Seasons of Wither, Chapter 13
I fling the door shut in Gale's face and spin on my heel, dropping the dead squirrel and remainder of bakery bread onto the kitchen table before storming towards the bedroom. My mother and Prim watch me quizzically, but know better than to follow me. It's not something I can discuss with them without the risk of blowing up even more anyways. How would I even explain to Prim that Gale wants me to run away and leave her behind, never to hear from me again? The idea of it all begins to make me realize how cold and heartless Gale can be.
My back and legs hurt from a day of hiking through the woods and I hurl myself on top of my mattress unceremoniously as I let out a deep breath of air. I can hear my mother skinning the squirrel to prepare for dinner, but I'm not in the mood for eating anyways. The bread from earlier still sits solid in my stomach and there's a hint of sweet, sticky honey still on my lips.
I'll go to sleep early tonight.
The sudden lack of physical exertion causes me to begin to drift off into a much-needed slumber, but it isn't long before I feel a slight fluttering in my abdomen. My brows crease together as I remain motionless, waiting for the sensation again. And I do feel it, slightly above my pelvic bone: The soft punches and kicks of Gale's and my child.
They're so light that it feels like a butterfly has been trapped in my stomach and is fluttering about searching for an exit. And despite how angry I was only moments before, the corners of my mouth turn up in a smile when I remember what my mother had told me, about how feeling the baby's movement is a good sign. My hand smooths over my belly when I think about how happy Gale will be when I tell him that I can finally feel his child moving inside me.
But then I sigh because I realize that even if I wanted to, there's no way I could stay mad at Gale Hawthorne for a significant length of time.
…
Five days. It's all Gale and I have left together before he goes down into the mines to begin work. We had come to an agreement earlier in the week that those last few days would be spent hunting whatever we can. This also means traveling deeper into the woods to search for signs of more game. We could be on foot for a good few hours daily, walking towards another—and hopefully untainted—source of water in hopes of healthier, more plentiful game.
I get a head start this morning, not bothering to meet Gale at his home as originally planned. While I've decided not to hold a grudge, I'm opting for being a little more independent today as I'm getting a little tired of having to be looked after.
I don't go far, only to check Gale's snares before going to sit and wait for him at our usual spot. The heat is already sweltering, causing my braid to stick to the back of my neck. I pick blackberries and sip water as I wait for Gale to arrive. It shouldn't take him long to go to my house, find that I'm not home, and figure out that I've already begun without him. He probably won't be happy about it, but it feels like I'm loosing more and more of myself as this pregnancy goes on.
Sure enough, he shows up a less than an hour later wearing a scowl.
"You shouldn't have come out here yourself."
I toss a berry into my mouth, biting down and letting the sweet and tart flavor fill pop against my tongue.
"Thought I'd get a head start on the berry picking," I offer innocently.
Gale sets his jaw, and when I'm certain that he's about to start an argument about the whole thing, he pulls out a bouquet of wildflowers. "Just don't do it again," he tells me sternly while offering the flowers to me. My eyes glance over the mufti-colored flowers in his hands before connecting with his.
"Does this mean you're admitting that you're wrong?" I ask him without accepting the bouquet.
"It means that I'm sorry," he says. "It means that I want to make amends with you, and that I'll go along with whatever you decide. But no, I still think that we should run."
Shaking my head, I push his fistful of flowers back against him.
"Katniss, you know how I feel about the Capitol. And, honestly, I thought part of that hatred might die once I'd outgrown the reaping. But you know what? It will never end, because there will always be someone I care about who's of reaping age. You, my siblings, my children, my grandchildren." He sighs as he runs his fingers through his thick, dark hair. "This injustice will never end. They still have a million opportunities to kill us. We could starve to death, die of some sickness that we can't treat, get blown up in the mines..."
I'm still shaking my head as he speaks. "How do you think it makes me feel? One minute you're telling me that you'd never leave me, and the next you're planning on leaving your mother, brothers, and sister—your own blood relatives!—to fend for themselves while you selfishly run away into the woods. These are the people you love Gale, the people who love you more than anything."
"You know that I would take them with me if I could," he answers. "Hell, I would take the whole damn town if I could. But nine people in the woods running for their lives? It's only a matter of days before the Capitol hovercraft catches up and comes along to kill us or torture us in whatever way they do. At least with just us three, we have a chance."
"So you'd choose me over Posy?" I ask him.
He frowns, throwing his game bag to the ground. "I choose my child, Katniss! The one person in my life who hasn't already had the fear of the Capitol instilled in them! Together we can at least save our own flesh and blood from a life of discontent. This is all I've been able to figure out. Believe me, I've ran thousands of scenarios through my head. Maybe if my parents would have been so smart as to flee, I wouldn't be making this extremely difficult decision right now."
I sit back, adverting my gaze from the intense one that Gale holds. "I don't care what your reasons are, I'll still never go with you."
He doesn't say anything, just closes his eyes as he sighs. "Let's just go check the damn snare line."
