Despite my desperate plea for a miracle, the week had come and gone and it was now Friday, April 12th. I've been counting down for this day like it's my first day of school or something. I spent much of the week returning to Jess' apartment in the evenings after she would get home from class. With every day looming closer to my inevitable doom, I became more and more uneasy. Jess provided me with a safe haven from my own personal torment. Rachel on the other hand, had been simply ecstatic for today's arrival. I tried to avoid her as often as possible in attempt to hide my palpable fears and doubts. My facade did little justice of concealing my nerves, as it still is. I've been ashamed of feeling so negatively about Quinn's visit. I'm ashamed of feeling this way in general. How could I allow myself to fall so carelessly for Quinn after everything I had been through with Brittany? I almost feel as though I'm being unfaithful, somehow, as a result of all these intrusive thoughts and feelings I have. Yet, I don't have the strength to not indulge in them. The heart wants what it wants; it doesn't require logic or propriety. I'm finally beginning to accept that reality.
I wish I could feel even an ounce of the overwhelming joy that Rachel does regarding this visit. If only it were that easy. After speaking with Jess throughout the week, we came to the inevitable conclusion that I would just let everything play itself out. I'll allow Quinn to set the pace for the weekend. The ball will be entirely in her court. I'm going to relinquish my desire for control and whatever happens, happens. A part of me wishes that I had the courage to just come out and tell her exactly how I feel, but I know that I can't handle the rejection. The possibility of unrequited love has been haunting my dreams, and I haven't been able to sleep for more than a few hours a night.
I probably look like a Mexican raccoon.
Just. Fucking. Perfect.
I'm still chewing over the idea that I'm some kind of masochistic freak, because I still have an intolerable need to see Quinn; to be graced by her mere presence. Love is friendship set on fire; yeah, whoever thought that was a good thing was obviously never burned by its flame. I really need to stop listening to Jess and her stupid quotes… They're starting to fuck with my head.
Originally, Rachel had planned on us all meeting Quinn at the station in Manhattan and then going out to a quaint restaurant in Little Italy for dinner. Rachel had changed her mind yesterday after speaking with Quinn and making all the final arrangements. Quinn had insisted that she was perfectly fine and up for anything we had arranged, but Rachel had to be Rachel and demanded that we take it easy for the first night and just do Dinner and a movie at the apartment.
So, here I am, alone in the apartment; slicing and dicing vegetables for the Vegetarian Paella dish I'm making for dinner. I had to set the table and clean the apartment; all in preparation for Quinn's arrival while Rachel meets her. Do I look like Susie fucking Homemaker? The only reason I even agreed to this was because it meant another couple of hours before I had to see Quinn. Rachel insisted that we couldn't order take-out, because it would be rude. Now I'm even more stressed out than I already was because Quinn is going to know that I'm making dinner, and if I fuck it up… well.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Mother-fuck…, it's starting to get dark out already, which means they're going to be back here soon, and I haven't even finished prepping yet.
Now where the hell did I put the Bomba rice?
FUCK!
I must have forgotten to pick it up when I went out to the store earlier… I can't make this dish without any fucking rice. Rachel is going to have to pick it up, and Quinn is going to have to think I'm a feeble-minded moron.
So yeah, kind of forgot to get the rice. :( Could you maybe swing by the market and get some bomba rice? Hell, any rice will do at this point. I'll start cooking as soon as you get here.
I waited a few minutes before I heard the message tone, anxiously going around the room and checking to make sure that everything was immaculate in the process. Talk about an OCD moment…
Yes of course, it won't be a problem. I'll do my best. We just got off the subway so we'll be there soon!
Can't wait…
Alright, table set; check, candles lit; check, wine is chilling; check …you're trying too hard; check.
I can do this.
"Ahhh! It smells so good in here Santana!" Rachel shouted as she abruptly slid the front door open.
She was rolling in a floral suitcase behind her and carrying a couple of extra bags over her shoulder. Jesus Quinn… you think you packed enough? I thought she was only staying for the weekend.
Speaking of which, where is Blondie?
Maybe she's curled up in a little ball inside the suitcase…
"As the exchange rate goes; I get a hug, and in return, you get this bag of rice." I recognized that soft and alluringly articulate voice almost immediately. There was just something about the sweet and gentle rasp in her voice that set off all my nerves. I froze in place as the pleasing sound fled through me; I became paralyzed and tongue-tied. No matter how much I had tried to prepare myself for this inevitable moment, I still wasn't quite ready.
…and there she was, suddenly appearing from the doorway and assertively making her way towards the kitchen, eyes fixed on me as I stood by the stove with a silent idiotic grin on my face. She had a mischievous smile and a mysterious glint in her eyes, and… that dress, my god, Quinn, why are so fucking hot?
Stop staring.
Seriously, stop staring.
I can do this, I can do this…
Just remember to breathe.
Oh my fucking god, she's doing that sexy eyebrow quirking thing, I'm so, so beyond fucked.
"Earth to Lopez," she set the bag down at the table and tip-toed closer to me until she stopped and leaned a hand against the wooden counter next to the stove. I began fidgeting with my hands nervously at her proximity. She ate a small piece of the sliced zucchini from the cutting-board on the counter as she surveyed my countenance.
