
"You're getting married?" Ste guessed and Brendan made a sound of protest.
"I'm not, and what's that reaction Brendan? You said you liked him when I introduced you to him!"
"I said he wasn't as bad as your previous guy," Brendan said "Didn't say you should marry him."
"Well, I'm not, not yet anyways. But we are moving in together. Then when we have lived together for a while I'll say yes if he asks. You should come and visit us, get to know him better." She stroked Brendan's arm and he made a grunt of displeasure. Then his phone started to ring in his pocket and he fished it out.
"It's Delcan," He said.
"Answer it." Ste urged. Brendan gave him a worried look. "I'm okay now, aren't I, and I have Mitzeee here to look after me."
"Yes, Brendan, I'll look after him." She reassured.
"Okay. I'll be right back." Brendan walked a little way off and disappeared behind the corner where Ste assumed was a more peaceful to talk.
"Well, speaking off living together." Mitzeee said and Ste tore his gaze away from the direction Brendan had gone. "How is it going between you two? How is it living with another man?"
"It's going fine, yeah." Ste said and her smile grew wider. "It's.. I'm not really... I have never lived with another man so it's.."
"I bet it's different. Exciting." She raised her eyebrows. "I know it's a pretty awful situation you are with your fan but it must have it's own thrill to live with a guy you know would give his life for you."
"I guess, yeah." Then suddenly Ste was tired to pretend anymore. "Mitz, I have done something stupid."
She looked instantly alarmed. "What is it, Ste? Is there something I can do for help?"
He shook his head. "No, it's about Brendan. I.. I think I'm falling in love with him."
"Oh Ste!" She almost jumped on him. "This is amazing!"
Ste frowned at her excitement, and then he got frustrated. "Amazing?! How? Mitz, you don't get it, do ya? What it's like to fancy someone you can't get, to have.. feelings towards a straight guy. It's like a fucking nightmare!"
"What?" Now it was Mitzeee frowning and then her expression changed. "Oh my God. I'm gonna kill that man. I thought he would have told you, he can be such an ass sometimes, I swear!" She shook her head and Ste was completely confused. She took a hold of his arm and looked him straight in the eye. "Ste. Brendan's gay."
What? For a moment he was too struck to get any words out from him and when he finally did it sounded like he had been punched in the gut. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure! I have known him for years! I even tried to hit him once when I was sad and lonely, and do you think any straight man would turn down this?" She pointed at herself. "Trust me Ste, I don't know why that stupid man has not told you himself, but he's gay. And not only gay, but he really likes you too."
Ste didn't know what to say. Then Riley was back, saying he wanted to introduce her to some of his friends. She gave Ste a worried look.
"It's okay, go on." Ste said. He didn't sound like himself. He didn't feel like himself either. Maybe he was having an outer body experience. Mitzeee gave her one last look but then Riley was leading her away and Ste was alone.
Ste drowned his champagne on one go and when a waiter appeared to offer him a new one he did the same to that one too. He remembered Cheryl saying Mitzeee was not his type with a knowing wink. He thought about Brendan's behavior towards Doug. He really likes you too. It wasn't Brendan being a dick. It was Brendan being jealous. Ste's chest was filling with something, something which made him feel lightheaded. He was also getting angry. For weeks he had lusted after Brendan, feeling bad and embarrassed about his crush, and Brendan had been liking him back all along.
"Well don't you look nice."
Ste knew the voice. In some other moment it would have made him feel nauseated but now it made him feel nothing more than annoyance. He turned around and saw Noah standing there, smug smile on his face.
::::::
"Hiya Deccy. Everything alright?" Brendan answered the phone soon as he got further away from the buzzing crowd.
"Hi Dad. All is fine. Just wanted to call ya. Is this a bad time, are you out?"
He must have heard the talking and music from the background. "I'm out yeah, but I have a minute. What's up? How's school?"
"Same as always. I was just wondering, we have a few days holiday in the end of October, I was thinking if me and Pad could come and see you then, or just me if Pad's not up for it."
"Yeah? That sounds great. It's just that I'm on a case right now, and I'm not sure if I'd be free."
"Your cases never last this long." Brendan could hear the confusion on Declan's voice. He was right though, he usually stuck around when his clients went on events or had a massive life change. He had never lived with one for weeks before.
"I know. This is a special one."
"Can you tell me about it?"
