Every 18 minutes someone dies from a suicide, Every 43 seconds someone attempts one. If you or any one you know is suicidal please Call 1-800-784-2433. Please, Suicide is not the way, don't let anyone you know suffer because you've committed suicide.

The easiest way to prevent suicide is to never let someone be completely alone. If you see someone sitting alone at school or at work; talk to them, ask them to join you at lunch, do something. It only takes five minutes to save a life, it's not a waste of time. Don't Waste a life.

I was in the tent again; Genz was leaning against the pole next to the tent flap. He'd insisted I not go workout in the practice field or go on patrol, saying I needed to rest. The problem was I felt rested, very rested. I'd slept in until almost ten, (a record for me) I'd eaten a good meal, taken a hot shower, had another good meal this time with my friends, and now I was sitting in my tent sketching. I was bored out of my mind. All my days had been filled with work. Working with Jacob, or Lam, or Genz, or even Bryn with his non-stop cameras, that was normal, comforting. This was odd, I felt like I was on leave without being allowed to go anywhere. I needed to go out of the camp to do what I was going to.

I stood, suddenly. Genz looked up at me surprised, I smiled back, "I'm going for a walk, and see if that can't get rid of my kinks."

I walked towards the tent flap, expecting him to at least stand and follow me. His hand closed on my wrist before I could open the tent, "Dalka, what's wrong?"

I smiled again, "Nothing, why? Did I do something to make you think that?"

He frowned, "Yes, in fact. You're acting oddly." He pulled on my wrist, and I found myself sitting on his lap blinking up at him in surprise. "Tell me what's wrong, Dalka," He growled, "I can't help if I don't know the problem."

I gave him my best false smile, "What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with me."

His frown turned into a glare, "Stop it!" I was taken back by the fact that he'd yelled in my face, "Don't you dare lie to me again, Dalka." His grip on my arms tightened to a painful level.

I winced and managed to pull away from him, though when I look back I can't remember how. I was standing, a good arms length away from him, no longer smiling. I gritted my teeth and looked away from his angry glare, "I don't know what you're talking about, if there's something wrong it's not with me."

SMACK

Genz was up off the ground before I could move. My face burned from where he had slapped me. He picked me up off the ground by my coat front I could feel the top of the tent brushing the top of my head. "YOU DON'T LIE TO ME!!" His glare was cutting and terrifying, "I've protected you, survived for you, hell I practically shoved food down your throat when you wouldn't eat. I never lied to you and I sure as hell would never let anyone else, even yourself, hurt you. So you better shove what ever notions you have and talk to me damn it!"

I was stilled with fear for several moments until slowly Genz put me back on my feet. Tears began to roll down my face, I wasn't sure why. Genz's voice softened, "Dalka, Talk to me…"

I was shaking; my hands went to my face. I couldn't stand the look he was giving me, "Why?" I sobbed, dropping to my knees. Genz knelt next to me listening, my ever silent, loving protector, "Why does god make us live such horrible existences, with all this loss? I'm tired of it!" I was shouting at him, "I don't want to see any more people die! I don't want to see my friends in pain! I just want it all to end! I want to die!!"

Genz's face dropped, he stared to me sobbing angrily for several moments. His voice was low when he spoke again, "You don't want your friends in pain?"

I nodded.

"Then think about what the Hell you're trying to do!" He yelled at me. I stopped sobbing to stare at him, "You're about to kill yourself to try and stop the pain, But all that does is cause more! If you die, you leave that bunk behind!" He pointed at my cot, "Think about what everyone will go through to put that bunk away. Your sisters, Lam and Ami, They would be heart broken. They care about you, we all do!" He took several deep breaths, "If you died, we'd be in pain, and that pain would happen anytime we did something that reminded us of you. Cleaning up your cot, sending your things to your family, going out on patrol, anything could cause that pain." He paused, "You say you don't want to see us in pain, well you wouldn't, but we'd be in the greatest amount of pain ever."

He stood back, breathing heavily from yelling at me. It was like he was trying to put a wall between me and him. I stared straight forward, but I wasn't seeing what was in front of me, I was seeing what was inside of me. Why was I doing this? I wanted to avoid the pain. Did this really avoid the pain? Here I was having a shouting match with Genz, the man who called himself my brother. I wanted to end my own pain, but that would only add to his… To everyone else's too.

