Chapter 5.

Ryan and Blake sat on the couch with a glass of red wine in each hand. Although there was the occasional conversation, ever since Ryan had got back the majority of the evening had been spent in silence. Blake would stare blankly into space a lot and she always looked deep in thought when Ryan's eyes darted over to her.

"So...your week! You haven't told me about your week, Blake." All Blake could hear was a fuzzy blurring noise in her ears, almost as though she had been drugged, everything echoed and his words were strangely distorted. It took her a while before she opened her lips and uttered a hushed response.

"Umm...yeah, good. Good..." Blake trailed off, not really sure what to say. Ryan's eyes squinted together, he knew she was lying and he didn't like that. He had no respect for when his wife lied to him.

"I'll ask again, and how about you answer honestly this time!" Ryan snapped. Ryan had always had a short temper and it really angered Blake. It didn't take long for Blake to respond this time, fury erupting inside her, she hated when he raised his voice at her.

"There's no need to shout! God Ryan, why do you always have to get so god damn angry?"

"Maybe because I don't like it when my wife lies to me, you don't think I can't tell when you're lying?! What happened this week, Blake?" Blake's face settled slightly from the raised eyebrows and her piercing blue eyes returned to their natural size. She looked at her hands as they played together on her lap. She'd been debating telling Ryan all week but she knew it would be a bad idea.

"I uhh...I just...missed you, that's all" Blake looked up and sent a soft smile in Ryan's direction.

Ryan grinned and grabbed Blake's hand and rubbed his thumb over her fingers.

The next morning Blake woke to a repetitive beeping from her bedside table, her alarm. She swung her arm over her body and smashed her index finger onto the top of the machine. She rubbed her eyes and turned back over to face Ryan's side of the bed, she expected to see him lying there but instead there was a small note placed on the pillow. 'Gone for a run, be back around 11. Ryan'.' She was really starting to get fed up with his ignorant attitude. Blake's alarm had done a good job at waking her up so she decided to get out of bed and go and watch some TV with her breakfast.

Blake sat comfortably on the couch in her night gown and slippers with her feet resting on the foot stall. She switched on the TV, and waited patiently as it stirred up a picture. But before she had time to change the channel; there he was. His face plastered across her TV screen. She stared in awe, her thoughts totally captured by him. Everything around her became blurred and all she could see was his perfect face.

He was talking but she couldn't hear a word, all she could hear were memories of his words that whirled around her mind while her eyes were focused on him, only him. "We are very much in love". "I'm doing it all for her". "We have something that was worth the risk and have such a great trust and passion for each other". "We can make it work". Reminiscent thoughts wrapped around her tightly, never wanting to let go; they suffocated her and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She started trembling at the thought of him in the hospital, lying there, unconscious; unaware that she was slowly, but surely, falling uncontrollably in love with him. All over again. Everything came back to her in the blink of an eye, the way he kissed her, the way he smelt, the way he laughed, the way his heart would beat when she laid on his chest. She missed him, she missed him more than she thought was humanly possible and she never thought she could feel this way ever again.

She was mad at herself and she didn't know what to do, but all she knew was that there was nothing she could do. She was in love with him. She couldn't stop it, she couldn't prevent it, she couldn't restrain it. That was it and she felt like her world was slowly falling apart at the thought that they couldn't have their forever. They couldn't be together, not now, not then, not ever. Blake felt like she could collapse as pain came rushing back to her like a bolt of electricity. All that emotion from a one second flash of his face, that's all it took for her to fall in love with him again. And that was a hell of a scary thought.

Before she had time to remove herself from her haunting reflections she heard a key in the door, she jumped at the sound and lashed at the remote as she hurriedly switched off the TV, halting Penn's soft voice from echoing throughout the house. Blake darted her damp eyes in the direction of the door. Ryan's hair was messy and his blue shirt had sweat patches all over it, it wasn't the most attractive sight she had to admit. He made his way towards her and slumped down next to her on the couch.

