Hi :) here's the update! it took me a while to write it because there's a little bit to much going on here. But i kinda like the way it came up!
thanksfor your reviews! i love reviews with my life and you make my day with them 3
and thank for the follow/favs too ;)
Enjoy!

That's the feeling that comes from his insides right now.

Pure

and

increasing

Rage.

His heart is beating fast and he's kinda dizzy, but he keeps on walking, nothing can stop him. He feels like a damn black bull that's being teased while people watch, and, with everys ingle step of the way, his tension only gets worse.

He gets in the elevator, breathing hardly through his nose. Once he's in there, he squeezes his fists and people look at him in fear, because his eyes are on fire, and they know Finn Hudson, he's always calm, numb and quite. But this is different.

So nobody dares to make eye contact with him.

He gets out of the elevator and makes his way to the red door he knows so well. He doesn't knock, he just opens it. There she is, talking on the phone like nothing happened. This only makes him more angry if that's even possible.

He realizes then that he didn't think of anything to say in the way, so he just stays there, ready to kick the fuck out of something.

She meets his eyes and she just knows what's coming.

"Holy shit." She mumbles "Oh, no, I'm sorry Mrs. Lane, I... I just dropped my coffee and it was really hot. I'll call you later..." She says, covering her face with her free hand "Okay, Good Bye."

"You better have a good explanation, Santana." And he slowly walks towars her, pointing his finger in her direction "You better have a great explanation to all this shit."

But she only says "I don't."

Then there's a heavy silence and he sees something in her that he'd never seen before. Something between sadness and fear. I mean, she's not even looking at him, she's playing with her wedding ring!

This is definitely new stuff. But he doesn't give a shit if she's sad or happy or whatever, he wants, he needs, answers.

"I can't believe you set me up like this." He starts

"I know..."

That only causes his anger level to rise "What the fuck, Santana? look at me and tell me what's going on! Don't play victim and talk to me!"

She stands up and slowly walks to the door to close it, because people outside was starting to notice something wrong.

Once the door is closed, she walks back to her desk and takes her seat again. Finn doesn't know what the hell is going with this woman, but once again, he doesn't care. "Why did you hide this from me? Why did you and Sam treat me and Puck like fucking idiots?! Didn't you think I'd notice at some point?!" He asks, almost screaming "Santana-"

"I didn't tell you because-" But she stops herself "Because-" And he watches her covering her face with both hands.

"Why?, why?, WHY?!"

"Because-"

And the silence again.

He tries to calm down a little, and even takes a seat, trying to erase from his memory all of the things he found out that morning, all of the noises he heard. The fact that he had to run away from his work place because he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He tried again, much more calm this time.

"I couldn't."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't be working there if I'd have told you."

"Damn right I wouldn't." He snaps "Did you do the same thing to Sam and Mike?" But she doesn't answer. "What are we gonna do about this?... And by that I mean: what are you gonna do about this?"

"I don't know, Frankenteen. I really don't know."

He is gonna say that he doesn't wanna work there anymore, that he's not gonna play this game, that he wants to leave and never come back to that house ever again; but that's not entirely true. And then he doesn't want to, but he thinks about her, and, fighting against himself, he tries and tries to erase her words and her teasing from his mind but he can't. He fails. And this makes him more angry, he hates himself more because he really wants to quit this job but when she comes to his mind and all he can say is nothing, and all he can do is more nothing, and everything becomes silence again.

And, at that point of the conversation he realizes that he's pretty much screwed, and all he can think is "Shit" Because, why would he come to fight about this if he doesn't even want to quit? What was the point then?

"Why are you not threatening me with quitting?" Santana asks, dragging him away from his thoughts.

He stares at her for a few seconds "Because I'm not quitting."

"What about Puck?"

"He wants to, but I can convince him to stay."

"That's good news." She breathes. "I knew you'd stay."

"I'm not staying because of you, Satan." And with that, he stands up

"I know. It's becausee of her." Santana says with a little glimpse in her eye that Finn doesn't like at all "The same thing happened to Sam and Mike Especially Sam. They all want to protect her. But the day will come when you'll feel as powerless as they did, and you'll come back here with your 'Good bye' letter." She continues in some sort of sad tone "I know her... Rachel. We're friends."

"You are?"

"Yes. Or we were until I talked to her about this whole thing."

"Why is she-"

"Still with him?" He just nods "I don't know, but that shit is not love."

Sometimes she sits in bed in the morning, naked, and stares at her own body in the mirror. She doesn't cry at the sight of it, at least not anymore, but she asks herself one and over again how did she get to this point. She's afraid of the answer, though, so she just skips to the next one:

"Is it worth it?".

And, sadly, the answer is always "YES"

Or at least it used to be. Today it doesn't feel like it anymore. Today was awful. Today she even dares to asks herself one more question:

"What if it isn't?"

