Chapter 14 – Aftermath

Just some foul language this time. Adult situations.

Ahvienda no own nada. At least, nothing Bleach.

"Sorry … but I don't go for little girly-lookin' guys," Grimmjow muttered, frowning down at the tiny black-haired nurse. What was his name? Loopy or Schluppy or something like that. Whatever. He took hold of the man's arms – not painfully, just hard enough to get a good grip – and picked him up, set him back down on his feet at arm's reach. "Keep yer distance, Lippy."

"It's Luppi," the little dark-haired guy corrected, still looking up into Grimmjow's face with avid fascination.

"Uh-huh," Grimm grunted, not interested. He'd just come up here for a smoke, after being practically chased out of Szayel's room so that they could do some tests … EEG, EKG, E-fucking-G, whatever … his brother needed to lay still and not talk. So Grimmjow had taken the opportunity to come up to the roof for a cig or two. He'd noticed that someone else was up here, so he'd purposefully walked to the opposite side of the roof, for privacy. It hadn't lasted long.

"Grimmjow-san …."

God, wouldn't this little fucker shut up and let him just stand up here and enjoy his cigarette, think his thoughts? Apparently not.

"Grimmjow-san, you don't know what you're missing. I could hoover the hell out of you, right here, right now. Sort-of a celebration blow-job now that your brother is awake. No strings attached … but I'll bet that you'll want more than that," Luppi continued, smiling with moist lips and shining eyes.

Grimmjow snorted rude laughter. "You'll bet, huh? Lippy, you know nothin' about me." He brought the cigarette up to his lips again, sucked in smoke, blew it out. Standing there in the hospital slippers, his shirt half-unbuttoned, his hair in an unruly blue mess – hell, he knew he looked good, in that dangerous way that some men could never pull off but that was second nature to Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. Add in the harsh almost-gravelly voice, the sneer on his face … and there were some guys who just couldn't resist. Grimm guessed Lippy was in that group. Obviously.

"But I want to know more," Luppi returned.

"Too fuckin' bad," Grimm said mildly. He turned away and rested his elbows on the balustrade that ran all the way around the roof of the building. The wind blew his hair off his face, blew smoke back over his shoulder as he took another drag. Smoke leaked out of his mouth as he said, "I know plenty about you, Tiny," he said, a crooked smile on his lips. "I think maybe the word 'slut' covers it pretty nicely." His tone was still mild, conversational.

Luppi giggled. "Well … yeah," he conceded. "I guess you could look at it that way. I like men. I like sex. I'm young and cute, and I see no reason not to celebrate those things, now while I still can, ne?" He'd sidled up next to Grimmjow, standing next to him at the roof's edge, looking out at the city where it stretched out in front of them. "We get old soon enough … and I don't want to have any regrets. One of these days I'll find someone special and settle down with them – hopefully forever – but that time is not now." He looked back up at Grimm again. "You don't seem like the 'settled-down' type, either, Grimmjow-san. So what is wrong with it? I'm disease-free, willing … and very skilled."

"Yeah, I'll bet you are," Grimm muttered, taking another drag.

"You don't have to bet," Luppi offered. "I can prove it. If it's the setting that bothers you, we can always go somewhere else."

Slowly, Grimmjow turned his head to look down at Luppi. "Look, man … I don't know how to make it any plainer. I said it first thing, and it's not anything you can do somethin' about: I don't go for little girly-lookin' guys. Ya fuckin' understand it this time around?" His voice was still mild, even when the curse word slid out. He was frowning, but it was his normal frown, nothing thunderous or threatening. Not yet, anyway.

Luppi sighed, heavily and loudly. "Well, darn," he said. "I don't suppose you could just close your eyes?" He smiled as he looked up at the uber-attractive blue-haired man standing next to him. Gawd. He was gorgeous!

Grimm grinned back at him.

