A/N: A few words of warning, this chapter is super long also recall when I said, 'Be careful what you wish for?' Yeah...I meant that. The Quinn reveal is below and it aien't pretty and it has a snow ball effect. It end's on a bleak note. Well, without further ado, enjoy!

Sookie

Chapter Thirty-One

Eric was still dead for the day beside me. I left him in the morning but often made it back so he would wake up to me. I couldn't help touching him. His hair was mussed in a rugged kind of way. My fingers traced his lips, down the column of his neck, and I toyed with the trinket around his neck. It had been my anniversary present to him.

I'd traveled all over the place to enhance the setting just so at the house that night. This was how the small ornament caught my eye. It was from an antique store off the coast of Romania and spoke of a different place and time. It reminded me of a Viking, his adventures, conquests, but also his loss. It was nothing but a delicately carved dragon with its' wings folded as if asleep, but his eyes saw everything.

Admittedly, I wasn't sure he'd want to be reminded of that place and time but he had loved it. It opened a gate way. Lately he'd been talking more and more about his past, and we were both learning not all one thousand years were marred by suffering and pain. It was helping him to heal.

"Hello, wife of mine," Eric murmured.

"Hi, baby," I greeted, crawling and laying partially over him.

We were quiet for a few minutes as his head cleared. He was still groggy because it was barely dusk, but he just wanted a few minutes of us to start his day. He'd loved me for so long, and I'd been waiting to take advantage of it in order to hurt him. Lately there were times when the guilt and shame came to the surface and I felt horrible. It was like when I used to act out in the beginning of our marriage, and then I didn't think I could ever earn his approval. Now I knew I didn't deserve him. Loving him back now didn't make that knowledge go away.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked, looking down at me. His eyes were at half-mast, making those pale blue orbs look tempting, but they were definitely probing.

"Fashion week with Pam," I lied, rolling out of bed.

He chuckled. "At least I have your company this year."

The guilt only surged higher as he so easily swallowed the lie. It wasn't just when I looked at Eric that those feelings arose. It was worse with Pam. I'd smiled in her face while plotting to stab him in the back. When he had left her alone in California to grieve alone, I was relieved that I wouldn't have to contend with him coddling her. It made me feel secure in my place with him. It was beyond shameful and I'd been beyond wrong.

Eric knew his baby. He let her be, knowing it what she needed and she joined the world when she was ready. There'd been no need to hash it out. He just answered his phone one evening over dinner, and by the smile on his face I just knew who he'd been speaking to. Even now, as she enthralled buyers and designers, Eric watched her with quiet admiration and pride.

I could make Pam a big sister someday. That thought brought me up short. It was something I told myself would never happen with Eric. I never wanted to have something as precious as a child to tie me to him. Yet, as my twenty-seventh birthday drew closer and closer; I now looked forward to that possibility.

"Tired?" Eric asked, squeezing my hand.

"No," I replied honestly, "I'm just thinking."

"What about?" he wondered.

His tone was casual, but I didn't miss the glimpse he took over everything in the area. I rolled my eyes. He was wondering if there was something I wanted and wasn't telling him about. All I had to do was look at something for too long and he was having my name inscribed on it. Lord help the store if they didn't have it! No vendor was allowed to sell out of anything his wife wanted.

"Actually I was thinking about babies," I replied innocently.

The look on his face was so heartrendingly stunned. I kissed him, then walked away to join Rebecca. I found that I liked Rebecca. We had a lot in common, outside of coming from small towns. She was one of the very few people who understood what it was like to be with a vampire who was as immersed in the human public eye as well as that of the supernatural. The pair of us found a quiet corner to talk boys. We compared stories about the overprotectiveness of our husbands and made fun of the fact that our ancient vampires were cuddle bunnies.

While we shared one laugh and ridiculous story after another I realized something: when I had gone out with Rebecca along with Illeta and Pam, I had been remote. I didn't want the outing to mean anything; I hadn't wanted it to effect me. I realized I'd been cheating myself. Tonight I left New York feeling as if I'd made a friend.

The next evening found me in California. It was hell from day one. I saw Eric's back more than anything. He wouldn't say so, but it was hard on him. Illeta had many assets she had left to him. He wanted so badly to maintain things the way his sister had left them and to take care of her staff the way she had. He'd been trying to manage them remotely but things were getting critical. It was that much more difficult because Illeta's second in command, Marcus, had left the state shortly after her passing.

