To my readers, Forgive the tardiness of this posting. Extenuating circumstances cause me to miss last weeks posting. I will do my best to now post these chapters every Thursday around noon. If I'm late, I urge one of you to send me a PM or Review reminding me. I'll be prompt in correcting my mistake.
Several hours after I'd called Genz and set up a cot in Havoc's hospital room, and had dinner, I was sitting up listening to Havoc's breathing. I couldn't sleep, despite how tired I was. My mind was running in circles trying to figure out how I would help Havoc. I'd tired just imagining Havoc being able to move his legs again, and used that for a transmutation, but it hadn't worked. Havoc's leg had twitched, but that was it and he hadn't even been aware of the movement. So that was a failure.
Havoc flinched in his sleep, mumbling something about bad luck. I climbed out of my cot, walking over to stand next to his bed. "Hush," I breathed, stroking his hair, "Morning will be here soon…" I moved, sitting on the bed next to him, having someone's warmth next to me was reassuring. I rolled next to him leaning on his shoulder. The last time I'd been this close to him we'd been in the desert. He smelled faintly of smoke, soap, and hospital disinfectant. It wasn't completely unpleasant but I can't say I liked it either. I remembered him smelling like shaving cream and aftershave when we'd been traveling, I preferred that smell.
Havoc stirred, "Dalka…?"
I moved again so I could cradle his head, "You were having a bad dream… But it's alright it was just a dream, it can't hurt you."
"It already did…" Havoc mumbled.
"Really?" I asked, "What was it about?"
"The woman who did this to me… We were dating…" He explained, starting to chuckle, "Turned out she was just using me… I really do have the worst luck with women…"
I continued to stroke his hair, "Luck is like a great wheel," I said reciting something from a book, "There are those of us who are near the center and don't really notice a difference between the good luck and the bad. Then there are those of us near the outside, who sometimes are at the bottom in the mud darkened by bad luck, however when we are at the top, the greatness that comes from that wonderful."
"Mmmm…" Havoc mumbled.
"Go to sleep, Jean. You could probably use the rest." I told him, "You body needs the rest."
"You called me Jean…" He was starting to wake up more.
"Yeah," I said, "Because you're my friend… You really do need to rest. Would you like it if I sang?"
He nodded against my shoulder, his eyes closed, "I didn't know you could sing…"
"I'm not very good," I said, "But my mother had me take voice listens at the same time she had me learning the piano, and the violin. I can't do very high notes, but lullabies don't go very high…" I was trying to think of a song that was soothing, my favorites where all rock songs, but there had to be something that was soft. Finally I thought of something, I hummed, making it a deep sound
"Little child, be not afraid
Though rain pounds harshly against the glass
Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight"
Havoc leaned closer to me. "My father sang that for me once… When I was sick…" Havoc said softly, his voice was nearly inaudible. "He really sucked at it…"
I hugged him, wanting to comfort him as best I could. I let the next words flow out,
"Little child, be not afraid
Though thunder explodes and lightning flash
Illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight"
Havoc turned his head into my shoulder, breathing in my scent. I found it odd as I hummed the instrumentals, but I didn't dare stop and have him wake back up completely.
"And someday you'll know
That nature is so
The same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
On forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you'll see
In the morning"
I was worried, he'd been through so much. His dreams haunted him just like mine did. This song fit us both so well,
"Little child, be not afraid
Though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
And its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight
Little child, be not afraid
Though wind makes creatures of our trees
And their branches to hands, they're not real, understand
And I am here tonight"
Havoc sighed, his breathing was evening out. He'd be completely out soon, I hoped. Still I continued,
"For you know, once even I was a
Little child, and I was afraid
But a gentle someone always came
To dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
And to give a kiss goodnight"
The tone of the song changed. Still I kept it soft and soothing.
"Well now I am grown
And these years have shown
That rain's a part of how life goes
But it's dark and it's late
So I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close"
Havoc was mostly asleep. His breath was steady and even, I slipped out from under his head. He stirred just a little, I finished the song,
"And I hope that you'll know...
Everything's fine in the morning
The rain'll be gone in the morning
But I'll still be here in the morning"
Havoc was out, finally. I softly padded over to my cot. This was great Havoc was finally asleep, but I was still wide awake. I wish I could find the same peace he had for now. I lay under my blanket, on my stomach, hugging my cold pillow. That seemed to be all I ever did, wish for peace and lock myself away from it, in the cold of my frozen world. "I'm lost in deep winter sleep… I can't seem to find my way out… can't you wake me… Everyone's smiling, their smiling… I push myself far, far away… I finally understand… Everything is gone… Can you hear me out there?" I recited from some book or movie I couldn't remember, "I am alone right now…"
I let my head rest against the pillow. My head hurt, it had been a long day. I just wanted Havoc to get better. Is that to much to ask? My world went completely dark as my tired body finally overcame my unstopping mind.
Here's the end of the chapter... I'll post a second since it was so short. Don't forget to review.