Luppi's eyes widened. Oh shit, he thought. This guy takes 'dangerous' to an entirely new level. Just by baring his teeth his face seemed to take on a … a sort-of menacing lunacy. It was hotter than fuck!

"I don't close my eyes when I'm doin' it," Grimmjow said. "I like to watch. I like to see everything." His voice lowered on the last word, came out with a sexy grindy undertone.

One that made goose bumps race crazily up Luppi's spine. He shuddered visibly as heat flooded his core and a blush crept slowly up his neck. "You … what are you doing?" he asked, voice almost a whisper.

Grimmjow dropped the grin and turned back to face the view. "Just playin' with ya, Lippy … come on, Nurse-san, drop the cutesy act and tell me 'bout what's gonna happen with my bro now." He imagined the little guy was pretty successful with his persona as a rule – plenty of semes out there liked 'em girlish and small. Just not this guy.

Expelling his breath in a whoosh, Luppi looked out at the view, too. "Fine, fine. Gimme a cigarette, ya big blue ox, if I don't get some nicotine soon I'm gonna bite somebody," he growled, holding out his hand.

Chuckling, Grimm flicked one out of his pack and handed over his lighter. Luppi lit up and inhaled deeply, letting the smoke back out with a satisfied sigh. "That's better. Okay … your brother has waked up but there's no way to know right now if it's a permanent thing. It's happened before – people wake up and are with us for a day, a week, but then succumb to the coma again. Don't think that'll happen with Szayel-san, though, since his coma was related to some chemical problems that we've resolved."

Grimmjow wasn't chuckling any more. "Shit," he muttered.

"I just fuckin' said we don't think that'll happen, shithead … listen for gods' sakes." Once Luppi was no longer 'on the prowl', his normal demeanor came out. In spades. "They'll make sure he's clean – he was quite the doper, ya know – and monitor his thyroid levels to make sure things don't get totally weird again. They took out that pituitary tumor, so that should be a done deal, too."

"Yeah."

"So we'll keep him on 3C until it's obvious that he's out of the woods, coma-wise, even though relapse is a slim-to-none chance, Kuchiki-sensei is conservative in that regard and will wait a few days. During that time he'll be evaluated to see if he needs any physical therapy, see if he has any deficits related to his coma. After that, he'll be moved out to a regular floor. Depending on how he does there, he could be outta here in a few weeks. Now … ain't that good news?" He leaked smoke out between his teeth as he grinned sharkishly up at Grimmjow.

Grimm flashed him a look and rolled his eyes a bit, but said, "It is good news. Thanks."

"Yer welcome," grouched the little nurse, taking another drag. "Shit, I gotta get back downstairs." He ground the cigarette out under his heel and took out a little spray bottle from his lab coat pocket. He spritzed himself – a light fresh scent reached Grimm's nostrils – and then retrieved a mint from his other pocket and popped it into his mouth. "See ya later."

"I'll be back down in a bit," Grimm said.

"Yeah." Luppi started to walk away, then turned back around, grinning. "Hey … what about your brother? That pink hair turns me on. Think he'd wanna do the nasty with me?"

"He's …." What was he? Did Grimmjow even know any more? He wasn't entirely sure, they didn't talk about their love lives at all … it was too close to the taboo subject of their previous relationship. "Last I knew, he was a bottom."

"So? I can put it to him, too, I don't care." Luppi made thrusting motions with his hips.

Grimmjow couldn't help it, he laughed. "You are so fucked up," he said, shaking his head.

"Fucked up, fucked down, fucked sideways … I'm game."

"I can see that."

"Oh, you wanna watch?"

"You … get yer fuckin' ass back downstairs and take care of my brother. Like a nurse! Take care of him like a nurse, you little bastard." He was laughing again.

"My mom wouldn't be very happy to hear you say that," Luppi returned, keeping up his excellent track record of having the last word. With that, he was gone.