"Already did," I say as I stand up and brush the dust off of the seat of my pants. "Empty. We need to think of something else."
"I know. Got any ideas? Obviously you're not a fan of mine," he answers spitefully.
"I do, actually," I answer him. "There's another water source far enough away that it probably hasn't been affected by the stream. More waterfowl and fish than you can imagine. It'll be a long hike there though."
He raises his eyebrows. "Where? How long will it take us to travel there?"
"A couple of hours at least," I say. "Probably a bit longer since, you know..." I explain, motioning to my belly while wrinkling my nose. "There's a small house there, and I thought we could stay a couple of days since it'll take a lot of energy for us to even reach the place, me more than you. We could bring back a haul." Besides, it's the last chance for us to spend any time together before you go to the mines, I add in thought.
Gale glances up at the noonday sun. "Maybe we could leave first thing tomorrow? Get the most out of our journey?" he asks me, and I nod. "You think you're mother will be alright with me taking you out into the woods for two days?"
"What's the worst that can happen?" I ask him. "You already got me pregnant."
Then I see it, the slight smile that plays on his features as he holds the flowers back out to me and I finally accept them. I think that it's safe to say that neither of us can stay mad at each other for long.
…
"I'm leaving for two days." I say it so matter-of-factly at dinner that my mother pauses completely while chopping turnips. "Gale and I are going to the lake to hunt. I'll be back by dusk on Sunday."
My mother quickly turns her attention back to the vegetables that she's currently chopping. "Is that so?"
"Is that safe for you?" Prim suddenly pipes up. "You're too big to even climb trees now. What if a bear comes after you again?"
"I'm not challenging any to a beehive, Prim," I assure her with a slight laugh. "I'll be safe. I'll have Gale with me."
My mother pushes the vegetables off of the cutting board with a little more force than needed as she clears her throat. "What does Hazelle think of this?" my mother asks me.
"Gale's an adult now, I doubt that she even cares." Which is true. It should make no difference what we do now, and it isn't as if we've never spent the night out in the wilderness together before. Granted, that was before we had slept together.
"I think maybe you should begin to consider how your actions are reflecting on your morals, Katniss," my mother offers. "People are already talking, and you taking off with Gale for two days will only give them more to say."
"Everyone knows that I'm pregnant," I mutter, my hand resting on my stomach. "They already know what I've done. Babies don't create themselves."
"Yes, that's true," she offers quietly, opting against countering my argument again. My mother stopped trying to tell me what to do ages ago when I took over the role of keeping my family alive. I guess she knows that since I was the only one supporting us for awhile that she has no place in disciplining me now.
"I'll bring you back some of those fresh plums," I tell Prim, kissing the top of her head while making my way across the room. There's a whole cluster of plum trees that grow near the lake, and Prim used to love it when our father and I would bring her home a bag to enjoy. It's been so long since we've had any, and I know that she will enjoy a fresh plum just as much as the memories that go with eating them.
…
The heat is stifling even though it's still relatively early in the morning when Gale and I set off. He seems to be fine with the hike to the lake, but I'm struggling to catch my breath and dripping beads of sweat as I brace the trunk of a nearby tree when he suggests we take a break.
Gale twists the cap off of my canteen before urging that I drink. The cool water feels wonderful on my throat, which is sore from breathing hard all morning. We have two canteens full, but I still try to ration the water. We don't know what we'll find when we reach the lake, as the water there could be just as undrinkable as the stream near the district.
I lie back against the tree behind me in fatigue before Gale offers me a handful of berries we'd stopped to pick before setting off this morning, and I accept them happily.
I peel my shirt away from my body, hating the way that it clings to my sweaty frame. Gale had suggesting we both pack light, considering how much we had to bring with us—a blanket for sleeping, our bows, extra arrows, knives, and his fathers handmade old fishing pole. Gale had even purchased some old nylon cord at the Hob, telling me he could probably fashion it into a seine for catching fish. While I hadn't packed an extra change of clothes, I did make sure to bring a clean, fresh pair of socks. I try not to think about how sweaty, hot, and miserable I am right now, but rather of how good the cool lake will feel against my skin. I haven't swam in forever. Gale and I used to swim in the nearby river, but obviously that's not possible right now with whatever deadly toxin that has been dumped into it.
We're just about to set off again when I feel the familiar fluttering I had felt the night before. My hand goes to my stomach in an instant. I must have an intense look of concentration on my face as I sit still enough to feel every soft kick and punch, because Gale looks at me worriedly and quickly asks me if I'm okay.
"Fine," I answer. "Just feeling the baby move."
His face lights up all at once. "Where?" he asks me, automatically placing his hand on my belly. I take his hand and move it to where I feel the baby lightly stirring inside of me. My hand is clasped over his as I feel the tiny appendages move beneath his fingers. He frowns. "I don't feel anything."
"You sure?" I ask him, moving his hand to follow the fluttering. "Now?"
He shakes his head, disappointed.
"Must be too small for you to feel it yet," I explain. "But there's definitely movement going on in there."