But then again, the answer is too scary, so she walks to the bathroom, fills the bathtub, lights up a cigarette, puts on some good music and just stays there, in the water, until her fingers and toes shrivel. She hates when that happens, but today, speacially today, she doesn't give a single fuck.

While smoking her second cigar, she thinks about the day she met Brody... And she curses it. She hates that day with every breath of her mouth, every hair in her head and with every cell on her bruised body. Because yes, Weston had give her everything she wanted in her career and, honestly, if it wasn't for him she'd still be the cheap whore who was almost crawling in the floor for roles like "Tree #3" in some lame ass Broadway play; But damn, she keeps asking herself every morning that stupid question: "Rachel Berry, is this worth it?"

"Is it?!"

Some days it just isn't.

But the stage, oh God, the stage is the thing she loves more than her own life! Because when she's up there, and the play is over and the crowd stays silent for the most exquisite and infinite second, when she counts to her self "Three, two, one..." and she finds herself wrapped in the arms of the best sound in the whole world: the ovation. Is that moment, when the energy hits her, when the tears in the eyes of her public and the eternal clapping it's at her peak... That's when she thinks "Yes." and then again: "YES!"

Everything is worth it, because Rachel Berry will not, and read carefully, she will not give up the stages. Not now, not ever.

Well, it's not like she has that much of a choice, really; Guys like Weston never do anything for free and, in this case, the cost is high. The cost of fame is everything. The cost is her.

Brody found her in the most awful misery and, somehow, became obsessed with her. She never understood why, honestly, and she couldn't care less. She got the lead in "Spring Awakening" without even auditioning, and that's all that mattered to her.

But the price is her, remember?. And she plays her role just fine. The role of the mistress, the wife that cooks, smiles and fucks whenever he wants her to. The wife that says "I love you" like a robot, waxes every day and scream his name when penetrated. She agrees to that, because of the stages, she agrees to a life with out love, without orgasms and without will, just because of the stages.

She convices herself that she agreed, that this is what happens when you sell your soul to the devil in exchange of your dreams. But yes, the first time he hit her, she must admit that she cried. As well as she must admit that she cried the second time and the third and even more the fourth, when he broke a plate in her back.

She cried in the shower, while the music was loud, in the car, while driving away, and in her mind. But never in front if him.

She's been married to him for a year or so, so she doesn't cry anymore. Now she smiles. He hits her, she smiles. It's just another game.

He snaps her in the face, she licks the blood off of her lip, he gets turned on and fucks her in the kitchen table. That's how it works in Rachel Berry's life.

She once threatened him to leave him, in case you were wondering. And he told her he would ruin her career forever and that, after that, he'd go find her to kill her because he loves her so much.

He locked her up in her room a whole day after that, but those are just details.

And she can't lie now. She's so tired. She's so, so tired that not even the thought of the stages seem to work now. She wants to give up, to explode and to die. Yes, sometimes she considers death, and that freaks her out. She had gone through hard stuff before and even then, even at the worst shit, death was never an option. But she had consider it a few weeks ago, she can remember it clearly: Brody pointing the gun at her face and screaming at the top of his lungs that he'd kill her because he was sure that she had some fuckery going on with Sam, the bodyguard.

He didn't kill her. He couldn't. He loves her, you know? And he'd never do that to her.

And Sam, her friend, the only one she thought she could trust, comes to her the next day to notice her that he and Mike would quit.

She took the gun in her hands that night and actually thought about it for about half an hour before putting it down.

The next morning, she met her new security service. She met him. And now she's not sure about anything anymore.

And there, still smoking in the bathtub, she thinks about the subtle look in Finn's face this morning, when Brody decided to make a scandal about some random stuff just because of the fun of hitting her after a few weeks of peace (sort of). Brody left after that, and she walked to the window to watch the motherfucker leave. But there she found somethins else: Finn. He was staring straight into her eyes. His eyes showed no pity nor judgment. They showed anger... and kindness, a mixture she had never seen before. And then he leaves the house, leaving a trace of rage and fire behind him.

She ends up her third cigarette and notices that she's smiling. She had the most awful morning, but she's smiling. And, even though she's quite sure he went to the office to quit the job, something inside of her tells her that he'll come back. She wants the tall and silent bodyguard to come back. There's just something about him that makes her interested.

Maybe a little bit more that interested.

oh, i wanted to continue this so much! but i guess i'll save the rest for the following chapters :)
so yeah, there you have some rachel POV and now you know what's going on, even though some of you had already figured it out.

pleaaaase revieeeeew 3

ps: i have nothing against Brody, actually, i even used him as a pretty nice guy in my first fanfic. I just needed someone to play Rachel's mean husband and making someone up when there are so many characters in Glee just seemed stupid to me. I was about to use Puck, but i like him too much so no lol Brody fitted perfcetly, so yeah :)