Grimmjow shook his head again and barked laughter as he turned back around. He finished his cigarette, thinking about Szayel and his future. Grimm'd have to stick around for a while, make sure Zay stayed off the drugs. Maybe he should talk to Tall-Dark-and-Handsome-Sensei (this thought was accompanied by no small amount of sarcasm) about getting his brother some rehab or addiction counseling. Prolly be a good idea.

It was really good news about the chances of relapse … Jesus Effiing Christ, he didn't know what he would do if Zay slipped back into a coma. His folks would probably both end up in the cath lab. He watched a bullet train slide toward Karakura Town from up-country, just a few miles away from the hospital complex, and the sleek vehicle made him think about his company … and then about the family.

Shit. He needed to contact the families, let everyone know what was going on. Nelliel especially, she'd been taking care of his company for him, and had told him to take his time, that everything was fine and would stay fine … but he didn't like owing people anything, not even family, not even a close cousin like Nel. He couldn't leave yet, though, and it was looking like he'd need to stay in Karakura for another month at the least. Okay. He had some time right now, might as well get the news about Szayel out to the rest of the clan.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, then chose Nel's number. What time was it in Germany right now? He looked at the phone's time display. Morning. That was fine. He'd get her at work and she could pass the good news along to the rest of the family. It rang. She picked up fast.

"Grimmjow? What? Why are you calling? Is everything all right?"

"Nelliel – Nellie, sit down." He didn't wait, he couldn't wait to say it. "He's awake!"

"OH MY GOD!" She immediately started crying, tears of joy this time. It made Grimm get all misty, too. It was so great to pass along good news for a change.

XXX

After Rikichi had finished with Shinji-san and sat down at the nurse's desk to chart, Ichigo had taken his leave of his newly-awakened beloved. Szayel-san had looked at him with those golden eyes and smiled. Ichigo's heart had pounded in his chest as he smiled back. He leaned in close to Szayel and said quietly, "Szayel-san … I am so glad. I'm just … I'm just so glad."

"Ichigo-kun," the man had said, just as quietly. "We need … to talk."

"Yes."

"I … heard some things. I remember … some things," Szayel said hesitantly.

"Yes." Without hesitation.

Szayel stared up at the younger man, who was looking down into his eyes, his expression one of quiet joy and affection. His gaze never wavered. It knocked Zay back for a second, that calm acceptance and warmth. "When? I … I …." His voice ground to a stop, his throat worked as he swallowed convulsively.

"It's all right, Szayel-san. Be calm. We will talk whenever you like," Ichigo said. "They won't let you have a cell phone for a while, but when it's approved I'll give you my number. And we can talk later on tonight, when I come back on shift." All this was said quietly, just between the two of them. Ichigo had one calming hand on Szayel's chest, the other on his shoulder.

Zay's head fell back against the pillows, although he didn't take his eyes from Ichigo's face.

"Relax. Be calm and still," Ichigo said soothingly. "Don't worry about anything. We're all here for you."

"Y-yes." Szayel took a deep breath, let it out shakily.

"Good."

Ichigo smiled again, patted Szayel-san's shoulder. "Now … the techs are coming to do some tests. They won't work you too hard, but if you become weary, please tell them so. There's no prize for getting these tests done early." He grinned.

"Okay," Szayel said, nodding.

"I'll see you tonight. I'll be back at about 11:00."

"If I'm asleep … wake me," Szayel said, staring up into Ichigo's eyes.

"I can't do that, Szayel-san … normal sleep is when we heal. But I'll be here all night. Don't worry, we will talk." He patted the older man's chest, then straightened up. "Rest. They will be here soon with the EEG machine."

Szayel obediently closed his eyes.

Ichigo said his goodbyes to Shinji and Rikichi, then headed home. He didn't see Grimmjow again as he left the facility. When he called him, the regular Saturday night midshift nurse was more than happy to do a trade with Ichigo for tonight. Now he had to get home and get some shut-eye.

