All rights to the name "K-On!" belong solely to Kyoto Animation. I neither own this franchise nor do I profit from the writing of this story.
Author's Note: Just want to go and give a shout out to all those who have been following this story. I know that it has been moving as slow as molasses but hopefully I can rectify that with this chapter. Let me know what you all think. Enjoy.
The next morning found Yui awake and ready to tackle the day at six thirty in the morning. Ever since yesterday Yui had been feeling nothing less but utter optimism in the way her life was going right now. While she appeared to be carefree of any of the worries that normal people suffered from the fact of the matter was that Yui was human and she, just like everyone else, had
her own set of insecurities which she chose to hide from the people she cared about, even from her little sister.
Right now, however, Yui was going to engage in an activity that she had wanted to do but was too lazy to ever follow through.
Already dressed in her school uniform Yui tip toed her way towards her little sister's room and gently opened the door. It was still dark outside as the sun had not risen yet so Yui was careful to tread her way inside the dark room. Her heart was beating furiously and sweat began to form about her brow. She had wanted to do this for so long and she did not want to mess it up.
Yui soon got close enough to her sleeping sister to hear her soft snores. She peered down, her eyes already adjusted to the dimness of the room, and could make out Ui's sleeping form. The younger woman was laid there her body sprawled out with a bit of drool coming from her mouth. Her blanket seemed to have been kicked off unintentionally as it only covered her right leg.
Yui had to contain herself and not laugh. The normally calm and upright Ui looked comically adorable in this state and Yui was cursing herself that she had forgotten her cell phone in her room otherwise she would have taken a picture.
Even so Yui soon gathered her courage and soon spoke.
"Come on Ui it's time to wake up!"
Ui's closed eyes clenched at the sound of her older sister's voice as Ui turned around and curled herself into fetal position making a cute, feeble sound while doing so. Yui thought she was going to die from the overdose of cuteness that was going on.
"Now now Ui there is no need to act like that! You have to get up and get ready for school." said Yui in her best big sister impersonation.
Ui's body soon started to stir and slowly she rose from her bed and was in sitting position. She yawned as she rubbed her right eye.
"S-Sis? What are you doing up so early?" asked Ui groggily too sleepy to realize that Yui being up at this early hour was probably making it snow in hell just right about now.
"Did you forget? I'm going to study with Nodaka-chan in a little bit. It's just for once I wanted to be the one to wake you up and not the other way around." replied Yui.
Ui could not help but smile as she heard Yui say this. It was just like her sister to pull something like this, to show that she could be a capable older sister.
Then again, now that Ui thought about it, Yui always tried to act the part of the responsible older sister whenever she got the chance. Unfortunately there were not too many chances for Yui to polish up her acting but still Ui thought it quite cute that Yui tried anyway. And like before Ui was always willing to entertain her big sister no matter what.
"You're right big sis. Thank you for waking me up. Just give me a few and I'll make you some breakfast before you go." said Ui as she got herself out of bed and started to stretch.
"No it's alright. I think I'm just going to toast some bread and then leave. Nodoka should be here any minute anyway." replied Yui nonchalantly.
Ui's face darkened slightly as she heard this before putting a smile back on again.
She finally had the opportunity to eat breakfast with her sister and perhaps talk about what they were going to do today. When Ui really thought about it they really never ate breakfast together since Yui never wanted to get up until it was nearly time for her to be present in class.
Now Ui had the opportunity to make breakfast and have a little time with her older sister before they were to go to school but found her hopes dashed when Yui had gotten up early so that she could study with Nodoka instead.
Yui never wanted to get up early before why now? Why is she willing to get up early for Nodoka but not for me? Every day I try to wake her up so that she can have enough time to get ready without having to rush to school.
For once I thought that perhaps we could sit down and have enjoy having breakfast together before going off to school together instead of trying to run and make it before we're late just because you, Yui, were too lazy to get up in time.
Now because Nodoka is coming to pick you up all of all sudden you're willing to be up early? I don't understand it…I really don't understand.
"Well good for you! I'm glad that you are taking your studies seriously. Just be sure that you don't forget your lunch on your way out. I know for a fact that you have already spent your allowance at this point so you don't have money for lunch at school." Said Ui in slight reproach.
Yui smiled as she scratched behind her head goofily knowing that Ui was completely right about her and had she not been reminded she would have run off with Nodoka without her lunch.
