Well, well, well, well, well, well, well… well… Yeah, that's all I got…

sssssssssss

Dib had refused to see anyone but ZiM when he finally arrived on the Massive. The young human screamed at anyone who approached him, especially the Tallests. Both Red and Purple had to be escorted from the docking bay due to the fact that Dib's screaming suddenly sent Purple into a fit of frustrated sobbing.

ZiM lead Dib to a quiet room, the human babbling nonsense all the way. The hologram blinked at him like he was a crazy person and looked the human over for any obvious signs of trauma or injury, but found nothing. Dib refused to let go of his handheld recorder and even hissed at ZiM like a defensive cat when ZiM tried to take it from him.

The hologram gave up after a while and simply watched the human babble and whisper to himself while checking under the couch and desk in the room.

Someone talking outside made ZiM's holographic antennae perk and there was a soft knock on the door.

"Hello?" the door opened, revealing an Irken in a military medical outfit; he looked somewhat disheveled and worn and his face was buried in a medical folder, "I was told to come here…"

He looked up and ZiM smiled at him, "Ah, doctor Felm now, isn't it?"

Felm blinked and smiled, "Oh, you two. How have you been?"

ZiM sighed and looked over at Dib, who shrieked and dove under the couch for safety, "It seems the Dib-human has become… crazy… as ZiM and many others have predicted, but unfortunately this is not the right time."

Felm nodded and entered the room, setting his folders on the desk, "Well, that's why I'm here. The Tallests had me rushed to the Massive when you told them of your little friend's condition."

"Dib is no friend," ZiM snapped quickly, "The human is merely an expensive and risky smeet-sitter. ZiM still does not trust the human…"

Felm sighed and crouched down near where Dib was hiding, smiling gently, "Dib? My name is Felm, remember? From a little while ago? I was told you needed my help."

ZiM watched from the sidelines, "ZiM did not realize you studied psychology."

The taller Irken shrugged, "I have the basics and easily from what I'm seeing now, this may not be a psychotic episode."

The hologram blinked, but said nothing.

Felm peeked under the couch, "Dib? Would you like to tell me what happened to you on your ship?"

Dib didn't move from his hiding spot, but extended his hand and held out the recorder, "… I think you need this…"

The Irken took the recorder slowly, then gently held out his other hand, "And you? Will you come out so you can tell me what it means?"

The human shook his head, "I don't feel safe…"

ZiM growled, his hands in fists, "YOU don't feel safe? This isn't about YOU, Dib-worm! ZiM's smeet, your FRIEND, is kidnapped! ZiM needs you to grow up or go home!"

Dib was slowly crawling out from under the couch as ZiM hollered at him and Felm watched in interest. When ZiM stopped to calm himself, Dib started to recede back into his hiding place.

Felm's antennae perked and he hissed quickly at ZiM, "Don't stop, keep insulting him."

The hologram blinked and shrugged, taking in a large fake breath, "ZiM HATES you, Dib-stink! Because of your stupidity and incompetence, ZiM's smeet is gone! You are a dumb, pig-monster and ZiM demands that you pull that organ you call a brain from those metaphorical clouds and grow a pair off-"

"This is MY fault?" Dib hollered back.

Felm smiled. As negative as the conversation was, Dib was the one responding, as he should have.

ZiM smirked, crossing his arms, "Oh, of course it is. ZiM left you in charge and YOU screwed it up!"

The little human half growled and half whined, "You expect a human child to watch over an alien child and protect him from a full grown, creepy, alien adult?"

Felm shook his head as they argued and lead Dib to a chair to sit on, then motioned ZiM over and sat them both down on the large seat.

"Both of you," he said softly, "need to work some things out later. But for now, would Dib like to explain what happened?"

ZiM glared at the being he was sharing the chair with, "Yes, Dib would."

The human frowned and looked away, "… I don't know…"

Felm's PAK set up a small camera on his shoulder, recording what he thought might be important, "Well… what about this?" he set the recorder in front of him, "Would you like to tell me why you think this is important?"

Dib stared at it, then looked up at Felm, "Well, it was on the whole time. It might have picked up something while I was… not mentally aware."

ZiM went to scoff, but Felm gave him a look and he quieted down.

"All right," the doctor nodded, "should I turn it on then?"

Dib nodded back, his eyes suddenly wide with interest, "I wanna know what's on it."

Felm clicked it on and hit the rewind button, pressing play after a few moments. Dib's voice became present and GIR snoring and shrieking in the background showed they were on the right track.

"I think I'm gonna tell ZiM to keep GIR as far away from…"

And then there was a loud smack. Dib blinked, rubbing his forehead, and slowly began to assume that that was when he had passed out. The tape went on for a few moments, then a piercing scream erupted from the little speakers. Dib jumped and covered his ears, Felm mimicking the movement by covering his antennae.

ZiM blinked, "What was that?"

No one responded.

The tape continued on, the scream fading away. It grew silent until a shriek and roar exploded from the speakers and the little recorder began to shake and smolder. Dib jumped back and ZiM instinctively moved in front of the child to protect him, while Felm yelped and dove back to escape the fire breaking free from the device.

Alarms went off in the room to indicate a fire had broken out and the door to the room burst open. A clouded figure with an enormous eggbeater in its hand coughed and hacked as it came in.

"Who's burning pies in here?"

"Jeb!" Felm screamed, pointing at the fire, "Put it out! Quickly!"

Felm dashed to the door when he saw the ZiM had already scooped Dib up and had taken him out.