"…As an aspiring Director, I'm going to give you some help here. This is the part where you tell me how much you missed me, and then clasp me affectionately in your arms. Sound about right?" She quirked her brow again and smirked at me after she finished speaking.
Dear god… so, so sexy.
Shit, I'm staring at her again, fuck me!
Oh god, bad thoughts… bad, bad thoughts.
"Oh Quinnie, full of yourself as usual I see," I tried my best to sound relaxed and confident, but ended up sounding bashful as I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around her core. I squeezed her tightly in my arms, also allowing myself to take in the scent of lavender and vanilla that was entirely her. I closed my eyes at the scent; I hadn't realized quite how much I missed it. I wish I could bottle this stuff… Okay, that's a little creepy.
When I stopped being a creeper, I realized that she had jerked slightly and winced when I had applied pressure to her torso with my arms. I pulled away to give her a curious look, resting my hands at her hips, which is starting to feel a bit awkward now… I have no fucking idea where to draw the line with her. This is appropriate… right, right?
"Sorry about that, still a little sore there," she whispered tremulously and gleamed of embarrassment, breaking eye contact and looking down at the counter as she placed her hand at her right side by her ribs.
I nodded in realization and began sliding my left hand up from her hip to meet her hand over its current location. My hand seemed to be moving with its own volition. Quinn's hazel eyes found mine as my hand slowly slithered up her waist. It wasn't a what the hell are you doing look, it was more of a please don't stop one.
"I don't know about the two of you, but I'm starving!" Rachel interrupted us obliviously as she plopped down in one of the seats at the table. Quinn and I both turned to look at the Brunette.
Perfect timing Rachel.
"How is everything coming along? Would you like some assistance?" She spoke eagerly.
Quinn gave me a half-smile and chuckled before she spun around and sat down next to Rachel; both girls were now looking at me expectantly. I coughed nervously and picked up the rice from the table before returning to the stove; attempting to ignore the surveillance that I seemed to be under.
"I gots this Berry. Besides, I doubt Quinn wants your grubby man-hands all over her food," I smirked at my own remark and turned my head to see Rachel roll her eyes and snap to Quinn, who had just let out a loud guffaw and was now trying to straighten her face for Rachel, who had begun glaring at her. I took a deep breath and placed a large skillet on the stove. At this point, it seemed best to preoccupy myself with cooking, or at least try.
"I'm no expert on Spanish cuisine, but, aren't you supposed to use a Paella pan for that?" Rachel stated adeptly. She just had to interrupt my flow. Little miss know-it-all.
"Correct…! Ten points for Gryffondork! As soon as you pull one out of your ass, let me know," I responded snidely, which seemed to halt the brunettes badgering on my part as she began speaking to Quinn, whom was now biting her lower lip in attempt to keep an impassive face.
"You couldn't have seriously missed her…" Quinn reached her hands up to her jaw, cupping at her own cheeks, and shrugged in response to Rachel's rhetorical comment.
Wait a minute, is she blushing? Holy shit, Quinn is blushing! She really did miss me. I need to stop staring like this…
Subtlety.
I can do this, just focus on cooking and listen. Wait, reverse that.
"So where's the third stooge?" Quinn spoke; I'm assuming she's referring to Kurt.
"I'm not entirely sure. He said he had to go out at the last minute. He did apologize for not being able to join us tonight. He also said that he's planning something for tomorrow night. Don't ask me what; your guess is as good as mine," Rachel was genuinely ignorant as to Kurt's current whereabouts. I know exactly what's going on, but I have to remain silent. Kurt is out with Finn, considering I let the cat out the bag with that one, and they are planning a way to surprise Rachel tomorrow night while Quinn is visiting. Can't wait to see that reaction…
"I happen to like surprises," The blonde replied playfully.
What the hell Quinn, get out of my head. Well, I don't exactly mind you being there, but…
"That makes one of us," Rachel deadpanned.
Well that's just wonderful. Truthfully though; I'm too preoccupied with Quinn being here to actually give two shits about how tomorrow night goes over. That seems kind of selfish, but I honestly don't care at this point.
"Speaking of surprises, guess what I got for us to watch tonight!" Rachel sounded exuberant as she spoke.
"Hmmm? Something with… Barbra Streisand?" Quinn jested.
"Very funny, and no… two of your favorites actually, the original Sabrina and An Affair to Remember!"
"You're too sweet Rach, although, are you sure we wanna put Santana to sleep so early?"
I have a gut feeling Quinn was prodding me with that statement. I certainly can't disappoint her.
"What Q? Don't think I can handle a little classic romance?" I turned my head and winked at her as I poured a light coating of oil into the pan in front of me. She seemed to be reflecting for a moment.
"On the contrary," She drawled and eyed me up and down, licking at her rosy lips. Rachel may have assumed she was playing this up, but I, however, wasn't too sure about that.
"But we'll just see about that tonight, now won't we?" She finished her antics before turning back to Rachel.
My gaze lingered on her longer than it should have. I was surprised by her playful statements and wondered if they had double-meanings, or if I was just reading too much into her every word.