I started to cry again. I was sobbing again, this time begging for him to forgive me, begging him not to leave me. I didn't want to be alone anymore. A set of miss-matched arms encircled me, rocking gently back and forth and low soothing growls where emitted from deep in his chest. As I finished, I heard him say something that made me think. "Dalka, it's alright…" The place his voice seemed to come from was right next to my ear, making his voice seem deeper, and his chest rumble, "My mother told me once, when my father started to drink, that he had built a wall between himself and the world. I asked her why, and she told me, 'Sometimes people put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down'. You needed someone to break down your wall. Any of us in the camp would have done that. I'm just the one that did."

I pulled away from him then wrapping my arms around my legs to that my knees were pressed against my chest. Red eyed, I looked at him. In nine months he had changed very little. His hair was still the dirty blond, Mohawk braid. His face had the same lines; he looked like he was in his early thirties at latest, a good ten years older than me. My real brother was six years older than me, but some how the feeling I got from both of them was the same. Both always trying to protect me, both loving me when I thought I wasn't worth it, both willing to make sacrifices I would never had made.

My voice sounded small again, weak, "Promise… Promise me, you'll stay by my side."

Genz set his gaze even with mine, he shifted until he was on one knee, "I, Genz Bresslau, swear I'll be at you side anytime you ask. I will be your brother for as long as I live. I will stand by you and protect you to the best of my ability, this I swear on bended knee and in the name of all that is dear to me."

I nodded and rubbed my face dry. I smiled at him, genuinely for the first time a month.

An hour passed with little being said between me and Genz, but nothing needed to be said. I'd shown him some of the sketches I was more proud of and started work on ruff sketches on the landscapes I'd seen as I'd been flying. Now I was working on pictures of the odd people involved in the Hughes and Ross murders. They were ruff, all being from my memory, but I could remember their faces fairly well. There was the chesty woman with long hair and the man from across the market place, for him I drew both his faces, but neither seemed like his real face.

I looked up as Ami and Lam walked in, they fell silent as they noticed me watching them. Lam was the one who broke the silence. I hadn't seen either woman since the day before. "Dalka," She said shortly, "how you feeling?"

I recognized Jacob's accent on her tongue, she'd been talking to him… I didn't drop my gaze, "Where are my blades?"

Ami swallowed, but Lam met my look, "I don't think that's the answer to my question."

I shrugged; we were having a silent battle of wills. If I looked away I'd lose, "Don't you think I'd feel a lot better with my blades?"

Ami finally spoke, but she didn't manage to break the starring contest between myself and Lam, "Why do people insist on answering a question with a question? It's so bloody annoying."

I spoke to her with out looking away from Lam, "Tell me where my blades are and I'll stop being 'so bloody annoying'."

I saw Lam pale at that statement. She slammed her hands onto either side of me on my cot, which did little except to cause me to bounce in place. "If your mind set is still that way you're never getting your knives," I'd never heard her growl before this…

"What mind set?" I asked without changing my expression, despite the closeness.

"I refuse to give a weapon to someone suicidal," Lam countered.

"I'm not suicidal." I stated evenly. I didn't miss Genz coughing, and neither did either of the women.

Lam blinked. She was surprised. She stood up tall and looked at me. I knew from the way she was blinking I'd won the contest. "How can I be sure?" She asked watching me.

I picked my sketch book back up, adding a shape to one of the figures before speaking. "I have no intention of dieing any time soon. There are things that are too important for me to just give up." I found my self looking back up at her this time not in contest. "I can't let their murders go on unrequited," I looked back down, "I can't do anything for them… but I can help the people who can. I refuse to let myself wither away."

Lam and Ami just looked at me confused, Genz's eyebrows where so high I though they might crawl to the back of his head. "Whose murders?" Genz asked quietly.

I looked him in the eye, before I looked back down and shuffled through my sketch book. I put it on my pillow and stood, pulling on my coat. "I need to go see Sou, I'll take Genz with me so you two ladies can cool off in privacy." I said walking to the tent flap and haling Genz after me.

Lam and Ami looked down at the sketch book neither daring to touch it. On one page was a picture of a family; a man with dark hair and glasses held a sleeping child, next to him was a short haired woman who lovingly cupped the child's face as she leaned against the man. On the other page was a picture of a smiling woman a mole under her left eye, her smile was more pitying as though she didn't find a joke funny that truly happy. The woman wore a military uniform, and the man had dog tags, but was not in uniform. Both looked as though they were very kind people. Ami and Lam exchanged looks. Was Dalka trying to tell them someone had murdered these four people, but that she didn't know their names?

These chapters touch on the subject of Suicide, which I don't indorse. If you or a friend you know is suicidal please call the above number. Take care of yourself and those around you and you will live a happy life if not an entirely pleased one.

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