"Sorry, I can't." Brendan was feeling edgy thinking about Steven surrounded by strangers. " But if I get this sorted out before your holiday, you are more than welcome to come. And I think your Auntie Chez could work her schedule so she could look after you two even if I have something else."
"Seeing you is kinda the point of coming." Declan sounded disappointed.
"I know. I'm sorry. I'll try to arrange things, yeah? It would be great to see you too."
"Okay. Let me know how it works out."
"I will. Listen, I better go back to.. Back to work. I'll call you soon, alright?"
"Okay. Bye, Dad."
"Bye son. Love you. And tell Paddy I..."
"I will. Love you too."
Then he was gone. Brendan took a deep breath, and then started to walk back through the corridor he had wandered in. There were few other people too, making phone calls or just getting a breather by the look of them.
He made it through the corner where he could see the whole room. He tried to spot Anne's striking red dress, from the direction they had stood before Brendan took his call. She was no where to be seen, and it took a while to see Steven from the sea of suits. The one Steven was wearing was very fitting for him, and made him stand out a little. Brendan realised Steven wasn't alone. There was a man talking with him. From the hours Brendan had spent googling him he had no troubles to recognize Noah Baxter even across the room.
It was like entered some red haze. He was aware of moving fast and pushing people who were in his way. He could see Noah reaching out and touching Steven's arm.
"Get the fuck away from him." Brendan was on him, pushing him away from Steven, ready to rip him in pieces. Noah stumbled form the impact and Brendan registered a complete shock on his face which just made him more angry. "How dare you touch him!" But just when he was about to lunge at him there were hands tugging him away, pulling his sleeve and then that someone moved between him and Noah.
"Brendan! Brendan, stop!" Steven's face looked clear in that mist of rage Brendan was in. "Leave it, alright, let's just go. Come on!" He kept pushing Brendan's chest and then grabbed his arm and dragged Brendan through the floor towards the elevator. Brendan tried to make few attempts to get off and go back, finish what he started, but somehow he couldn't escape Steven's hold on him.
By the time they reached the elevators Brendan's anger was dying down. He realised what kind of fool he had made himself of. Steven seemed to sense it was okay to let go because he dropped Brendan's arm and took a bit more distance between them.
"Going down already?" The staff member who stood there greeting the quests asked bit surprised. Steven just gave her a grim nod so she didn't ask any more questions. Few moments later one of the three elevators reached the top floor and after all the arriving quests had came out Steven marched in and Brendan had no choice but to follow him.
No one else was coming down with them. Why would they, the party had hardly even started. Brendan risked a glace towards Steven, and his face was dark with anger. He was frowning and pouting.
"Steven, listen, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched him, but after what you told me about him I just lost my -"
"I don't want to hear about it." Steven snapped.
"Sorry." Brendan tore his eyes away from that bottom lip and stared his own shoes instead. "Sorry."
The elevator had a sudden stop and the lights went off. The darkness only lasted few second before a emergency lights went on, dimmer than the real ones but enough to make them see.
"I'm terribly sorry!" Voice came through from the intercom. "It's just a bit of maul functioning, bare with us a few moments and we get everything running again."
"Great, fucking great." Brendan didn't much care being stuck in a small places. He turned to Steven again. He was still staring in the distance like this sort of small inconvenience had done nothing to his bad mood. "You okay?"
"Brendan, why didn't you tell me you're gay?"
"What?" Brendan frowned. What was Steven on about? He had mentioned it, hadn't he? Hadn't he?
Steven turned his head so he could look at Brendan. His eyes were dark in the dim light and there was fire inside them. Brendan had never seen him so mad, not even during their fight after Steven's date. The boy was shaking from it.
Then Steven grabbed the front of Brendan's jacket and lunged upwards, crushing their mouths together.
The power and surprise of it made Brendan stagger a few step backwards until his back hit the wall. For a few second he was too stunned to do anything but then something in him just cracked, and his arms were crushing Steven and almost lifting him up, when he opened his mouth wider to let Steven in. There was nothing gentle about it, he could feel Steven's teeth scraping on his upper lip when he was sucking the tache in. Brendan had his own mouth latched on that bottom lip of his, sucking and biting it. It was just as soft and delicious as Brendan had dreamed it would be. They changed their angle enough for their tongues to tangle. Steven was moaning inside Brendan's mouth and Brendan could feel his whole body shaking against his. He pulled him closer, bumping their crotches together. Brendan could feel Steven was getting hard and he sucked Steven's tongue even more eagerly.