For the quadrillionth fucking time…
With the sound of the pan sizzling, and my mind distracted on my untamed thoughts, I drowned out a good portion of their conversation. That was, until, I heard them reach a subject that caught my attention ten-fold and peaked my interest; not that anything that came out of Quinn's beautiful lips wasn't interesting.
"That's ridiculous, why didn't you call the police?! You're so much smarter than that. That has to be the most asinine-"
"-Rachel!" Quinn interrupted Rachel's chiding barks. "I'm not that foolish, I was going to and you know that! We've discussed this several times already and I refuse to discuss it any further… and I suppose now I should tell you what I found out on Wednesday." Quinn paused.
I turned my head as my curiosity was at its boiling point with this particular conversation.
Quinn noticed my attention and glanced up at me; I saw a twinkle of something that was so unadulterated and pure within her eyes.
"-that someone, took care of him …for me," She breathed and turned back to Rachel; sincerity in her tone. The room was silent for a long moment with the exception of the skillet hissing.
"What-what happened? Who was it?"
"The rumors are that it was someone at the school. I'm like the fucking poster-child for date-rape back on campus. It's kind of funny actually," Quinn replied all too quickly, almost defensively.
Quinn laughed inaudibly before she continued, interrupting Rachel who looked like she was about to scold her for taking this so lightly. I returned my full attention to the stove in front of me; resolutely trying to hide any reactions I might have to whatever was coming next.
"H-he came to see me," Quinn sounded hesitant as she spoke, her voice faltering at the end.
"What?! The nerve of that ass-hole! I'm so sorry, what did you do?" I wasn't exactly accustomed to hearing Rachel use expletives. I fought in attempt to control the smile that was developing at the corners of my lips. I wasn't overly distressed about this; after all, I did have a hand in this situation.
That might be an understatement; it was more like a fist, actually, two fists, a knife, and a gangly man-child.
"Actually… he came to apologize. I was about to scream and call the police, but I was too startled by what I saw. He sounded defeated and looked absolutely petrified, I hardly recognized him."
"What did he say?!" Rachel sounded like an overly-intrusive detective. If I was actually looking right now, I would assume that her jaw was dropped. I could hear Quinn snickering at her.
"Well, for starters, he begged me to forgive him and said that he's… sick and getting help for his… problem. He doesn't ever intend on speaking to me again, but he needed to plead with me for forgiveness. He also said that he severely underestimated my friends," She paused and I couldn't help but feel like she was looking at me before she continued. "He said that the people who persuaded him must really care about me to have gone through the trouble they did."
"Who… did he say it was exactly?"
"Oh, some of my roommate's friends; she must have told them about it," Quinn answered overly-confident, anxiously cutting off the brunette.
Whoa… Quinn has to know it was me, or she wouldn't be lying and speaking like this. Damn, I'm pretty sure she hated the idea of me doing anything to begin with, and here she is protecting my identity. I'm curious as to why she would do that for me. Rachel is her best friend, and I was kind of expecting to get yelled at if she happened to find out.
"I see, wow. I'm not condoning it, but, I guess he… he had it coming. Do you mind if I ask what exactly they did to him?" Rachel asked hesitantly. She wasn't exactly one for violence. Fucking tree-hugging pacifists…
"Not at all, he described the full extent of his injuries; it's quite the extensive list actually. He also told the hospital that it was some gang he couldn't identify, because he didn't want to get my friends or himself into any trouble if he could avoid it. He came to see me in crutches… he has a broken a leg, a dislocated jaw, two black eyes, a broken nose, a couple of broken ribs, …Oh, and they also slashed all four tires on his car."
I turned my head after an unexpected silence fell over the room. Rachel was staring at Quinn with wide eyes and her mouth was forming a perfect O.
"So yeah, if he wasn't genuinely sorry already, they certainly made him," Quinn added lightly to fill in the silence.
"Wow, just… wow. I guess that solves that predicament. Um, how are you feeling?"
"Mmmm, well, the bruise on my side hasn't quite gone down yet, but other than that, I've been feeling much better," Her voice became hoarse as she spoke. "I'm truly grateful to be spending the weekend with you guys here in New York; you have no idea how happy I am to be here."
"I doubt that. I'm so glad you decided to come!" Rachel said ecstatically. "Although, I'm sorry we don't have an extra room for you. I'm assuming the couch isn't going to be the greatest place for you to sleep, considering you're still in the process of healing…?"
"Not really," Quinn giggled. "but, I'll accept whatever sleeping arrangements work for you, as long as I don't have to sleep on the floor like your pet dog," she jested.
"Oh no, I didn't mean that! I wouldn't dream of making you sleep on the floor. You're a guest here. If you'd like… you can sleep in my bedroom with me? There's more than enough room for the both of us." Rachel sounded apologetic. "Or," She amended as if she was getting at something.
"You could sleep with… Santana? If that's alright with her of course."
I whipped around, shocked, with wide eyes at Rachel's suggestive statement. My heart-rate shot through the roof at the very thought of sharing a bed with Quinn and I could feel just how much it affected me in all of my pulse-points. Something about Rachel's tone seemed very peculiar, and I couldn't quite detect what it was.
"Santana!" Quinn cried out my name and jumped up from her seat, nearly knocking it over in the process and speeding towards me with a panicked expression. She gripped my left wrist away from the stove once she reached me.
