Title: When Englishmen Get Bored
Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia nor the four houses of Harry Potter
Rating: T for mild language
Genre: Humor
Characters: England with mentioned others
"And as you can see, by this color coordinated bar graph, the levels of tuna fished by maritime countries since 2008 has blah been blah blah and this leads blah to a decreasing blah blah in fracturing blah blah blah blah blah blah..."
England stopped paying attention. Frankly, he didn't give a bloody fuck about tuna levels at the moment so long as there was plenty of cod to go around. He has a raging headache and it is France's fault. Even if the Frenchman was nowhere near England last night as he proceeded to drain the pub of any and all rum.
England needed something to distract himself for the next antagonizing number of hours until the meeting was over. He watched as America fearlessly stood up, took the speaking stand, and began voicing his ludicrous ideas in front of all the nations who probably wanted to maim him one way or another. Whether England wanted to admit it or not (or not), America was brave. Stupidly brave. And chivalrously helps old ladies cross the street.
Snorting to himself for stooping this low for entertainment, England flipped to a new sheet of paper and made four columns headed with the four Harry Potter houses: Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw. He couldn't believe he was doing this as he scribbled down America's name under Gryffindor. He already categorized America in that house back when he read the first book, but might as well make it official by writing it down.
So thus, England began categorizing the entire world into these four columns.
The next person to take the stand was Estonia. England didn't know the eastern European nation well; he did know Estonia liked learning to add to his intelligence and was subtly witty. Ravenclaw. He also put Germany, Iceland, Japan, Norway, France (the wanker), and Austria down for similar reasons.
Sitting to his left, Switzerland was muttering clever ways to save money under his breath so England wrote his name down in Slytherin. As an afterthought, he also wrote Lichtenstein's name underneath. He figured either Lichtenstein would beg the Sorting Hat or Switzerland would threaten the hat to put her in the same house as her brother.
His Hufflepuff column was empty, so England began with some countries he felt confident would be there. Italy was listed first for his patient, caring nature, though he did lack the loyalty at times. Following Italy was Canada with his high levels of loyalty. The boy did remain faithful to the crown much longer than his brother did. Belgium, Seychelles, and Ukraine were sweet, hard-working girls so he wrote their names down next. Latvia means well so he followed. As for Greece, Netherlands, Lithuania, and Poland, he really didn't know what to do with them so he just dumped them in Hufflepuff.
When in doubt, dump them in Hufflepuff.
Unless they are Romano who was dumped in Slytherin because none of the other houses seemed to work. Concerning the Italian, he is somewhat resourceful. Back during World War II where the bloody hell did he get that phone anyways?
Russia, China, Hong Kong, and Sweden also became Slytherins for they can be conniving little gits at times. Belarus and Turkey became the next Slytherins because they are quite ambitious when they want to be.
The next speaker up was South Korea. He'd guess Gryffindor because South Korea stands up for his beliefs of everything being made by him with utmost determination. Prussia also made the Gryffindor list because he doesn't back down from a fight no matter how miniscule it is. Just for his own amusement, he also put Sealand down. The little git just won't give it up with the nation status! Hungary, Australia, and Cuba also became Gryffindors.
As the next presenters came and went: Egypt became a Ravenclaw, Finland and Spain Hufflepuffs, and Denmark a Gryffindor. He put Romania and Bulgaria as Ravenclaws because there were already too many Hufflepuffs.
England knew he was missing some nations but all the marmite in the world couldn't make him care. He felt productive despite not absorbing a single word from the previous presentations. After scribbling his name down in Slytherin simply because it was his favorite house, England closed his notebook with a clear head.