The lights blinked on and the elevator had a drop before continuing smoothly downwards. Steven jumped away from Brendan, to the other side of the elevator. They were both breathing hard. Brendan was looking at him, trying to figure out what he hell was going on, but Steven stared at the floor. His lips were red and wet.
"Steven -"
The doors opened and Steven rushed out. There were people getting in and almost blocked Brendan's way, but he reached Steven when he was standing on the desk.
"Leaving already?" The staff asked bit confused. Steven looked flushed and his clothes were crumbled from where he had been crushed against Brendan.
"Yes." Brendan had to clear his voice because it was sounding too rough. "Could you please call a car for Mister Hay?"
"Back door." Steven said.
"Yeah, if you could get him on the back, please?"
"Of course." The man picked up a phone. "The exit is just behind you, you see the green sign? Through that door, and through the corridor, it's not far away. I'll call the car, it shouldn't take a minute."
"Thank you." Steven said and he was on his way again, making Brendan rush after him.
They reached the exit just when the car drove there, same kind of black limousine they had come in to. Brendan rushed to open the door to Steven, hesitated just a second before getting in the back with him. He sat opposite of Steven and slide the window separating them and the driver open just to tell the address, and then closed it again.
Steven still wasn't looking at him. For a long time neither of them said anything and the silence was killing Brendan.
"I thought you knew." He didn't know what else to say.
"How? How should have I known?! You never said anything." There was so much hurt on Steven's voice. "You have kids."
"No offence, Steven, but so do you." Brendan had to shoot back. He regretted his tone instantly. "Listen, maybe I didn't think it was essential part of my job, okay. I thought.. I thought it wouldn't matter."
Steven let out a bitter laugh. "'Wouldn't matter.' Of course it bloody matters!"
"Why? Why does it matter if I'm gay or straight?"
"Well I just snogged your stupid face on the elevator and wouldn't have done if you were straight, so I'd say it does matter." Steven finally shoot him a bruised look before staring from the window again. "And then there's the whole you jumping on Noah, you were supposed to look after me and not attack on people."
"I lost it. I saw him touching you and I thought what you told me about him hurting you and I lost it. I said I was sorry."
"What about if you would have gotten arrested, eh? What if they would have dragged you away from beating the shit out of him, how could you look after me if you're in custody?" Steven's voice was calm but Brendan could see the effort it took for the lad to stay composed. He was blazing. "And you can't punch people just because they don't know how to fuck me right, you hear me?"
Brendan opened his mouth for a reply but Steven shook his head for him.
"I'm done talking so shut up, Brendan."
So Brendan shut up and tried to think. He was sure his sexuality had come out at some point. It must have. How Steven couldn't have known? But then he reminded himself how he had fooled his own wife for years, so maybe the lad was right. Maybe he hadn't mentioned it.
They reached Steven's flat. Steven was out from the car faster than Brendan had thanked the driver. By the time Brendan had got himself in the flat and locked the door Steven had already disappeared into his bedroom and slammed the door shut.
Brendan went to upstairs. He removed the suit and changed into his sleeping gear before making his way to the bathroom. While he stared his image from the mirror he felt so stupid. He hadn't been imagining Steven's attraction towards him. He had gone for a date with Douglas because he didn't know Brendan was gay. But it didn't matter, did it, because Steven was his client, and Brendan could not mess this thing. He still blamed himself for what had happened with Vincent and he couldn't take a risk of same thing happening again.
He could still feel his lips tingling from the power of the kiss. Fuck. They would need to sort this out, and sooner the better.
::::::
Ste had undressed that bloody suit and made sure it was hanging on the right way so it wouldn't get creased and the firm wouldn't complain to him when he'd return it. He had gone to the loo and brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas and he had done it all while fuming with anger. He was mad at Noah having to come near him, throwing empty flatters and acting like nothing bad was between them. He was mad at Brendan for keeping him in the dark. He was mad at himself for thinking this would change anything. He was mad at himself for kissing Brendan, and he was mad at Brendan for letting it go on for so long. How could they go back to normal after that?
