"Sunrise, Sunset. Sunrise, Sunset!" I could hear faint voices in the distance as I peeled open one of my eyes only before I forced it back shut at the protruding light that disapprovingly welcomed itself. I huffed and grumbled some slush of Spanish profanity in irritation. What time is it? Why does my stomach feel like I ate thirty sticks of butter last night followed by battery acid? Did I really drink that much? I realized my head was swimming just as badly as I painfully became more aware of my body and the awkward position I had fallen asleep in.

"Sunrise, Sunset. Sunrise, Sunset!" There were those voices again. Only this time they came swooping in at full volume like I was at some kosher rock concert. I recognized the voices this time. It was Yentl and Lady Hummel. What the fuck!? I looked to my right at the clock on my bedside table. It's 8:20am. You've got to be kidding me. Why would they be up this early on a Saturday morning? I could hear them chiming the lyrics over and over just on the other side of the curtains to my makeshift room. It was like I had died and woke up in Jewish musical hell.

Oh. Hell. No.

"Estás muerto!" I yelled aggressively as the words began to reverberate in my own head like an empty cathedral with high vaulted ceilings before I had even finished. I scrunched my face up and placed my palm on my forehead in attempt to reduce the echoing, but to no avail.

"Stop singing or I'm going to come out there and rip out your pretty little vocal chords!" I yelled in a stern and unrelenting tone.

I tilted my head slightly forward and listened challengingly for a response just for a moment before it became silent. Good. They should know better than singing like that at this hour of the morning, or ever for that matter. I could hear them giggling now. I swear if I hear them sing again I'm going to fly out of this bed and do some serious damage. I didn't have patience. I bet this was revenge for me coming in so late last night to. Oh, I could cut a bitch. I was too tired though and felt like I got hit by a train and then scraped off the tracks. I decided to go back to sleep for a while, or at least attempt to.

I threw the curtain back and made an overly dramatic exit out of my room by storming out to the kitchen sink to get myself a cup of water from the tap. I was extremely thirsty. It turns out I had slept in past noon, which wasn't unusual for me the past couple of weeks. I had fallen into a rut trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life now that I was here in New York with Rachel and Kurt. They kept themselves busy with NYADA and their own schedules on most days. However, they did make an active effort to include me in as much as they could so I didn't get lonely. I had to give them credit for that. On the days that I didn't have an interview I would sleep in, hang around the apartment like a loser, or wander the city aimlessly.

I took a sip from the mug of water I was holding as I looked out the window to the street below. My head had stopped the marching band orchestra it was conducting earlier, but my stomach was still uneasy. As I took another sip of water I felt a pain begin to shoot up my right side. I let out a desperate grunt as I keeled over and closed my eyes, pressing my hand hard against the side of my abdomen where the pain was throbbing.

"Did Oscar the Grouch wake up on the right side of the bed this time?" I turned my head narrowing my eyes to find Kurt sitting on the couch reading a Vogue magazine.

A loud breathy moan that sounded more pain stricken than anything else had escaped uncontrollably from my mouth in response. I was in too much pain to conjure up any words. Kurt lifted his head and his eyes widened in apprehension as he saw me hunched over. He put down his magazine frantically and ran over to me before resting his right arm around my waist and supporting my weight as I slowly stood up and leaned into him. I winced at the new position and dropped the mug I was holding as I unintentionally loosened my grip. It crashed down and shattered onto the floor. We were both startled by the sound and jumped in response. When I did that it had created more pain on my side, just what I needed. I sighed and leaned away from Kurt to my right squeezing my face and biting down on my lip as I felt a sharp pain jolt down my side. Kurt pulled me into his side even tighter once again supporting some of my weight, careful to keep his hand from pressing into the area where the obvious pain was radiating.

"Alright, we're taking you to the bathroom and getting you some pain killers right now." Kurt stated in a very masculine and demanding tone that I wasn't used to hearing from him. I nodded and my lip slightly curled at my thoughts. Maybe he was the kind that was on top, contrary to popular belief. I thought this to myself and wanted to make a joke. But now was no time for my crude sense of humor to pop its ugly head out. Kurt held me as we hobbled over towards the bathroom. I made sure to not step in the white ceramic shards on the ground as we walked, especially since I was walking on my bare feet. The mug had shattered across the entire kitchen floor into tiny little pieces.

Damn.

"Don't worry; I'll clean that up once we get you taken care of." Kurt looked at me as he saw the concern in my eyes. I was thankful Kurt was being so attentive to me right now. I'd be lying if I said I never needed anyone's help, despite the tough and independent façade I would usually put up. Kurt knew better. I almost felt sorry about being such a bitch earlier this morning.

