A/N: Love all my reviewers! Chocolate coated lembas to all of you!

Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own any of the LOTR characters. Nada. Negative.

2. Keep Your Amazing Weaponry Skills to Yourself.

The next morning, the fellowship woke up one by one, looking bleary, sleep deprived and cranky. Needless to say, the Mary Sue's soothing lullabies had not sat well with them.

Legolas volunteered to prepare breakfast. Aragorn and Boromir decided to give the hobbits some training.

Aragorn unsheathed Anduril and… froze. And stared. As did the rest of the Fellowship, except the Mary Sue, who sat pretty, smiling benignly.

Aragorn let go of the sword as if it burnt his hand, which it probably did. The rest stuffed their knuckles into their mouths to stop laughing.

The Anduril was covered with diamonds. Which would not be so bad if there weren't so many emeralds, rubies, sapphires, pearls and amethysts too. Not to mention layers of lace.

'Pretty, isn't it?' chirped the Mary Sue sweetly, while the Heir to the Throne of Gondor repeatedly banged his head against a tree, screaming.

Fearing the worst, the others took out their weapons too.

Sure enough, the hilt of Boromir's sword had been transformed into a figurine of the Mary Sue, very busty and… not very conservative. Merry's and Pippin's daggers were now little neon orange lightsabres. The blade of Gimli's axe was HEART-SHAPED.

Gandalf promptly passed out when he saw that his magnificent staff had been turned into a cute little wand with a star on top.

'DAAAAAAADDYYYYY!' That was Legolas. He had just found out that his bow sang 'I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world' when he touched it.

The only reason the MS was not being chopped up, spat on, and buried on the spot was the fact that she was, after all, a female.

As Gandalf slowly came around, Frodo drew out Sting, trembling. Everyone except the Mary Sue was surprised to see it unscathed.

'Hey… Sexy lady
Op op op op oppan Gangnam Style!' Frodo broke into a horseback Gangnam style dance.

'Oi! That's SO unfair! How come HIS sword isn't ruined?' whined the others. Come on, can you blame them?

'Well. I made only some small changed to the Sting.' said the Mary Sue in her enchanting, ethereal and annoying voice. 'When it senses evil, it now glows with a pretty pink color. Cute, huh?'

Frodo's eyes bugged out.

'Pink? My sword turns %#$& PINK?'

Before he could recover, Sting suddenly gave a bright, nauseating pink glow.

'Ewww!' went the fellowship. Then, as realization hit them,

'F&%K! Orcs!'

Everyone ran to grab the weapons which each of them had thrown away with all their might. (It could be noticed that Boromir now opted to hold his sword by the sharpened end.)

They all waited, tense, systems full of adrenaline. Even the younger hobbits were determined to give a good fight. Every heart was pounding.

After a full hour of tension-filled waiting, Boromir muttered 'I think they are hiding behind the trees. Do not let your guard down.'

'Guys?' said the Mary Sue suddenly. 'I forgot to tell you; the Sting is not sensitive to Orcs anymore. It detects insects and bugs now. I HATE creepy-crawlies. Don't you?'

DEAD. SILENCE.