It was weird to look at the time and see it wasn't even ten pm. They had left the party so early and it felt like so much had happened already. Ste hoped Clarke would be pleased with the photos of him and Mitzeee in the red carpet, and that it would be a proof that he had been in the party if someone would miss him.
Ste's phone buzzed on the table. He reached it to read the message.
Are you awake? We need to talk.
Steven was tempted not to reply. But they would have to talk about this at some point. Maybe it was best to bite the bullet now than spend another night dreading tomorrow.
Yes.
He could hear Brendan's steps when he came down the stairs and through the hall. There was a knock on his door.
Ste rose from the bed and went to open it. There were no lights outside, but the lamp on Ste's nightstand illuminated Brendan enough. He had changed too, and was wearing his trackies and loose T-shirt. They stood there for a while, staring at each other, challenging the other to speak.
Ste wasn't sure which one of them moved first but they crashed together, Ste's arms around Brendan's neck, Brendan's around Ste's back, kissing. Ste had never kissed like that, it was full of desperation, need and relief. He could feel Brendan's hands stroking up and down his back, before sliding to his bum for a squeeze. There was a uh sound escaping from Ste's lips and then he was being lifted up, and he instinctively wrapped his arms tighter around Brendan when he carried Ste the short distance to his bed.
Brendan dropped him there and Ste shuffled middle of it, and then Brendan was on him, leaning down for more kisses. Ste's legs were wide open for Brendan to lay between them, like he was meant to be there. Ste's hands found their way to hem of Brendan's shirt, tugging it up, and once it was gone Brendan pulled Ste's away from him. His hands were on Ste's pants next and there was a unsaid question in the way he looked Ste's reactions, but Ste just lifted his bum so Brendan had better access to remove them. Ste slid his own hands down Brendan's back and inside his pants, squeezing his ass before grabbing the fabric and pulling it down. He looked down for a better view and his mouth was watering.
He had already seen Brendan topless but seeing him completely naked and a all new experience. The dark hair from his chest and belly continued down, his treasure trail changing into a dark hair above his cock. Ste could see he was getting hard, and that the size of him was both exciting and intimidating. He stroked his hands down that chest to the hard muscles on Brendan's stomach, over his hips to his back and up again.
All the while Brendan's hands were on him, stroking, squeezing where he found enough flesh to do so. He was looking down on him like Ste was a piece of art, something worth studying for. When their eyes met there was a knowing smile on Brendan's face and then he bent down to kiss Ste again, leaning his full weight on top of him. It was just like in Ste's dreams, the power of him, crushing and protective.
He got completely lost of the sensations. Feeling Brendan's hardening cock rubbing against his with every slide of his body. The weight of him, his hands, his mouth all around Ste. Ste's own hands trying to pull Brendan even closer, legs wrapping around him like they had a life of their own. It felt like there were no part of him where Brendan didn't touch, where he didn't kiss or lick or nibble. It felt like there was no part in Brendan which Ste didn't explore in the same hunger.
Brendan's hands were on his hips and he rose up a little, trying to flip Ste over. Suddenly Ste remembered the moments spent under Noah, the lack of contact, the emptiness.
"No." He resisted, and he didn't know what Brendan saw in his eyes but his hands were instantly wrapping around him, pulling him closer.
"Okay." He was nuzzling against Ste's collarbone, placing kisses there, and then sliding downwards, kissing along the way. He stopped on Ste's hip, licking the tattoo Ste had there for a good while before continuing lower. Brendan sucked Ste's thighs and stroked his legs, smoothing the hairs there. Ste reached to stroke Brendan's hair and Brendan gave him a challenging look before biting down hard on his belly, just under his tattoo.
It was "Ow!" at first but then the pain turned into pleasure, and by the time Brendan moved to bite on the other side Ste was moaning with it. Once Brendan was pleased with the bites he pulled back a little and had a look on Ste's dick. Ste was flushed with both arousal and embarrassment. Noah had never looked at him like this, like he was good enough to eat, but Brendan was throwing so shamelessly adoring looks on his body that Ste could hardly handle it. Now Brendan licked his lips and flattened his tongue on base of Ste's cock, liking up to the tip with one smooth motion.
"Ohmygod." Ste couldn't stop himself and crushed his lips shut to stop more noises escaping from him. Brendan took another lick and Ste had to squeeze his eyes shut for not shouting out. There was a hand on his cheek, thumb on his lip.