That was when I realized what I had just done… When I turned around, I had absent-mindedly pressed my hand against the side of the hot skillet.
"Shit!"
Quinn gingerly pulled me over to the sink and ran the cold water.
"Here…, Rachel, can you get some ice?" She said as she lifted my hand up over the counter and under the faucet. She didn't let go of my hand; she tilted it in her grasp so that the water was running directly over where I had burned it. You know… I could do this myself. But the truth is, as much as this hurts, this is really nice. Quinn touching me is really nice. It's only a minor burn, but it was so worth it…
It's confirmed, I seriously have a fucking problem.
Besides, Quinn just happens to be leaning into me right now, and who am I to stop her? That would just be rude.
I tilted my head towards my left shoulder so that I could look at Quinn. I needed to see her face; what was she thinking? Is she laughing at me? That was really fucking embarrassing…
When I turned my head, I discovered that her eyes were concentrated on me. It wasn't what I was expecting to see. She wasn't even blinking, just peering into me mysteriously. Her mind seemed preoccupied and distant. I found myself staring back at her. Her lips began curling upwards when I did so, and she began to smile. She reached up her other hand and began rubbing the pad of her thumb faintly over my left cheek.
"I… I make you nervous …don't I?" She spoke brokenly just above a whisper, I wouldn't have been able to hear her if she wasn't standing so close to me right now. She was smiling innocently and shifting her eyes from left to right over my features. I leaned into her hand as it brushed my cheek and began to close my eyes at the soft and warm touch. Another warmth was beginning to develop elsewhere; aside from the throbbing heat on the outer edge of my hand.
"So, is that a yes?" she whispered shyly.
"Hmmm?" I responded with my eyes closed, completely oblivious as to what she was talking about. I was too caught up in her current proximity and it was clouding my mind. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.
"Spending the night, in your… bed," I opened my eyes, only to see her now tense and almost fearful expression. Her smile was completely gone and she looked glum. Her eyes shifted and she looked down at the floor, blinking several times; she swallowed as if there was an obstruction in her throat.
"Yeah, I mean… I'd like that," I managed to finally speak. I realized how raspy and shaky my voice was after I choked the words out. She tilted her head back up to me and I noticed her eyes were glistening. She forced a smile before she pulled her hand away from my face, nervously tucking a strand of hair that had fallen loose behind her ear.
"Um… here's the ice, is it bad?" Rachel interrupted as she cautiously approached us. Jesus, how long has she been standing there watching us? This is so awkward; I didn't mean to make anyone uncomfortable.
Why is it so fucking hot in here all of a sudden?
"It's not that bad Rach, it was only like a second. I'm sure it'll just be red for a while or something," I responded and shrugged.
Quinn seemed to be the one at a loss for words now. She released my hand and leaned her back against the counter, crossing her arms and looking up at Rachel. She appeared as though she was entranced in deep thought.
"Right, well, why don't you hold some ice on it and go help Quinn get settled in your room. I left your bags over there," Rachel looked curiously between me and Quinn for a moment and then gestured behind the couch where she had placed the blonde's luggage.
"What about dinner? It'll be done in like ten minutes anyways. I can-"
"-I think I can manage Santana. My man-hands are perfectly capable of babysitting the food for that duration. I'll just call you two in once it's done," She rolled her eyes at me and walked over to the stove; shooing me and Quinn away in the process.
Fuck… now I have to be alone with Quinn. I mean, that's a good thing, but, fuck!
What the hell was that just now anyways? Did we just have a moment or something?
Quinn pulled herself away from the counter and walked over to her luggage. She didn't even turn around to look at me as she made her way across the room; she just moved with purpose, effectually avoiding me. Why did she seem so distant all of a sudden? She was the one who was coming on to me, if that is what she was doing.
"Coming San? It would be a little strange for me to just help myself into your room… unless that is, you're okay with that." She was now standing outside of my room with her bags. She was looking down at her feet and shifting her weight as she spoke.
"Go ahead Q, be there in a minute," I forced a smile, and with that, she disappeared behind the curtains.
"You sure you got this alright? I can finish up," I felt kind of awkward leaving Rachel alone out here like this, and I almost felt like she was trying to get rid of us. But I couldn't tell if it was for her sake, or ours.
"Yes…, now go spend some time with Quinn. This will only to take a few minutes anyways." She nodded and turned her head to give me a reassuring smile. It still seemed like she was holding something back, but I wasn't going to pry.
When I walked into my room past the closed curtain, I noticed an open suitcase at the foot of my bed. There was Quinn, resting on her back next to her disheveled luggage and gazing blankly up at the ceiling, fidgeting with her hands at her waist.
Once she realized I was in the room she carefully pulled herself up onto her elbows and looked up at me, almost angrily. Seriously Q, what the fuck did I do? I don't have the patience for any more games. She blows so damn fucking hot and cold.
"Are you sure you want me here?" she scoffed with a quirked eyebrow, and it wasn't attractive this time. This was fierce Quinn and she seemed flustered about something on her mind.
What the fuck? Where did that come from?
"What are you talking about? Of course I want you here," I tossed the ice-pack onto the nightstand and crossed my arms as I leaned up against the wall to the right of the bed.