"Hey, babe." Ryan leaned forward and placed his lips on hers as droplets of sweat dripped from his hair to her lap. She flinched at the sight and leaned back slightly, moving away from his overwhelming scent.

As Ryan got up to leave Blake's phone bleeped at the notification of a new text. She reached for her phone and pulled it towards her, the message was from Lynne. Ryan stopped in his tracks and glanced over at Blake's phone. She quickly clicked it shut before Ryan had a chance to see who it was from.

"Who was that?" Ryan always wanted to know what she was up to.

"Errr just Kate."

"Oh right." Ryan continued walking towards the stairs and went up to have a shower. Blake sighed with relief; if he'd seen who the text was from she would've been in big trouble. Blake quickly scanned the message from Lynne as she contemplated what to reply. 'Hey, Blake. I just wanted to tell you how much it means that you've been coming the last few days. Back again today?' Blake knew she couldn't see Penn now that Ryan was back; not even contemplating her earlier revelation. She tapped away a decent excuse for why she couldn't go and set her phone down next to her.

Blake and Ryan were sat at the dining room table, quietly munching away at the sushi Ryan had bought for their dinner.

"So I had an idea..." Ryan perked up while keeping his eyes on his food.

"Mmm" Blake murmured, disinterested.

"I was thinking...tomorrow night, we should go out, somewhere nice. What do you say?" Blake looked despondent as she stared at her sushi. She was getting a little concerned with how she had become so uninterested in Ryan and how all her thoughts were consumed with thoughts of Penn.

"Yeah...yeah sounds good." Blake didn't even bother to look at Ryan as she continued to eat her food. Ryan looked over at her and could tell something was going on.

"Okay look. You've been acting weird ever since I got home, what's going on, Blake?" Blake wasn't really sure what to say. But she knew she'd have to do something about her sudden feelings for Penn before too long, or Ryan would eventually find out. Blake stirred her fork around the food, but didn't pick anything up.

"I uhhh..." She looked up at Ryan, realising it would be more convincing if she was looking at him when she told him.

"I dunno, I just don't feel like myself lately...I don't know why." She glanced back down at her plate. It wasn't a total lie, she certainly hadn't felt this way about Penn for a while; but she also secretly felt like maybe she'd never stopped loving him and that her feelings had just been buried under the surface. Ryan reached for her hand and softly ran his thumb over the palm of her hand. She smiled softly at him, thankful he was understanding and not throwing some sort of angry fit as he normally would.

"I'm sorry." She sighed.

"Hey. Don't be, we all go through things like that from time to time, I'm sure it's nothing. But I do think this night out would be good for us, Blake. I feel like we've become a bit distant lately..." Blake suddenly felt a pang of guilt and realised she really needed to make an effort to be happy with Ryan. Her and Penn were over and she needed to banish these feelings as quickly as possible so she could live a blissful life with Ryan. She pulled her hand away from his touch and placed it on his cheek.

"We have. But let's do something about that, shall we? A night out sounds incredible". She said as she pulled his face towards hers and kissed him. Ryan beamed at her, glad she seemed to be more like the Blake he knew. Blake gazed into his eyes and desperately searched for that feeling of 'forever'; she shrugged it off when she couldn't feel it. Ryan was her husband, her future, her life. Penn was her past. It was as simple as that.

A/N: Okay sorry for the long wait, it's a long story...actually it's not, just a sad one. Lets just say there's been a hell lot of crying and haven't wanted to do anything, let alone write. But I managed to get this finished today, so I hope it was worth the wait. Unrealistic? Maybe a little..but it's how I want the story to go, so hopefully it's okay. P.S. For those of you who aren't crazy die hard plakers like our WHD group on tumblr haha we (tefi) found the link to the song we think their inside 'What's up D'Angelo?!' joke was about - the 'How does it feel' song is by D'Angelo including a lot of stuff about 'I want' aka "I want that." So that's why it was included in the last chapter haha :)