A/N: So appreciating all the feedback on this story - thank you all so much! :)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 9

Parker didn't want to sleep. Actually that wasn't true, she did want to sleep but she couldn't, not right now. There was a conversation she had to have with Hardison, and after so much thought she still wasn't sure how to begin. She knew it was necessary, Eliot had made that very clear to her, and she definitely saw his point. Still, she had to wonder, how she was meant to break up with a person she wasn't really dating.

Sophie was good at getting people to see, to understand, without having to say just exactly what she meant. Parker wasn't made that way. She had a habit of blurting out the truth because it was all she really had. After so many years with the team, she learnt that sometimes that wasn't a good thing, because other people got hurt.

Lying back on the bed, still fully clothed, Parker was contemplating her cell when it suddenly rang. Her eyes were wide as anything when she saw Hardison's name on the screen. She immediately answered.

"How'd you know I was going to call you?" she asked, no greeting or pleasantries at all, just the question she wanted answered.

"Hello to you too, mama," the hacker said in her ear. "I didn't know you were gonna call, but I gotta say I'm glad to hear it. 'S been a couple of days, Parker, I left you all these messages..."

"I'm with Eliot," she cut in fast, somehow hoping it was the right thing.

"Oh, okay. That's cool," he replied, a little startled by the revelation. "Er, y'know, if you two was pulling a job or whatever, I coulda been a part o' that. I thought Eliot wanted to be alone..."

"Hardison?" Parker interrupted once again, eyes closed and expression pained even though nobody could see her. "I... I have to tell you something," she forced out, no other words seemingly forthcoming after that.

Hardison waited a long time for her to say more, and when she didn't, he started to worry,

"Parker? Y'know, girl, you can tell me anything. It's cool. We always cool," he promised.

Honestly, Parker couldn't understand how that seemed to make this harder, and yet it did. She liked that she could talk to Hardison, she really did. He was such a good friend, and she couldn't bear the idea of things between them getting weird. At the same time, she knew she didn't want the same things he did. She had no desire to be his girlfriend, or anyone else's girlfriend right now. That didn't make her a freak or anything, she knew that, but if she ever was going to find that happily ever after Eliot talked about some day, she had to figure this out first.

"I like being me," she said eventually. "I like being on the team, and I love that we're friends, you and me, but I can't... I don't want to be anything else."

There was a long pause in which one of Parker's eyes popped open. She wasn't sure what she thought she might see or hear as a result, but then crazy was her default setting, and this was such an odd situation for her.

"Er, Parker? Is this like a conversation about... pretzels?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yes!" she replied fast and with some sense of triumph as she sat herself up and crossed her legs. "I just, I like the pretzels a lot, but I think I've relied too much on them being there when I don't... I don't really want to eat them all the time, or at all, that way..."

She was screwing it up, Parker was sure she was, but this was all she had. She had one shot to say all this and only one way to get it out. Hardison was the pretzels, or their possible relationship was the pretzels? Either way, she was pretty sure she just made it clear she didn't want what he was offering her, and she hoped to God he got it, without being too hurt.

"Oh," said Hardison after a while. "Um, right. So, you and me, that's... Okay then."

He was rambling and muttering, Parker could hear him, even after he seemed to be trying to whisper or moved the phone away from his face. That was rarely a good sign, but at least it meant he had heard her and hopefully understood.

"I'm sorry," she told him, the apology a rare thing from her lips but heartfelt as anything she ever said her whole life. "Hardison, I never meant to do anything bad, I really didn't."

"Hey, no. It's cool," he promised her, though his tone was pained at best. "You don't got the feelings I do then you don't. Hey, I gotta go, er, somebody on the other line and... I'll talk to you soon Parker, okay?"

"Okay," she replied just in time before the line went dead.

Eliot didn't want to sleep. Actually that wasn't true, he did want to sleep but he couldn't, not right now. The conversation he had with Parker kept replaying in his head, most especially that last part when she brought up Moreau. It was so easy for her to say those things, to say if you loved someone you could forgive them anything. Eliot didn't want her to love him, not that much, not after all he'd done. He barely deserved her trust, the care she had for him that had brought them here. Love was too much, way too much. He meant what he said about her getting a happy ever after one day. Sure, she made it clear she didn't want that with Hardison, but that phrase about fish in the sea was true enough. She could find a nice guy one day, one who would take care of her and understand her craziness enough to love her for it. Until she found that person, it seemed Eliot himself had taken on the role of protector and minder at least.

