I don't know why this happened.
How this happened.
I don't deserve this. Why did it have to be me. Of all the people that could have flatlined, and been brought back, why me?
Better yet, how the hell was I brought back? I didn't think defib units coulda done the job. But, hey. I'm alive. I guess that's something to be grateful for. Almost got my ass kicked from Gray. I worried him sick.
I don't know what's worse. The nightmares, or the fact that this happened to me.
The court case was too frelling painful. I couldn't even look at Jake and Aaron. Their sight disgusted me, and they were finally getting what they deserved.
For a few days following the incident, there were people outside the hospital to show their support. Almost like a little candlelight vigil. If that ain't the most depressing thing...
But it was beautiful. They all came, almost everyone from school, and even a few locals who had heard the story and came to show their support. They used it as some kind of Anti-Bullying propaganda. While I appreciated the thought, I still didn't really want to be apart of it. I was still recovering, myself. Six frelling weeks later, and I was still recovering. I was stoked as all hell to get out.
Yeah. Six weeks. It was hell. I guess after the first week, Celestia needed to get back to taking care of Equestria, and took Shining with her. The transdimensional rift that Luna needed to open was difficult for her to contain for more that a few minutes, and required a lot of rest. So, she'd only check back every week or so. Twice a week if we're lucky.
The girls stayed, though. They refused to go back. Christ, gettin' Shy outa that hospital room for even a decent meal was difficult in itself. The pain in her eyes...It was unbearable. That's all I remember from recovery, though...Just...That pain in her eyes. But I guess it could have been a worse recovery. Far worse.
Anyway, back to the trial. I didn't pay attention to much of it- I really couldn't. I was so out of it, I could barely stay awake. And the questioning, man. What was there to question?! Someone was freakin' stabbed!
Since it was Jake's blade, they charged him with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and gave him 24 months. more than likely, he'd get out on "good behavior." So we can assume that it'll be two years before we see his ugly mug again. And since Aaron was an accessory, and he was also charged with assault, they gave him 18 months. Not enough, if you ask me. I was so...Disappointed. When I saw them get hauled off to big boy prison, I thought I'd be happy. I thought I'd feel better. But I didn't. I felt sick. So I did the only thing I felt would help somehow. I snuck away from the girls, and went to the cemetery to pay him a visit.
Looking at the plot, I sighed, and carefully sat in the fresh, cool grass. It still hurt to move excessively, so it took me a few seconds to sit in a crossed-leg fashion. For a few silent minutes, I didn't say anything. Just stared at the damn plot, as if he would say the first word. But, of course, he didn't. He was dead. And I couldn't change that. So, I spoke.
"Hey, Nick." I said shakily. "Don't worry, I'm okay. I promise. Doc said I was healthier than most kids my age, so I recovered a little better than most my age would... Heh. Healthy, he says. If he only knew..." I let out a forced chuckle, and grit my teeth. "They're leaving me, Nick." I growled through my teeth. "Oh, man. I wish they could stay, Nick. I don't think I can handle this heartbreak. I'm gonna miss them so much, Nick." At this point, tears were streaming down my face like a leaky faucet. "I don't...I don't want to lose her...I can't lose any more people... I don't want to be alone." I broke down sobbing, which only aggravated my healing wound.
"You won't be alone, Alex." A calming voice said behind me. It startled me, and I jumped a bit, causing a burst of pain to shoot throughout my entire body. I hissed in a breath of pain, and sighed, trying to ignore the dim, yet throbbing pain. Once I was done, I let out a tired sigh, and staggered to my feet. Fair, smooth hands of a fair skin tone helped stabilize me. I looked up and waited for a swift chewin' out.
"Why are you here?" Celestia asked, placing her hands behind her back and intertwining her own fingers together.
"...Wanted to talk to my brother." I replied quietly, crossing my arms and looking down at the ground.
"That's not entirely what I meant." She said with a light smile. "I mean, why are you here, alone?"
I turned around on the spot, and stared back at my brother's grave. "Because I don't want it to hurt any more than it already does." I hissed.
"So, you believe this will help? That spending less time with the others will make it hurt less?" She rebuked, talking to me as if I were a child. "Alex, this is childish. When they're gone, you're going to look back and wish that you had spent your final hours together." She said matter of factly.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore her. But I couldn't, so I whirled around and talked back to her. "You don't understand, Celestia! You don't know what it's like to be so damn alone! To have almost no one, to be lucky enough to barely have a few people in your life! You don't get it..." I shouted, losing a bit of balance, and running short on breath.
