A/N: Read carefully, this chapter ends on a cliffie. It's pretty bad. Some might want to consider putting off this chapter until the next update...You have been warned.

Sookie

Chapter Nineteen

I've never understood how people who have affairs claim it was not something they planned. You plan your rendezvous. You tell the lies and you cover your bases. It is all premeditated. Calling anything other than a drunken, one night stand a mistake was crap and a poor excuse. Well, this is what I believed until it happened to me.

I could blame Eric. Lately he seemed to want to get rid of me the second I came around. I could say he was cold and uncaring. That much was true. I could say I was lonely which was also true, but it all sounded too convenient. The truth was it just happened. I never planned on having an affair.

I couldn't understand why it all seemed worth it. Perhaps it was because seeing Quinn again felt right? The next time I saw him, it was a compulsion that drove me to the address I'd memorized from his note. It was a little hole-in-the-wall gym. There were no cars in the lot and not needing to take the guards allowed me to blend in. No one looked at me twice. It added to the drive to see him. He made me feel normal.

I heard his unique mental signature and I went in using a back entrance. He must have sniffed me out because no one else in this sweaty gym paid me any mind, but the second I entered, his head turned and those pansy-purple eyes were on me. I smiled. He was happy to see me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked coming over. He was shirtless, a bit sweaty, and I was woman enough to be effected. The heat and scent coming off of him was intoxicating.

"You invited me," I said, trying to smother my conscience and bolster my confidence.

"That was before I knew you were married."

I stilled and looked at him in shock. "I know," he said with a nod. "I don't care because I can't stop thinking about you." He ran one of his hands over his face as he was struggling. "I want to know why you're here."

Having nothing else to say I told him the truth, "I couldn't stop thinking about you either."

He closed the space between us. He cupped my face, and then he claimed my lips in a kiss I felt all the way down to my toes.

"Come here," he whispered without fully breaking contact with my skin. His breath falling on my neck sent shivers up my spine. I followed him as he led the way to a back office.

I looked around and found the office space utilitarian. He saw my open assessment and a contrite expression fell over his face.

"I know it's not what…"

I threw my fingers over his lips, knowing exactly what he was going to say. There was a little television that was placed on an actual stand. It wasn't mounted into a wall or hidden behind a sliding cabinet. The couch was large, though it looked worn but cozy. It wasn't much and that made it perfect.

"Does the door lock?" I asked.

In response he kissed me. I could tell myself that I didn't plan on having sex. It would have been a lie. I'd waited a long time to know a man's touch. It felt good to be able to act on instant attraction and chemistry. It was something for which I'd yearned and never thought I would experience. Quinn was A LOT of man. It wasn't just the thick cords of muscle lining his body that made me want him more, it was the thought I was woman enough for that to have an effect. It was in the hunger in his eyes.

I laid back and he kissed my body all over. His tongue teased the hardened buds of my nipples; making me shiver and making my body grow moist. On instinct, I reached for his pulsing, thick erection and stroked him until I felt the wetness on the bulbous head of his cock. His fingers slipped between us and I moaned when they entered me.

I was lost in the joy of feeling something that was positive and good and just mine, at least for the moment. No matter how elated I was at this moment, my body wasn't used to the act. He pushed his manhood into me while I dug my nails into him and whimpered. It hurt like the blazes, and he wasn't even in me all the way.

"Babe, you okay?" he asked, idling.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I'd never done this before but I didn't. I couldn't. I just nodded. "Don't stop." And he didn't.

I quickly realized it didn't have much to do with me being a virgin. He was just rough. I didn't mind. I just wanted to feel something. I liked that he couldn't tamp his urgency and excitement. Being a Were, his body temperature was warmer. I let that pull me away from the pain until pleasure rose. Feeling wrapped in the heat of him automatically drummed up feelings of safety and security.

A part of me knew I was projecting those feelings onto someone that was yet to evoke them, but the majority of me didn't care. His near-feverish body temperature was such a change from what I'd been forced to endure that I embraced it wholly. He bit and gripped my hips and thighs with enough force to bruise, so it helped me feel something. His mind morphed and grew into more animal than man, and even that was fine. I wouldn't judge him for being out of control. I knew the feeling.

The pain was brief…then it just felt good, so good. It felt so good I began moving with him knowing it would only get better if I did. I was right, it got better. Ooohhh…so much better. I didn't orgasm, but I still had a LOT of fun. The intimacy and pleasure was more than I had ever known. He moved harder and faster for a minute, and then he grunted his release.

That day, I willfully violated all the things I had believed about marriage. I gave my body to a man who was not my husband. It was a comfort to me that our marriage wasn't real—not even in the eyes of the law. The only people who considered me the wife of a vampire were vampires and my great grandfather. It wasn't real. It never was. Afterward, I lay in his arms and we talked about childhood things. He and his half-sister were raised by their schizophrenic mother, which meant he had to take care of all three of them.

