FV4202 was enjoying the fine summer day just before the summer solstice. It was said that on the day of the solstice this year, or close enough, the developers would add the 8.6 update. She was quite excited about a number of the changes, such as arty getting righteously nerfed into the ground, reduction of tier ten penetration and new HEAT and spaced armor mechanics.

As she pondered why there would be new HEAT mechanics but not new HESH mechanics, she caught sight of the dull glimmer of zimmerit and interleaved road wheels. Panther and a bunch of his friends were playing tank football!

FV4202 dashed over at her disappointingly low top speed of 40 KPH. T110E5 was there, and so was AMX-50B, and even Leo 1 and T-62A!

"Wotcher mates," FV4202 was British, after all, "Can ye squeeze me in for a bit of the footie?"

None of the tanks playing tank football, which incidentally is an extremely dangerous game, even turned their turrets to acknowledge her.

"Hey now," she said, now speaking in American, or actual English, "I know you heard me! Just slot me in when you're done with the next play."

There was not a sound, aside from the incredibly loud sounds of squeaking running gear, throttles being opened to the firewalls, and cannon fire.

FV4202 was frozen with terror and confusion. Why were all of these fellow tanks ignoring her?

Eventually the game hit a lull and panther came over to her.

"Look FV4202, you can't just stay there all day!"

FV4202 brightened up. So they were just engrossed in their game and not deliberately shunning her!

"Oh, where do you want me to join in?" Asked FV4202 brightly.

"What? No! Not that!" Said Panther in tones of utmost disgust. "You have to go. You can't stick around here. You're not a real tank!"

"Wha? What?" FV4202 didn't understand.

"Tank football is only for real tanks. You're not a real tank! Look, I shouldn't even be seen talking to you this much in case your fake-ness rubs off on me. Get going!"

"But-" FV4202 appealed to the other tanks mulling around the field, "I am too a real tank! There's at least a prototype or two of me lying around! That's more than you can say for T100E5!"

There was muted, cruel laughter.

"You just don't get it, do you?" Said Leo1. "We don't care if you're mass-produced or a one-off prototype or a napkin drawing that Wargaming wildly extrapolated. All that matters; the only thing that makes a tank real or not is if it has torsion bars."

"Wha-"

"Isn't that right?" Asked Leo 1.

"Oh yeah, gotta have torsion bars!" Said AMX-50B, "You're not a real tank without torsion bars."

"I have *two sets* of torsion bars," explained Panther with no small amount of pride, "that's why they made me quarterback."

"I love having torsion bars!" Said IS-7, who in truth only had half-length torsion bars, so the tank football team technically had to accept her, even though they obviously ostracized her and tormented her with cruel hazing that would never end in acceptance. "I like hanging out with these tanks who are mean to me more than hanging out with losers, because they all have torsion bars!"

"Torsion bars are the best. Anyone who doesn't have torsion bars should just pull an Ophelia and drive off a cliff and drown themselves!" Said T-62A.

"WWHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E!" Said T-50-2, running by and leaving a thin blue smoke that stank of high-cetane diesel fuel and cocaine.

"I tanked for Sam and was paided a bonus! Stay away from them conre durgs!" Said M60.

"So it's agreed," said Panther, "you don't have torsion bars, you're not a real tank. Hell, you don't even have independently suspended road wheels! Face it, you're a no good, worthless loser. And losers are only good at getting lost, so make like a loser and lose yourself!" Panther was very pleased with his cleverness.

The tanks resumed their game of tank football, and FV4202 slunk away, becoming despondent. FV4202 was completely consumed with despair. Indeed, it was so bad that no other tank could empathize, since FV4202 had more capacity for depression than any other tier ten tank.

She was so wrapped up in her world of sadness that she almost bumped into T-34.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Shouted T-34, jerkily turning about on clutch-and-brake steering. "We ain't on a platoon, so you very nearly owed me team damage penalties!"

"I'm sorry," said FV4202, "I'm just so sad because I'm not a real tank."

"You look like a real tank to me," said T-34, "although that could be my poor view range speaking."

FV4202 broke out in tears and blubbering. "Bu-but all the tanks playing tank football said I wasn't a real tank because I don't have torsion bars and it's true I don't even have independent roadwheel suspension! I'm such a fraud! I hate myself! Why was I made this waaaayyy?"

"There there," said T-34, "I don't have torsion bar suspension either. In fact, a lot of good tanks don't have torsion bar suspension!"

"R-really?" Asked FV4202.

"That's right missy," said E-100, who had come over to see what was wrong. "I don't have any torsion bars holding me up, unless you count coil springs to be a type of torsion spring, but we won't for sake of argument."

"And you won't find a single torsion bar anywhere in all of my 200 tonnes!" Said Maus, E-100's friend who had also come to see what the fuss was about. "Well, unless you count the ones that help the crew hatches open. I suppose those totally are torsion bars."

Soon an enormous crowd of tanks who didn't have torsion bar suspension had crowded around FV4202. FV4202 felt extremely accepted and validated and happy. Soon she was half-fighting off the advances of Batignolles Chatillon 25T, a charming and very quick fellow with hydropneumatic suspension.

"Awww, thanks guys," said FV4202, "I guess you don't need torsion bars to be a real great tank!"

"Yeah, just speed, turret armor and a gold round that doesn't suck!" Said E-50M.

Before they could stop themselves, all the other tanks laughed, and FV4202 burst into tears again.