"I don't know, I guess, I'm just being silly," She chided herself and smiled at me cautiously before continuing. "It's just… with everything that's happened between us, I had this ominous feeling that you… didn't want to see me, and now, were going to be roommates for the next two nights. It's just kind of, surreal…" She looked quizzically ahead at the curtains in front of her as she spoke, as if she was drowning in her own self-doubt.
I nodded and looked at her for a moment before speaking. She seemed more vulnerable now and was dropping the walls she was in the process of putting up. I know that wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world for her to do, and I know from my own personal experience. Neither of us really wanted to be associated with our HBIC status anymore.
"I want you here Q, I really do. What more do you want from me? What do you want me to say?" I shook my head at her and furrowed my brows. I can't… I can't tell her how I feel. She has the power to stomp my beating heart until there's nothing left. I don't know what the hell she wants from me.
"Nothing," She swung her legs out, pulled herself up off of the bed, and took a step towards me before stopping; smirking at me.
"Actions speak louder than words Santana," She took another step forward and paused yet again.
"And what exactly are my actions telling you, Yoda?" I rolled my eyes at her, mostly because she was starting to make me nervous. She now had a cocky grin on her face, and she took another step forward.
"I know it was, you," She said in a matter-of-fact tone.
Fuck, I should have known this was coming.
Am I trembling now? Yup, definitely trembling.
"I lied to Rachel. Robert told me that it was some crazy Latina in a cheerleader uniform who must have escaped from the psychiatric ward… and may I say, that has to be one of the most mentally deranged and careless things anyone has ever done." She shook her hands out in front of her; her words had a bit more bite to them this time. Yet, she took another step forward.
I didn't dare move; I was frozen against the wall like cornered prey. I just narrowed my eyes at her and waited for the presumed attack.
"…And, if you ever do anything like that, ever again, I'll take care of you myself." She muttered and scolded me for my actions; gritting her teeth once she was finished. She took another step forward; she was now standing directly in front of me, close enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck start standing up.
She looked harshly into my eyes. I shifted my glance from the daggers she was shooting at me. I felt an uneasiness begin to develop in the pit of my stomach.
"No-one," She spoke in a husky tone and smiled after she finished, flashing her perfect white teeth. She stepped in even closer to me, which I didn't think was even possible at this point. "Has ever done, anything like that for me before." She licked her lips and rested her hands at my waist, pushing me flush up against the wall behind me. There was something else in her eyes now, something more, carnal.
"I'm not going to say thank you," She leaned forward and whispered into my right ear and then tilted her head so that she could look into my eyes.
What, what is she doing? I shivered in place; for a moment I almost thought she might bite into me like one of Dracula's victim's. I felt helpless.
"But I promise you, that I'm going to find a way to make it up to you," She spoke in a seductive and softer tone this time.
"Wh-what exactly did you have in mind?" Did I just say that? Fuck… This conversation wasn't exactly going in a direction I felt comfortable with. Why did I just say that? I can't let her use me anymore, it's too painful. My body may be saying yes, dear god is it saying yes; but my heart is begging for mercy, and I can't ignore it. Things are different now, for me at least…
"Oh, I'm sure I can think of something," She took a step back and was staring at my breasts. I crossed my arms once I saw the wanton gleam in her eyes. She quirked a brow again and looked at me curiously.
"No, I can't do this." I shook my head at her as I looked down at the floor between us.
"Do what…?"
"Q, you can't just come barging into my life like this and use me like some experimental blow up doll to get your fix. It doesn't fucking work that way… It can't, I can't handle that. You have no idea what, you… What you do to me, alright."
Fuck! I definitely just revealed way, way too much. This wasn't the plan. She just frustrates me so fucking much. As much as I want her, I can't have her, not like this… I'm not a toy. At what cost do I get to actually have her?
The sly grin on her face dropped and she looked somber now. She stepped forward again; placing me back into the position she had me in previously, except more delicately this time.
"Q, w-what are you-" I breathed guardedly, I wasn't expecting her to do that.
"-Oh..., just shut-up already," She berated and shook her head, with a rapturous expression and a crafty half-smile as she leaned in, enveloping any distance left between us.
Holy shit.
She pressed her entire body against me, every curve of our bodies molding together perfectly, and in a bold fit of passion; she pressed her lips against mine. She placed one hand behind my waist to pull me even further into her and entwined the other hand into the back of my hair, nails scratching lightly against my scalp, deepening the kiss.
Quinn Fabray is kissing me, and she's kissing me just because she feels like it.
At first I was reluctant because I was afraid, but I couldn't fight it, how could I fight this? The kiss certainly shut me up; it said that she wasn't using me; it said that she wanted more than just sex; it said I was more to her than just some college girl's experimental game. I'd still much rather hear her say it, but this would definitely suffice as a good stand in for now.
She ran the tip of her tongue across my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I parted my lips and moaned as she entered. She devoured me completely and groaned fervently into my open mouth as our tongues desperately searched for the others contact. It was intense and lustful; it was almost too much to handle. She needed to slow down or I was going to implode. If she continued applying this much pressure into all the right places, I was going to need more, and I was going to need it soon. The sound of our breathy moans became intertwined. The heat pooling from the uncontrollable volcano that was erupting in my chest was beginning to flow down between my legs. I grabbed at the back of her dress and formed fists with the loose material I had garnered, while simultaneously digging my nails into her back. My body temperature was climbing to an unhealthy level from the heat of the moment.