Every life Illeta had touched, she'd made it better and they were all still mourning. I, too, found I was still sad that Illeta was gone. The handful of times I'd met her she'd made an effort, even when Eric hadn't. Still, I never gave her a chance because of her close association with him. Again, I realized I'd cheated myself out of knowing a great person. I wondered what else I'd missed while chasing revenge.

Five days of watching him be pulled in ten different directions, and I simply couldn't stand it anymore. I had no idea how he did it and remained calm or sane. "I'm going to head home," I told him. "Meet me when you can,"

Eric looked at me with those piercing blue eyes and for once, I felt like he was getting it wrong. I wasn't leaving because he couldn't find time for me while here. I was leaving because I knew he felt bad that I was here and he was preoccupied. Also, being in Illeta's house in LA, I felt like I was intruding on the closeness of all the people who knew her, loved her, and were still mourning her. I hadn't known her well enough.

"No, baby," I said, going over and wrapping my arms around him. "I'm not leaving because you're crazy busy. I'm leaving because this is hard enough for you and trying to rush back to me is making it harder."

"Coming home to my wife is no hardship," he murmured resting his chin on my head, "At least not three weeks out of the month."

I punched him and he laughed. "I don't like you racing the sun home," I told him more seriously. "It doesn't make me feel good that you do it for me."

He pulled away and held my face in his hands. "I would do anything for you."

"I know, sweetheart, just don't do that."

I helped him get undressed knowing he just liked the feel of my hands on him. Then I lay with him until the sun pulled him under. Shortly after, I was being escorted to the airport by Cypher and Lynx. At the last minute, I decided to go Monroe and see my brother instead of New Orleans, to an empty house. While I had still been sending Jason money, I hadn't called him since the incident at the vampire bar though he'd been calling me plenty.

I was learning something about holding grudges and why my Gran had always been against them. When people said nasty things about her because my inability to control my telepathy had freaked them out, she always let it roll off her back.

"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die," she'd say to me.

Then we'd have iced tea or maybe bake a pie together. She, too, was someone else I hadn't forgiven. I'd been angry that she had been unfaithful to her husband. I was angry that she knew why I'd been a freak my whole life. Mostly I'd been angry that Jason had been endangered for her indiscretions and I, ultimately, had to pay for them. I'd blamed her. It was why her letter was still unopened, and tucked in a shoe box. I'd been angry, but I wasn't angry anymore.

The first thing on my To-Do List when I got home to New Orleans would be to read it. I would also visit her grave. I had gone by to bring fresh flowers, but I hadn't talked to her as I used to in so long. Prior to marriage I had nothing to tell her about except the usual happenings in a town she'd lived and died in.

Now when I went to her grave I would have countless stories about all the places I'd been and all things I'd seen. I had a whole new world, a whole new life, and a husband she might have liked if she'd met. Forgiving my grandmother and going to see my ungrateful jerk of a brother made me feel lighter in spirit.

Jason was making an effort when I visited him. He was off V and he even tried to cook dinner. We both agreed it was horrible so we went to Merlotte's like we used to. Sam was even able to stop by for a quick chat. It was nice. Unlike the last time I was with my best friend in my home town, nothing marred it. Unfortunately that didn't last when I went back to my little farmhouse. I'd gone home, and by ten I felt exhausted. It was odd because I was used to being up much later and today I didn't even have the excuse of marathon sex with my Viking vampire. I just felt drained so I crashed.

For the first time ever, I dreamt about Quinn. Not even when I was missing him like hell did I dream of him. I'd just had nightmares full of blood and screams. This was more vivid. I saw him in the same back office of his gym and he was just staring ahead with those pansy purple eyes. He held his hand out for me and smiled. Suddenly, I was being shaken awake.

"Ashai,"

I blinked and found Lynx looking down at me, with his eyes aglow. "Ashai is tired." I mumbled.

"It not safe for Ashai to dream."

My mind was like a cotton ball. I just wanted to go back to sleep so badly. My eyes lids felt like they weighed a ton and they drooped against my will.

"Nei," Lynx said firmly. "Is not safe." he pulled me into a sitting position. My head flopped as if my neck had forgotten how to hold it up.