Almost.

I looked around, still partially hunched over as we neared the entrance to the bathroom. A confused look swept across my face in spite of the pain that was now dwindling with my movement. I turned my head to face Kurt as he motioned for me to sit on the toilet and I gladly obliged.

"Where's Rachel?" I furrowed by brow and asked him as he began rummaging through the pill bottles in the medicine cabinet. He didn't answer me right away. I felt the pain dissipate slightly and straightened my back out against the makeshift seat. I ran my fingers through my hair, of which I'm sure was utter chaos right now similar to the way my "morning" was playing out.

"Ah, there you are," Kurt shut the cabinet door and stepped over to me dropping to his knees on the floor in front of me and shaking two pills out of the bottle into his hand. "…this should do the trick! Take two of these babies." Kurt handed me the pills and got up to fill one of the small plastic cups we kept by the sink for rinsing before handing it over to me. I popped the two pills into my mouth before even questioning what they were.

"Bottoms up! Give those a half an hour to kick in. Oh, and you might want to get some food in that stomach of yours. I'd hate to have to clean up your vomit on top of that mug in the kitchen." Kurt placed his hands on his hips and smiled at me before he continued "Rachel should be back soon with our lunch. She headed out to Costello's to pick us up something just before you got up." I nodded at Kurt and stood up to get a better look at myself in the mirror.

"Thanks Kurt. I'm already feeling a little better actually. I would feel even better though if you disappeared so I could take a shower. If Rachel gets here with lunch before I'm out, tell her I won't be too long, okay?"

"Alright... Well try not to have another seizure or whatever that was while you're in here. Just so you know, if you break that," He swayed his body and motioned at the tub "…I'm not cleaning it. If you need anything I'll be out in the kitchen, cleaning up… your mess." Kurt walked just outside the door before glaring at me playfully. "Thanks Kurt. Do you think there's any chance you can glue Rachel's mug back together so she doesn't kill you for breaking it?" I shot him a smug look at the accusation. I knew the obvious answer to that question, there was no way in hell that what was left of Rachel's NYADA mug was even remotely repairable at this point. Kurt let out a sarcastic laugh as he left my view and went into the kitchen.

"What smells so good in here!?" I could hear Rachel shout as I opened the bathroom door and walked out barely covered by a white towel. Of course it was me that smelled good. Damn I smelled fine; my usual scent of cinnamon and raspberries after I finished my primping ritual. It appeared that Kurt had cleared up the shattered mug and no one would be the wiser. Rachel was facing me and Kurt was standing just behind her. He smiled at me knowingly and motioned his body and gaze towards the trash can in the kitchen and then made a goofy face at Rachel. I followed his gaze and then let out a laugh before looking back to Rachel.

Rachel jumped up and squealed before she ran over and took me into a tight and uncomfortable embrace, completely disregarding that I was barely covered. I reached up to make sure my towel stayed up. Not wanting to make this hug anymore awkward than she already had. She pulled away and seemed to look even more excited and giddy than her usual self. I wasn't quite ready for her overly hyper aura, but it certainly made me feel a little less gloomy about the start of my day.

"Hurry up and get dressed and then come out to eat with us! I've got lots to tell you!" She grabbed my wrist and shook it in excitement before running back to the kitchen and sitting at the table with a big smile on her face as she began pulling food out of a brown paper bag with Kurt.

When I returned to sit down Rachel was looking at me with that obnoxious grin again. Her elbows were resting on the table and she was leaning her jaw onto her interlocked fingers. She pushed some pastries towards me along with an iced coffee and I gladly dug in. I was starving. Kurt seemed to be missing. I looked around only to find him on the phone on the opposite side of the room. From the sounds of it he was talking to Adam and deep in a conversation.

"So..." The brunette said nonchalantly as though she was going to say something else, but was then waiting for me to respond, still grinning.

I shot out my response. "What…" stilling my face and becoming impatient for her to speak up. I loved Rachel but she could be so fucking annoying sometimes. I was also in a bitchy mood today and I'm sure she could sense that. You didn't have to be a fucking genius to notice my mood swings. It could be because I didn't sleep all that well last night, or because of the unexpected pain I had woken up to.

It could also be the fact that I tossed and turned for hours before falling asleep last night. I had crawled into bed and couldn't stop thinking about a particular blonde in New Haven. I had held my phone up by my side under the covers and kept glancing down at her picture. That was such an obviously horrible idea. The only good thing about last night was Jess. I suppose I could tell Rachel about my new friend and try to relax a bit. Before I opened my mouth to tell her about my night at the bar, she spoke again.