Just then, she slowed down and began kissing me more tenderly, taking her time; as if she somehow knew what I wanted, in that moment, she knew what I needed. The erratic and quick strokes of her tongue became soft, and deliberate, and each individual one had its own language. The feeling of those lips pulling and pressing against mine in a purposeful and timely fashion had me seeing stars and visions of other galaxies far beyond. I could feel Quinn's chest beginning to heave against mine. My own lungs were burning from the lack of oxygen.
She retrieved her tongue and sucked on my lower lip, before she placed a wet and soft lingering kiss against my now flush lips. I opened my starry eyes when I felt her rest her forehead against mine. I hadn't realized how badly I was actually trembling and that I was panting for air, until now. She took my breath away, in the literal and figurative sense. I reached my hand up to her jaw and held it there. Her eyes were darkened with desire, not for my body, but for something it seemed she couldn't get enough of despite how hard she tried.
"Quinn…" I looked down at her lips as I breathed against her endearingly.
"I hate myself for needing you so badly," She choked out and shook her head against mine and smiled before continuing. "…Y-you're trembling." She swallowed when she finished and squeezed me as if by doing so would somehow relieve the tremors I was now enduring.
"S-so are you," I breathed and returned her smile. We were quivering up against each other on the wall, afraid to let go of one another. She began shaking her head as it was still pressed against mine, and closed her eyes before she started inaudibly giggling, adding to the jitters we were already attempting to control.
There's something about being here with her this way, in this moment. It makes me feel completely exposed and vulnerable… and it feels real. It feels right.
"Dinner is ready! I told you I could do it!" Quinn and I both flinched when we heard the voice that we had forgotten was still present in the apartment. Rachel had called out from the kitchen and we couldn't stay in this compromising position any longer; if she were to walk in right now, that would be a whole lot of explaining I doubt neither one of us was ready for.
"I'll walk out first this time…?" I winked at the blonde in front of me.
Quinn smirked and pulled away from me before sitting back down on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs and leaning back on her palms.
"Ideally, next time, I'd like for neither one of us to walk out," She looked up at me through her lashes affectionately. I leaned over her and placed a soft and ardent kiss to her forehead before fixing myself so I didn't look like I had just been involved in a ravenous make-out session. I took one last look at the embodiment of perfection that sat on my bed, before stepping out of my room and into the kitchen.
Could I just skip dinner? I'm not exactly hungry anymore, not for Paella anyways…
I think I'm going to become a Quinnetarian.
I spent the majority of dinner playing with the food on my plate and pretending to listen, throwing in the occasional nod. Rachel and Quinn went on and on about the theatre business and plays that they were both keenly interested in. My thoughts, however, were preoccupied on what had just happened between Quinn and I, and the fact that she was going to be sleeping with me, in my bed, tonight.
It seems like she's just as nervous about this as I am. She keeps pulling me in to her, like a magnet; I can't stay away from her and I can't fight it. Whatever this is, it's not something I'm going to mess with. When I forget all my fears and doubts, and it's just me and her, it just makes sense… and that kiss gives me hope. I can't believe that actually happened; that this is actually happening. It feels like a dream.
After dinner we all retired to the living room. Rachel put on An Affair to Remember after shutting off all the lights in the apartment. I decided to sit in the chair furthest away from Quinn, who sat down next to Rachel on the couch. It was easier to control myself this way. Although, I spent the majority of the movie taking chances and staring at the blonde; occasionally she would catch me in the act and we would share a knowing smile. Rachel and Quinn both cried at the end of the movie and I just rolled my eyes at them when they insisted that my eyes were red and teary. Give me a break…
Although Rachel was yawning, she had insisted that we watch the second movie. It was no surprise when somewhere around the first 30 minutes or so into Sabrina, the brunette had fallen asleep. Quinn was now sitting on the part of the couch closest to me, and Rachel's head was resting on Quinn's lap facing her stomach as she lay out across the couch. She would occasionally snore and Quinn and I would giggle at her. The candle that was still lit on the coffee table was finally beginning to fade out, and at some point the empty bottle of wine had rolled onto the floor
The scene where the older dude was driving Sabrina in the convertible came on. Quinn decided to join in when Audrey Hepburn began singing. I turned my attention from the screen and became entranced with Quinn's soft and gentle crooning. She was careful not to wake the still sleeping brunette in her lap.
"Il est entré dans mon coeur… Une part de Bonheur… Dont je connais la cause," She noticed I was watching her and turned her head to wink at me as she played with Rachel's hair.
"C'est lui pour moi… Moi pour lui dans la vie… Il me l'a dit, l'a juré pour la vie," She blushed at me sweetly and concluded her singing once she realized the characters were now conversing and she was left singing alone.
How is it possible to be that fucking adorable?
It wasn't like I hadn't heard her sing a million times before, but something about this seemed different. It was personal and tender; as if she were serenading me; even though I didn't understand a word of it. I turned my attention back to the movie, which I had never seen before. The plot is somewhat obvious, although, I'll admit I'm a bit lost at the moment because I've spent the majority of the film making flirtatious expressions at Quinn and watching her instead of the movie.
