Chapter 12.

Blake lay on the cream couch staring at the fireplace in front of her. Her world felt as though it had been turned upside down. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't sleep; she knew that all she ever wanted was gone forever and she'd have to settle with the lie she had found herself wrapped up in. The pillow she was resting her head on was stained with the tear drops that consistently fell from her burning eyes. Blake had been crying for so long she felt as though she no longer had the ability to cry; as though her body had surrendered every last tear it had and she was now incapable of shedding another.

Blake's hands were gripped to the cushion, she held to it as though it was the last thing she had, the only thing that mattered to her. She had already lost the only thing that truly mattered to her and she knew it was all over now. Time to move on, once and for all. But she knew she couldn't; she knew she'd be stuck in this pit of depression for the rest of her life because she could never truly be happy. Not without him.

It was 4am and she could still here the rain pattering on the windows as it had been all night; the sound of rain usually comforted her but now the sound gripped around her neck and her breaths were constrained as all it did was remind her of earlier that night. The feel of his skin on top of hers. His hands in her hair and his sultry voice whispering that he loved her.

Penn lay in bed as he stared at the ceiling, he's cheeks covered in the remains of his tears. He had had no idea Blake was the one he wanted; but that night had clarified it for him. It was now clear she was the only thing that could make him happy. But he couldn't make her happy. He had failed her once again and his heart broke at every reminiscent moment that would run ramped in his mind; days when they were happy. Days when he felt as though his life was complete.

Water continued to flow down his face as images of her flashed in his head. Her smile. Her beautiful, glowing smile that sometimes he felt was only saved for him. Her eyes and the way they captures in his; her eyes always gave her away - they told him things that words couldn't explain. The simple I love you's that would sprawl from her lips; like the way they had tonight.

A soft smile crept across her lips as she put her spare hand on the back of his neck. "I love you too."

The way his hands rested gently on her cheeks had engulfed her; she could still feel them there; his thumbs rubbing against the side of her face. She lifted her hands and placed them on her own cheeks, trying to feel his hands in her own. A tear dropped from one of her eyes when she could no longer feel his hands. His warm, brown eyes watching hers and telling her he loved her. "I love you." She whimpered; her voice just below a whisper.

"I love you too." He spoke softly as he replayed her words over and over in his mind. His body began to tremble and tears erupted from his eyes and he began to pour soft sobs into the pillow next to him. The pillow she had been lying on. He could still smell her there; he could still feel her body wrapped up in his. He could almost feel her hot breath on his ear as she spoke to him.

"You wanna know a secret?" She paused. "I need you now, Penn."

Her words left a ringing in his ears and echoes of her voice bounced around the room. He lay there for hours, thoughts of her swimming around his mind from dusk to dawn.

Bright sunlight was peeking through the gaps in his curtains and his room was now filled with light. But the only lightness that could ever save him was gone. That light that had brought life into his dimly lit world had made it worth living. Without it, his life was encompassed in darkness reaching for an unattainable light.

He had been lying in bed all night, he had not had a wink of sleep and it was now well past 11am. He couldn't seem to get himself out of bed, it was as though his body was resisting to remove itself from the place she last was. The last place they were together. The last time his world made sense.

He twisted onto his side and delicately placed his fingers on the doorknob of the bedside table. He clasped his fingers into a fist around it and very slowly tugged it open. He knew what was inside and it was as though he wanted to feel as much pain as humanely possible. Reaching into a world that was once the best time of his life; a time he would forever wish he could go back to, but his stupidity and arrogance prevented him from returning.

The photo frame lay upside down, its back facing him. In a way he felt like it was a sign to stop now slam the drawer shut and never look back. But he didn't. He slowly placed his fingers on the back of it and gently lifted it out of its position that it had been kept in for so many years. Once he had a firm grip on the sides he carefully turned it round so the image was facing him.

He felt his heart shatter at the sight; a million pieces breaking into the depths of his stomach.

Penn's arms were wrapped around Blake's body from behind, while his lips were rested on her shoulder blade. Blake displayed a delicate smile on her face as her eyes were focused on their hands that were locked together on her stomach; Penn's fingers entwined with hers.

