Sasuke paused in buying the groceries. That was the fourth headband he had seen today not from Konoha and it was from IWA of all places. Something was up. So when he passed by the ramen stand Naruto loved, he asked Teuchi. The chef was reasonably informed for a civilian, considering it was a favored shinobi haunt. He didn't ask uncomfortable questions and he kept his mouth shut about classified information he happened to overhear.
"What's with all the foreign shinobi in the village this week?"
"Hmm? Oh, the Chunin exams are coming up next week. I suppose some of them came early."
"Chunin exams? As in the advancement exam that often leaves grown men crying?" said Sasuke.
"Yeah. They rotate between villages every six months, so I suppose it's Konoha's turn this time. Last time was in Suna I believe."
"Thanks for the heads up, Ramen Guy," said Sasuke. Teuchi chuckled.
Ramen Guy was one of Naruto's many nicknames for him, and his 'brothers' had picked up on it. Not for the first time, he was thankful Sirius Black had come to Konoha, even if it was on the edges of a 'tragedy'. Teuchi hadn't liked the Uchiha that much, and Fugaku always got on his nerves.
"Chunin Exams are coming up," said Itachi, with his girlfriend Hana. Beside him was Anko, Sirius and Tsubaki. Anko was a bit miffed that she was the only one without a date. Fortunately Naruto had promised he would trick his beloved teacher Iruka to asking her out, if she promised to lay off the snakes a bit.
In the words of the cheerful blond, Iruka needed to get laid and relax for a change.
Iruka would later put said blond in a headlock when the full implications of what he had done kicked in.
"I was wondering why there were so many different headbands. So, you think the brats will be going?"
"Knowing Kakashi? Yes. If only for experience."
"5,000 ryo something comes up and makes this the most fucked up Chunin Exams Konoha has ever had," said Sirius without hesitating.
All the shinobi there turned to look at him.
"What? I know what Potter luck is like, and Naruto luck seems just as strange and unpleasant as Potter luck. About the only good it does is making it damn impossible for them to lose at games of chance," said Sirisu flatly.
"...Potter luck?" said Anko.
"Harry," explained Itachi.
"How bad could it be?" said Hana.
"Most of the weird situations we ended up in was because of his father's bizarre luck. We became friends with Remus because James happened to run across them heading into a tree that was known to send people to the hospital just for being too close to it. And then there was the animagus potion...turned us pink for a week because James put the wrong ingredient in at the worst possible time. According to Remus, the odds of him putting it in at that precise time were astronomical," said Sirius.
"...Remus is the werewolf, right?" said Hana. They were a clan of wolf and dog users. Naturally they were very interesting in the applications an actual werewolf could do with their techniques and ninken.
"Yup."
"Now that is weird luck," said Anko.
Remus had already been cleared to live in the village, though he had opted to have his own house in the Uchiha section. He had to share a room with Sirius for seven years, and that was seven years too long for the poor werewolf.
Well, that and Sirius had a snoring problem as Tsubaki would soon learn.
"So what generally happens in the exam?"
"Cheating/spying test, survival in the Forest of Death, and a tournament," said Anko. Seeing the looks they were giving her, she glared back.
"What? I was picked to be the proctor of the second part!"
"Those poor genin," said Itachi dryly.
"You mean your brother right?" said Tsubaki.
"No, I mean the other teams. They have no idea what she's like. Team 7 is far more likely to cheer her on," said Itachi flatly.
"Damn straight!" said Sirius proudly.
"Who raised them, by the way? I never thought I would find genin crazier than I am," said Anko.
Itachi turned and Looked at Sirius pointedly.
"All forms of Insanity are laid on his feet," he said.
The girls looked at him incredulous.
"I've raised my minions well," said Sirius happily.
Sirius had taken the boys under his wing as the oldest member of the house. Even Itachi looked up to him to an extent...mostly because Sirius knew how to deal with girls. Fugaku and the other Uchiha seemed to regard fangirls as a necessary training method that every boy had to learn on their own.
Sirius disagreed with that, and showed Itachi how to gently bring them down to earth. Or at least reject them without bringing their angry parents down on his head.