"So who does she end up with anyways? I really haven't been paying attention. I thought she was in love with that other dude, David Whatshisface…?" Quinn laughed at me and had to reach her hand up to cover her mouth once she realized how loud she was.
"I've noticed, I've caught your eyes on me more often than I have on the movie," She stated satirically.
"And how would you know that, Q?" I winked at her. She blushed and tilted her head shyly away from me for a moment before smiling.
"Well played," She murmured under her breath.
"Would you like a quick plot summary, seeing as how I doubt you're going to keep your eyes on the screen long enough to understand anyways?" She added sarcastically and smirked at me.
I nodded at her, purposefully widening my eyes in mock interest as if what she was going to say was of the utmost importance.
"Oh please… well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you actually absorbed all the basic details and watched the beginning of the movie. Sabrina has been infatuated with David for a good portion of her life and she thinks that she's in love with him. She thinks that there can't possibly be anyone else for her, but she finds out that he's betrothed to someone else. Linus meddles in and pretends to court her for obvious reasons, but somewhere along the line he begins to develop feelings for her, and he wasn't expecting that to happen as it's something he's not accustomed to, and it doesn't exactly fit into his business as usual perfect little world. Sabrina is beginning to realize that she's falling for him, and that what she felt for David was just puppy love; what she feels for Linus is the real thing. Linus is like the complete opposite of David, more mature and refined, and surprisingly a better fit for Sabrina. Both Linus and Sabrina have a difficult time understanding and accepting their feelings for one another. Whether or not they end up together… you'll just have to wait and see, if that is, you can control yourself," Rachel groaned and squirmed in her sleep as Quinn was finishing her version of the plot summary.
"Hmmm, on that note, I think I better get her to bed. Care to help me?" Quinn wiggled her eyebrows at me and ran her fingers through her hair before she attempted to slide out from under the brunette, careful not to jolt her awake in the process.
"Oh hell yes, the last thing I want is to have to listen to the lovely nasal lullabies of Broadway star Rachel Berry all night," I sat up and walked over to Rachel, leaning over the sleeping brunette.
"How do we go about doing this without waking her?" Quinn leaned over the back of the couch and looked down at Rachel, and then back to me expectantly.
"You talking about our little Care Bear? She's hibernating right now, you could flip the couch over and it would still be sleeping. We'd also need to mop the puddle of drool it would be laying in tomorrow. Go open her door and get her bed ready, I'll bring her in." Quinn looked at me in surprise before she nodded and grinned at my comment. She turned around and began walking off to Rachel's room.
I bent my legs for support and carefully lifted Rachel into my arms. Alright, so she's a little heavier than I expected. Jesus fucking Christ… Maybe she really is going into hibernation. I can do this…
After I set her into the bed, Quinn tucked her in and I left the room. I ventured to the bathroom and then to get a glass of water from the kitchen. While I was standing over the sink, I saw Quinn quietly leaving Rachel's room and tip-toeing her way towards my bedroom before she disappeared behind the curtain.
Fuck… I almost forgot that I'm sharing a bed with her tonight.
I neglected to turn off the movie and figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal to leave the television on and let the movie finish. If Kurt decided to ever come home, he could always shut it off himself.
I made my way to the bedroom and pulled back the curtain, looking straight ahead at the bed.
"Q," My breath immediately hitched in my throat as I shifted my glance over at the wall to the right of my bed.
Fuck me...
There is a god.
Quinn stood facing the wall with her back to me. She crossed her arms up over her head as she pulled her dress off and tossed it onto the floor beside her. She then bent over torturously slow to lean over her suitcase as she pulled something out. Her purple panties were very, very revealing. She stood back up with a dress-like chemise in her right hand and reached her left hand over her shoulder to unclasp her bra, flexing her muscles in the process and letting it fall to the floor in front of her after removing her arms.
Is she trying to give me a heart attack?
If she is, it's definitely working.
"Enjoying the view?" She mumbled as she pulled the chemise over her head and glided it down over her curves. She spun around and rested her hand on her hip, giving me a lascivious smirk as she licked her lips.
Shitty, shit, shit… fuckity, fuck, fuck… Stop staring. Stop staring.
Quinn laughed softly and made her way to the right side of the bed, curling up under the covers and patting her hand on the empty side of the bed, gesturing for me to join her underneath.
"I-I um, I s-still need t-to change," I managed to choke out and shifted my eyes, trying to look anywhere but at Quinn, trying to hide how turned on I actually was.
"Mhmmm," Quinn drawled as she indiscreetly eyed every inch of my body. "You afraid I'm going to watch you? I would never do that, only pervy people do that," She jested and giggled at her accusation as she lifted the blanket up just below her eyes, slowly lifting it above her eyes and lowering it several times.
"Fine," I strutted over to my side of the bed. "Let's see how Quinn enjoys the taste of her own medicine."
I stopped at the edge of my bed and wiggled my brows at the blonde who was now peaking at me over the edge of the blanket; a wicked playfulness in her eyes, as if she was daring me to go on. That is so fucking adorable… It took every fiber of my being for me to not rip the blanket away and jump her.
Challenge accepted Blondie.