XXX

He was practically undressing as he walked in the door, showered quickly, and fell into bed. Too excited to sleep for a long while, it was almost 5 p.m. before his eyes closed and stayed closed. He didn't dream – none that he remembered, anyway. When the alarm woke him at 10:00, he was disoriented for a minute, but then sprang up out of bed. He only had a half-hour before he'd have to catch the train. He threw burritos into the microwave, ran through the shower, ate as he dressed, and brushed his teeth. He frowned at his hair in the mirror. Oh well. It would have to do, he had to go!

On the train he thought about Hayato and Ulquiorra, for some reason. Hayato – he'd been such a wonderful, caring man. The time they'd had together after Hayato-san had awakened … those were some of the best months of Ichigo's life. Ulquiorra, his quiet sleeping face, with the deep green tattoos streaking down his cheeks, his soft black hair, his sweet frowning eyebrows. Ichigo leaned his head against the window and stared unseeingly out at the passing city. He thought about them all, letting their faces pass before his mind's eye, one after the other. A little smile was on his lips. You won't be seeing Szayel-san any time soon, my loves, he thought.

A tickle of memory. 'We don't want to see Shinji-san any time soon.' Ichigo closed his eyes, chasing the memory. Who? Who had said this? No-one knew about his deceased beloveds, no-one. Even the living, like Shuuhei or Starrk … they didn't know, had no idea that Ichigo carried a shrine around in his heart.

So then who.

"DOWNTOWN, NEXT THREE STOPS. DOWNTOWN, NEXT THREE STOPS."

The voice broke his concentration, and the memory slipped away. It had been right on the tip of his tongue, too. Dammit! He sat up straight, smoothed his scrubs over his thighs. WE don't want to see Shinji. We don't. Put that way … it would lead one to believe … he frowned and gave his head a slight shake. Ridiculous.

XXX

In the locker room, a few late-nighters yawned and quietly got ready for their shifts. Ichigo didn't even try to tame his hair, that was a lost cause. He grimaced at the bright orange spikes and then shut his locker door. He slid his stethoscope around his neck and tucked his cell phone into his pocket. Wallet into the back pocket of his scrub pants, in order to get some 'lunch' later.

Luppi met Ichigo for report. "Surprised to see you here, Strawberry," he said. But his eyes reflected the very real glee he felt at the fact that a patient from their room had awakened.

"I traded," Ichigo said. "How's he doin'?" No doubt who he was talking about. He took a seat at the little round table as he asked.

"He's been asleep since supper," Luppi said. "He had a nap after the tests were done, they really wiped him out! He ate well …." He checked his notepad. "Chicken broth, apple juice, two servings of grape gelatin, two grape popsicles. Been drinking, too, mostly ginger ale and iced tea, no sugar." He turned the page. "Output is good, using a urinal, no difficulty. 725 mLs so far today. Helped him brush his teeth and shave. He watched the news, only about 20 minutes, though, before falling asleep."

"Did they get all the tests done?" Ichigo was listening intently.

"Yep. More tomorrow, you know, but they managed to get everything they needed today. Results from the EEG and EKG due in tomorrow … but his labs are unchanged. I look for them to start reflecting his eating habits again tomorrow, though."

"Yeah," Ichigo agreed, looking at the long list of lab results.

"Vitals within normal limits, including temp." Luppi went on down his extensive list, covering everything Ichigo would need to know. Then he moved on to Shinji and did much the same thing, although the small blond still slept his "deep sleep". "He's verbalizing still, no changes there that I could tell. Still mostly p's, still no regular intervals, no pattern. No EEG changes."

"Thanks, Luppi." Ichigo couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"Look at you … grinning like a monkey. You're just happy because we'll have an empty bed in our room, you fucker." But Luppi was smiling too.

"Well, that was my favorite bed for ignoring my patients and sleeping, dammit. I'll be glad when that slacker is gone," Ichigo said, smiling again when Luppi cracked up.