The sound of the doorbell ringing got the sisters' attention and at once Yui's eyes widened in joy.
"Nodoka-chan is here! I gotta go now Ui. Be sure to brush your teeth and not be late to school okay." Said Yui with a serious face.
"Okay I will." Smiled Ui as she saw her big sister soon take off leaving her by herself.
The room was terribly quiet and Ui's face soon discarded the superficial smile and set itself coldly instead.
I wonder when you're going to realize who is truly important in your life big sis. Who are the ones that constantly sacrifice to make sure that you are happy. I love you and will do anything for you…gladly. My only wish is for you to perhaps realize the extent of my dedication to you big sis and don't forget about me. I know you are making a lot of new friends and have other things to worry about and I understand.
But don't leave me behind….
Nodoka could not help but notice just how chipper Yui was the moment they had met outside and started their way toward school.
The girl seemed to almost skip with each and every step. While Nodoka was glad that Yui was optimistic she could not help but feel curious as to why she would be. If anything Nodoka expected to see a half-dead Yui dragging her feet to the library and griping about having to get up so early do to some boring studying.
"What has got you in such a good mood today Yui?" asked Nodoka with a small smile.
"Hmm? Why do you ask that Nodoka-chan? Is it weird for me to be happy about today?" asked Yui curiously.
"Oh no, it's not that. I just thought that you would be a bit more bummed out about having to get up so early that's all." Replied Nodoka.
"Well I hate getting up early but I just felt so happy when I woke up. It's kinda hard to explain." Said Yui as she looked up to the sky somewhat pensively.
Nodoka had known Yui long enough to know that something was definitely up. While Yui had looked to be quite optimistic Nodoka could not help but feel that there was something amiss. She did not know why but this supposed happiness that Yui was feeling right now felt somehow artifical.
"Talk to me Yui. Is there something wrong? You know that you can tell me." offered Nodoka
It was then that Yui had stopped walking her form standing still as she looked down and gripped her school bag tighter.
"You know Nodoka-chan I did alot of thinking last night."
"Really Yui? You thinking? I'm sure I already know what is wrong with you now. You probably broke something in there!"
Nodoka could not help but start laughing softly as she saw Yui's blank face as the other girl was still processing what she had just said. That was, however, until Yui suddenly realized the small insult.
"Aww Nodaka-chan that's so mean! I can't believe you would say that!"
Nodoka, at this point, could not help but start laughing out loud much to Yui's dismay.
"I-I'm so sorry Yui I couldn't help it." gasped Nodoka as she was trying to recover from her laughter.
"It was not that funny." pouted Yui as she pursed her lips together.
Nodoka still could not help but continue laughing. She did not know why she had just said that to Yui. In hindsight what she had said was quite mean. Then again Nodoka herself thought it was unusual that she was joking in the first place. She was normally a very reserved person. She would never joke around with anyone like this, not even with the few friends she had at school.
Then again she did not have the same relationship with them as she did with Yui.
Nodoka was happy that she was getting spend this time with Yui again. To have her to herself just like in the old days when they were in elementary school and junior high. Then everyday was an adventure for Nodoka when it was just her and Yui. Sometimes they would both get in trouble for something Yui would do but Nodoka knew that she would not have it any other way.
With Yui there was something new to experience everyday and contrary to her down to earth attitude Nodoka genuinely enjoyed being with Yui and putting up with her antics.
There was a time when Nodoka was afraid that she had lost Yui when the air headed girl had joined the Light Music Club. While Nodoka was happy that Yui was applying herself and getting to experience life with other people Nodoka could not help but feel that she had lost something important.
She would not lose her again.
"Look Yui I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I was just joking but I admit what I said was a bit harsh. I am quite selfish to humor myself at your pain Yui." said Nodoka with a look of regret on her face.
Yui regarded her childhood friend and could see the sincerity in her eyes. Yui knew that Nodoka meant no harm by what she said. If anything Yui was surprised that Nodoka even went so far as to joke around in the first place. Nodoka never joked around with anyone.
"It's alright Nodoka-chan don't look so sad. I'm happy that you're smiling and joking around. You know I worry about you sometimes. You are always so serious and stressed because of that student council stuff you are always doing. I keep thinking that you are miserable and not having fun like I am in the Light Music Club. But I know you do it because it is a job only smart, responsible people do and you are both smart and responsible. You put other people first and you work hard so that the other girls in school can have fun."