As if to prove that point to him, Parker suddenly appeared in the doorway. She had changed into sweat pants and a vest top, her bare feet making no sound on the carpet. Though it was dark enough Eliot could not make out any detail in her face, her breathing suggested she had been crying or maybe just trying not to.

"Parker..." he sat up a little in the bed. "Darlin', you should be asleep."

"Can't," she told him with a shake of her head, making her loose hair fly some. "Not in there, not by myself," she explained, coming closer.

Eliot opened his mouth to tell her she sure as hell wasn't sharing with him, but when she was close enough for him to see her face, he just couldn't do it. Parker wasn't sad much, not genuinely hurt. Stuff slid off her as if she were Teflon-coated, every possible insult, every painful situation. Very little cut her deep, made her cry or even look so upset. She had her cell phone in her hand, which was weird in itself, and it didn't take Eliot long to put the pieces together.

"You talked to Hardison," he said then, a statement not a question because he was already sure he was right.

Parker only nodded, and took his scooching over a little as a silent invitation. Lying down on top of the covers next to Eliot, she pulled the comforter up over her body with his assistance and settled down to sleep. She had her back to the hitter and not one part of her body made contact with his own. If it was anybody else, that would have made no sense, but this was Parker, and Eliot understood completely. He didn't say a word, just pushed himself back down under the covers and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight, Eliot," she said in a small voice.

"G'night, Parker," he replied just as softly.

It was rare for there to be a night when she slept right through without a single nightmare or interruption. Parker had to be so completely exhausted that her brain couldn't even cope with being aware of her own subconscious, never mind the real world. This night was different. Her head had been buzzing after her conversation with Hardison, all these emotions and feelings she didn't want and couldn't quite figure out, sloshing around inside her. She came into Eliot's room, not looking for comfort so much as peace. She felt comfortable with him close by, better in a way she couldn't ever possibly explain, and thankfully he never asked her to.

Parker had fallen asleep on the bed beside her hitter friend, aware of his presence but in no way touching him. Waking up, she found a different situation was at hand. Though they were separated by covers still, him under them and her on top but for the comforter, his arm was around her waist. Parker's back was pulled up against Eliot's chest, and she was coccooned in the warmth of his solid body. It felt nice. Strange and not of the normal, but still nice in a way that made her genuinely smile.

Eliot didn't usually like physical contact of the friendly kind. He had a lot of sex, Parker knew that, but he shied away from hugs and such as much as she did. Sophie was the snugly one, even Hardison, the rest of them dodged away from that kind of closeness, at least until now.

Parker didn't feel restricted at all, even though there was no way she could get out of Eliot's embrace without waking him up or severely struggling. She felt the most comfortable she had in longer than she cared to calculate. It would be so easy just to fall asleep for another hour or so, and closing her eyes she thought maybe she would do just that.

She had no idea that there behind her, Eliot was awake too. It hadn't been a conscious act to make her the little spoon in this arrangement. They had gone to sleep completely seperated, not a part of either of them touching the other. Clearly some time in the night he had reached for her, and in her state of sleep, Parker had allowed it. When Eliot awoke early as he always did, finding the blonde wrapped up in his arms, his first instinct had been to let go. Surely, if Parker came to and realised she was being held, she would panic. The trouble was, letting go would wake her up and raise questions in itself, he was sure. In fact, just as soon as he tried to shift away he felt her breathing change, knowing she must be awake.

Parker's lack of movement was a surprise to Eliot, perhaps an even bigger shock than the position they were currently in. She didn't panic or scramble to get away. No yelling or screaming in terror. She just seemed to take a few moments to contemplate and then snuggled herself closer, if it were possible, and went back to sleep.

Eliot knew it was wrong but a smile crept onto his lips unbidden. Parker was so special to him, like nobody else ever had been or would be, he was sure. She was a complete enigma, part innocent young girl, part master criminal. She could be crazy as anything and sweet as honey within moments. She had come on this trip because she had learnt that sometimes a problem shared wasn't quite so hard to handle. She was a very good friend, and he loved her, though Eliot was sure he could never say so or even figure out the reasoning in his own head.

Lying here like this, not with some girl he picked up in a bar sprawled next to him, but with a woman he really cared about curled up in his arms, Eliot felt so ridiculously peaceful. He couldn't deserve such comfort, such trust, such love maybe. He would never have it again, Eliot was damn sure of that, so may as well make the most of it for as long as it lasted, even if that was only five more minutes.

To Be Continued...