He smiles. "This means she's okay. I didn't hurt her."
Smiling, I nod.
An hour later we are standing next to the lake my father had showed me when I was just a little girl. It's not a huge lake, but it's filled with fish and bustling with wildlife. Gale stands in awe at the realization that this place—still untouched by the Capitol—is definitely a hunter's goldmine.
"Why didn't you bring me here before?" he asks as he drops our things to the ground.
"Don't know. It's such a long walk just to get here, and I suppose in a way it was always sort of me and my father's place."
Right now I'm sweating like a hog and dying to feel that cool lake water on my skin. I slip off my boots and socks immediately, roll up my pant legs, and begin to wade into the shallowest part of the lake. What I wouldn't give to dive under the surface right now, but without a change of clothing, I'm not much up for the idea of walking around sopping wet until my things dry. Gale must be reading my mind, because the next thing he says is, "Why not just hop in naked?"
My head snaps back to where he sits messing with the fishing pole and he offers me a bit of a smirk. "It's nothing I haven't seen before anyways," he reminds me.
"Yes. Almost five months ago," I counter.
"You really think I've forgotten?"
Now I can't strip down to nothing, because certainly he'd notice the blush that has taken over my entire body. After about 15 minutes of wading, I finally walk around to the other side of the lake, remove my outer clothing behind some overgrown weeds, and jump into the water in my underwear. I sigh instantly as the cool water laps over my shoulders, washing away hours of perspiration. Gale smiles at me from across the lake as I dive beneath the water, soaking my hair before popping back up to the surface again.. I paddle out to the middle of the lake and just sort of tread water as I enjoy the instant cooling sensation that runs through my body.
"Is it cold?" Gale calls from the bank.
"No. It's perfect," I reply with a sigh. It is perfect. The water is just warm enough and is just so clear this time of year. It isn't long before Gale is kicking off his boots and pulling away his shirt and pants before joining me in just his shorts. I loose track of him for a minute as he dives beneath the water and pops up right next to me, sputtering water from his mouth and pushing his messy hair from his eyes.
He looks gorgeous. So strong and lean and sun-kissed. The water beads down the defined muscles of his chest and makes his skin sparkle in the bright midday sun. I even have to mentally remind myself to stop staring before things get awkward.
"Probably pretty hard to swim with that belly of yours," he says with a laugh as he paddles circles around me.
"I'm still a better swimmer than you," I offer, ducking below the surface and diving beneath his feet as his toes lightly brush against my back. As the person who taught Gale to swim in the first place, I'm still a much more experienced swimmer than he is. I guess I just took to the water naturally during my visits here with my father. The ability never left me, even after years of not having come to this place.
We splash around in the water for awhile until it's apparent that both of our stomachs are growling and Gale suggests trying to catch something to eat. He'd left his pole propped up beside the lake, but we were much too busy playing around and scaring away the fish to have even gotten a bite.
Gale's the first out of the water, messing with his pole and re-baiting the hook. I'm standing in the shallows, squeezing water from my braid, when I feel his eyes on me and realize that I'm still in my underwear. I blush when I remember that actually my body really isn't the same one he had seen five months ago. I'm just slightly fuller than I was before. My breasts have swollen in size, thanks to my pregnancy hormones, causing my bra to dig uncomfortably into my skin. My once flat stomach is now large with child, the skin starting to pull shiny and tight across the hard globe of my belly, my navel already beginning to protrude. For a second I think that Gale must find the changes to my body so disgusting, what with my giant breasts and ballooning waistline. I advert my eyes in an instant, stepping up onto the bank and mumbling something about going to collect my clothes when Gale drops his fishing pole and steps forward, his hands bracing my elbows. He tips my chin up so that I am staring into his dark gray eyes.
"You're so beautiful."
There's something about the way that he says it—he's not pitying me or just trying to make me feel better about myself and my changing body. He states it so matter-of-factly that I can't help to believe that his words are sincere. I blink as I feel his body closing in on mine, his hands tracing trails down the sides of my body as my hands come up to grip his broad shoulders, taking in the feel of his wet, naked skin against the palms of my hands. He ducks his head at the same time that I rise up on my tippy toes, and our lips crash together.
It's not the same as the kisses we've shared over the last few weeks, which were always so short and sweet. No, this kiss is the same longing, needful kiss we had shared months ago in the woods and later that day in the meadow. Gale's hands move to my hips as I melt into him, making the space between us nonexistent.
"Katniss," he mumbles as his lips trace my collarbone and my hands go into his damp hair. We're moving fast, and I think we both know what it's all leading up to. It's probably pregnancy hormones, I tell myself. But then again, this has been the first opportunity for us to really be with one another in months. And with Gale headed for the mines next week, it may very well be our last. But it doesn't feel wrong this time, it feels right. The best part is that somehow in the craziness of it all, all of our troubles seem to disappear. There's no thoughts of reapings or starvation or running away. It's just me and him.
Our soaked clothing is discarded to the ground with a wet slap before we fall into the grass together.