The picture spoke a thousand words as Penn's eyes scanned every millimetre of the image. His eyes captured every part of it as the cogs in his mind slowly churned where realisation suddenly dawned on him as his eyes crept open at his heart's discovery.

His mouth gaped open as he finally recognized he was ready for something he never knew he'd want. Something he always hoped his heart would open up to but was never assured that feeling would ever surface. But now it had he was more sure of what he wanted than he'd ever been of anything before and without hesitation he dropped the photo onto his bed as he leaped out of it and ran to the door. His legs bounded all the way down the stairs and he almost leaped to the sofa where his jacket lay; Penn grabbed it and stormed out the house.

After driving for far too long, he pulled up outside her house; he was about to get out when he noticed her car wasn't on the drive. He instantly drove off knowing where she'd be; or at least hoping.

After a 10 minute drive he arrived at a deserted alleyway on the south side of Central Park. It was concealed by bushes and trees that darkened the route. Not many people knew about this place and that's why Blake tended to go there. Penn also knew she would go there when she was upset or worried. Countless times he'd find her sat up on the bench in the gazebo; lost in her world trying to forget whatever bad things had happened to her lately. Normally she would go there after they'd had a fight; which luckily didn't happen very often. Penn would show up and hold her hands and tell her how much he loved her and eventually they would end up curled up on the bench together, just being happy they were happy again.

Penn got out the car and stepped out into the heavy rain. He slowly followed the pathway that he prayed would lead him to the greatest day of his life. A moment that would guarantee his happiness forever.

He was quickly soaked as he neared the end of the pathway, although the large trees had slightly obscured the rain from his figure. His feet reached the end of the path and he stopped in his tracks for a second, to braise himself for the moment to come. He breathed in a breath of fresh air and with that he moved his eyes up from the ground and they landed ahead.

Her body lay on the bench as her hands gripped to a large book. She was completely dry, despite being concealed from the rain of the gazebo roof; she must've got there before it had started raining. He stared at her, his eyes tracing every inch of her body as he took her in. She looked breathtaking; she always did. But she looked nothing short of perfect in this moment; this moment he'd remember forever.

He wondered how long he could watch her until she'd notice he was there but he kept his gaze; too scared to approach her knowing it could ruin his life in an instant. But it also had the ability to make him complete. And that frightened him.

He couldn't wait any longer to seal his fate so he slowly lifted his feet and made his way towards her. She was completely engrossed in her book she didn't notice him.

"Hi." He spoke softly as his figure towered over hers. Her body jumped and her eyes turned to his.

"What…what are you doing here?" She was startled, confused, scared, excited, a jumble of emotions.

"I knew you'd be here." He said sincerely as his eyes looked at her kindly.

"Well you can't be here." She swung her legs off the bench and placed them on the floor as she twisted her body so she was sitting up. "

Well…I err…" He smiled to himself. "Have something to tell you." For a second she felt her heart skip a beat but then she realised it was probably something stupid and she shouldn't get her hopes up.

"What?" She looked at him, trying to seem uninterested.

"Okay." He couldn't stop smiling which confused her a little. He knelt down on one knee and Blake gasped at his action as she threw a hand over her mouth. She could already feel her eyes clouding over as an indescribable feeling took over her.

He was nervous and stared at his feet for a few seconds before he found the courage to look into her beautiful eyes and tell her something he hoped would change both their lives forever.

"I err…I've always sort of anticipated this moment; but at this same time, feared it would never happen. Be-because I always worried this wasn't what I wanted; that I umm...I would never see that this is…not only something I want but something I need." He cleared his throat; eyes dancing around the scene ahead of him from time to time, too scared to look in her eyes. She on the other hand had her eyes on him the whole time as she listened with awaited breath.

He placed his hand on her knee and gently brushed his fingers against the material of her black jeans. He then lifted his eyes and stared into hers. "I love you. I have for a hell of a long time. Maybe not consistently but a part of my love for you has always been there because I know you're the one I'm meant to be with. You are the only one that's gonna make me happy." His eyes were watering now too as they gazed into each other's eyes. He smiled at her briefly before he continued. "I uhh…I know that strictly I can't do this…" Penn chuckled to himself. "But umm I'm gonna do it anyway." He paused as he looked back down at her knees as his fingers continued to massage her leg. He sighed to try and relax himself when he looked back up at her. Pools of water hung in the bottom of her eyelids; anticipation filled her as she watched his eyes flicker around hers.

