DEAR LORD SOMEBODY PLEASE TAKE THIS OFF MY HANDS. It took forever! I would sit down and write a couple hundred words and then wander away because I had no ideas for this chapter;;;;

thanks for reading, please review :T

Feliciano's eyes peeled open, the light flooding into the room blinding him momentarily. His forearms stuck to the sticky surface of the table. He peeled them off, leaving red, sharp marks on his arms where he'd been leaning on them. He didn't know where he was, really. He felt himself sitting in a chair, leaning on a table; oh, that's right.

He suddenly remembered what had happened that night, memories flooding into his mind- a dim street, a flickering street lamp, the deep timber of a voice next to him; one that had stuttered out a string of words, and then changed completely. He remembered the feeling of hands on his shoulders, nearly burning into his skin. He saw the flash of blue eyes looking into his own, fixating on him and making the world seemingly meaningless for just a moment. He remembered the feeling of soft lips on his.

He stopped himself, looking around groggily. He was in his own kitchen, sleeping at the round wooden table after running inside last night. He could hear the refrigerator running behind him, the hum of the appliance ever-present in the small space of the kitchen. His shoes were still on his feet as he slid them across the tile, going to stand up. He was wobbly when he did stand, nearly tripping into the counter in front of him.

His hair was a wreck; his face wasn't anything short of disgusting. He looked disheveled, like he'd crawled out of a hole rather than woke up at his kitchen table. He had a slight headache.

He nearly fell to the floor when he realized; it was Monday. Oh, god. It was already noon, it wasn't like he was going to miss much more of school than he already had. Lovino would still be in the hospital, and their grandfather was probably sleeping at the time, spending more time in bed than he did out of it. He would have missed… shit, he'd already missed his science test. Well, it wasn't like he was prepared for it anyways. He would have failed nonetheless.

He reasoned with himself that he deserved a day off. After all the things he'd put up with last week, and this weekend… he really did need one. His teachers would probably be lenient after hearing that his brother was in the hospital; he could probably just use Lovi as an excuse by saying he was visiting him that morning.

Feliciano thought back to the previous night again. Why had Ludwig done that? Had he been so blind—was that what Ludwig had talked to him for in the first place, that night at homecoming? Questions flashed in his mind, making his headache come back a bit. He'd basically come to a conclusion: either Ludwig was in love with him, or he was just confused. Yeah, that was probably it. Confused.

He wasn't even gay! No, Feliciano was straight. Straight as an arrow. Straight as a ruler. Straight as the pope. Nobody was gonna tell him otherwise. Feli loved to flirt with girls, right? That must prove it, then. He was damn good at it, too. He could charm women very well with a wink or a wave of his hand.

… right?

Well, Ludwig was kind of a handsome guy, in a completely straight and totally non-objective viewpoint. Er, you know. He was physically attractive, within that definition, and he was also, just kind of okay to be around, so he guessed that could be attractive. But not to him. Or, maybe he was attractive to him, just in a straight way.

Ugh, it was just the entirely wrong moment for him to be going through this kind of insecurity. What had he even been thinking…?

He wanted to go to the hospital; to see Lovino for a moment, even if his older twin couldn't give him advice. All the brunette could do was try to stay alive, and stay well. He seemed to be stable enough, with a regular heartbeat, and regular breathing, and regular blood flow, but that didn't stop Feliciano from worrying. The red-head was scared for his brother. Anyone you love being in the hospital is scary, he imagined, but the fact that Lovino was still unconscious was even more terrifying. He'd been in this coma for three days now, and Feliciano wondered what it would be like if Lovino never woke up. He would be alone with his neglectful grandfather; away from any kind of regular contact. Sure, Lovino could be… out of control, but that didn't change the fact that Feliciano loved his brother. If Lovino… didn't pull through… he wondered what he'd do.

He'd probably end up doing something dumb. He'd probably hurt himself, do something so horribly dumb that Lovino would smack him upside the head and scold him for it, and then pull him close and offer to make the pasta for dinner that night. It had happened before; Lovino had comforted him when he most needed it, but he generally didn't like to get close to anyone. He'd distanced himself; put up walls and boundaries that Feliciano found he must respect.