"Sometimes I think it's unfair. That you work so hard yet never have time to enjoy yourself. That I want to see you smile and laugh more often. Because when you do it reminds me when we were both younger, back in junior high and elementary when it was just you and me. Do you remember how much fun we used to have? You smiled all the time then. So please don't feel bad that you poked fun at me. You deserve to have the chance to joke around. I mean, in the end you are still a high school girl just like me. Don't you have the right to have fun and joke around just like the rest of us?"
It was times like this that Nodoka realized why she was friends with Yui in the first place.
Contrary to what everyone thought Yui was not as scatterbrained and clueless as they perceived her to be. At times Yui could be unusually wise and possessed a sense of discernment that was quite remarkable. Whether Yui realized this or not was something Nodoka was not sure of but what she did know was that Yui always knew the right thing to say at the right time.
You really know how to make me feel better don't you Yui? That you are possibly the only person in the entire world that understands me.
I can already see how the other girls wonder why me and you are friends but frankly I don't care whether they approve of not. They don't know us and cannot understand why we are friends. Sometimes I am at a loss as to why we are friends as well.
But then again that never bothered you did it Yui?
"T-Thank you Yui. I was supposed to be the one apologizing and comforting you and instead you turn it around on me. That's not fair Yui-chan." smiled Nodoka softly.
"Oh you just called me Yui-chan! You almost never do that! It's time for a big celebration!" cried Yui as she glomped Nodoka and held her close.
Nodoka felt Yui get close and pull her into their embrace immediately making her heart race and her face blush red. While she normally would be embarrassed or even upset if any one of her acquaintances did this to her in public with Yui she found that she did not care.
And just like Yui she went from a wise, perceptive adult to the Yui-chan that she has known and loved all her life in a matter of seconds.
This was why Nodoka enjoyed having Yui around. These rare times where Yui was able to show a side of herself that she would not show to anyone but her. A kind, mature, understanding side that was so contrary to her normal nature. Nodoka sometimes wondered if the childish antics Yui did were just an act and that she was waiting for the right person to express her real self to.
If that were the case then Nodoka felt privileged though all things considered she figured that Yui wasn't hiding anything. Her childish and perceptive natures were part of the same person. This was Yui, had always been Yui. Just some parts of her character were unknown to most.
"You know Nodoka-chan sometimes I felt that I was jealous of you. You're so pretty and smart and responsible. Everyone can count on you to get things right. But me I'm just useless." lamented Yui.
Nodoka felt her heart suddenly sting when she heard Yui say this. This was not the first time that Yui had lamented on her inability to get things done. But for her to constantly bring it up was something that really worried Nodoka. It was difficult to believe that all this time an insecure, frightened personality actually existed inside of Yui.
Yui had always been someone who never gave much thought to her future or to many things in general but ever since that time a couple of days ago when Yui was supposed to turn in her career sheet she had been nothing short but self conscious of her faults. Nodoka hated to see Yui like this.
"Yui listen to me. You shouldn't think of yourself like that."
"But I am! It was last night when it suddenly hit me. All this time I have been nothing but trouble for everyone. Ever since we were small I would always get you in trouble Nodoka-chan for the bad things that I did. Not once did I ever think that I could be hurting you for my stupid actions. No, I just continued to act silly and pretend it never happened."
"Then I come to high school and join a club not even knowing how to play guitar. I trouble all the club members and when it came time to buy a guitar I didn't even get one within my budget. I HAD to buy Gitah, even if it meant forcing the other club members to start working. If I only just chose a cheap guitar then I wouldn't have had to trouble them and waste their time."
"Most of all there's Ui and my parents. I know they work so hard to take care of me. My mom and dad are never home because they are always at work. When they finally come home they are so tired they sleep all day. I see them, just how tired they are, how much they are suffering to take care of me and Ui. Even then Ui at least helps out. She cooks, cleans, and keeps our budget straight so that we don't run out of money at the end of the month."
"But I know she is suffering. There are times when she thinks she is alone I see her crying. She throws stuff or will tear something else and I know it is because she is so stressed. She has to worry about all her studies AND cook and clean for me as well."