A tear fell from his right eye and she instantly placed her hand on his cheek as she brushed it away with her thumb. He smiled at her gesture and put his spare hand on top of hers as they looked at each other. Penn smiled one last time before he opened his mouth. "Will you marry me, Blake?" His breath caught in his throat, terrified of the answer. She whimpered as a tear fell from her eye. She inhaled a deep breath as she watched his beady eyes on hers; desperate to hear words uttered from her lips.

He could feel his heart beats quicken as he watched her with eyes wide on hers. He could feel himself start to shake as he saw more and more tears fall from her eyes. She lifted her free hand from her side and began to brush the tears away; her left hand still resting on his. He would've wiped away the tears for her but his body had frozen with the inability to move a muscle.

"I umm…" She trembled. "I don't want to force you into something you don't want." She broke her hand away from his grasp and stood up so her body was well above his. He was relieved at her response because he knew she had got it wrong. This was exactly what he wanted.

He rose from his spot on the ground and clutched his hands on her arms. He looked at her, eyes searching hers. He smiled at her and tilted his head slightly as he began to speak.

"This is what I want."

"No its not." She tried to break away from his hold but be gripped harder.

"Hey." He spoke defiantly. "I want you. I want to be with you and most importantly I want to marry you." She still looked unconvinced. "Not because you want to get married, not because I know it's the only way I get to keep you. But because..." He paused for a second as he watched her frown morph into a hopeful gaze as her eyes widened a little. "I want you to be my wife. I want to watch you walk down the aisle, knowing I'm going to love you for the rest of my life. I want to tell you all the reasons I love you in front of our world at our wedding. I want you to be my wife because I want to spend the rest of my life with you as your husband."

Her eyes were glossy as she looked at him; looking into the eyes of the man she was madly in love with. A smile sprawled across her lips. He took this as a sign to continue.

"So if I can ask again?" He joked. "Will you marry me?" This time she didn't waste a second before she declared her response.

"Yes!" He loosened the grip on her arms so she could wrap her hands around his neck. They were both beaming as they gazed at each other.

"Really? I mean that's really what you want?" She asked excitedly; her head falling closer and closer to his. He slowly put his arms on her waist one by one.

"That is exactly what I want." She giggled as she pulled his face to hers. Their lips moved against each other as they smiled into the kiss. They were both so happy they didn't think they'd ever stop smiling. Her hands gripped on his grey coat as her mouth moved with his. His hands were now wrapped protectively around her back; she was his now and no one would ever change that.

They pulled away from each other and rested their foreheads together; grins still plastered on both their lips. A tear dripped from her right eye and he moved his hand to brush it off her cheek. She kissed him again but only for a second. "I love you." She spoke quietly, just loud enough for him to hear. He moved his hand back to its place on her back and gently pushed his lips forwards so they brushed against hers for a moment. He pulled his lips away and rested his head against hers again and replied. "I love you too."

They stood in each other's arms as the rain plummeted to the ground around them. The rain trapped them in a circular space; it was as if they were locked in their own little world and no one could ever break it. She ran her hands over the back of his head and through his hair as she smiled at him. A childish grin covered his lips as he watched her. They hadn't spoke for almost 5 minutes, but they didn't need to. Just being there together; in silence spoke louder than words. Every now and then their lips would gravitate towards each other and they'd share a slow passionate kiss while they wrapped their arms around each other.

"Hey umm..." He rubbed his hand up and down her back. "Do you wanna go to my car? We can go back to my place?" She shook her head.

"No. Can we-" She stroked her hand over his cheek as she spoke. "Stay here tonight?" She asked hopefully. He looked a little surprised.

"What. Here?" She nodded, all the while smiling at him. "Okay, if that's what you want."

"Thank you" She said softly as she kissed him quickly. "Have I told you I love you yet tonight?" She smiled mischievously.

"No...no you haven't" He chuckled.

"Well then, here goes. I love you, Penn." Her hand still resting on his cheek.