Sasuke, when he realized that Sirius wasn't trying to replace his birth parents, but genuinely cared about him and Itachi equally, had loosened up to actually trust the man. It had taken a few years for Sasuke to become comfortable with the fact he loved Sirius more as a father than he had his real one. Though it didn't hurt that even Itachi sometimes slipped and called him dad on occasion.
Harry and Naruto had no such reservations. Neither of them even remembered their parents and Sirius certainly acted like a real father to them.
It wasn't until later that Sirius found out Anko took Harry and Naruto into the biggest casino in Konoha and nearly wiped the place clean, having remembered Sirius' comment about their luck in concerns to games of chance.
She also swore never to play poker against either of them.
Kakashi handed the boys the papers, and they signed without hesitation. Once that was done, they went around the village.
Harry noticed Konohamaru was being chased by Hanabi for something, though from the shouts it sounded like he had put frogs down her shirt. He snickered.
All that good mood vanished when he heard a shout from Konohamaru.
Harry and Naruto went to see what was going on and found the runt being held up by a Suna genin.
Harry didn't think twice. He signaled Naruto to catch Konohamaru right as he cast a silent 'levicorpus' spell at the Suna jerk.
Kankuro was in a foul mood after the brat crashed into him. It became even worse when without warning he was jerked up by his ankle into the middle of the air.
He dropped the brat once he was in the air, and a blond with whisker marks caught him.
"Serves you right creep!" the blond shot at him.
"PUT ME DOWN!"
"Considering I just saved us all a trip to see Anko-chan, you should be thanking me," said a messy-haired green-eyed boy.
"Who is Anko-chan?" asked Temari.
"Oh, no one special," said the boy smirking.
"Just the most sadistic, bloodthirsty bitch of a kunoichi who specializes in torture and interrogation techniques who enjoys dropping snakes on people for fun," said the blond with a smirk.
Temari paled.
"Why would bullying a single Academy student get us sent to T and I?" she asked.
"Ah, but you see this chibi isn't just any student... he's the Third's only grandson...at least until Asuma finally gets off his ass and marries Kurenai-san," said the black-haired boy wagging a finger.
If Temari was pale before, she was ghostly now.
The blond kid put the chibi down, who pouted.
"Naruto-nii, you didn't have to brag about Jiji!" complained the kid.
"If it means avoiding a rather short fight before the ANBU showed up, then yes, yes we did," said the black-haired one.
"And you! When were you going to show me such an awesome spell Harry-nii?!" said the chibi, pointing at the black-haired one.
"When you were finally cleared by Sirius to carry the same kunai we use, Konohamaru. Now, unless you want us to mention this to the old man, why don't you scamper... Unless you would like to join us and Red up there for some ramen?" said Harry.
Temari squeaked.
Gaara had been watching them the entire time.
Gaara dropped down, glaring at Kankuro for nearly getting them kicked out for being an idiot, again.
He looked at Harry with curiosity in his eyes. The way he so flippantly asked them meant he had no fear of them.
"We will join you," said Gaara finally.
Harry beamed at him. Konohamaru decided against ramen, since he had something planned with his friends. Harry did offer to buy him lunch at another time, which the boy cheerfully took him up on.
Gaara was curious about Harry. He would cheerfully speak to him without even a hint of fear, and he seemed to enjoy mocking Kankuro.
Kankuro seemed irritated that the Konoha brat who had gotten him good with that odd jutsu seemed to be under the impression that he used his puppets as 'stress release'.
Temari appeared to be having trouble not laughing her ass off.
"Oi, Ramen Guy! We bring new customers and money!" yelled Harry grinning.
"Money!" said Teuchi, only to be nailed with a ladle by his daughter.
"Hello Naruto, Harry! New friends?" said Ayame smiling as her father rubbed his head in pain. She would have to switch the ladles, but it was worth the amusement the boys showed at the sight. Including a redhead she had never seen before.
Probably a foreign genin then.
"Nah...just stopped cat-boy over there from hurting Konohamaru and ruining our day."
"What will it be?" asked Teuchi, recovering quickly with ease of practice.
"Chicken!" said Harry with a chirp.
"Miso, pork, beef and chicken!" said Naruto with equal fervor.
"...Shrimp," said Gaara after looking at the menu.