I undid the button on my jeans and then began trailing down my zipper. I reached my thumbs into the sides of my jeans and then slid them down languidly, keeping my eyes locked on Quinn in the process. I intentionally held a straight face, pressuring her to falter or look away. This was like a game of strip-chicken… I stepped out of my jeans and kicked them away from the bed. Quinn was still peering at me over the covers, she seemed frozen in place, afraid to speak or move.
I gave her a smug grin before straightening my face again. I began pulling my shirt up over my head slowly before tossing it onto the bed at her, giving her a full frontal view of my red lace bra and panties that were practically see-through. I gave her a challenging look before turning around and bending over to grab a pajama shirt out of my dresser drawer. After putting it on, I walked to the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket up, leaning over as I crawled in on my hands and knees before finally settling down on my back.
I looked over to see Quinn's reaction; she raised an eyebrow before dropping the blanket she was still holding up.
"Didn't you forget something?" She remarked, glancing down at my knees that were currently bent up under the blanket.
"Nope, not that I can think of," I retorted confidently before reaching over and turning off the lamp on my nightstand.
"Mmmm," she hummed before I felt her silky body snuggle up against mine under the blanket. She wrapped her leg over my exposed legs, porcelain skin covering caramel skin. I gasped loudly when I felt her press her leg down over mine. She giggled at my reaction. She's fucking freezing, and I wasn't expecting the sensation.
You can take my body heat though, you can take it all.
"So warm…" She groaned as she wrapped her arm around my waist. "This is really nice."
"It is," I replied under my breath just as she pressed her head into the crook of my shoulder and neck. Her hot breath startled me and sent a shiver jolting down my spine. I craned my neck and kissed the top of her head before settling back into my pillow. My eyes were just starting to adjust to the darkness in the room.
"Hey San," She whispered into my skin. I shuddered, still getting used to her lips being so intimately close to my body.
"Hmmm?" I hummed as I began playing loosely with her hand at my side.
"What's happening to us?" She asked shyly.
That's certainly a good question. Truth is… I have no fucking clue. This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life, and it makes no sense, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. All I know is that if it feels like this, it doesn't need a label to still be perfect.
"I don't know Q," I retorted sincerely.
"Is this okay though, I mean, are you okay with us… with, me?" she spoke brokenly, and I detected self-doubt in her tone.
Oh, I'm more than o-fucking-kay with this. You can hold me like this for the rest of your life if it makes you happy.
You can hold my heart while you're at it, too.
On second thought, too late...
You have my heart and you don't even know it. Just please, please don't fucking drop it.
"San..?" She sounded nervous.
"Sorry," I tilted my head and placed another chaste kiss to the top of her head. "I was just thinking of a proper way to respond to that. You should know that I am very okay with this."
"Oh, thank god…" She squeezed me with her leg and arm as she let out a deep exhale into my neck. I felt her heart beating out of her chest furiously against the side of my body.
"There's so much I want to say to you, but, I just don't know how to say it right now… so please forgive me if I seem like a bitch sometimes, I don't mean it. I really don't, you're the last person I'd ever want to hurt," Her words came out as a whisper into the crook of my neck, her lips occasionally grazing my skin as she spoke wholeheartedly. I tried to ignore the wet heat her ghosting touch started between my legs and focused on the conversation.
Yeah, that would explain a lot.
"Thanks Q, thank you for telling me that. There's no rush, whenever you're ready," I breathed a sigh of relief and felt Quinn begin to draw lazy circles on my side by my ribs. Wait a minute…
Shit!
"Q, are you comfortable, do you wanna role over or something?" I spoke urgently.
"Hmmm?" She sounded confused as she snuggled further against me.
"Your bruise Q, I don't wanna hurt you," She began giggling into my neck after I spoke.
"You know, I completely forgot about it. You somehow take my pain away."
"Good to know, and here I always thought I was just a pain in your ass," I chaffed; reaching my left arm around her as I began gently massaging her back.
"That feels really nice," she sighed as I continued to massage the small of her back.
We lay in a comfortable and blissful silence for several minutes; Quinn cuddling up against me and our body heat radiating off of one another.
I wonder if we look like lovers right now. Friends don't exactly hold each other so impassioned…
I think she may have fallen asleep.
"Some things just, some things just make sense… and one of those is you and I…"
Apparently I was wrong.
"Some things just, some things just make sense… and even after all this time… I'm into you, Baby not a day goes by… that I'm no-o-ot, into you!"
At first I was wondering what the hell she was talking about, was she making a heartfelt statement? Then I realized she was singing... It was hard to tell because she was whispering the words and humming lowly.
Why those lyrics? I wish I knew what was going on in that little head of yours.
"What's that from?"
"I'm Still Into You, it's a song from the new Paramore album," She sounded amused.
"I didn't even know they came out with a new album…"
"It only came out a few days ago; I have it here with me. We can listen to it together tomorrow if you'd like?" She responded, sounding very pleased with the possibility of us listening to music together.
"I'd love to…" I said hoarsely and settled even further into the bed after I spoke.
"It's a date," She said jokingly as she placed a warm and lingering kiss against my jawline. "Goodnight Santana."
"Goodnight Q…" I arched the corner of my lip and fluttered my eyes shut.
I love you.