A/N: To all my reviewers – You guys are awesome! Thank you for your support. 3
Um, a note before the story starts, this is a parody, so don't ask me how Gandalf owns a phone.
Hope you enjoy the new chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (Thank Eru) or Lord of the Rings.
4. Never go all Twilight on them
Late that night, Aragorn was woken up by a weird feeling that someone was watching him. He sleepily opened his eyes.
Purple…
He blinked.
Purple eyes…
His eyes flew open. The Mary Sue was crouching over him, her amethyst eyes (Seriously? Amethyst?) only inches away from his.
Aragorn screamed like a stuck pig and scrambled away from the wide eyed Mary Sue. The others, woken up rudely by Aragorn's siren shriek, looked around for any sign of orcs, saw none and went back to sleep, swearing patiently.
'What the f%&k are you doing?'Aragorn hissed at the MS, his handsome and manly face(as the fanfiction writers love to describe it) colored with fifty shades of weirded-out.
'I was watching you sleep,' explained the Mary Sue, in what she obviously thought to be a seductive voice. 'It fascinates me. You say the most interesting things in your sleep.'
Aragorn bolted up a tree and spent the rest of the night there.
*Evening, next day*
The Mary Sue was clinging to Legolas's arm. The rest of the fellowship were keeping a safe distance, as he was visibly twitching.
'Oh Leggy… You are soooo beautiful… so handsome… flawless… so perfect…' crooned the Mary Sue. 'so perfect, you could be a vampire. Oh, maybe you are a vampire…!'
Steady increase in twitching…
'Leggy darling. If you can bite me, I will become immortal too! Oh, we will be so happy together! We can…'
' Yes, I will bite you,' interrupted Legolas. 'Yes, I will bite you… I WILL BITE YOU, CHEW YOU UP AND SPIT OUT THE BONES! YES! YES!'
As Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli held down the thrashing Elf, Gandalf phoned Legolas's therapist.
'Hello? Uh, yeah, his patient needs another session…WHAT?... Oh!...Please accept my sincere.. Ah… Um, ok, bye!'
'Bad news, my friends.' sighed Gandalf. 'His therapist has hung himself. Blamed her in the note.'
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