But what if Lovi never did come home? It… was a possibility. A very bad possibility. He decided he didn't want to think about it. He wanted his brother to just be okay already. Just to wake up and say "surprise!" and say he was just pretending he was hurt, that his skull was in one piece and his bones weren't cracked.

He dragged his heavy body up the old wooden stairs, turning to the door to his bedroom. He opened it, listening to the creaking, the doorknob cold in his uncertain hands. He flopped down onto his bed, not bothering to get under the blankets. He curled up, trying to nap off the stress.

God, god, forbid he have an identity crisis right now. He was just kidding with me, Feliciano thought. Obviously didn't mean anything… at all…

Feliciano wondered if he wanted it to mean anything.

Ludwig's eyes darted to the clock again. He tried to control them, but there was no other thing in the room that captured his attention. He watched the red second hand tick painfully slowly around once again, as he'd watched it go thirty times before in that history classroom. The lesson had been blatantly ignored, a worksheet sitting in front of him that was supposed to be done already, but remained blank. There was only a few minutes left until school got out.

He'd been on edge that day, the day of his math test, that he'd pretty much failed it. He'd been shaky and unstable from a lack of sleep last night, and his concentration was sub-zero. It stressed him out even more, making him worried about his grades and putting more pressure on his shoulders. He doubted he'd even gotten a single problem right, and he'd already started to accept the fact. He cursed himself for being okay with that, but his fate was signed and sealed, and ready to be graded.

Feliciano hadn't come to school that day. Fuck, he'd screwed up. Badly, really.

He wondered why he'd kissed Feliciano in the first place, and determined that he'd only been weak in submitting to his intsticts like that. He should have waited, he should have…

He realized now that he wouldn't have done anything if he'd just allowed himself to think. Since he'd done it so idly, so on a whim, it had been thoughtless. And it had felt good, Feliciano's lips against his, but only for an instant. The red-head had torn away, taking Ludwig's beating heart with him.

The footsteps that carried Feliciano away were etched into his mind. He heard them echoing down the street, off the buildings on either side of him as he stood in the dark. Alone.

After he'd run away, Ludwig wondered whether it would have been a good idea to… you know, chase him. He figured, regrettably, that maybe it would have been a good idea. But his feet wouldn't move, that night, his heart wouldn't stop pounding, and there was a tightness in his chest. He thought maybe it was regret. Or love.

There was forty-nine seconds left in class. Forty-eight. Forty-seven.

Ludwig stacked his folders on top of his textbook, seeing kids next to him doing the same. The class was about to end, the last one for the day, and then he'd go home, and sit in his bedroom, and his mind wouldn't leave him alone, telling him what he'd done wrong, and, and-

Guh. He'd have to do this, wouldn't he. He'd have to go to Feliciano's house. To apologize.

The bell rang. Immediately, he heard lockers slamming and people talking as the kids ran into the hallways, himself included. He nearly dashed to his locker, opening it and dumping his books into his backpack. He snatched his coat and slammed the door. He took off at a brisk walk, towards the main hallway. It was flooded with people, loud and obnoxious, the air filled with toxic rumors and slews the way that only highschool students could fill it.

It was bus T that Ludwig boarded, remembering it was the bus Feliciano had introduced him to his brother on. There were only a few kids on it today, Francis alone in the back and Arthur sitting in the front. They'd probably been fighting; they'd been known for this sort of thing.

He sat down, feeling out of place. He'd only ridden this bus once, the time he'd been with people he knew. The bus started moving, and he felt his heart pound faster. What if this was a mistake? He'd probably get there, and Feliciano would refuse to speak to him. He'd done something unforgivable… Unnaceptable. He shifted in his seat. No, he thought, I need to apologize. Even if he doesn't accept it.

It was a few minutes later when the bus rolled to a halt just outside of Feli's neighborhood that the real nervousness set into Ludwig's head. He wondered if this was a good idea after all. He stepped out onto the concrete, not bothering to thank the bus driver. He'd forgotten, with all of the buzz in his head.

The bus started up again, door squeaking closed and a hum picking up as the wheels rolled, rubber sending pebbles skittering across the pavement. Ludwig stared down the long street, between the two rows of aging houses. He started walking, moving to the left side, where he walked in the street since sidewalks were absent. The grass between he and the houses was dead already, dark green and brown and yellow mixed together in a sign that snow was sure to come soon. The ground was damp from a cool rain that had fallen that morning. The soles of his black doc martens left footprints on what dry ground there was; a puddle had left the bottom of them wet.