"Riiight. Okay, stop delaying me, you piece of shit, I've got a date," Luppi said, getting up and gathering up his things. "But how come you didn't bring me any Danish tonight? What the hell's your problem? You can't just bring it once, feed me, and then stop. That's just cruel."

"I had burritos tonight."

"Oh, terrific! Well, don't fart all over the room, shitheel, remember our patients are relying on us for clean air!" Luppi finished packing his pockets with his stuff.

"THIS from the guy who reeks from cologne every night! Don't lecture me when you smell like a French whorehouse!" Ichigo stood up too, pressing his lips together to hide a smile.

"I smell great, you ass! What's your scent, baby shampoo? Puh-lease! Can we grow up and start smelling like a man one of these days?!" Luppi faux-glared up at him.

"No way! You'd be all over me!" Fake horror on Ichigo's face.

"It'll be a frigid day in Hades before that happens, you unlucky prick," Luppi said. "Now like I said, stop delaying me. Your come-on is too hideously obvious."

"It's not a come-on, it's a stroke."

"Bye, Ichigo. Take care of Pink Hair-san." He grinned.

"Bye, Luppi. Thanks."

"Yep!" He was gone.

XXX

It was quite the picture that met Ichigo's gaze when he walked into room 313. He checked Shinji first … the blond was on his left side, pillows bolstering his position, his eyes were closed and he was not verbalizing. The O2 mask was fitted loosely on his face, giving him a break from the nasal prongs. 1 liter oxygen boost … that was good. Soon, hopefully soon he wouldn't need the oxygen at all. Ichigo would be glad.

But on the other bed … Grimmjow Jaegerjaques was curled up alongside Szayel-san, sleeping on top of the covers, fully clothed. Ichigo stood still and looked at them, hands on his hips, smiling. They looked absolutely nothing alike … but then again, they weren't blood-related. Blue hair lay right alongside pink, making for a very compelling color combination.

Ichigo came closer, looking at Szayel-san's monitors. Very nice. He wouldn't disturb the newly-awakened patient, not until later when he'd need to take his oral meds. And that wasn't until 6 a.m. Any meds he'd need overnight would be injected straight into his IV. Ichigo observed Szayel's hair and skin, counted his breaths, watched his chest rise and fall to make sure he wasn't laboring to breathe. All was well. He turned away, went to the nurse's desk to pull up the shift reports from Friday and today.

It was roughly 1 a.m. when he heard a sound and looked over at his patients. Grimmjow was slowly leaving the bed, careful not to wake his brother. Once clear and on his feet, he stretched silently, then shook his head savagely and looked over at Ichigo, scratching his tummy idly. A grin spread slowly across his face. He padded over to the nurse's desk, barefooted, and then leaned on it, yawning.

"He's doin' good," the big man said, quietly.

"Yeah," Ichigo whispered. He couldn't help but smile as his gaze slid past Grimmjow to where his brother still slept.

"Nurse Lippy said he probably won't slip back into a coma … you on board with that theory?" Grimmjow was looking at his brother, too.

Lippy? Oh, Luppi! Ichigo had a hard time not laughing out loud at that. He couldn't wait to call Luppi that the next time during report. "Yeah," he whispered again. "His coma wasn't like that. We've straightened out his chemical imbalance and the drugs are out of his system. We're very optimistic. Very. Even Sensei."

"Good." Grimm straightened up, stretched again. "Gotta piss. Be right back." He disappeared into the adjoining bathroom, scratching his belly again and yawning.

Ichigo shook his head, smiling ruefully, and glanced over at Szayel, who hadn't moved. He returned his attention to the chart again until Grimmjow came back out, shirtless. Ichigo swallowed and averted his eyes.

"When you get break?"

"Still have an hour to go," Ichigo said.

"Well, I need a fuckin' cigarette now, so I'm gonna go up for a bit. You got my cell number, yeah?" Grimmjow slipped a jacket on over his bare chest.