"How dare you!" She said in a harsh, demanding tone. "I have seen evils you shall never witness. I stopped eternal chaos, I ended an eternal nightfall. I had to banish my own sister to the moon!" She argued.
"But at least she was alive! At least you knew that somewhere, somehow, she was alive!" I cried.
"Tell me, Alex. What is worse? Knowing that your sibling has passed on to a better place, or knowing that they're alive, possessed by evil, and planning for thousands of years to come back and destroy everything? You don't know pain, child." She said coldly, glaring daggers into my eyes.
I stared back, with my own burning hatred, but the fire in my eyes slowly dimmed. I got dizzy, and felt lightheaded. Falling to my knees, I almost lost consciousness. Fortunately, Celestia was quick enough to catch me. She held me in her warm and comforting embrace. It was almost a maternal embrace.
"I...I'm sorry...I'm sorry, Celestia, I didn't mean..."
She only shushed me, as a mother would shush an upset child, and patted my back. "It's alright, Alex. It's been a tough few weeks for you. I apologize for yelling. But you are not alone. I promise you that, you are not alone." She said gently.
Why did she say that? I just challenged her, I just yelled at an all-powerful being. I should be on the moon by now! It didn't feel like I deserved her kindness. Or anything, for that matter. I didn't deserve it.
"Would you like to head back home?" She asked after a few minutes. I staggered to my feet, nodding silently. I stumbled into my truck, and sat there for a quick rest.
"How did you manage to drive here?" She asked worriedly.
"I'm just tired, not crippled." I retorted with a light scoff, but it quickly turned into a slight grin. She only shook her head, and remained silent as we drove home.
Fluttershy was waiting in the doorway when we pulled up, and looked incredibly relieved upon seeing us. When I stepped out, she rushed me, and nearly pulled me into a bone crushing hug. But, she remembered my condition, and hesitated for a moment, before lightly wrapping her arms around me. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around her as well, calming her as she suppressed a sobbing fit.
"I was so worried, Alex." She told me, her voice quiet, yet shaky.
"I know. I'm sorry, Shy. I just needed to be alone for a little bit. She pulled away, just enough so our arms were still around each other, and gave me a hesitant nod. I smiled, and wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb. "I love you." I said.
"I know," She replied, grasping my hand and holding it closer to her cheek. "And I love you."
"Where did you go?" Twilight asked, walking out from the house. The others soon followed close behind, all awaiting an answer as well.
"I just needed a minute to myself, Twi. That's all." I responded, still holding onto Shy.
"Well say somethin' next time! You worried us somethin' awful, and Fluttershy here was terrified!" AJ scolded, crossing her arms at me.
"Seriously, Alex. We're big girls, we can handle it if you tell us you need a few to yourself." Dana added. Grayson simply remained silent.
"Right. Sorry. Won't happen again." I suddenly realized how stupid that sentence was the moment it came out of my mouth. Of course it won't happen again. They're hours away from being gone. God, I'm an idiot.
Grayson, more than likely realizing what I was thinking, sighed, and spoke up. "C'mon. Let's get inside. Frakkin' hot out here...Your mom's makin' dinner already." He informed us, leading us in. The girls were first, with Gray and I following from behind. I took a chance to glance over at him for a moment. He seemed almost as bad as I. Heavy bags under his eyes, a tad skinnier. I think this whole mess has caused some damage to him as well. No, it definitely did. I'm just being thick-headed.
"Are you alright, Alex?" Rarity asked when we all entered the kitchen. My mom slightly moved her head to the side, probably to get a quick glance at me. "Considering...You know?" She fiddled with the ends of her hair and awaited a response. The others also waited patiently.
I looked around the room at them all, feeling the small, comforting squeeze Fluttershy gave my hand. "...I'll be fine." I said in half-truth. Of course, eventually, I'll feel fine, but it's tearing me up right now. They all knew this, and didn't want to say any more.
"Sister?" Luna's tired voice came from the hallway. She entered the kitchen, looking very exhausted, almost ready to pass out at any moment.
"Luna! Are you alright?" My mother asked, dropping the salad she was preparing to approach the princess of the night.
"Yes, I am fine. But I..." She hesitated, glancing at me for a moment. My heart dropped like a rock. "I think it is time. I feel like my magic grows weaker every time I perform the spell. And it is hard to recuperate in this form." She explained. Celestia approached her younger sister, giving her a quick inspection. She stopped moving around for a moment, and sighed, turning to look at me with a gentle, yet sorrowful smile.
I shook my head in disbelief. I tried to speak, tried to croak out a 'No' or anything, but my throat was dry. Nothing but a choked cry. I fell back against the recliner, and held my head in my hands.