Lynx sat down on the bed and looked into my eyes. His grew brighter and brighter until I saw the dream I just had playing in my head except this time, I was watching it from the outside. The scene was foggy and cold, not warm and welcoming like it had felt a short while ago. It also had an extra person. A woman I hadn't noticed before was behind Quinn. Her eyes were closed and she appeared entranced. My dream-self couldn't see her though.

Then Lynx tapped my forehead and the dream vanished and suddenly I wasn't so tired anymore. "Witch speak Ashai name," he told me.

"Witch?" I asked baffled, "Why would one be messing in my head?"

I didn't know any witches and that was how I liked it. From what Sam had told me so long ago witches, like everyone else, they used their talents to make a living. Unless this one had a personal beef with me, which seemed very unlikely, someone had to be paying her. As scared as I was, I didn't want to call Eric. I mean, if Lynx could solve the problem I didn't see why I should worry him. He was dealing with enough already. This couldn't have anything to do with the attack in New Orleans weeks ago. Sophie-Anne's husband was still paying dearly for it.

Finding out the who and the why was more important. In the event I had to inform Eric, I would already have answers. It might curb his kneejerk response to overreaction, though I didn't hold out much hope.

"Can you find witches' shadow if Ashai does not speak her name?" I asked Lynx. I hoped so because I didn't know it.

"Lynx see power." He said, nodding. "Not need name now."

"Don't kill her," I said. "Bring her here."

I went into the kitchen to wait and Cypher joined me. I poured us tea. He didn't drink it but not serving him seemed rude. I didn't have long to wait. Lynx appeared ten minutes later. He looked happier than I'd ever seen which was obviously very bad for the woman he had with him. I recognized her from the dream, not her face, but her build. From her mental signature she was a Werewolf. Great. I didn't know Werewolves could be witches too. That double whammy didn't do her much good against Lynx.

"Tricky witch," he said. "But Lynx bring her to Ashai."

"Thank you?" I said uncertainly.

He smiled and it was utterly unsetting, then he kicked her legs out from under her so she was on her knees in front of me. All the while his shadow kept a hold on her neck and her hands bound behind her back. It was like something out of a horror movie and it was making my skin crawl. There were dark tendrils of smog dancing like animated shadows, curling and spiraling out from her ears and nose.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Hall..." she wheezed and gagged.

More wisps of what had to be Lynx's shadow came pouring from her mouth and climbing up her face, like dark sinewy vines crawling over the bricks of a house, or a swarm of critters. She looked terrified and had to be in a whole of hurt. I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Lynx," I said, turning my head. "Just hold her, take the shadow away."

Slowly the dark shadow that had crawled into the Were's body receded. Her rigid posture eased and she took a couple deep breaths.

"Ashai let Lynx eat witch after?" he asked, with a bright new look on his face. It was eerier than his normal bland expression. The woman shook her head as much as his shadow grip would allow and let out a sharp high pitched cry. I shuddered. How horrible could it be listening to people discuss eating you for dinner?

"She not smell so nice," Cypher commented, from his place at my elbow. "And is small."

"Not many smell nice," Lynx said, shrugging. "Britlingen Hellion say barbecue sauce make all better."

"Barbecue sauce?" Cypher asked curiously.

This was the most they've ever talked at once. I listened and watched out of morbid fascination.

"Is like ketchup and burning sauce but in one," he explained. "Ashai have," he pointed to the cabinet where I kept my condiments.

Cypher went and sniffed at the bottle of barbecue sauce. Then he reached for the steak sauce and sampled that too. Suddenly he didn't seem to mind the scent of Were. His eyes were now sizing up the witch for his dinner plate.

"Ashai, this barbecue sauce too?" Cypher asked passing the bottle of 'A1' to Lynx.

"No it's steak sauce," I said, kneading my temples. "Listen, no one is eating anyone. Just tell me who, what, where, why, and I'll tell him to bring you back in one piece."

"John Quinn," the witch said immediately.

The thought had entered my mind but I'd prayed like hell it wasn't so. Getting confirmation sent my heart into my stomach. I hadn't thought about him in so long. The thought shamed me but so much time had passed. He never attempted to contact me. I'd hoped he had moved on. I hoped he was happy but I'd just been hoping for too much.