"Yes. I'll call if anything happens or changes."

Grimm started to walk out but then turned back around. "Hey … that other guy. He getting' ready ta wake up? He makes sounds. Freaks me out sometimes."

"We hope so."

"Yeah." He looked over at Shinji's bed, partially hidden by the screens. "Yeah. Okay, well. I'll be back in a bit."

Ichigo watched him slide into those crazy fuzzy pink slippers and quietly go out the door. He got up and checked on Shinji-san, moving him onto his back again and arranging his arms in comfortable positions, straightening his legs, making sure his tubes weren't binding anywhere. He started up his parenteral nutrition, letting the vitamin and mineral-rich, calorie-laden fluid seep down his PEG tube straight into his stomach. He changed that dressing, noting that it still showed no signs of infection – no redness, no fluid seeping out. He patted the small blond's arm and brushed his soft hair out of his face. "It's me, Shinji-san," he said quietly. "You look good." No response, but then he didn't expect any.

When he turned and walked around the screens, he saw that Szayel-san was struggling to sit up. "Whoa, whoa," he said, hurrying over. "Here … let me help you." He did so, and elevated the head of the bed, fluffing the pillows and making sure Szayel-san didn't have to strain to lift his head. "There. That better?"

The pink-haired man nodded, watching Ichigo.

"Want something to drink?"

Another nod. "T-tea … please."

"Just a sec." Ichigo hurried to fulfill his patient's wishes, returning with a tall glass, clinking with ice, bendy straw ready for parched lips. Szayel-san drank deeply, swallowing smoothly, Ichigo noted. "Take it slowly," he cautioned. "I don't want you coughing just yet." The increase in cranial pressure related to coughing was contra-indicated at this early wake-up stage.

Finally Szayel let go of the straw, closing his eyes in relief. "Good," he said.

"Your heart is doing excellent," Ichigo said, smiling. "Wanted you to know that, in case you were worrying about it."

"Heart attack," Szayel-san stated.

"Yes."

Szayel rolled his eyes. "T-too young," he said.

"No more drugs," Ichigo said, but without any reproach in his voice. It was just the stark truth. "No more cigarettes."

"Yes."

"Good. Hungry?"

"No. Th-thank you." Szayel watched Ichigo's every move. The orange-haired man straightened his blankets, set the glass of tea within easy reach, and then sat down on the side of his bed. "Gr-Grimmjow?"

"Up on the roof," Ichigo said.

"Nn," Zay grunted. Probably smoking. No more of that for him. Ever. He'd better get used to the idea.

Ichigo was looking at him expectantly. "You said you wanted to talk with me about something, Szayel-san." The room was so quiet. Only the softly beeping monitors broke the silence. Soft light glowed from the lights over the beds, a small pool of it from the tiny table lamp on the nurse's desk. Otherwise, all was quiet and dark.

"Yes. You … when I was sleeping. C-comatose."

"Yes?"

"I heard you. Felt you, sometimes. Talking … to me sometimes." Szayel was irritated that he needed to pause when he spoke. That he stuttered sometimes. It was aggravating.

"I've been your nightshift nurse from the beginning, Szayel-san. And I always talk to my patients. I've always believed that, sometimes, they can hear me. I'm glad you could," Ichigo added, smiling.

"Heard you. What you said." They were staring at each other. Szayel because he needed to know.

"That's good," Ichigo said. "What was it that I said that you want to ask about?"

"You said … you loved me." Pink spots appeared on Szayel-san's cheeks.

Cute, Ichigo thought. Ah, Szayel-san, you are so cute. He smiled. "You shouldn't use past tense," he said, like he'd said to Shuu not all that long ago.

Szayel had a puzzled look on his face now.

"I love you. Not loved."

Szayel opened his mouth to reply, a slightly-awed look on his face, a tremulous smile was making his lips twitch … but the door opened behind them. A shadow was all they could see, the light from the hall backlighting Grimmjow as he re-entered the room.