"Alex...It's gonna be okay. I promise. Smile, okay?" Pinkie said, struggling to sound cheerful.
I tried, I really did. I tried to paste a smile on my face, but it kept getting all wobbly, and fell back into a frown. My breathing began to quicken, and I felt dizzy. I clenched my hair between my fingers, struggling to sit steady.
"Alex? Alex!" Mom cried, running towards me. She gently but firmly grabbed my wrists, and called my name a few more times. "Alex. Alex, honey, listen to me, Alex!"
It was no use, really. I was too far gone. Tears gathered in my eyes, I made sputtering, whining noises because I couldn't form together normal words, much less sentences.
"Alex, look at me! Please!" Mom cried. The panic attack didn't stop, but I was able to focus on my mom. She looked at me with tears in her tired eyes, and pulled me into a hug. Then, I was silent. Not a noise left my mouth. No whimper, no choking cry. I just stared at the others in the room. Rarity and Twilight were comforting Fluttershy, who probably couldn't even look at me in my current state. Rainbow Dash crossed her arms and averted her gaze to the side. AJ held her hat against her chest, looking horribly worried. And Pinkie, well. She was smiling at me, ignoring the tears that gathered in her big cerulean orbs. Even Luna and Celestia had to struggle to keep their composure.
I looked at my mom, and her expression scared me. She was terrified. I wanted to think scared of me, but deep down, I wasn't letting myself believe that. She slowly let go of my wrists, and cupped my face in her hands. She slowly began to cry, placing my forhead against hers. "You're going to be alright, son. I promise."
"...Okay." I whispered, clenching my teeth and blinking rapidly. Fluttershy approached us from the side, and I stood up. We instantly pulled each other into an embrace, and we were both struggling so hard not to cry. This had to be one of the most difficult things I've ever encountered. Probably Fluttershy, too.
"Alex." I heard Grayson sigh. "You can do this." He pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning against, letting his once crossed arms to fall by his side. Dana looked at Gray warily, before turning to me as well, giving me a simple nod, and a small, sad smile.
I looked towards Luna and Celestia, who also nodded. Luna drew a breath, and extended her palm out to the archway, where the living room met the kitchen. She struggled for a moment, and the aura from her palm sizzled. But, much to my dismay, she was still able to produce a small, shining light, that grew extensively in size, until it could fit a couple people at a time.
"I guess...This is goodbye?" I choked, still hanging onto Shy for dear life. Celestia gave a regretful nod of the head, and I tried pulling away from Fluttershy. But, it seemed as if she was hellbent on keeping her arms around me. "Shy...? Shy, you need to let go. Please." I gasped, but she wouldn't budge, only shook her head.
"No!" She cried, though her voice was a bit muffled, due to being buried in the crook of my neck. "I don't want to go!"
Oh, god. My heart was breaking.
"Shy, please. We both know you have to go back." I pleaded, fighting through the wall of tears.
"But why?!" She blurted, looking up at me. Her bangs were a bit of a mess, covering her eyes, that were bloodshot and filled with tears. "Why can't I just stay here? I mean, I can get a job, and go to school with you!"
"You know we can't do that, baby." I replied in a hoarse whisper.
"Then, come with us! Come live with me and my animals! M-maybe they can make you a pony! Unicorn? Pegasus?" She was desperately looking for a solution. And it completely broke my heart. The longer she was here, the more it hurt. I thought she'd be strong for me, but I guess I was right. I just made this harder for the both of us.
"What about your friends...? You can't leave them, can you? Equestria needs you. They need your kindness." I said with a small smile, gently using my fingers to push her bangs back behind her ears, so I can see her beautiful cyan eyes. What I said must have gotten through, as she glanced behind her to see her friends, who were all struggling to keep their composure.
"I-I...But Alex," She reached up to give me a small kiss on the lips, and returned to burying her head in my neck and sobbing. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip, trying somehow to substitute the tearing, burning emotional pain in my heart.
"Fluttershy...Come on. We have to go home now." Rainbow Dash said soothingly, placing a hand on the timid young woman's shoulder. Reluctantly, she allowed herself to separate with me. First, her arms unwrapped from around me. Then her face removed itself from my neck. All that was left were our intertwined hands. We extended them as far as we could, until, finally, they broke apart.
I tried to ignore her sobs. Her whimpering and whining. It almost broke me, but Celestia had approached me, bringing a strange sense of calm to my heart. "Young Alexander," She began with a smile. I sniffled a bit, and looked up at her. "You are a very strong young man. I cannot begin to explain how much I appreciate the gifts you have given my little ponies."