"So… Guess who I spoke to today!?" She had that grin again and sounded extremely enthusiastic about what ever information she was about to reveal to me.

"Who?" I asked in a level tone, trying to not sound like a bitch any more than I already had today.

"Quinn!" Rachel said ecstatically as she grabbed her phone from the table and shook it in front of me.

Fuck.

I choked on my sip of coffee as I was mid-sip when she said her name. I shakily put down my drink and reached my hand up to cover my mouth as I let out a few coughs. I'm sure my face was tinted red as I tried to gain my composure in light of the news. What the hell Santana, subtlety, obviously not your strong suit. Rachel was looking at me slightly confused, but she shook it off and continued nonetheless. I was gritting my teeth at this point and latched onto the table for fear of flying away.

"She called me while I was out getting lunch. We talked for quite a while actually, that's why I was late getting back here. I'm sorry about that. Oh, and Kurt told me about my mug! You will be replacing that." She widened her eyes and raised her eyebrows at me as she finished in a more serious tone. She knew about that little incident. All part of having roommates I guess.

I cleared my throat nervously, and looked away from her before looking back once she was smiling, yet again.

"Sorry…" I mumbled under my breath and shifted my eyes, clearly not sorry.

"Yeah, well you might want to cut back on the drinking Santana." Rachel giggled after a pause. She wasn't upset with me. If anything she sounded slightly concerned.

Thanks Kurt.

Way to be…

"What did Quinn have to say?" Did I really just ask that? Who said that? That's the first time I've said her name out loud in I can't even remember how long. It was almost painful to say it. That name used to flow out so easily, now it cut like knives against my lips as it escaped. It felt like I was talking about a deceased family member. I know I thought about her often, but somehow it felt different hearing myself say her name. Like a personal confession. I felt defeated in that moment. It was real now. Her name carried a different weight than it used to.

I leaned forward into the table anxiously anticipating Rachel's response. I was trying hard to hide my curiosity and doing a pathetic job of it. My concentration was hanging on Rachel's every word at this point. I had shut out the noise from the city streets below, the sound of Kurt on his phone, and anything other than the sound of Rachel's voice as she responded.

"Well..., we talked about the usual stuff, like school and exams. She's been really busy at Yale. We talked about the situation with my false pregnancy and the Brody thing. I told her that you were an absolute god send and that I couldn't have gotten through any of it without you. Really, I couldn't have, Santana." Rachel reached out to grab my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as she smiled at me. I gave her a genuine smile in response and winked at her.

"Hey, at least now you won't doubt my psychic abilities. That man-whore didn't know who he was messing with... So, what did she have to say about it? Did she say anything about …me?" I looked down at the table and sighed, wishing I hadn't just asked that question. It was too late though. Those words were already out in the air and being processed by the brunette. Rachel had already begun answering. I slightly cringed as if what she was going to say could somehow inflict bodily harm to me.

"Actually, yeah, she did. She asked how you were doing and we talked about you for a few minutes. She was really curious about what you were up to here. She sounded really sad when we talked about you too," Rachel paused and shot me a glare as if I had done something wrong. "..She said she hasn't heard from you in a long time Santana." Rachel looked at me as if waiting for a response. I just shrugged. Had Quinn been thinking about me during the past seven weeks? Did I do something wrong? Should I have contacted her? I'm an idiot, clearly. My body was going numb at the thought of Quinn being upset with me and whatever she must have been thinking about me. I so desperately wished I could have heard her voice when she was speaking to Rachel and discussing me. Hell, I would have swooned as she simply spoke my name. How did she say it? I wanted to hear her voice so badly. I missed her. I'll admit it. I missed the sound of her voice, her light and tender touches, those hazel eyes. The revealing and sexy face she made when she…

Wow.

Stop it.

"I haven't heard from her either, Rach..." I said in defense. Rachel nodded in reply. Of course she knew that. This was the first time Quinn had mentioned me when they spoke.

"Yeah, she's been busy with school and everything... Oh! That reminds me why I brought this up in the first place!" She shifted from an apathetic to ecstatic tone, claiming my full attention once again. She opened her phone up to her calendar and pointed to next Friday. What the hell Rachel? I crinkled my brows in confusion.

