A/N: A big thank you to all my reviewers. You guys make my day.
A/N to Prof. Tolkien: Sir, if you are reading my fanfiction from above, I understand if you feel like striking me with a bolt of lightning for what I put your wonderful characters of Middle-earth through. I want to apologize and also plead the excuse that I'm only making fun of the terrible Mary-Sues that are a serious plague to the Lord of the Rings World.
3. You Are NOT Legolas's Soulmate, Okay? (This is a common misconception among Mary Sues that has caused many a heart breaks and cost a certain Elven prince many sanity points.)
'SCREEEEEEECH!'
Birds dropped dead from nearby trees as a brain-piercing shriek cannoned through the silence.
Everyone groaned. 'NOW what?'
The Mary Sue was staring at Legolas, pearly tears flowing down her flawless cheeks.
'Legolas, baby! You're wounded!'
Legolas baby glanced down and snorted.
'It's just a scratch, woman.'
'Oh, it's so deep!' sobbed the Mary Sue.
'It's not even bleeding. '
'You must let me heal you…'
'No.'
'Please?'
'NO.'
'Please honey bunny?'
'KEEP AWAY FROM ME, ALRIGHT?'
Then… the Mary Sue gave him Her Best Puppy Dog Look, The Look That Melts Every Heart. The others watched with bated breath, munching popcorn.
Meekly, Legolas rolled up his sleeve and offered her his arm. The Mary Sue took it and started to sing (*wince*), and let her ears wash over the microscopic 'wound', veeeeery gently. The rest of the fellowship were howling with laughter, banging the ground with their fists.
The 'wound' disappeared.
The MS looked up and smiled into Legolas's blue eyes. He smiled back with gratitude, and leaned forward to kiss her beautiful lips. Their hearts were beating like one.
That's when good old Merry flicked a popcorn at the idiot elf's head.
Legolas snapped out of his trance. As the full realization of what happened hit him, he grabbed one of his arrows and started to stab the Mary Sue in a screaming frenzy. Everyone cheered.
'Yeah! That's the stuff! Way to go, honey bunny!'
Then, to their undying horror, they saw that the MS wasn't even scratched.
'You can't hurt me, cutie pie. My skin is tougher than mithril. Oooh… I LOVE it when you are angsty.
Come to me, lover boy!' trilled the Mary Sue.
Legolas took one look at her outstretched arms and threw his head back and howled. As the Fellowship watched, shocked, he turned and ran away, laughing hysterically, doing a weird little tap dance on the way.
Aragorn sighed. 'Ooookay. Does anybody know a good therapist?