"Beef!" said Kankuro.
"...Fox Special," said Temari. It seemed interesting enough.
"Coming right up!" said Teuchi.
"So...you guys from Suna? What's it like?" asked Harry.
"Hot. Sandy. Dry," said Gaara.
"We live in the desert," said Temari blandly.
"Best place to perfect the art of the sandcastle," said Harry knowingly.
Temari choked. That was a hell of a way to put it.
"What is Konoha like?" asked Gaara, curious. They had only arrived yesterday, and they had never come here before.
"In the village? Quiet, boring, and there used to be a hazard known as Tora before we learned that damn cat was actually a ghost making everyone miserable. In our compound though, it's rather lively."
"Why?" asked Temari.
"Because explosions are mandatory, pranks are a daily occurrence, and no one thinks twice about lobbing low-end explosive tags as a way of telling people to shut up and tone it down," said Naruto wisely.
"...You're allowed to throw explosive tags inside a compound without people coming after you about it?" said Kankuro in disbelief.
"To be fair, it's one of the best ways to get our attention, and it's only the weakest ones. About the only person who does it is Zabuza during a hangover," said Harry.
"...Why are you so calm around me?" asked Gaara confused.
"Why shouldn't we be? Suna and Konoha are allies, and while you do resemble a raccoon rather heavily, you don't scare me nearly as much as Tsubaki or kami-forbid Himeko-chan on their periods."
Naruto, when he heard that line, swallowed what he had in his mouth so he could laugh at his brother. He didn't want to do a spit take with his beloved ramen after all.
"Just you wait Naruto... When your stalker finally gets the courage to confess, you'll experience the same terror we do."
"...Stalker?" said Naruto confused.
One of the very few thing Sirius had done was teach Naruto table manners. He still ate like an Akimichi, but he no longer did it in a way that would make people sick to their stomachs watching him.
"You never..." said Harry before he started laughing his ass off.
Even Teuchi and Ayame chuckled at the blond's cluelessness.
"Hey!" complained Naruto, before he used his chopsticks to deftly steal some noodles from Harry's bowl.
Harry got a crazed gleam in his eye.
"So that's how it's going to be? Loser had to do the chores for the week!"
"DEAL!"
And with that, the two brothers fought over the noodles, miraculously never spilling a single drop of broth.
Teuchi didn't stop them for one reason.
They had done this before, quite a few times. Both had mastered the art of eating without spilling any of his food, no matter what bizarre angle they were at.
Besides, these particular fights were considered the best free entertainment you could find at the stall. Quite a few shinobi (who didn't hate Naruto) would often make bets on who would win while watching the show.
"Is this normal?" asked Temari worriedly.
"For those two, yes. Besides, they always pay for the ramen. Not to mention it's a frequent floor show for anyone eating here, and it always brings in more business," Teuchi chuckled.
Sure enough, a few shinobi appeared to take seats and order ramen to watch the show. None of them were dumb enough to take the seats Harry and Naruto had vacated, because it was an unspoken rule.
Well, that and the boys needed an opening to get another bowl. During these mock battles, Harry could match Naruto bowl for bowl.
"HA! I win fox-breath!" said Harry triumphantly, eating the last noodle in Naruto's bowl.
"DAMN!"
Naruto hated doing the chores, which included cleaning the blood out of Itachi's outfits from missions. That was always a pain in the ass.
"You do know a good scourgify gets rid of the blood, right?" said Harry conspiratorially.
"...I am going to kill Sasuke. He never mentioned it!" growled Naruto.
"...Baka. For crying out loud, it's called a cleaning charm!"
"I thought it was a scowling charm."
"Baka!"
Gaara did something that had his siblings freak out. He started to laugh. Not his usual insane, crazed laughter, but an actual laugh.
The Uzumaki-Black-Uchiha-Potter clan was highly entertaining. And for some reason his 'Mother' enjoyed their slapstick humor very much.
Hey, if all it took to get his mother off his ass about killing people was watching comedy like that, then he would get a sense of humor. Frankly he found the whole murder in the name of whoever the hell the voice in his head was a bit boring...that and he heard Abbot and Costello was pretty damn good. And the Three Stooges.