"And what do I do? Nothing. I barely pass my classes and I just play on Gitah all day. When I sit down and think about it all my happiness, all the fun that I have with the Light Music Club, it is all because there are other people suffering so that I don't have to. I can't clean and cook so I can never help Ui at home and when I try I just make things worse for her. I can't get a job to help my parents even a little because I am too busy at the Light Music Club. And even then we don't even practice that much. We eat cake and drink tea."
"I realized just how unfair it is to you, Ui and my parents to always be taking care of me while I hardly even repay you guys in return. It was then that I came to know that I am selfish Nodoka. I really am a selfish person! I'm always thinking only of myself. That we don't practice as much in the Light Music Club because I want to eat cake so we don't improve like we should. Or that I'm barely passing my classes and never try to do better because I think it's too boring. While they don't say anything I know mom and dad are probably super disappointed in me. To know that they are working so hard and yet they have a daughter that hasn't done anything to make them proud, to reward them even a little for all the work they go through."
"I would tell myself why I can't be more like you Nodoka. Someone who isn't afraid to be responsible, to put in hard work to be smart and help other people, to be useful! I look in the mirror and sometimes I get mad at what I see because I see me, just some overgrown kid who doesn't wanna grow up. You, on the other hand, have grown up so much Nodoka-chan that I'm scared that I'm just holding you back. That I'm still the same, stupid kid like I was in elementary. That when I leave high school I will not be able to take care of myself and force more people to worry about me when they shouldn't."
"It's not fair to you all! It's not! I know that I'm kinda dumb but really I'm tired of being a burden to everyone. For once let me suffer, let me hurt, let me sacrifice for someone else. I'm not only doing this for just Ui, Nodoka, though she is a very big reason why. I'm doing this because I want to be able to help for once! To be useful and be able to take care of other people when they can't! Ui deserves to be happy for herself, deserves to do the things SHE wants to do! I'll work hard and make sure that is always happy just as she works hard right now to make me happy."
"I want to work hard so that my parents can finally rest. They have given up so much to take care of us. It is the least I can do. But most of all I want to do this because I feel like it is the only way I can stay friends with you Nodoka! I don't want to lose you."
"You know I was scared that we were no longer friends anymore Nodoka. That there was a time that I actually thought you forgot about me? I would see you with the other student council girls and think "Geez Nodoka looks so happy with her new friends. They are all so smart and grown up. I wonder if Nodoka will still want to be friends me.' And you know what? I would not have blamed you if you did leave me behind. You grew up while I stayed a kid. I had no right to hold you back. I still have no right..."
Nodoka already felt her eyes stinging from the tears that were coming out as Yui lay her head on her chest, sobbing. To hear that Yui had this much insecurity, had this much worry about her own self-worth was quite frankly disturbing. Did Yui hide all of this behind those smiles? Never did she want to see Yui in tears, lamenting her lack of worth, blaming herself for the troubles of others. While she was right in some respects Nodoka still felt saddened that Yui had been feeling this way.
The question is for how long? Yui for how long have you been suffering like this and been hiding it from the rest of us? From your parents, Ui, the Light Music Club?
If I was the only person you could trust telling this to then why didn't you come to me sooner?
As if in response to her own question a series of flashbacks showed Nodoka, on several occasions, being approached by Yui, who was alone. Yui, as always, would wear a smile and want to chat with Nodoka but Nodoka would spurn her away, saying that she was too busy and would talk to her another time.
And now that Nodoka really focused on her memories each and every single time there would be a flash of hurt flicker across Yui's bright eyes before they were hidden in a gleam of superficial joy.
I really haven't been there for her haven't I? That I would put the company of my very own best friend, the one person who has accepted me without question or ulterior motive, and I turn her away claiming that I was too busy.
What kind of friend am I? That perhaps during all of those exchanges she perhaps had wanted to seek me out to release these frustrations, to find a way to end her misery and improve herself, that I was the only one she trusted in making this happen.
And I failed her.
Still Yui comes to me. She still clings to the faith that we are close friends, still shows me that despite all the new friends and acquaintances she has made over the years that I'm the only one she could come to in times of trouble.
Yui...I'm so sorry.
"No Yui I should be apologizing to you for not being there. What kind of friend am I if I could not take even a little time from my day to come to you? To hear you out?"
Yui looked over to Nodoka with tear stained eyes that clearly did not belong on her face. Yui should be smiling and her eyes should be filled with only the purest joy out there.
Then again Nodoka had been audience to the fact that Yui had been coming to terms with her insecurities. While she had spoken a part of it back in the Light Music Club room not too long ago this episode seemed to have trumped them all.
