Sookie

Chapter Fifteen

'Don't do it.' I thought to myself. 'Just keep walking. He can kill you ten times before you hit the ground and his muscle chick will bury the body.'

My common sense agreed. My body was screaming at me. The beating I got from Rene was enough to last me a while. I knew I shouldn't do anything to invite more pain, but I'd gotten smart with a big bad vampire and was still able to walk away. I should have kept on going, but he wanted me to turn around. I was so mad! I didn't know what would happen if I faced him again. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't, and you know what else? There is something about having a brush with death; it sure makes you more vocal about living!

"Now," he ordered, and I lost it.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I hissed, turning around slowly. Once I started down that road I couldn't stop. "You choose me to marry knowing full well I didn't and still don't want you. Then you stick me in this pretty bird cage and add velvet cuffs and shiny toys and I'm supposed to do what? Thank my lucky stars?"

I let out a slightly hysterical peel of laughter. I could feel myself moving my arms in an incensed manner like some crazy orangutan, but I just couldn't make it stop. I was having a meltdown. It was one that would probably kill me so I was going to make it count.

"You are older than dirt, so if you weren't rich that would be the real surprise. Oh, and while we are on the subject," I mimicked, imitating his deep tone, "The only way I'm sitting back down and listening to your bullshit is if you want to be Contestant Number Three on 'The Attempted Murder of Sookie Stackhouse' Game Show."

Instinct was screaming at me, and trying to gag me, but I just blasted him off. Every single act of callousness to date was regurgitated during the tirade. God, if only he would yell at me and tell me to shut up, I was sure I would snap out of it, but he didn't. He just kept looking at me with the same cold aloof eyes and utterly benign expression, so I couldn't stop, even after I saw the female Britlingen enter the dining room, I still couldn't shut up. I just included her in the barrage.

"She said discreet evaluation to you, not me, so in reality I didn't have to know what it meant. It didn't apply to me. A zealous sect wouldn't be trying to kill me if I didn't marry you. A lone sociopath who hates vampires wouldn't have attacked me if you weren't my husband. So, if you're looking to point fingers, I bet you have someone on your payroll just for that BECAUSE I'M SURE YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF BLAMING YOURSELF!"

I spun around and began storming out of the room. It was only then I remembered I had medicine waiting on me upstairs that I couldn't take without food. So I had to go back for my dinner. I'll be damned if I wasn't going to get my last meal. It was roasted chicken with a side of wild rice and steamed veggies. It was delicious!

"Oh, by the way, I can read," I added, gathering my plate in my arms, "There is nothing in the marriage paperwork stating I have to be your lap dog. Behind closed doors you don't have to pretend and neither do I."

I knew Eric was a vampire. They were supposed to be cool, detached from the world of the living, but telling me in not so many words that it was my fault I got beat up was plain rude. The absolute slap in the face was while he was talking down to me and blaming me for things that weren't my fault he was looking at his phone. It was as if he was saying, 'you can't afford my undivided attention while I'm belittling you, so I'll share it with whoever is on the phone.'

"P.S. I get it - You're important. You're busy, but you're also dead as a doornail. All you have is time, but the next time I want someone to look down at me, I'll make an appointment."

I was almost out the door a second time when I decided I had a particularly nasty death wish. So I turned back around to tighten the noose around my neck. "You, your money, and fancy cell phone can all go to hell," I looked to where his bodyguard, Ms. Discreet Evacuation, was rubbing the side of her neck as if it hurt, "And you can take your bodyguards with you."

Finally, I was out of breath. I stalked out of the room wishing I had a door to slam behind me. There were thirty-four steps on the grand staircase and I stomped on every single one up to my suite. With my waitressing experience I didn't slosh my drink in my cup or make my plate wobble. Once I got inside my room reason came and so did fear. 'Me and my big mouth,' I thought dismally.

It had to be the head injury that made me tell off a vampire and a crazy powerful daemon from another dimension. I was so dead. I locked the door knowing it wouldn't keep either one out. Then I listened with my other hearing. If he was coming toward or sending someone after me I would at least have a heads up, not that it would do me a fat lot of good. The black hole that signaled Eric's mind began moving but it was only getting farther out of range and the swirling void of the Britlingen soon followed. I ran to the French doors that led to the balcony and watched the rear lights of the black sedan fade.

Letting out a sigh of relief, I moved to the sitting area. The room I was given was the size of my old house. It was the epitome of southern charm and French beauty. There was a hand crafted vanity that was complete with a silk lined stool. The walls were blue and trimmed with gold. Double doors led into a bedroom that was just as extravagant. I didn't even want to look in the closet.

I ate because I had to but as the night wore on I couldn't sleep. It wasn't like the jitteriness of the other nights brought on by vampire blood, with me being angry at how it had been given. Lord knows I didn't want vampire blood anywhere near me - never mind in me! Tonight I was worried. I assured myself I would be fine. Claudine had told me he cared about his image so he wouldn't hurt me.

That rant had been briefly satisfying. The more I thought about my actions the less pleased I was with myself. It wasn't that I regretted anything I'd said. It was my upbringing getting the better of me. Gran had raised a lady and I knew, despite the provocations, she would have been disappointed I'd stooped to the level of someone like Eric.

I would apologize. Who knew? An apology might come with the added benefit of him not wanting to kill me; after all he didn't seem that angry. His bodyguard had shown more annoyance than he. This didn't serve to improve my odds for survival.