"Don't hold back. I want to hear you."
Ste opened his eyes and Brendan was looking at him intently. He hold on the eye contact while angling Ste's cock into his mouth. Ste breathed out a moan and there was a pleased gleam on Brendan's eye. He kept looking at Ste while slowly sucking him, and the more Ste moaned, sighed or cursed, the deeper and harder he went. Ste never had a blowjob like that. He had been sucked of plenty of times, Amy and the girls before her, the random bloke in the gay bar toilets, Noah. But it had never felt like this. It was like their goal had been to get him hard, to make him come, get it over with. Where as Brendan seemed to love it, like he couldn't get enough the taste or the sounds Ste was making.
He finally released Ste's dick with a pop and crawled back up settling on top of Ste, one arm sneaked around him and the other stroking his face. He looked unsure would Ste want to kiss him but Ste linked his hands on Brendan's neck and pulled his head closer. He could taste himself on Brendan's tongue, but instead of finding it disgusting it excited him more.
"Do you have the stuff?" Brendan asked when they came for the air. Ste nodded and pointed the nightstand drawer. Brendan had to rise up to reach there, and Ste was already feeling the loss of the contact. Brendan pulled out the lube and unopened pack of condoms. Noah had never spent a night in Ste's place, but Ste had got them in just in case. Noah had even suggested they'd take in the next step as he called it, and Ste had got himself tested just for Noah to dump him before the results (negative) came in. Ste banished the memory and focused on what was going on now. Brendan studied the lube and tutted. "Such a cheap stuff, Steven. We'll need to get something better."
"Yeah?" Ste felt a rush of hope inside him, would mean it wasn't just tonight when Brendan wanted him?
Brendan laid on his side again, popped the lube open and coated his left hand fingers with it. He shuffled closer and leaned to kiss Ste while his hand reached between Ste's legs. He was gently stroking behind Ste's balls and and making way to his hole. Ste shivered when he felt the fingertips brush against his entrance.
"You okay?" Brendan breathed against Ste's lips, and Ste kissed him as a reply. Brendan took his time, toyed with the surroundings, stroking, stroking, until Ste relaxed against his hand. Then he felt Brendan carefully pushing one of the fingers in.
Ste couldn't focus on the kissing anymore. He rested his forehead against Brendan's collarbone, hands around his shoulders, gasping for the sensations. When Brendan pushed the second finger in Ste let out a moan and dug his fingers in Brendan's back. Brendan kept sliding his fingers in and out, stretching him. Ste had done it to himself, but it had never felt like this. When Brendan turned his hand a little his fingers brushed a spot inside him, making him shout out when the wave of pleasure hit him hard. He could hear Brendan's chuckle.
"More." Ste could hardly believe what he was saying, but Brendan didn't hesitate. Now when he had found Ste's prostate he kept gently but thoroughly pushing it with his fingertips, massaging Ste's inside, making him cry out with every push. Ste could feel him inserting the third finger and the stretch and the rub on his sweet spot was making him see stars. All he could do was cling on Brendan and moan.
Brendan pulled his fingers out and smiled for the disappointed whimper that escaped from Ste's lips. He kneel up to roll a condom on, and to coat himself with more lube. Ste watched it all with hazed eyes. Now when Brendan was fully hard he was massive, and Ste was bit afraid - he could remember how much Noah had hurt even when he was average size. But Noah had never spent this much time to make Ste ready. Noah had never made Ste cry the way he had just from Brendan's fingers inside him.
Brendan leaned on top of him and Ste was already getting addicted feeling his weight. He ran his hands over Brendan's back while Brendan wrapped his arms around Ste, kissing him deeper that ever before. When he pulled back he looked deep in Ste's eyes.
"Are you sure?"
Ste could feel how much Brendan wanted him. He could see it in his eyes, when he looked at Ste the way no one else ever had, full of hunger and need. But Ste could also see something else there, the need for Ste wanting him back, need for Ste to be ready for this. If Ste would say no Brendan would back off. Ste was being trapped under his body, much smaller than Brendan was, but at that moment he held the power and it excited him. He circled his arms around Brendan's neck and lifted his head so he could kiss him.
"Yes." Another kiss. "I want this." Another. "I want you."
He could feel Brendan's cock nudging against his hole. Ste was afraid of the pain, but trusted Brendan. He wasn't Noah. He wanted Ste to feel good. He spread his legs wider and circled them around Brendan's back. They locked eyes and Brendan pushed in.