"Mhmm" He swayed. "I love you too."

Penn and Blake lay on the bench; legs tangled together with his arm draped around her back as his hands held onto the corners of her book. Her head rested on his shoulder and her left hand was placed tentatively on his chest. They were both giggling and pointing at the pictures in Blake's book; which turned out to be a photo book Blake had made of the two of them.

Penn turned the page and Blake laughed as she noticed a picture of the two of them on it.

"Awwww look at us!" It was taken in 2008 from their trip to Mexico. They had taken a picture of them one morning when they were eating breakfast together. Blake was stuffing a waffle into Penn's mouth while he was clearly laughing at the gesture. Penn looked down at Blake as he watched her giggle at the pictures on the page. His eyes flickered around her face as he watched her in awe.

"Don't ever leave me, okay?" She looked a little worried as she darted her head up to look at him. She rested her hand on his cheek and rubbed it gently. "I'm never going to leave you, I promise."

"Good." He replied, satisfied with her answer as he snuggled her closer to him.

They spent most of the evening cuddled up in each other's arms flicking through Blake's photo book laughing and making jokes about how young and different they looked. Dark clouds started to moved about sky and landed above them as the light from the sun had completely vanished. Stars had began to appear in the night sky and they knew it must be beyond 11 but neither of them had a care in the world. They were together and that was all that mattered to them.

Blake started to yawn as her eyes battled to stay open.

"Hey you're not falling asleep on me are you?"

"No" she said cheekily. She shivered slightly at the cold temperature that had arisen.

"You cold?" He asked as he instinctively wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Maybe a little" She spoke, not wanting either of them to have to move.

"I'll be right back." He tried to shift from her embrace but she tugged at him firmly.

"No. Don't go." He smiled at her.

"I'll only be a second, just going to go get a blanket form the car." She reluctantly let him go and he untangled himself from her grip on him. He stood up, about to walk to the car when he stopped.

"You know as much as I'd love to sleep here tonight; it is December, Blake you know we might get pneumonia and, and...die!" Blake giggled at his exaggerations.

"We're not going to die!" She emphasised.

"No." He chuckled slightly. "But we might get pneumonia. So come on we're sleeping in the car." He grabbed at her arm and started to pull her towards him. She hesitantly got up from her seat and rose to stand next to him. He kissed her quickly as he reached to entwine her fingers with his and lead her to his car.

He opened the door for her and she clambered in. "Are you sure this is going to be comfortable?"

"Hey you're the one who doesn't wanna go back to my place." He retorted.

"I know, I know I just wanna be here with you, it's such a long drive back to your house." She sighed.

"Fair enough" He smiled as he jumped in next to her, pulling the blanket with him. "You know, if we're lucky I'll still have a cushion in the trunk." He leaned over her body to peer into the dark trunk of his car, his hands rummaged around trying to find it amongst all the clutter. "Got it!"

"Yay!" Blake clapped her hands enthusiastically. He loved that part of her; the childish, free-spirited side of her personality. It really made his life so much lighter. He laughed at her as he kissed her forehead and put the cushion behind their heads.

She waited for him to lay his head back on the cushion so she could rest her head on his chest. Blake turned so she was on her side with her left leg wrapped over his. Her left hand clutched to the bottom of his shirt as he enveloped her body with his left arm. They shifted their bodies together so they were both lying comfortably, his lips resting gently on the top of her head.

"Mmmm" she sighed contently. "Thank you" She smiled to herself.

"For what?"

"For coming back. For wanting this; us. I've only ever wanted this with you and I am so happy to be here right now, with you." Penn grinned at her as she raised her head to look into his eyes.

"I love you." He whispered as he delicately ran his fingers over her back.

"I love you too" She spoke against his lips as she kissed him for the last time before they both fell into a deep sleep.

A/N: Sorry! I've been delayed for numerous reasons and just haven't had the time or energy but I hope it was worth the wait! Might be a little bit cheesy but oh well. Why is it always raining in their scenes? I don't know really tbh, but it's winter so it always rains; that's my excuse lol. Please review, I'd love to know what you think of this chapter! I also wanna say a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far or messaged me on tumblr, it really means a lot and I love getting reviews so thank you!