I related and connected to him. Gran was sick for a long time. It was a result of working hard all her life, grief, and old age. I took care of her with no resentment because it was what I'd learned from her about love and family. We'd talked about things like having to wear non-brand name shoes and earning toys one chore at a time. We laughed a lot and the little back office transformed into a piece of heaven.

After our first encounter, I left the gym, checked into a hotel using cash and showered. I was so afraid Eric would find out. I threw up, contemplating all the possibilities and consequences of what I'd done. A month passed while he continued ignoring me and giving me time away. I took it and in return, I argued with him less. I didn't get a thrill out of it as I knew some cheating spouses did. To me, it was just awful. I was afraid, but not enough to keep from chasing the feelings of validation and importance I got when I was with Quinn. It gave me new found courage.

My affair continued and after each time I told myself I wasn't going back but I always did. I'd agreed to the monogamy clause, and I was violating it every time I saw my lover. The penalty for infidelity wasn't stated in the wedding documents and that told me how bad it was. Everything else had an obnoxious price tag attached to it but that one. It was dangerous for us and Jason, but for the first time I didn't care about anything. I told myself as long as we were careful, there would be no consequences. What I'd never fathomed was falling in love. I had no idea how to fix it. The best case scenario was to wait for the marriage to end and then move on with my life with Quinn. But I didn't want to wait. Eric had an infinite life, all I had was this one. I didn't want to waste any more of it.

Being with Quinn when other things were impossible made everything else bearable. I no longer put up a fight against the jet setting parties where I was nothing but the world's most famous fangbanger. Having a room full of empty faces stare at me was nothing. In my heart, there was the truth that I would be with Quinn soon after all the cameras and false smiles. Eric never noticed.

Four months later, I was trying to pull myself away from the warmth of the man I loved. It got more and more difficult each time we parted. The simple greeting I once thought would turn into nothing was now the most important thing in my life. Yet, because of our circumstances, I was forced to treat it like trash.

Quinn kissed me goodbye. His warm arms wrapped around me pulled me from his side to lie against his body. I could feel the hardness of his erection and tried to pull away, but he held me fast. "I want all of you," he growled, kissing me deeply. I wanted him again, but time wasn't on my side. There were only three hours until dark. I had to shower and wash all traces of him from me before I went anywhere near the car or house.

"I want you too," I said for what had to be the millionth time. I've said good bye to him three times already. "I really have to go."

His body tensed, and he let me go so abruptly that I fell and bounced off his sofa bed. "I'm just a side thing to you," he said, his eyes downcast. He was staring at his fingers as if they held the answers to our problems. "That's all I'll ever be. You won't ever be with just me."

"It's not like that," I whispered, "You know it isn't."

"How could we ever have a life like this?" he cried, waving his arm around the back of his gym office.

This back and forth was something that was getting to be very common. I can't count how many times I've told him I would hole up in here with him forever if I could. The huge mansion I was trapped in had nothing on this small space. I lived for the time we spent together. The fact that I couldn't get him to see it greatly disturbed me.

Telling him about the terms of my marriage was on the tip of my tongue. But the less he knew about all of it, the safer he would be, but this always came up when I got ready to leave. Each time he became angrier than the last. I understood it, but from where I stood, there was no solution to our problem.

"You say it's complicated and you can't leave him, but I think you don't want to," he continued. "Not really."

I reached for him but he pulled away. I could see the hurt on his face. "No," I said, swallowing my tears. "That's not true."

He folded his arms across his chest and tried to school his features, but he was no good at lying. It was one of the things I loved about him. He felt what he felt when he felt it, and he didn't apologize for it.

"He has money, can hole you up in a big house, buy you nice things, and I can't."

Ouch. "If that's what you think of me, then what are you doing here?" I retorted, infuriated by the degrading assumption.

I knew he was a man who had his pride, but that last blow was a new one, and it hurt. It exhausted my patience with him while it struck me to my core. I had to live the lie in the spotlight. I had to hold Eric's hand and pretend while I was thinking of Quinn. He wasn't the only one who had to deal with this, and I was sick of him acting like it.

He didn't say anything as I moved to get out off of his sofa. Catching my wrist, he pulled me back against his chest. I willingly returned into his embrace because I didn't want to part ways angry. I didn't know the next time I would be back.

"Don't be mad at me, babe," he murmured into my hair. He sounded so anguished that all desire to remain angry faded. "Please don't be mad," he crushed me to him as if I was the only thing that held him tethered to this world. "I'm sorry. I hate that you can't come home with me and I can't spend the night with you." He confessed, "The thought of you going home to him, the thought of him touching you makes me crazy."

"He doesn't," I replied cupping his face in my hands. "We don't touch other than what's seen in the papers."

"I love you," he said, "... but he owns you! How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I get it. I don't know what to do about it," I said miserably. "I understand how you feel."