"Your generosity; taking us in without question. Giving us a warm and comforting home." Rarity said, fanning her eyes to prevent her from crying.
"Yer honesty; it'd be hard for someone to trust someone enough to tell us what ya did." Applejack said with a warm smile.
"Your loyalty; you never let us down, Alex. You were always there when things got rough." Rainbow chuckled. She tried to keep her composure, crossing her arms and smirking, but I could see the pain in her eyes.
"...Your kindness." Fluttershy managed to croak. She tried to explain herself, but Twilight wrapped an arm around the girl, giving her a pat on the back and hugging her. Nothing more needed to be said about that.
"And we're so glad we were able to make you happy, Alex. I was really happy to see you happy! We all were." Pinkie Pie said with a giggle, pulling me into a hug that ended just as suddenly as it began.
"You've been there for us when we needed someone most, Alex," Twilight said, looking up at me. "We will always be grateful to you for what you have done for us. Your selfless acts of taking us in, giving us a normal life? Well, human standard of normal," She said with a light giggle. "You've taught us all another valuable lesson in friendship, Alex. One we will never forget. Your kindness, your bravery, and your friendship will be something that no one shall ever forget. Thank you." She began to choke a bit near the end, and struggled not to cry, herself.
I was smiling. To hear them all say that...It made me feel so good. It made me feel so incredibly happy.
"Looks like you got what you wanted," Gray said, approaching me.
"Huh?" I hummed, raising a brow at him.
"Ya finally did it, Alex. You made that impact." He said with a smile of his own.
"What do you...?" I trailed off, as Dana approached.
"Gray and I kinda had a theory," She began. "Alex, all your life, since we've known you, all you've done is help people. Beat up neighborhood bullies, helped in class, and, well, what you've done for them."
"Yeah?"
"It's the small things you do, though, that really count. We just feel like...I don't know. Maybe you feel like you want to help people. People to remember you for what you've done for them. Now, I'm not saying that's exactly why you do nice things; you thoroughly enjoy helping people."
"Essentially, what we mean is, you want people to remember you for your good, not your bad." Gray said, saving Dana from her overly-specific analysis.
"What he said," She said with a smirk.
"That actually seems quite accurate," Celestia said. I turned to face her, and awaited her to continue. "You are an amazingly generous soul, Alex. And we truly do want to remember you for it. That's why I have brought you and your friends a gift." She said, producing a small, beautifully crafted jewelry box from...Whatever hyperspace vortex she had on her. "Alexander. Grayson. Dana. In order to thank you for your duty in protecting our Elements of Harmony, we present you with these gifts. The girls all crowded around us, watching in awe as Celestia opened the box.
Inside, were three beautiful golden pendants, each attached to a differently colored necklace. The first was a bronze ball chain, and the pendant was almost a yin yang design. But instead of it being black and white, it was light blue and a shade of orange.
"Grayson. You have never failed to leave your best friend's side. Even when it seemed like you two were at the breaking point, your bond never broke. You were never afraid to let Alex know when he was wrong, or to tell him a truth he could not himself see."
Holy shit. Is this going where I think it is?
The second was a pale blue byzantine chain, and its pendant was pink and yellow. "Dana. Your strength helped your friend find happiness even in his most darkest of times. You never failed in making Alex smile, if only momentarily, when he need you. Your understanding and kindness was that of a saint, even when you yourself felt you lost hope."
Dana, Gray and I all had matching expressions; totally shocked, yet totally stoked. Finally, she looked at me, motioning to the beautiful gunmetal grey Venitian chain, and its pendant was colored white and lavender. "Alex. Your generosity with my loyal students, and with those around you, can speak more of you than words ever will. You've found the magic of friendship in your darkest of times, and we are honored to be able to present these to you."
"Princess, are those...?!" Twilight stammered.
"Yes, my faithful student. They are. Alexander Barkhorn, Grayson Turner, Dana Summers. We are all honored to name you honorary secondary holders of the Elements of Harmony." She announced proudly. She used her magic to levitate the pendants, and gently placed them around our necks. We all smiled widely, and bowed our heads.
"Thank you...So much, Princess. We're honored." I said, now being choked up by tears of joy.
"Sister..." Luna called weakly. She had held off the spell for a moment, I'm assuming, and had reopened it after we received our Elements.
Holy crap, it feels awesome saying that.
But the happiness was soon gone, seeing Celestia stride towards the portal. "Thank you, Alex. It was an honor meeting you and your mother." She said, clasping my mothers hand with both of hers, and standing near the portal.
"I guess...This is it, then. Eh?" I sighed, looking at Fluttershy with a smile. She smiled back at me, fighting through the tears.