"He said you loved him and he loved you," she said urgently. "But the vampire was keeping you apart and he couldn't risk contacting you any other way. I swear, I swear I'm not lying!"

I believed her. "Do you know where he is?" I asked.

"He's been living out of a motel in Minden since your husband burned down his house and gym."

Guilt and shame set in. Not once had I stopped and wondered what else Eric had done. He had only agreed not to kill him but he had taken away his livelihood. I'd been well off, and he'd had nothing. I couldn't go near Quinn, if not because I loved my husband and now respected him, then because I'd promised. I had to do something. It was my fault he had lost everything.

I was weighing my past against my present. They both mattered and marked the person I was but only one held a future. One of the things Eric had added during remodeling of the house was a safe. I emptied the contents minus jewelry. In total there had to be at least $200,000 cash, if not more. With the funds from my dowry account that Eric never let me spend, I could replenish the safe in no time.

I handed the witch a pillowcase full of money and it still didn't feel like enough. It felt like I was cheapening what I had with Quinn. In that moment I understood why Eric always threw money at anything I looked at. When you cared about someone and you felt like you weren't doing enough, material things were a limitless option to fill the gap.

"Take $20,000 and give him the rest," I instructed. She was due more than that for her pain and suffering but I didn't have any more on hand.

"I will," she said, nodding vigorously. I didn't have to tell her I would find her if she didn't.

"Tell him…tell him I'm sorry," I told the witch. "I'm so sorry I hurt him. I'm happy now and I hope one day he will be too."

I felt like a cold heartless bitch. I felt like I was torturing Quinn all over again but I let Lynx disappear with the witch in tow without batting an eye.

~oooooo~

I spent the next couple days at my farmhouse. I didn't get the feeling of being in a safe haven. I was thinking of Quinn, wondering if what I provided would be enough help him start over. Every night before bed when I spoke with Eric, I wanted to tell him but I just couldn't.

"I will find Marcus," Eric said over the phone, "Then I will come home."

"Okay," I replied, getting comfortable in bed. "I miss you."

"I miss you more." he murmured. He sighed, and it was a sound that was full of longing. "How was your day?"

"I didn't do much," I told him.

I heard a car door close on his end and I knew I only had a few minutes before something or someone pulled him away. "Tell me anyway," he said.

So I talked. I told him about tending the flowerbeds and how Sam's girlfriend was taking me the underground college for supes. I was learning about Shadow Wraiths and how to better communicate with mine. I told him about everything except Quinn and the witch. It wasn't because I thought he would be angry. The thought of telling him about it heightened my shame.

All the musings of my conscience that had been silent while I'd been having my affair was heavy in my stomach now. It only got worse with each passing day; with every tender act my husband showed. Since the day he said he would forgive and forget the indiscretion, Eric never brought it up or threw it my face, not once. It wasn't so bad that I wanted it to remain forgotten also?

"I am happy you have had a good day," he said.

I laughed. He really did sound better after just listening to me prattle. "I hope yours will be even better."

"Let us hope," he said doubtfully.

"Even if it sucks, I love you anyway," I said stifling a yawn.

"And I love you," he said. "Before you go…"

I didn't recognize the emotion to his voice. He hesitated for a moment too long. He sounded almost…unsure. That wasn't possible. The man was confident to the point of flagrant arrogance sometimes.

"Yes?" I wondered.

"Back in Manhattan, you said you were thinking about babies." I think I gasped audibly but he just spoke over me. "What did you mean?" he asked.

"Um…er…I was looking forward to my next birthday when we would be able to start trying to make some." It never occurred to me that he might not want it too. So I began trying to back pedal. "That's months off and—"

"I wanted to… I just wanted to hear you say it," I heard a knock and I knew he had to go. "I need to go lover, we'll talk more when I get home. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I replied dumbly. I went to bed that night with a big stupid smile on my face.

I was having breakfast the next morning feeling like I was on cloud nine when I heard the approaching visitor. The mental sign was unique, and it sent my heart plummeting. John Quinn was barreling down my driveway on a motorcycle.

I was on my front porch in an instant. "You have to go," I told him before he dismounted.

"I see he took you up on the bargain of being his whore," he said coolly. "I smell him all over you."