He was moving slowly, leaning his forehead against Ste's, looking at his expressions. Ste was gasping for air, willing his body to relax and allow Brendan deeper. There was the stretch, but this time the pain was mixed with something else, and Ste wanted more. Then Brendan's cock brushed against Ste's prostate and his head rolled back.
"Steven." Brendan's voice was strained.
Ste could feel how much the struggled to stay still, to let Ste get used to the feel of fullness. Ste lifted his hips, pushed against him and got Brendan deeper in. "Don't stop." He begged. "Brendan, please."
Brendan pulled out a little and then pushed back in, slow movements which made Ste's toes curl. Each slide Brendan got in bit deeper until he finally was fully inside. Ste was gasping against his shoulder. It felt impossible. It felt amazing. The pain was melting away from the pleasure, or maybe it was the mix of both which made Ste's skin tingle all over. Brendan's cock moved inside him, rubbing the place which made Ste moan, every push forced a cry out of him. He was aware how noisy he was being, but he had no control over it. His hands were all over Brendan's body, his back, his sides, his bum, his heels trying to pull Brendan even deeper. Ste's dick was trapped between their bodies, Brendan's movement giving it the delicious friction.
All the time Brendan's mouth was on him, kissing his mouth or side of his neck, teeth scraping over Ste's shoulder or collarbone. His hands cradled Ste's head or stroked his back. When ever their eyes met there was so much feeling inside Brendan's gaze that Ste felt like he could explode.
Ste was getting close. The forced his hand between their bodies to grab his dick, but it still wasn't enough. He could feel the warmth pooling inside him, but there was something blocking him, not letting him come. He let out a grumble of annoyance and then he felt Brendan's hand on top of his own.
"Steven, it's okay. Just let go. I'll take care of you."
Ste let go of his dick and grabbed Brendan's waist instead. Brendan pushed himself up, his other hand on Ste's dick, the other on his hip and he kept speeding up, hammering deep inside him.
"That's it, that's it." His voice was low and thick from sex while he stroked Ste with the rhythm of his movements, looking down at him like he had never seen anything as amazing. "I'll catch you. Come for me, Steven."
And Ste let it go. All his anxiety, fears and worries. All what was left was intense pleasure for being spread open like this, being fucked like this, by a man Ste trusted his whole life with. He could hear his own screams like from far away, he was shaking and all he could see was a white light when he came all over his stomach.
When he started to realise something again Brendan had pinned his arms down, leaning over him and pushing in almost punishing pace, the rub on Ste's prostate sending sparks all over his body. He was too spent to do anything, so he just looked up and met Brendan's eyes. There was something close to pure worship in there and he held his gaze the whole time Brendan was coming. Ste had never felt so powerful in his whole life. After his last grunt Brendan draped himself over Ste, stroking his face, kissing his neck. Ste was aware how sweaty and sticky they were, how Brendan's weight made it hard to breathe, but it only made him more pleased.
Brendan kissed Ste's mouth while slowly pulling out from him. Ste winced for the loss and instantly felt strangely empty. Brendan stroked his face once more and then rolled away.
Panic rose inside Ste. "Don't go." He grabbed Brendan's arm. Noah had always left him straight after, when Ste had wished to be kissed and held. He couldn't handle if it Brendan would walk away from him like that, not after what had just happened.
"I'm just going to get rid of the condom. I'll be back in two seconds. I promise."
Ste let go of him and true enough, Brendan just quickly tossed the condom in the bathroom bin before getting back to bed.
"It was at least four seconds." Ste said and Brendan let out a laugh. He then dipped his head down and started to lick Ste's belly clean from his cum. Ste was laughing because it tickled, but also bit shocked that Brendan would do that. When Brendan had done they got under the covers, turned off the light and Ste cuddled up as close as he dared, but Brendan pulled him even closer.
Suddenly Ste started to laugh against Brendan's hairy chest.
"What's so funny?"
"If I would have know you're gay we could have spent weeks doing this."
"Well, we must make it up then, won't we." Brendan said and Ste was glad it was dark so Brendan couldn't see the hope rising Ste's heart. They settled in the comfortable position, and Ste was already starting to drift away, when he felt a kiss on top of his head. "Goodnight, Steven."