Sunset the next day found me nervously pacing the top of the staircase. I knew Eric was here. I could sense the void of his mind somewhere down the hall. My breath caught when I saw him. He was dressed in his usual immaculately fitted suit and tie. He moved with the swagger of a top predator, and was headed directly my way. Crap. I really must have been out of my mind to rave at him like that yesterday.

"There is something you need?" he asked, stopping outside my personal space.

"Um…yes," I took a deep breath, "I apologize. I shouldn't have lost my temper yesterday. Yelling and cursing like that isn't who I am."

"I don't care enough to formulate an opinion on your character either way," he said. There was nothing in his tone to imply he was being mean. He was simply stating fact. "All that matters is you uphold the terms of our union for the length of the marriage." Then he walked away.

I hadn't been deluded enough to think he would apologize as well, but his words told me just how cold he truly was. Nothing I'd said had affected him. I wasn't sure why I thought it would. One such as him would not care what someone like me thought of them. This was a good thing. He wasn't bothered, he wanted me to leave him alone, and stay out of his way. Fine. As he said, the marriage was only temporary.

~ooooo~

Eric flaunted me at his side for the world to see while he played Mr. Nice Vampire. I smiled and nodded politely. My fear of flying didn't make an appearance because I was buried so deep in the surreal spectacle of what my life had become. Some nights the sun preceded Eric back to the South. He would be carried into the house in his coffin. At some point that was no longer weird. I sold the lie, but after it passed the last face or flash of cameras, I put it away for the next event.

Night after night, I attended one social event after another. The locations stopped mattering and began to blur. It was just rooms full of empty faces. The people were human and all were vying for Eric's attention, smile, or a handshake. Mostly they wanted him, all of him; in the same way they presumed I had him. To them, I was the luckiest woman in the world! When I allowed myself to think about it, I found it funny; if they only knew the truth, how wrong they all were for thinking this.

Everyone had an opinion about my life. It was the ones who didn't know me that were the most vocal. The Fang Haters had me marked a traitor against my race. According to Steve Newlin, leader of the Fellowship of The Sun, I was corrupting the masses by making the consort of a vampire appear to be a glamorous thing. I was Fangbanger Number One. I'd been tainted by the Darkness and he would help me find the Light if I allowed him.

Sam wrote me and we talked on the phone. Tara was doing well, and saving money to open her boutique. Claudine stopped by once or twice to see how I was adjusting. Jason called to ask for money. He couldn't get a job without people wanting him to do an exposé piece on his sister. Life seemed to be passing me by in a phantasmagoria of nightshades.

The first three months with my beau had led to feelings of being strapped into a car I couldn't control. What I was experiencing was worse. Oh, this was far worse. It didn't feel like I was being led about in a haze. It didn't feel like I was suffocating. It felt like falling. I felt as though I was tumbling head over heels and there were no breaks. I couldn't see the ground, but I knew it was there. I was just too high up. It meant impact would hurt and be much more pain-filled.

I was sleeping less and less, and knew in part, it was due to the late hours and weekly trips cross country, but mostly it was due to the handlers Eric hired to shadow me. They were jarring to my telepathy. I had my shields to protect my mind in order to not be pulled into others' minds, but never realized how much effort it took. When I lived in my little farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, I had the time to mentally rest. Now I was never alone, so I no longer had that respite. Without the chance to lower my shields and rest, I found the tension within me growing tighter and tighter. I knew I was going to snap.

After a day of fitful sleep I was woken by Abigail, the cook. I liked her. She was an older woman who never judged anyone. Our night would begin with her placing a tray of food by the bed side table. Tonight was no different except her mind was buzzing with worry. She thought I was tired and was only getting more so every day. She also knew I wasn't eating much. I tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. There were far too many human minds in the house. One was the stylist.

The only person I disliked more than Eric's publicist, Gabby Snow, was the stylist, Nancy Blaire. Gracefully, I endured her even though she thought I wasn't much, thought I was fat, and she was doing her best to capture Eric's attention. She hadn't had any luck yet. When she did, she was welcome to him.

Tonight I was to be attending a vampire event. In comes Nancy in her fashion forward ensemble. The first thing she spied was my dinner. All sorts of red flags went off in her head.

She was counting the calories on my plate! She worried this meal would ruin my chances of fitting into a size six. Good! I didn't care for her or the designer labels. Composing herself, she presented a garment to me.

"Good evening," she said, with false warmth.

The dress had a boat neck. It fell above the knee though the front was modest, it was almost backless. From where I sat, I saw it flowed like water but it would fit like a glove as had all the other ones. In the past few months, I'd lost weight and this made her happy. Apparently it was always a hassle to order designer apparel in a size seven. Most of them maxed out at a six, and were now able to fit.

"Tonight I have something special for the Queen's reception." she continued.

'If you can still fit it,'Nancy thought. I tried to not judge people by their thoughts. It was something I'd learned years ago when I began waiting tables. I ground my teeth and pushed my plate away.

She shot Abigail a dirty look and her thoughts were in line with her nasty expression.

'I've told that idiot maid a thousand times to watch the carbs and sugar. Serving her lemonade knowing she doesn't even know where the gym is in this house. God! This is my first vampire event. Sookie and her huge ass are going to ruin it.'

Gran could just go ahead and roll over in her grave. I was done rolling over and playing dead up here! This was not how I was raised. More importantly, if I let this continue. I wasn't going to survive this marriage. What I had been doing wasn't coping, it was poisoning me. Stoicism wasn't something I could feign. I'd been trying, and it had turned me into a creature I didn't like. One thing was for certain; I was done and the first person to incur my wrath was Nancy.