His insult didn't bother me. He was angry and I understood that. "You have to go," I said firmly. "I'm sorry—"

"Yeah I heard," he snarled. He stalked over the gravel and barely made a sound. "You're sorry and you're happy."

"Quinn, please stop." I said.

He didn't listen. He just kept right on strolling my way. I took steps back to compensate so he wouldn't cross my shadow. I didn't want Cypher to misinterpret his aggression and overreact.

"Stop," I said, trying to infuse my tone with as much as command as possible.

A smiled twisted his tanned face. It was nothing like the playful one I'd always known him to wear. This one was cold, calculating, and cruel even. "Are you sterile?" he asked.

"What?"

"Can you have children?" he clarified.

I didn't know what he was getting at but it didn't matter. He had worn out my patience. If the tables were turned and he was happy and I wasn't, I would be hurt but I would take comfort in his happiness.

"Leave!" I told him.

"I figured you couldn't because with all the holes I poked in the condoms you weren't ever late, not even once,"

It was as if I had been dunked in a pool of snakes. The sickly, slithering feeling tightened my throat and coiled through my stomach. I felt nauseous. He wouldn't do that - but then I remembered all the times he almost 'forgot' a condom, or when he tried to forgo one intentionally. No, he wouldn't have intentionally impregnated me knowing what Eric could have done to all three of us. Quinn would have never done that to me or an innocent child - but he had. He just told me that he had. I was dizzy and that was how I didn't notice him standing directly in front of me.

"Aw…babe you don't look so good," he mocked, "This might make you feel better. I only fucked your sorry ass and listened to piss poor life story because your fanger ruined my family." I kept moving back until my back was against the screen door but he just wouldn't stop talking and the world wouldn't stop spinning.

"Shut up!" I screamed at him. "Shut up!"

"Knocking you up was the best insurance policy. Figured I'd cover my bases in case you were on a pill so I caught it all on tape! 'Course your vamp covered his bases too when he burned down every place I'd ever lived in the last ten years."

My stomach turned and I hurled in my flowerbed until I was dry, but he wouldn't stop talking. He. Would. Not. Stop.

"That bastard deserved to see his virgin wife get fucked by another man. You leaving him for me would have been the best payday ever, but you wouldn't. Anyway you were getting old so I sent him video of every moment you spent sucking my dick and spreading your legs on my cheap sofa. So you whored yourself out to man you hated to save a man that didn't give two shits."

He shook his head as if I was dumber than he could have ever imagined or hoped for. "The real kicker?" he continued. "The real fucking joke is you, babe. You think I'm not over you," he laughed and he seemed genuinely amused. "I tapped a real easy piece of tail. The whipping was a bitch but I got all healed, plus the $200,000 more than made up for it. So who's happy now, you dumb slut?"

My world collapsed in on itself. I launched at him screaming and cursing but I didn't hurt him, and all the while he laughed. He just wouldn't stop laughing as he'd no doubt been doing since the moment we met. It was all I could hear. It was filling my ears and crushing my soul. He glided out of my way and I was a hair away from running into the porch post.

Cypher caught my face in his chest with his physical form. His shadow was behind Quinn. It wrapped and clung to him like life-sized piece of Saran Wrap. Suddenly the bastard wasn't laughing anymore. I watched as he tried to shift or move but couldn't. Cypher's shadow pried his mouth open and crawled into him like smoke being sucked into a vacuum. Quinn jerked, contorted, and then he fell to the ground. There was only a nose bleed to indicate he'd been harmed.

I ran inside, grabbed all the condiments I had on hand from Maple syrup to Salad dressing, and offered them to my Shadow Wraiths.

"Eat," I told them. "Do not come to me until I call."

They nodded and accepted the bottles. Jumping in the car, I began the five-hour drive to New Orleans. I wasn't leaving because I couldn't stand to watch. It was because I was no better. All the hurt, guilt, shame, and pain I caused my husband was rooted so deep in me, so much deeper than anything else I'd ever felt, more than love and hate. How sick of person had I become? I'd whored myself in the name of vengeance. I'd begun chasing who I thought was a monster, but the only monsters were Quinn and I. I was the only one left now and I had to die. I had to.

A/N: So I know I've been spoiling you all with daily update but the next one will be a few days away. My timing is super shitty but I can't help that. Also the Fic is almost at it's end so I want to make sure I sew up all my loose ends and properly deliver the HEA.