"Bro," he said softly, letting the door slip shut as he let it go and walked into the room. "You're awake again." He grinned at his brother as he approached the bed, reached out and grabbed his hand. Too late he picked up a weird vibe from the pair – Szayel looked embarrassed, Ichigo was watching him with affection, sitting on his bed.

"Welcome back, Grimmjow-san," Ichigo said. "We were just having a little chat. Szayel-san, let me go refill your tea. I'll be back later." He patted his patient's hand, squeezed it, and picked up the glass, getting up off the bed and walking quietly out the door.

Szayel looked at his brother. His big, beautiful brother. He decided not to say anything to Grimm about Ichigo. He wasn't sure why, but he felt that it would be wrong somehow, especially since he still needed to finish talking with Ichigo. He said he loves me, the pink-haired man thought to himself. He smiled.

"You look good," Grimm said, sitting on the side of his bed the way Ichigo had. "Better than I've seen ya since ya woke up. You've got some color, or somethin'." His easy grin slid across his face again.

Szayel nodded, squeezing Grimmjow's hand. At one time, he'd been consumed by a painful, desperate, hopeless love for this man. It had slowly killed him inside, until he'd tried to take his own life in a last-ditch effort to stop it … because he didn't have the strength to stop it himself.

"I … I should have told you, before," he said, before he could stop himself. But if this was a new lease on life, then he was going to say all the things that needed to be said. He wasn't going to do anything halfway anymore. And he owed his brother an explanation from long, long ago.

"Hnn?" Grimmjow made this questioning noise as he frowned, but it was his puzzled frown. Szayel knew them all.

"Before. Before I tried to kill myself. I should have … talked with you." He had a death grip on Grimmjow's hand.

"That's a long time ago, Zay … you don't need to—"

"I do! I do. Not your fault. I was … too weak. Too weak to pull away. Grimm … I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His eyes filled with helpless tears. He dashed them away, furious at showing weakness when he was trying to apologize for being weak. "Should have talked with you."

Grimmjow looked at his brother as this all sank in. He pressed his lips together in a tight line, nodded shortly. He stayed put, hanging on to Szayel's hand.

"Not your fault. Mine. It was mine. But you were strong … you left, so I wouldn't have to. So I could heal. So that the … temptation … was out of reach." He swallowed hard. Remembering those days was so difficult.

"I knew what ya needed, Zay. Me too. It's okay, brother. It worked. We're okay now, right?" Grimmjow squeezed Zay's hand again.

Szayel nodded, but he wasn't finished. "Need to say: thank you. Grimmjow. Thank you. And I love you, b-brother." He pushed himself up, reaching. Grimm made up the difference himself, wrapping both arms around his brother and holding on tight. No matter what had happened before, no matter the quasi-incestuous relationship they'd found themselves in before – this was his brother. And he loved him. He'd never apologize for that.

When Szayel pulled back, Grimm loosened his hold and let him back onto the pillows, gently. He looked at him worriedly, but Zay had a little smile on his lips. His eyelids were drooping. "You okay?" Grimmjow asked, softly, almost a growl.

Szayel chuckled weakly. "Never better," he said. "Not for a … long, long time." His eyelids fluttered shut, his breathing deepened and evened out. In seconds he was fast asleep.

Grimmjow watched him for a long time, thinking about the past, about the present, about the future. He held his brother's hand, rubbing it with his thumb. Motion caught his eye, from the right. Ichigo came into his field of vision, a tall glistening glass of iced tea in his hand. He sat it on the nightstand quietly, then backed off and went back to his desk.

Idly, Grimm wondered how much the oranget had heard. But then he decided that, ya know what? He didn't give a fuck. He looked down at his big brother, remembering when they were children, how Szayel had time for him when no-one else did … how Zay would explain things that no-one else could … how he had loved his big brother with all his heart. Right now, sleeping, he didn't look like he'd changed at all.