Jeb smirked and twisted the handle of his eggbeater, "HA! Burnt pies, be gone!" he slammed the kitchen tool down on the flaming recorder, causing small sparks to fly from it and smolder out.

He spent a good few minutes beating the fire down until all that was left was a smoking pile of plastic. Felm and Dib peeked back in, but the little human was dragged away and replaced by ZiM, much to his disappointment. Dib wanted to protest but he just growled and crossed his arms.

Jeb set his eggbeater up vertically so he could lean on it and admire his work, "Yeeep, I'm THAT good," he smiled dumbly and looked back at the door, "S'O.K., I killed it!"

Felm frowned and cautiously walked back into the room to stare at the tape and the fire marks it had made on the coffee table. But there were no marks.

The entire room was still clouded in smoke and the recorder was still smoldering and hissing as it cooled down, but the fire that should have damaged the room had made no marks, no burns, no scorching, on anything except the tape recorder.

ZiM growled as he reentered the room, his antennae perked high, "Well? What was the meaning of all that? Tell ZiM!"

The doctor shook his head, staring at the melted plastic from a distance, "I don't… I… have never seen…"

Dib suddenly burst into the room, pointing an accusing finger at his recorder, "AHA! Ghosts!"

Jeb stared down at Dib, then at the recorder, then at Dib, then at his eggbeater, then squealed and ran from the room, screaming.

ZiM growled, smacking the back of the human's head, "Do not be a llama! Ghosts did not possess your stupid recorder! Now stop scaring the Jeb with your llama-ghost-possession theories and think of something more… not stupid!"

Felm poked at the smoldering device, "This thing is easily full of electronic equipment, which stands to reason that the tape inside became corrupted and burned, causing the rest of the recorder to start smoking and light on fire. The coffee table must be coated in a flame retardant solution and that is why it is not burnt…"

Jeb stopped his running and screaming in the hallway to poke his head in and giggle, "Heee, you said 'solution'…" he calmed down enough to come back inside, "So, are the ghosts gone now?"

"There were NEVER any GHOSTS," ZiM barked in irritation, his holographic finger jabbed into Dib's gargantuan head, "The Dib is full of smeety-imaginations and possibly hallucinogenics from the human skool's cafeteria foods!"

Dib frowned and swatted the finger away, "Hey! I BAG my skool lunch now!"

ZiM cackled, "AHA! YOU DO NOT DENY?"

Felm gently separated the two, "Stop it, no fighting," he sighed, "Whatever the cause may be, I think it would be best to start the process of getting Eleven back by ridding ourselves of this broken device. It has no use anymore and I don't like how angry it's making the both of you."

Hologram and human both growled and huffed, nodding, "Fine." "That is acceptable for I am ZiM!"

Felm smiled and picked up the burnt plastic remnants up with a cloth, folding it up and stashing it into a wall trash chute, "There, all gone."

ZiM nodded, "Excellent, now what's on your tape?"

The doctor blinked slowly, "My…?"

Dib nodded with ZiM, "Hey, yeah! You were recording the whole thing visually with your PAK-cam! Lemme see it!"

Both pint-sized beings started hopping up and down around Felm's feet, trying to get their hands on the camera. Jeb saw their reaction to the camera and squeed, joining in the best he could considering he was about as tall as Felm.

Felm hummed softly and took the camera off his PAK, holding it away, "W-well, just wait a minute, it's brand new and it was a gift from Clai-"

Jeb snagged it from him and bounded out the door, "I HAS THE CAMERAAAAAA!"

ZiM and Dib were at his heels, running after him as the group hit an elevator and dove inside. Jeb pressed a random floor button repeatedly, trying to get the doors to close faster, but Felm just wandered in and sighed, standing next to them.

When the door finally closed, Felm peeked over Jeb's shoulder to look at his camera, "… All right, lets have a look then, shall we?"

Both taller Irkens crouched to the floor so the smaller beings around them could see and Felm reached over to turn on the camera. The back screen lit up and the doctor slowly selected the first recorded file he had.

They all watched quietly, no one breathing a word as the screen showed the almost innocent looking recorder sitting on the coffee table. The smack from Dib's head told them they were all on the right track and when the piercing scream burst from the recorder, all of them jumped. It sounded more like the original scream than a copy from the copy. Jeb started trembling and everyone gasped loudly when the roar that came after was accompanied by a shadowy mist lashing out from the recording device. The flames around the recorder exploded from Dib's tape recorder and ZiM giggled a little, then everyone screamed when the flames being shown on the camera screen were suddenly all over the camera.

Jeb threw it into the elevator doors as ZiM and Dib scampered into a corner to hide and scream at each other from surprise. Felm yelled over and over how the camera was new and how he didn't want to suffocate in an elevator because of it.

Jeb unsheathed his eggbeater and smacked it roughly and repeatedly against the smoldering camera to snuff the flames out. After a few moments, the embers cooled and died away and Jeb smiled in satisfaction.

"Killed it again! Aw, YEAH, I'm so good at this!"

Felm panted and whimpered from all the screaming, "We are not doing that again…"

ZiM looked up and pointed, "Hey… maybe we can."

Dib looked at where he was pointing and nodded, "Hey, yeah, maybe we should. The elevator camera had a better view…"

sssssssssss

BOYS NEVER LEARN. I USE THE JACKA$$ DUDES AS AN EXAMPLE. Plus, exploding camera devices are coolio. R&R and if you make some fanart for me, send me a link on deviantart. I watch back AND I actually communicate back to people. Remember, look up megadoomingir on deviantart to send me the link.