Hi, everybody! So I had an exam today that I was almost late for, but I made it, and it wasn't even all that difficult-which means that I either passed it with flying colors or I bombed it too hard for words. Either way, I thought I'd update as a stress reliever. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, though there are a few OCs in this chapter.

Chapter Ten

I worked with the people in the diner for a few months. I didn't mind the work. It was mindless and simple, and as time went on, the other employees trusted me more and more. I earned more and more money, and I started to explore the other places around the diner on my breaks. There were clothing shops, markets and stands on the street selling all kinds of food and tabloids.

I saved the money I earned and tried to find a place to stay that wasn't in Sebastian's office. I was grateful for all he had done for me, but I still wanted to get out of his way. Sandu seemed to gradually warm up to me-either that or he just couldn't wait to get me out of his diner-and suggested cheap apartments that I could stay at once I earned enough.

It took a while, but eventually, I picked a place. I had earned just enough for the first few months' rent. It looked small, but I didn't mind. Nothing could be smaller than that shipping crate I snuck into to get here.

I discussed it with Sebastian and the one who was renting out the apartment, and Sebastian actually wrote me a letter of recommendation. I couldn't thank him enough and repeatedly apologized for making him have to do it in the first place, though he insisted that it wasn't a problem.

After another month, it was ready for me to move in. My heart was beating fast as I walked up the road towards it. Sebastian gave me the day off so that I could move in and get to know the area. It was only a couple of blocks from the diner, so I could easily walk there. I gripped the sleeping bag that Sebastian had gifted me tighter. I didn't know why I was so nervous about it. I guess, part of me still thinks that I'm walking into a trap set by HYDRA.

No matter how hard I've tried over the past year and a half, I can't get them out of my head. I'm comfortable here, but I still glance over my shoulder. I'm still anxious. I can't shake the feeling that sooner or later, someone will be sent to kill me or they will send me to kill others.

I shove thoughts of them from my mind and glanced up towards the apartment building I would be staying in. I walk in and find the same run-down foyer as last time. There was an empty desk and a hall that lead to the stairwell along with the same chairs that rested by the wall of windows next to the door. The only difference was that this time, I wasn't greeted by the landlord.

A young man sat in one of the chairs in the foyer, and he looked to be waiting for me. "Uh...Bucky Barnes, right?" he wondered. I hummed in confirmation. The man smiled pleasantly and stood up from his chair. He held his hand out, and I shook it, gripping him lightly. "Adrian. I'm Atanase's son."

I nodded. "Good to meet you."

"Likewise." We let go of each other's hands. "Let me take you to your new home."

We walked through the same halls and up the same staircase as the last time I was here. The place wasn't as well-kept as it could be, but it was still nice to have a place to stay on my own.

Adrian stopped me outside of the door of the apartment that I would be staying in and unlocked the door with the key from his pocket. The door swung open, and he gestured inside. "Home, sweet home," he sighed, presenting the key to me. I took the key from his hand, surprised that I didn't flinch when his hand came towards me. "Hope you like it here."

"Thank you," I responded. "I'm sure I will." Anything is better than Siberia. Even sleeping in the dirt.

Adrian nodded and descended the stairs back to the foyer. I went inside the apartment and closed the door behind me, locking it shut. Staying in Sebastian's office was nice, but I felt better being able to lock the door.

The apartment was small and plain. There were a couple windows and a fire escape. There was a kitchenette with a fridge, a sink, a microwave and a breakfast table, and in the small living room, there was a sofa and a bed. A real bed. Not just a sleeping bag on the floor or a pile of leaves.

I walked towards the mattress and placed my hand on it. It was soft and kind of squishy in a pleasant way.

I'm still getting my memory back, so though I remember sleeping on a bed before, I don't remember how it felt. So far, I've only remembered images, sounds. I've remembered what happened and not how anything felt, but it was better than not remembering at all.

I drop the sleeping bag on top of the bed and cross the room to the breakfast table. I swing my bag off of my shoulder and place it on the table. I unzip it and start to pull things out, though there wasn't much inside. There was the water bottle I stole from that woman ages ago that I still kept water in, a couple granola bars I kept on hand, a stack of cash that I had earned from the diner and my journals. They had gotten quite beaten up over the past year and a half. Some of the spiral binding was bend, the loose leaf pages were crumpled, and the more durable ones were heavily scratched.

No one can find these. If they do, they'll take them. Burn them, probably, and make me do it.