"She's going to be coming to see us next weekend! We already set the date and time for Friday, and she'll be staying over the weekend. She'll be arriving in the evening just in time for dinner!" Rachel squealed and was bouncing in her seat clapping her hands. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and felt all the color leave my skin. Clearly not the response she was expecting from me. I looked down and began picking at a loose thread on the hem of my skirt. I wasn't happy about seeing her. I wasn't ready. If anything I felt dread swarm across my entire body. I'm afraid. Santana Lopez is scared. That's a new one. Quinn Fabray had somehow gained some puppeteer like power over my emotions and she didn't even know it. This isn't fair. I didn't ask for any of this. Why can't I just be happy about this? I want to just be happy that my friend is coming to visit, my friend, if that's what I could call her.

"She said she has some really great news for us! She sounded really happy about it too, but she said she couldn't tell us until she got here. She said that it was very important and that she would have to tell us in person. …I wonder if it has something to do with that new boyfriend of hers! She said they have been getting really close."

Fuck.

No… no...

Just, no.

Could I scream right now at the table?

Would that be subtle enough?

I began to feel phantom pain develop on my side where it had been throbbing earlier. I closed my eyes shut tightly, to shut out the reality that had begun to sink in. I felt like the wind had been knocked out dead cold from my chest. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe, Santana. Just breathe.

Since when did breathing hurt so much?

Quinn had a boyfriend. It sounded serious. Rachel said they're getting close. She had an announcement to make and she couldn't say it over the phone. Clearly she hadn't been thinking about me. What was I thinking? Santana Lopez, you are an idiot. Here I was, failing miserably at being with anyone. Even just to fuck, and I gave in to the idea of what, or who was the reason behind it. I let myself believe there might be a slim chance in hell. Of course she didn't have feelings for me. It was just one night. I was her experiment, her best friend, and I was used like some lesbian lab rat. Is that really what happened though? I guess I used her too. I wanted it. She wanted it. It was nothing though. I've fucked people before with no emotion, why was this any different? This couldn't be different. I tried to tell myself that, but there was emotion. With every kiss and embrace, there was underlying emotion. I didn't like it, but I couldn't hide it from myself. Not anymore.

It was Quinn.

I had left the table after attempting to assure Rachel that I was on board with Quinn coming to stay next weekend, after I spaced out.

Oh, that's hilarious.

I was now sitting at the head of my bed leaning against my pillows with my arms wrapped around my knees that were resting up against my chest. My deep breaths would slightly push my knees forward whenever I would exhale. I'm just sitting here flipping through my phone, and keep ending up back to her. I should really delete this picture. I can't look at her anymore. Not now. It hurt too much. Instead of looking at what I could have. I'm looking at what I've lost. I'm so hopeless. I still didn't understand the full extent of my emotions.

Yet my heart still yearns, even after being dropped from the top of the Empire State Building and shattering like Rachel's mug did this afternoon. Every time I fall, I hope that the person I'm falling towards might care, and catch me. Stupid Santana. When it happens, I fall and I fall hard. I look off the edge of the moon down at the earth, and without any gravity or hesitation I jump. I reach full speed plummeting towards my destination. As reality closes in, I reach for my parachute, and oops.

Maybe you'll be the one to save me, love?

Never gonna happen.

So, I made miscalculations along the way. No one is perfect. I know I'm far from it despite how much I'd like to pretend I'm the epitome of the word every time I look into the mirror, staring a little longer than I should. Except all I see are my flaws. Sometimes all I see is that cold-hearted bitch everyone accused me of being in high school. I push people away, but it's because they always hurt me when I decide to open up. Hence the armored exterior. I fucked up with Brittany and then I lost her. She didn't make it easy on me either. Maybe I was never really hers to have in the first place.

I radiate confidence, but that's just to cover up the construction site that is my heart. I know I fucked up with Brittany... and now... I fucked up with Quinn. Moving to New York was supposed to be a new beginning, and it has been, aside from this. I just want to put this behind me. If only it were that easy...

Here comes that self-loathing I was so desperately trying to keep Jess from entering last night.

Jess

I needed to hear her voice, like a child needs their mother's comfort. I know I just met her, but I felt like she could understand. She clearly had been through some fucked up shit with her ex and her roommate. She understood me in a way I didn't think anyone else could right now. I couldn't talk to Brittany, I couldn't talk to Kurt. I couldn't talk to Rachel about this, not even with how close we've gotten over the past month. She wouldn't understand, and it would just make everything even more awkward and fucked up than it already is. Besides, she was also very close to Quinn, and I couldn't take the chance of Quinn somehow finding out about all this, whatever this was. I trusted Rachel; I just couldn't talk to her about it right now. This only left one person, and thank god she came into my life when she did. She was my guiding light through the darkness I was now entering. "Signpost up ahead. Your next stop...,"

Heartbreak.