He arrived in front of the old house that Feliciano had taken him to on that Tuesday before. Standing in the street, short of the small driveway, he reconsidered his decision a final time. It didn't take long for him to tell himself to do it anyways.

His legs moved more hesitantly now, his footstes more meaningful in their distances. The squares of the sidewalk seemed too large.

Ludwig was standing at the door, finally. His arm was heavy as he reached up to press the doorbell, his finger lingering on the button for a moment before forcing himself to press it anyways. A ringing sound resounded in the house.

He suddenly regretted all of this. It was like the text he'd sent after homecoming; after he'd pressed the button, he wondered what Feliciano would think of him. Would he hate him? Would he forget it? A brand new wave of nervousness washed over him.

He heard nothing inside the house. Not a single reaction, not a sound. The nervousness he felt bubbled up in his stomach and he felt like he was going to be sick. Maybe he should just go. Feliciano was probably just not answering the door because he never wanted to see Ludwig again. All of Ludwig's fears seemed to confirm themselves at that moment. He waited for a minute, before turning around to leave.

Then he heard the creak of the wooden door opening. Feliciano was right behind him, in the doorway, as Ludwig stood with one foot down on the steps to the sidewalk. The blonde looked over his shoulder at the door, scanning the red-head's expression.

He saw shock, that was evident. But in the eyes there was a kind of tiredness he hadn't seen in them before. There was a kind of confusion behind them. Feliciano's jaw had fallen slightly slack, and his eyes were wide. The amber didn't catch the light like Ludwig had known before.

Neither of them said anything for a moment. Ludwig turned the slightest bit on his heel, facing the door again, trying to think of something to say, something to do, apologize you idiot—

"I'm sorry." Feliciano nearly whispered, his voice cracking with tiredness.

Ludwig's eyes widened. "N-no! You don't… need to be sorry. It's my fault." He took two big, deep breaths. "That was… out of line. I'm so sorry." I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. The line repeated in his head a dozen times.

It was Feliciano's turn to be surprised, not quite knowing what to say. "I… um. D-did you… mean anything… by it?" His voice was uncharacteristically quiet. His posture relaxed a little, and he moved his feet from inside to stand on the threshold. The door slid mostly shut behind him.

Ludwig felt heat creeping into his face. "I… wasn't thinking. Please, don't take it to heart. It didn't… mean anything." …unless that's okay with you.

"Ludwig…" Feliciano started, taking another step across the porch and toward the blonde. The door swung open just a crack, the inside of the dark house just visible. Ludwig was holding his breath, waiting to see what the red-head would do. Fuck, he must've looked flustered, or embarrassed, or scared, or maybe a mix of the three. Feliciano's bare feet made a sound against the stone porch as he took another step across it toward Ludwig.

"Maybe… It would be okay. For it to mean something."

The words echoed in Ludwig's mind. They were the loudest things in the universe, even when they were spoken quietly. They burned themselves into his memory like a fire in the cold November air. They were everything he'd dreamed to hear from this boy. He didn't believe it.

Soft hands were resting on Ludwig's shoulders as Feliciano stood just a step above him, and their eyes met. Ludwig's breath was caught in his throat, his heartbeat going too fast.

The corners of Feliciano's mouth turned up slightly, in a quiet, hesitant smile. "If that's… okay with you, ve?"

Then their lips connected, this time the action initiated by Feliciano. It wasn't an organized kiss, a bit sloppy and harsh, neither of them well-practiced. It was close-mouthed, innocent, but demanded affirmation. Ludwig jolted at the contact, but soon settled into the kiss with a feeling of relief blossoming from his stomach. A tingling appeared in his fingertips, happiness working its way though him.

"Y-yes. That's okay with me."

Feliciano took him by the hands and led him inside.

UGH PLEASE TAKE THIS FAR AWAY AND NEVER MAKE ME LOOK AT IT AGAIN

im so sorry i didn't update for a while, but this was truly awful to write. nothing good even really happened;;;;

please please review!