I look up and glance around for a place to hide the journals that wasn't too obvious, but the apartment wasn't big enough. Everywhere is too obvious. I take a step towards the fire escape to see if there's a place outside, and the floorboards creak under my weight. I look down and find that one of the boards was loose. There was a dent on the side of the wood, and the entire board wobbled.

I lean down and hook my finger in the dent. I pop the board up and find a small space between my floor and the one below. It had just enough room to store the backpack and the journals inside.

I moved back towards the breakfast table and stuffed the books and notes back inside, put a few bills from the cash in with them and zipped the bag closed. I put it down in the space under the floorboards and secure the loose one back on top of it. You would only find it if you were looking for it, and that was unlikely here in Bucharest.

I have the entire day to myself. Sebastian gave me the day off, and it didn't take that long to move in because I don't have anything with me. I suppose I could get to know the area. Spend some of the money I earned to make this place a little more normal.

I set aside some of the cash for rent next moth and take the rest of it with me as I leave. I lock the door behind me and test the door, making sure no one could open it.

I visited several shops and got only the standard things I would need, including a cheap watch that had an alarm on it so I could get to the diner on time. I got the staples for the bathroom like shampoo and soap, and I also got groceries that included plastic utensils. I could finally eat in the apartment and stop taking from the diner. I got the few things I knew that I liked: granola bars, bread and water. But I also got a few other things that I'd like to try like milk and orange juice. I had the chocolate infused granola bars, but I had never had chocolate by itself, so I got one or two chocolate bars. I got a something called a TV dinner that looked good and some fruits. It had been too long since I had fruit. I got some oranges, a banana or two and some plums from a street vendor near the supermarket. He was a tall man named Adi with a friendly face. I liked him.

The whole day was strangely fun. I had overheard groans from other shoppers, complaining about the chore of going to the store, but I couldn't see how they though of this as a burden. We were free to move around and choose what we wanted. There were actually so many choices that my mind froze for a moment at the majority of the decisions.

I returned to the apartment as the sun started to set where put everything in the fridge and freezer that needed to be and put the chocolate bars on top of the fridge. I heated up one of the TV dinners I got in the microwave, following the written instructions on the back of the box and ate it at the breakfast table with one of the plastic forks I got.

It was amazing. The meal wasn't the best, but the flavor wasn't what made it amazing. I earned it. It wasn't difficult work, but I had worked for this nonetheless. I wasn't fed like a dog or injected with some weird substance to keep my caloric intake up. I earned it. It was real food that I had worked for myself. HYDRA had nothing to do with it.

I brushed my teeth when I was done and figured out the watch I got, setting the alarm for six in the morning so that I could get to the diner on time and have enough time to eat breakfast and maybe shower. I unrolled the sleeping bag that Sebastian gifted me on the bed and took out the pillow that was wrapped inside of it. I placed the watch on the floor next to the sheetless bed and settled down for the night.

I had a great day. A great few months, actually. I had met wonderful people, and I haven't heard a single thing about HYDRA other than my own thoughts. Maybe I won't have nightmares tonight. They were always so terrifying, and after I wake up, part of me still thinks that I'm in Siberia and that this life is the dream.

Maybe I'll dream of Peggy, Steve and Howard. I hope I will. They were the only friends that I clearly remember. I only have a few vague memories of the other Howling Commandos. They were my friends, too, and I wish I remembered more about them, but at the same time, remembering them might lead back to Siberia. I fought with them against HYDRA. At least I have a few memories of Steve, Peggy and Howard that don't involve HYDRA at all. Maybe I'll dream of them.

Or even that woman who I can't entirely remember. She was nice. She reminded me what it was like to be human, even in Siberia. They punished us both for that in different ways. Sometimes a blast of cold air will make me remember that punishment. They froze me just enough to put my body into stasis, but I was conscious. Conscious of every minute. It was so cold. And she watched. She was called Natalia, I think. She watched me, and called for me. It wasn't my name, of course. Neither of us could have that information. That was the last I saw of her, I think. I know I trained her, trained her to be a killer like they trained me. Either way, she was nice. She didn't want to hurt me, and she never did-unless she was forced. Who forced her again? The Black Widows. They were the ones who trained and punished her.

I hope I dream of her. We went on missions together. We had to spend many nights alone, but we were together. Please let me remember her.

"Your work is a gift to mankind."