"I'm so proud of you, Alex." She said, observing my pendant, before embracing me. She may not have known it, but that meant the world to me.
It was a painful goodbye. After each hug, with Twi, AJ, RD,- all of them. Every time I let go, it almost felt like I was letting go of a part of myself. That's why I was so hesitant to approach Fluttershy.
"I'm gonna miss you..." She sniffled, holding me close. I sighed, resting my chin atop her head.
"I know...And I'm gonna miss you too. So, so much..."
As Luna widened the portal, Fluttershy looked back at me with tears in her eyes. "So, I guess...I guess this was all for nothing." She commented quietly. I smiled sadly and shook my head.
"No, Fluttershy. It wasn't. It was a dream come true. We both enjoyed our time together, but, we should have known in the first place that it wasn't meant to be. We should have known that we couldn't be together." I said, trying to keep a strong front. Unfortunately, seeing Fluttershy tear up nearly broke my will. "Hey, Shy," I commented, raisng her head by cupping her chin in my hand. "Thank you. For keeping me happy when I needed it. For trying. But this is better. We may not be able to be together, but I promise, no matter what, you'll always be in my heart, as a friend." I said, feeling a warm tear run down my face. She broke down into tears, embracing me, and sobbing against my shoulder. I held the poor girl, I tried to calm her shaking body as she cried, but it didn't work. The pain was unbearable for the both of us...
"Fluttershy, sweety. It's time. Let's go home." Celestia called soothingly. It took both Twilight and Rainbow Dash to gently pry her off me. She wouldn't let go of my hand, again. She pleaded and cried, begged not to go. "No, no, wait, just a few more minutes!" She pleaded. But we all knew that wouldn't help. Our hands were seperating. Now holding on by just a couple fingers. Pinky finger, now.
Nothing. Gone.
"I love you, Fluttershy!" I yelled, as she stepped into the portal.
"I love you, Alex!" She cried back. The others all looked at me with small smiles. I couldn't really hear them as they said their goodbyes. I was focusing on Fluttershy, who was in Rainbow's embrace as she cried. She looked at me one last time, her cyan eyes so beautiful in the glow of the portal. I smiled at her. She hesitated, and smiled back. And I could see her mouth the words, 'I love you.'
Then, silence.
The portal closed.
They were gone.
My head was hung low, and my hair covered my eyes. I clenched my fists, struggling to keep myself calm.
"Alex...? Are you alright?" My mom asked me, approaching me to give me a hug. I was silent, trying to let what had happened sink in.
"Yeah, mom. I'm fine," I said with false confidence, pulling myself away and giving her a quick peck on the cheek.
Needless to say, the three of them were confused.
I stepped toward the salad bowl and prepared myself a plate, placing a little bit of salad dressing on, and sitting down with a bottle of water. As if nothing happened, I...Just ate. I struggled to ignore their faces, act as if nothing was wrong.
Dana and Gray warily grabbed food of their own, and my mother followed suit. It was a very awkward, very silent meal.
"Alex...?" Dana began.
"I'm fine! Look, see? Fine." I said, looking at them with a smile.
At least, I thought I was smiling.
"I'm fine. I just...I mean, I-I just had the one person I loved the most ripped out, along with six of the closest friends I had- aside from you guys, of course. I mean, I'll be...I'm..."
"Alex, man," Gray said, tears welling up in his hazel eyes. "It's okay, dude. Really."
"What? What do you...?" I began, chuckling, but my breathing became quick. The food I just ate wanted to come back up, but I struggled to keep it down. And my heart, oh my god. It hurt. It hurt so bad, I couldn't stand the pain.
They were gone. I was numb for a minute, but I couldn't drown out the pain.
I dropped my fork onto the plate and it fell with a clang, and I held my head in my hands, clenching my hair.
Oh my god, the pain.
I began with whimpers, but they moved to full on sobs and wails. Tears streamed down my face like a busted dam. Mom and Dana rushed me to try and calm me, and Gray only sat in front of me, trying to calm me down.
"Alex, look at me. You're going to be okay, I promise!"
It was just noise, though. They were gone, and the pain was so unbearable. I thought the screaming and yelling would help, I thought it would do something, but all it did was ruin my voice until I could hardly breathe. They were gone. Their futile attempts to calm me down did nothing, and, in the end, I could hardly muster the strength to yell once more.
"They're gone!"
( HA! YES! I DID IT.
Also, there are some revisions in the very beginning to avoid confusion.
This was actually supposed to be out last night, but...Stuff kinda went down.
Anyway, I'll write a full A/N in the next one, but, in the mean time, R&R would be much obliged, and thanks for readin'. )