This nearly endless source of doubt, insecurity and even sorrow. How Yui even managed to keep it all in was something that even Nodoka did not know.
"Nodoka-chan...don't blame yourself. I know you have been super busy and-"
"Stop right there Yui. All this time I had wondered where our friendship was going, whether we were even friends. I too felt that sense of ambiguity. And now that I think about it I have not helped in being there for you, not once taking time out of my day to see that you were suffering and that you were reaching out for advice and consolation. You have had to suffer bearing this burden alone."
"You know Yui I will never think less of you. You are my friend, my best friend...my only friend. You think those other girls are my friends? Sure I get along with them but you'll be surprised just how many would turn their back on me if they knew I wasn't useful to them. That's the sad thing about growing up Yui. Sometimes people forget to be friends with others because they enjoy being with each other. Instead they become your friend because they need something for you. There is always an ulterior motive. You, however could never bring me down. You're my best friend Yui and sometimes I feel like you are my only friend. But I would trade all the 'friends' I have in the student council just for you Yui. I would sacrifice even more than that to be with you. That's how important I see our friendship Yui. You're the only person I know that wanted to be friends with me not because I'm academically inclined or have connections but because you genuinely like being with me. That you are friends with Nodoka, not the student body president. So don't think for a second that you are burden because you're not. Not to me, your parents or your sister. They sacrifice because they love you Yui."
At this point Nodoka's eyes were streaming with tears.
"So stop it. Please stop saying you're worthless because you're not Yui. You're the kindest, most understanding person I have ever met and I know that you will do everything in your power to make someone happy if you feel that they need it. I admire your decision and I will do everything in my power to make sure you achieve it because Yui I lo-"
Nodoka suddenly realized just what she was about to say and stopped herself short much to Yui's surprise. Her heart was still racing and the fact that Yui was still in her arm's, in public no less, wasn't helping matters.
What is wrong with me? I feel like a love sick teenage girl. Well, to be frank I am a love sick teenage girl. But Yui? Could I possibly...?
No it can't be I'm just being silly.
But then why does my heart race when she's near me? Why do I feel like I have to hold her, protect her from everything that could possibly hurt her? That I would give everything up, my goals, dreams, ambitions just to make sure that Yui's own happiness is fulfilled instead?
Yui do you even realize that you hold this much power over me? That with a few simple words I will do anything you wanted? My only question is why.
"Nodoka-chan..."
Nodoka looked down to see Yui placing a hand on her right eye wiping away the tears that had formed on it. Such a tender gesture and before Nodoka even realized it she closed her eyes as she leaned her face on Yui's hand.
"I care about you Yui. I really do. It just hurts me to see you so scared and unsure. It makes me feel like an utter failure as a friend. But not anymore."
Just like that Yui suddenly felt as if a giant weight had been taken from her chest. All this hidden anxiety, regret and self hatred was finally out in the open.
She could never tell the Light Music Club about these problems she would not want to trouble them. The same with Ui and her parents. They had more than enough to worry about anyway without her being there to make things worse by dumping her insecurities on them.
In some ways Yui felt guilty by the fact that she had to burden Nodoka with her torment, to force her very best friend to share in the pain. It was not fair to Nodoka and Yui, on many occasions, was glad that Nodoka had no time for her before. It wouldn't have been fair to dump her problems on Nodoka when Nodoka herself was so busy. These problems were her's and her's alone.
But now she was finally able to relinquish the burden and was glad that Nodoka did not hate her for it. She did not think of Yui as a failure or someone incapable of achieving her goals. Nodoka had nothing but the utmost confidence that she would be able to succeed. That genuine faith Nodoka had for Yui really made the guitarist feel much more at ease.
Nodoka-chan is such a good friend. I feel that when she is rooting me on that I can do anything. I will not disappoint her. I will not let her down. I promise that I will do well in my studies and become responsible. Someone that other people can depend on. That is what I want most in the world. To be able to help is all...
"Thank you Nodoka-chan for listening to me. Really...I mean it."
"No Yui. Thank you for being my friend...my only true friend."
Author's Note: Well I hope I'm not really boring anyone. This chapter may feel a bit redundant and this story is moving REALLY slow but I promise that it will pick up next chapter. I might even do a small time skip just to move things along. Anyway let me know what you all think. Hit me up.