"Sergeant Barnes?"

"Howard!"

"Put him on ice."

"What have you done to him!"

It hurts. Make it stop.

"Nah. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight. I'm followin' him."

"Strastnoye zhelaniye."

"Well, I did say a few years, didn't I?"

"Just go! Get out of here!"

"Rzhavyye."

"Three targets. Level six."

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

"Semnadtsat'."

"Shut up!"

Why won't they stop?

"Rassvet."

Just a little longer.

"Pech'."

Steve, Peggy, Howard and the others will come.

"9."

They will.

"Dobrokachestvennyy."

Soon.

"Vozvrashcheniye domoy."

Just one more day.

"Odin."

I can hold out for just one more day.

"Gruzovoy avtomobil'."

They left me. They didn't come.

"Soldat?"

Kill me.

"Gotov k vypolneniyu."

I jump up with a shout. My heart is racing faster than I can keep up with, and gunshots are echoing in my mind.

A beeping sounds below me, making me jump again. But it also refocused me.

It was a digital watch. My watch. The one I bought yesterday. I'm in the apartment. Not Siberia.

I take a deep breath and glance down towards where I left the watch last night and pick it up, pressing the button on its side that silenced the alarm.

I close my eyes and grip the watch in my right hand, making it my anchor as the pain- and blood-filled images raced through my mind.

"My name is James Buchanan Barnes," I recite. "My friends called me Bucky. I was born March tenth, 1917. Steve is my friend. I am not in Siberia. I'm in Bucharest, the capital city of Romania."

I opened my eyes again, calmer than before, but the gunshots and the shouts of both my own and those of who I slaughtered still lingered. I drop the watch and grip the sides of my head, trying to force the half-conscious memories out, but they kept coming.

This happens every morning. No matter how hard I try, I can't force them away. The memories come fast and hard, beating me almost as hard as Zola and the other agents. I can almost never pull myself out. A sound or someone else usually does that.

I have thought, on more than one occasion, of ending it myself. My mind hurts. It's not just a headache. My mind hurts when I remember, and it's always bad. Someone always dies, and then I'm in Siberia again. I've wanted to end this pain more than once.

But there's still Steve. He's still here. He woke me up. He didn't fight me. He doesn't hate me-though he should.

A knock sounds at the door of the apartment, and I jump again, stifling a shout. I force myself to breathe slowly, keeping my anxiety under control.

I got up from the bed and crossed the hardwood floor to the door. I unlocked it and opened the door, careful to keep my arm out of the view of whoever would be there.

"Hi!" greeted a dark-skinned woman I didn't recognize. "I heard that someone new moved in. I'm your neighbor. I live just across the hall." She gestured behind her towards one of the doors on the other end of the stairwell. "I heard some commotion in here, so I thought I'd come and see if everything is alright?"

I nodded and took another deep breath as I did to keep my voice steady. "Yeah. All good."

"You sure?" she pressed. "Thought I heard screaming."

"Really?" I wondered, making my expression a mixture of surprise and confusion. "I had an alarm go off, but I didn't think anyone screamed." My throat burns as I speak. I must have been the one screaming.

"Alright. Just making sure everything was okay," she accepted before holding her hand out. "Adela."

I gently grasped her hand with my right. "Bucky."

"Good to meet you." She smiled pleasantly.

"You too."

We let go of each other's hands, and she wished me a good day before she walked back towards her apartment door.

I quickly closed the door and locked it again, leaning up against it. I was grateful to Adela for pulling me out of my morning nightmare, and she seemed like a nice person, but she could have some ulterior motive. She could be a HYDRA plant sent to bring me back to Siberia.

I shake my head and dispelled the thoughts. Adela seemed nice enough, and I hadn't seen any HYDRA agents in over a year. It was unlikely that she was HYDRA.

But not impossible.

I force myself away from the door and the destructive thoughts. I had to get to the diner before my shift starts, and I don't have much time. I shower and brush my teeth, throw on the uniform and my old hoodie to cover my arm. When I was finished, I had "breakfast". I remember that you're supposed to eat cereal or something like that for breakfast, and though I had bread, I didn't have butter for toast. That's the next thing I'll try.

I had one of the chocolate bars and drank orange juice directly from the carton. The combination tasted strange, but individually, they were good.

Yeah, Bucky eats weird food. But when you don't remember what anything tastes like, the only way to find out again is to experiment.

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you soon for the next one!