If I could, I'd erase those years, the ones that almost killed you, he thought, staring at his brother's face. But that was impossible. Instead, they'd separated until the attraction between them was dead. Until only the brotherly love remained. And it still burned just as brightly as it ever had. Grimmjow smiled down at his brother, then maneuvered his body until he was laying down next to him again. They had often slept together as children, Zay curled protectively around his little brother.

Now, Zay needed his comfort. It was his turn, his turn to repay the favor. Grimmjow turned on his side and put an arm around his sleeping sibling, then closed his eyes and counted Zay's breaths until he, too, was asleep.

XXX

Ichigo watched the sleeping men in the bed. Oh, he hadn't heard everything that they'd talked about after he'd left the room, but he'd heard some. Enough to know that there'd been trouble in their relationship years ago … such bad trouble that Szayel-san had tried to kill himself. Ichigo felt a stab in his heart when he thought about this. It was obviously years ago, but it was new to him – one of his beloveds had tried to take his own life.

Looking at them now, Szayel-san still with the ghost of a smile on his lips, it was obvious that the trouble was far in the past. That was good. He took a deep breath, then expelled it slowly. He closed his eyes, and picked out the breathing of his beloveds, listened to them as they slept soundly under his care.

He didn't know what Szayel-san had been going to say before he was interrupted. It didn't matter. Ichigo loved him. He would always tell him the truth about that. And he would always be there for him. Just as he was for the others.

Some might say, "It's only been a few weeks! How can you say you love him? That's ridiculous."

Those people didn't understand. They couldn't. Ichigo wouldn't try to explain. He could barely explain it to himself. The long hours, alone with his charges, caring for his beloveds, talking to them … how could anyone not love them? Their beautiful sleeping faces. The slow susurrations of their breaths, with or without the ventilators. He shared everything with them. Shared the long, lonely nights.

Oh, don't worry. There'd been plenty of times where Ichigo had wondered if there was something … wrong with him. Some indefinable something, a personality disorder, a defect, some missing piece. "Normal" people didn't do the things he did, they didn't act like him, they didn't have a list of beloveds, talking to the dead, giving whatever he had to the living. Anything. Everything. Whatever they needed.

Because that was the key. His beloveds needed him, as much as if not more than he needed them. Oh, not all of them. Ty, for example. He was one of Ichigo's beloveds that had awakened. They kept in touch, they talked on the phone, met for coffee and sweet rolls, caught up on each other's lives and talked about what had happened to Ty. But he was happy. Ty was married, had two children and a loving wife, and his happiness shone from his face, reverberated in his voice. Ichigo kept his love to himself, Ty didn't need him in that way. He kept tabs on Ty's happiness, ready to do whatever was needed to keep him that way. That was how he loved Ty … from a distance, quietly, anonymously. It was fine. Ty's happiness made Ichigo happy.

The door opened behind him, and he turned around, a finger to his lips. It was Uryuu, time for his break. He walked up to the black-haired nurse, smiling. "They're all asleep," he said.

"Yeah. Good news today, Ichigo," Uryuu said, grinning.

"Yep. Take care of 'em for me. I'll be back in a bit."

"Take your time."

Ichigo left the room, a little smile on his lips. He was leaving his charges in good hands. He headed for the stairs so that he could go up on the roof. Have a couple cigarettes (bad … he should learn from Szayel's experience), look up at the stars, think about things. It had been a good day, all in all. Oh, sure, things had been kind of … weird at first, but the awakening of Szayel-san overshadowed all of that and made it inconsequential.

He looked up into the starry sky, scanning it for shooting stars. There was no moon. Relief flooded him, thinking about Szayel-san. No need to add a name to the list. Not this time. Not this time.

End Chapter 14

Sometimes I think Ichigo's a total nutcase … and sometimes I think he's the only one who's got the right idea. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out. ;)

Thanks for reading!

Ahvienda