Us
Integra
You do strange things to me. My feelings towards you have become like fire and ice. I want you close, but yet, I scold you for doing so. I confuse myself. A strange feeling in my chest. I don't know what it is. I sigh heavily, looking at myself in the mirror. My silver blonde hair, thinning after all this time. It has become coarse, my youth slowly slipping from me, my wrinkles getting thicker, and deeper. It has been a year since you have returned. And I don't think I could leave without you ever again. I wouldn't get to see you again, I would be dead. But it's not like you would leave again. But the constant fear still lives in the bottom of my stomach. No matter how many times I convinced myself, that thought of your vanishing never leaves my thoughts. It's in the back of my mind, like a small child crying, begging to be cared for, crying for help, wanting to be noticed. So finally, I decide to give the child the attention he deserves.
I go to you, in the early morning hours. You are downstairs, sitting in your old chair, nestalgia fills me like water in a basin. I see your grin, long and wide. It makes me grin too. I approach you.
"Good morning." You greet me.
"Good morning." I greet back. I make my way to you, and I hold out my hand. You give me a puzzled look. Then you touch my fingertips, it sends an electrical sensation though my hands, and up my arm, to my shoulder, down my chest, finally settling in my stomach. I exhale, my breath trembling. You look at me strangely, like you had hurt me unexpectedly.
"Integra." You say softly, I hadn't realized your hand was creeping up my arm, pulling me closer. I blink, letting you continue, not daring to protest. You pull me on your lap, I sit on you, facing forward. Your grin as big as ever. I don't sit down all the way, I balance on my knees. I don't want an accendial brushing of anything body part.
"Integra?" You question, "Come, sit, it must be quite the pain settling on your knees, isn't?"
I don't answer.
"Master," You purr in my ear. "I know your feelings, master." You caress my shoulders. "Please, sit."
I huff under my breath, and give in to your request. I feel my legs shake.
"Master," You say, "You're feelings matter. And I want you explore those feelings."
"What feelings are you talking about? Dog."
"You are so transparent." You chuckle.
"Take that back."
"But it's true!" You laugh, "Maybe you should work on that."
I narrow my eyes. "Work on hiding my feelings? You just said I should explore them!"
"Well, what do you think is best?" You ask. "Which one has the least risk, to you."
I look away, "I'm not sure." I say. "I'm not sure acknowledging them would be the best for my humanity."
"I can respect that." You say, blinking slowly. "As long as I have your attention."
"You'll always have it." I say, "As I am still breathing, and as long as you don't leave."
That grin, your grin, goes back into the center. "I'm not going to leave."
"Those are my feelings Alucard, I can't keep you out of my mind, I keep thinking you'll leave again, and I will be dead when you return next." I say. You grab my shoulders.
"I'm not, but I am afraid you are going to leave me."
I frown.
"I'm not becoming a child, for you Alucard."
I hear a small whine coming from the back of your throat.
"Stai cu mine, Forever."
"No."