I flipped through my contacts and reached her name. I decided against calling her and I'd send a message that didn't make me seem so needy. Like hell if I was going to come off that way, even to her. I'm not going to let myself fall apart, not now. I'm going to pull my shit together like I always do and get through this. With a little help from my friends.

"Santana…"

I looked up from my phone to see Rachel standing at the end of my bed. She was holding her own hands and swaying them out in front of her as she watched them. She sounded hesitant as she spoke and even stammered.

"Are you a-alright? I-I've sort of been standing here for a few minutes now and… you didn't even notice me… You looked-"

"I'm fine." I interrupted her. I needed to put up that facade quickly or I was in trouble. Think Santana, think…

"It's just that I wasn't feeling so great earlier, and I'm feeling kind of lonely tonight, I guess." I shrugged and put on the best fake smile I could manage to conjure up.

Well that didn't go exactly the way I had hoped. It went better than it could have though. She let out a sigh of relief and proceeded to sit down on my bed with her legs crossed facing me. She reached out and grabbed my right hand with her left, and then she smiled at me. Brushing her hair away from her face with her free hand and tucking it behind her ear.

"You know, I could sense that. You're not the only one who is psychic here..." She winked at me before she continued. "...I have an idea, why don't you turn that frown upside down, and go get ready to go out tonight!" She bit her bottom lip and grinned looking at me hopefully as she waited for a response. I suppose I like where this was going. Getting out might not be such a bad idea considering where my mind was taking me. I'm sure the brunette could come up with some crazy scheme to distract me. I nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Great! Adam invited Kurt to go out to Callback's tonight and he invited us to join them. I think we could have a lot of fun. Of course, you have to promise me you'll take it easy on the drinks tonight... and to sing some songs with me! I promise it won't be from Fiddler on the Roof, I know how much that bothered you this morning." She giggled at the end of her speech. She was making a pretty decent attempt to cheer me up, and it was working. I couldn't help but smile like an idiot after she finished.

"Yeah… that was pretty annoying Rach," I slapped her shoulder jokingly. "...count me in. Just promise me, you won't leave me alone with Kurt and Adam..." I rolled my eyes at the very idea.

"It's a deal! Woohoo! I'm so excited. I'm going to go get ready- Oh! We can grab dinner on the way too! My treat!" She launched off the bed like a wild woman and skipped to leave my room like an excited little kid at a carnival. I loved this girl. As much as Rachel had grown up and turned into a beautiful mature woman. I still enjoyed seeing this innocent and free side to her, and I'd be damned if I'd let any asshole take that away from her.

Fucking Brody…

"Oh, Rach..?" I started as she was just beginning to exit the curtain.

"Yes?" She turned around willing and ready to answer.

"Would it be alright if I invited a new friend? I kinda met this girl, ...and no it's not like that at all…," I smiled at her as I paused. "I met her last night and I think you'd really like her, and I'd like for her to join us tonight." I said calmly and waited for her to respond, and it didn't take very long.

"Of course, as I already know, you have a great taste in friends." She said arrogantly as she pointed to herself and let a cocky grin spread across her face that led into a blush. Hey now Rachel!

Oh, hell…

"Okay, Rachel. I get it…" I quickly told the bitch inside to shut up and made a more proper response. I laughed at her and nodded and she released her playful smile and skipped out of my room to finish getting ready. She was just being Rachel. Who was I to be upset with her for that? She was being a good friend.

Hey Jess, It's Santana from last night. I know you didn't expect to hear from me so soon. But I figured I'd text you so you have my number too. Also, what are you doing tonight? I'm going out with the roommates and was wondering if you wanted to join us.

I put down my phone and finished getting myself ready. I looked hot. Black heels, short black skirt, white blouse, mid-cut leather jacket; dressed to kill. Kill what exactly? She isn't in New York, Santana. I laughed as I scolded myself in the mirror at my own thoughts.

When I came back to my room around a half an hour later, I saw a new message on my phone. I smiled like a goofball. It was Jess. Tonight was going to be great. I needed this.

Why hello there sexy thang! Couldn't go one night without seeing me, could you? ;) I've been studying all day but I'd love to get out! There better be some hot people wherever we're going. Guys or girls. I'm game. Just let me know where, and what time. I can't wait!

A/N: Don't forget to write a review! Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading! :)