He was going to propose an ultimatum and I already knew which way I would have to go. The thought of it made me sick. It felt like the little bit of happiness I'd carved out in having him in my life, at least in some capacity, was going up in smoke. There wasn't a single thing I could say to prevent it. He was right. This, what we were doing, couldn't go on forever. It began as a way to explore attraction with someone whose mind I couldn't read. Now it was this big ugly mess under which was the love we shared.

"No, you don't," he yelled, pulling away so abruptly I almost fell.

Before I'd caught my balance, he was on his feet, the picture of aggression and frustration. This was one of those rare moments where I got a look into his head. All I saw was him driving a stake through Eric's heart. Fear tingled down my spine because in the small space he seemed even larger than life. I wasn't afraid for myself. I wasn't even afraid for Eric. The army of Britlingens and vampires would kill Quinn before he got close enough to scuff my husband's shoes.

"Listen, I get it. But that would be so very bad," I said. "Okay, sweetheart, I need you to promise not to go anywhere near him."

"Stop telling me you understand because you don't," he said in growling tone that told me he was more tiger than man. "I look at the magazines, and the fucking television, and I get so mad all I can think about is staking the bastard!" He raked an angry hand slowly over his face. After a few deep breaths he continued, "I live for the days when we're together but those days in between are hell."

His fists clenched and unclenched several times to show he was still struggling with his temper, a temper I knew he had but had never been on the receiving end of. Then again, this was an impossible situation. It would drive anyone to this. Quinn stared at me. I was looking into icy eyes and a stony, resolute face.

"I can't do this anymore," he said, stepping away from me as if I were the deadliest of poisons, as if he didn't know me. It hurt like hell. "I thought I could but…I just can't."

I wanted to tell him I loved him and I was sorry I hurt him. I wanted to hug him and kiss him, but that would only make this harder. I got dressed, walked out, and he made no move to stop me.

I did a quick run at the spa. I had to expunge all traces of the man I loved from my body. As was the routine, I got their most fragrant body wrap, and afterward I tanned. Once I got home, I showered. It was all so exhausting. I felt drained emotionally, and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I stood under the heavy spray trying to keep from falling apart. I'd lost Quinn and it was my fault. He was right. We couldn't continue the way we had been. It was only a matter of time. I was the human wife of the world's most famous vampire. If Eric didn't find out on his own then someone else would.

When I left my bathroom, Eric was seated at the very edge of my bed with his legs crossed at the ankle. He was supposed to be out of town. He and Bobby were supposed to be in New York for the rest of the week on business with a vampire named Alexander that always toted an infant girl in his arms. I'd read all of that Bobby's thoughts.

For a moment my breath caught, and I was sure I resembled a deer in head lights. If I could hear my heartbeat thumping between my ears, I knew he heard it. My palms felt clammy. Bright flashing red lights went off in my head.

"You scared me," I breathed, trying to account for my extreme physiological reaction.

He nodded his head in my direction. It was a show of acknowledgment, but not apology. All I could do was stare because panic had speared me in place, but he said nothing. He was looking curiously around my room. He had a glass of what could only be blood in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" I finally asked.

"I live here, if I'm not mistaken," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I grew curious when there were no heartbeats to hear in the house. I came to your room to make sure you hadn't robbed yourself as to fund the emancipation of the humans again," he concluded, taking another gulp of his beverage.

Very funny, I thought morosely. "You were gone and I was at the spa," I said.

The excuse I'd concocted so long ago came flowing from my lips even though he hadn't asked. It gave me a chance to hear how lame it sounded. Shit. It took everything I had to keep my voice steady. I fought a blush and the prickle of sweat on the back of my neck. I hadn't told a lie, but I wasn't being honest.

He nodded, but thankfully he gave no further argument on the matter. He rose to his full height. "Come."

For some reason I couldn't explain, I wanted to take a step back. It wasn't that I'd forgotten how tall he was. I hadn't. In my state of mind, I found every inch of his six foot five intimidating. Before I could blink, he was in my personal space. His blood sloshed slightly only after he stopped moving. It was a testament to how fast he was.

"If I haven't killed you by now, I'm not going to," he said, holding his hand out to me. "I have something I want you to see. That is all."

The thing about telling lies was that you had to keep track of them. I wasn't an accomplished liar and I didn't want to have to start with him if he began asking more questions. I placed my hand in his because the fastest way to get out of this would be to do what he wanted.

We walked in silence down the hall and out the front door. The silence was even more eerie because while I could hear my footsteps I barely heard his. Outside Eric took a seat on one of the perfect patio chairs that allowed for an unsecured view of the willow-lined driveway.

"I enjoy this view," he said.

I guess this was something he thought worth showing me. So I looked out into the night and it really was beautiful. The moon was almost full, and it reflected off the still pond in the distance. Eric even fit perfectly into the background. His skin glowed and his hair looked silver.

When I thought I'd looked long enough to appease him, I told him the truth, "It's better in the day."

"How was the gym?" he asked.